resolutions, pictures and measurements

I forget when I started out this year at, but think it was about 2.5stone heavier than I am now ( :O how shit does that sound now?)

Was PNMiL's 60th last night, good night...I wore my dress and got some lovely compliments :)

All in all, an odd year. Good though. 2008 will be the year I:

*get thin
*get divorced
*sell my horse
*sort finances out good and proper
*sort teeth out
*be organised.
*not get so stressed by things

OH and I will:
*get planning approved for our house
*get the building work started
*stop arguing over stupid things
*forget we're together at work and behave like Proper People.

Tomorrow starts with the monthly pictures/measurements. Will do them every month on the first day, wearing the same clothes so maybe *I* can see some difference.

MUSTMUSTMUST get back into the idea of fat fighters again, have failed badly so far.

Off to look at mattresses tomorrow. Can't wait, ours is knackered.

Good Christmas but bad now....

Good - loads of lovely materialistic presents, I am now the owner of not one but TWO Radley bags and purses, and lots of other lovely things.

Bad - I have eaten so much, I honestly darent get on the scales. 2....t'other kitten has ganky eyes and her third eyelid is slow to retract, so we're taking her to the vets tomorrow :bawling:

Panicking now, I just hope she's ok. I somehow think that she wont be the easiest to get pills down.

Don't fall in love cos we hate you still

The definitive in Bad Food Days today.

Chocolates, squirty cream, battered sausages and chips for lunch. Chinese takeaway and wine for tea.

Work was shit. If it had been a normal day, with normal amounts of staff on then it would have been a Busy day, but with ALL of us there, well....I probably could have found more to do but I spent most of the day arguing with OH, playing on Facebook and chatting on MSN. Such a good example to set.

I'm feeling :) though as I have managed to pay back a debt which is about 4, maybe five years old, with interest.

Reminising now about bands, back in the day.... :sigh: I miss being 17 sometimes. I do feel old tonight.

busybusybusy

Work has been manic today - got sat down for the very first time at 2.30pm. Still, it's all good, although still no hint of a bonus - I'm still whinging about that. And we're being paid 3 weeks at once tomorrow, so will need to budget properly (I know thats still more often than most people get paid, but I've been paid weekly for the last 2.5 years!!) in order for me not to run out of money.

Went to the gym tonight (although was sorely tempted to give it a miss, was so tired). Am going to go again tomorrow in the day and that will be it till the new year! Must buy a new sports bra - monoboob MINGS. Would really like some new trackie bottoms...but will wait until hips are smaller.

Fat Fighters curry again tonight. I do like it, the raita makes it so much yummier. Shame the raita alone is 4 points though.

I feel like I have so much to do tomorrow, but in reality it boils down to 'go to gym, buy some gift tags, tidy up, do some washing, put tree up'.

Thought of so much to blog earlier. Can I now? Clearly not.

I think I'm getting the hang of this....

Being Organised, that is.

Shame it's so I can be lazy and so all I have to do in the morning is wake up, roll out of bed, get dressed and drink my coffee :rolleyes: Gym bag packed (I feel about 13, saying that) and by my clothes and handbag. Instead of leaving my hair to dry naturally/going to bed with it wet I have dried it. Contemplated straightening it, but suspect that the straightness would have dropped out by morning. Lunch is ready and Fat Fighters pointed. Just need to wrap the last 3 presents, and I'll be so organised even I'll hate me.

Not so good with food today. Well, the sweetie tin was right next to me, and open and it would have been rude not to. Gone over points too, erk. No self control. So I wont have made my personal target of being in the 15's by January. Arse. Nor my target of 3 inches by January :grumps:

Went to gym again tonight. Harder work, but was with Friend and she kept making me laugh. Will go tomorrow and Friday and then I can eat :ahem: slightly more of what I wouldnt normally next week without feeling overly guilty. No chance of getting to the gym over Christmas anyway.

Re ponies.... May go ride the ayrab anyway. Any riding is better than no riding and as I was told -see, I do listen- it will improve core strength etc and can always count towards points. And who knows what might happen?

Fat Fighters curry again for next 2 days to make sure I stay within points. Nearly Christmas though....

Someone tell me what to do...?

Ponies. Again. There's another tantrum incoming.... :rolleyes:

Mentioned to someone who comes into the shop today that I was really missing ponies and I wanted to ride again, did she know what TheLocalRidingSchool was like? Said not to worry about that and to go up to hers and she would teach me if I wanted. She's nice, but pikeyish in a posh way (if that makes sense) and I dont *quite* trust her. Nothing I can put my finger on, but on the face of things I do like her.

Then someone else came in, said dont go to her, she wins, she looks successful but only ever buys ponies someone else has brought on for her, so looks more accomplished than she is. Still with me? They suggested AnotherRidingSchool. Now, I've seen 2 riders from there and 1 horse. Neither rider is a good advert and neither was the horse. But I would normally trust his opinion.

So I may just give up all ideas of riding again until I'm 14 stone (April, May time?) and go to TheLocalRidingSchool before maybe thinking of one on loan again. I've been thinking about having a horse again - part of me is convinced if I am better with my money this time around (you know, budget...) and maybe get a sharer then things would all be ok. But with that, the extension/redecorating etc... I can just see myself having to sell/give back before long. And what if I have another crisis of confidence?

Have been good today, only half a chocolate chip shortbread biscuit - gave it back cos it really didnt taste how it looked, and have turned down all Bad Things at work :D AND been to the gym. Going again tomorrow. Accidentally had the work setting on the treadmill on 90seconds so got off rather red faced, but feel ok.

It's nearly Christmas, I cannot wait....

As predicted....

4lbs on :bawling: Hopefully that fact I'm so upset and annoyed will mean I can get back on track this week. Will have Fat Fighters curry tonight and tomorrow.

Although.... I've eaten chocolate all week, had that bacon sandwich on Friday, 2 ham sandwiches and a big meal and 1.5 bottles of wine Saturday night, then half a bottle of champagne, roast lamb and nibbly bits last night. So it's obvious why I've gained, it just pisses me off that I'm playing catch up this month.

I know it's my own fault. Will be going to the gym today, either on my own or with S, asked her to text me and let me know what she was planning. Sadly I've lost my phone, so I have no idea whats happening at the minute.

Alarm for work went off twice last night, false alarm both times.

Must get myself motivated, lots to do today, including a waitrose trip (again...). Must get OHs presents wrapped too. Got most of them done yesterday, just his mums to wrap for the 'not us' people. Cats were a major irritant, might lock them in the bathroom today lol.

So cross with myself. I feel guilty too....when the first alarm went off, I sent a text to everyone saying 'please please please dont put things on the bins when you bring in....They drop and it sets the alarm off. Thankfully it was now [6pm] and not 3am when I would have been REALLY cross lol! Well done for a great weekend though everyone, see you Tuesday' and got no response at all from 2 of them and a shitty one off the third. I did text round again pointing out I wasnt getting at anyone, and I was proud of everyone for the way they've worked this weekend, but still. We have asked them not to do it. Anyway, is all redundant cos it turns out that the alarm sensor isnt working. Fabulous. Can't find my phone though for a second apology :rolleyes:

Ah well, must shift the lardy arse. You know, do something...on my third day off and havent acheived anything.

Bollocks to Fat Fighters

I've given up for this month, I have no self control at all.

Last night was great, ended up getting drunk - nicely drunk, not like last time - remembered my make up and got loads of lovely comments! Was a lovely night.OH and I went up to the hill afterwards.

Got up this morning and wandered down to the farmers market - wore the pink Joules jacket I bought ages ago and then have never worn because it was tight round my tummy. Well, it's still tight, but not so tight I was embarrassed to go out in public in it! Saw a really lovely mounted photo of SmallTown, taken from where we were last night, so have bought it for OH as it's our 2 year anniversary today. Also saw a gardening kit so got that for OHs mum for either her birthday or Christmas.

Really should start wrapping presents and not be playing on Facebook.

Definately a gaining week

Went to town (inc gym, yay me), but also went to the butchers for ham for OH. Couldnt resist a hot ham sandwich. Then I got home and couldnt resist a ham & pie d'angloys sandwich....And then theres the meal (and alcohol...) tonight. :sigh:

Have done bugger all, all day and it's been fab. Just need a way for tummy to unbloat ready for The Dress. Typical.

Also have to attempt false nails again. could be, um, a disaster.

At least I wont get so pissed I'll forget my make up this time.

Really shitty day

Today really shows why I ended up at the weight I did. Really am in the Food-Horrors now.

It didnt start so well when I didnt get to sleep till gone midnight. Then another call from the alarm at 3.03am. Again a false alarm, but the engineer didnt get out till 4am so by the time he had sorted everything and signed the job off etc it was 5am. Made the fatal mistake of going back to bed when we got home and now feel, I'm sure, a billion times worse.

Then, to make a shitty day just that bit worse, we had Pedigree, 15 pallets of horse feed and 5 pallets of SEJ in today. Plus the normal shop busy-ness.

So, um, I've eaten. Had a bacon, egg, mushroom and brown sauce sandwich at breakfast (the best thing I think I've eaten in MONTHS), then chocolates, biscuits, crumpets (I've sent OH on a SmallTown wide search for Warburtons crumpets - must be Warburtons)all in addition to my lunch and tea. Am craving chinese takeaway but OH has refused.

My SS present turned up this morning. Not quite what I expected. Have inadvertently bought a grotty old LP. Oops.

Also having wine tonight. Supreme lack of self control and I will be furious on Monday when I dont lose much, but right now, I dont care.

still podged

Dont think I'll hit my target of being in 15's by January 1st. Bullied OH into agreeing to take pictures of me every month, wearing the same clothes each time. Maybe then I might see some difference?

Gym tonight, was HARD work. Dont think I did the squats properly, or the situps really and I did the upper body perhaps too quick to really work. Dont know why it was such hard work, wasnt especially busy really. Going to be a Warehouse Wench again tomorrow, more exercise, weee! Still undecided about going to the gym or not. Will see how I feel, then maybe go Saturday if I dont go tomorrow night.

Cant believe it's nearly Christmas. I dont feel festive at all. Am going to be caught out....All presents are bought, but no cards. Who will bet I'll either write them in a panic Christmas Eve, or just not bother?

Just weighed FatKitten. He really is a fatboy....13lbs. Must be all the kitten food he is pilfering. T'Other one is quite happy eating HIS breed specific food so what do you do? :lol:

Off out for a meal on Saturday night, which I am perfectly sure will end up being a drunken night out. Thankfully not in Leeds and I shant be allowed to be an Embarrassment like I was at the party the other week.

Credit cards mostly working today. CCMan had bought his airgun, so when one of The Staff broke my coffee mug [fuming] I brandished it crazily (the safety was on....) then in a moment of utter boredom - no jobs, customers, anything, I took it outside and shot some old paint tins. I REALLY WANT ONE. I suspect I may end up being inadvertently dangerous though.

Just finished reading a book about armed police. Part of me would LOVE the 'coolness' of being able to shout 'ARMED POLICE! Put the gun down, motherfucker!' while the other part is in real awe of what they do. Book was fascinating. The courage they have is mindblowing.

There was biscuits and Haribo at work today. This is why I fear for my target :rolleyes:

Podged

Fat Fighters curry :hail: Just as well, as I ODd on the chocolate orange sweets the Hills rep brought. No gym tonight as I became a Warehouse Wench with W today as he had a few big deliveries to do. Was knackered and stripped down to only 3 layers.

Architect came this morning. Very positive, didnt think we'd have a problem with planning and gave us a good idea about maximising space in the upstairs bedroom and hopefully not losing too much space in total.

Work wasnt too bad. Man from computer systems came in, broke the credit card machines then buggered off, and then made me stay 2 hours after we'd closed in order to fix it. Coming back tomorrow. More hassle.

Part of me hopes we stay this busy (had lunch at 4.30) the other is desperately spinking for new staff in the new year.

Feel fat tonight. And tired. Architect also said we shouldnt have a problem with the planning - yay!

sleeeeeppppppyyyyyyy

Who needs kids? Cats woke us up again about 4am. So now I am vvvv tired.

Am struggling now with Fat Fighters, I think. I can't decide if it's cos its December and I'm surrounded by Christmas temptation, the novelty has finally worn off, or the diminishing points are starting to show but it's been really really hard. I've been so hungry the past 2 weeks and it's HARD.... Bah.

So, worked today, kept busy...Had a managers meeting...think we were all secretly hoping that we'd be getting a christmas bonus extra to the one we're on target for in January, but no go. Was counting on it too :( Not much else said really....felt a bit of a waste of time. Went to the gym afterwards and did full program. Yawned most of my way round. Going to have a night off tomorrow.

Architect coming round tomorrow morning so have had a super quick tidy up. Still looks a tip.

Nothing else to say really. Buit of a nothing day. Hungry which isnt helping (and yes, I've had my tea and there has been more creative pointing as well).

Gold Stars

I have finally discovered how to get The Staff to work! Slightly wrong in that they're all over 18 and are being conned into working with the promise of gold stars and a tickable sheet of Things to Do. Has worked today. Who am I to argue? Lets see how it works in a few weeks.

Weigh in today - had put on 4lbs from yesterday, but as I had a somewhat abrupt wake up call ('Are you a keyholder for FBs work?' 'yes' 'Your intruder alarm is going off!') I leapt onto the scales, did the WI then ran. Well. Drove. A jumper had fallen off the lockers. So I've been at work since 7am.

So, work went well, everyone nice and busy. A nice lady asked to speak to the vet, bless her, she meant me. AMTRA really need to employ some more approachable staff, but never mind.

Gym tonight, did full program. Was much easier than Friday, but never mind. Still struggle on the arms and squats, although I *was* admiring how thin my legs looked as I did the squats. And I think I might be seeing some definition in the old arms. That obviously could be delusion, but I live in hope.

Half a bottle of wine tonight, creatively pointed so to enable it, but it's all good. Must be good this week though. I so want to lose weight and be in the 15s by new year. How about that? start the new year 5 stone less than I started it. Thats something I didnt think I'd be saying now.

Facebook is addictive. Am doing a FIENDISHLY difficult puzzle. Oh how the might have fallen, I used to be quite cool once....

Ressurected

I am the resurrection and I am the light
I couldnt ever bring myself to hate you as Id like

Been a long time. Am shocked I remembered not only the password but also the log in.

Am still a member of FatClub and till now has been going well. I'm blaming Christmas and the resulting food/free stuff off reps. Have now lost 5 stone 10lbs since November last year. By August 1st 2008 I will (I will!) have lost 11stone. Half my bodyweight.

So whats changed since I last blogged.... I have new Uber-Job, still in the same place but am now one of the managers (M1 :cough: left). I still have tantrums daily about how unfair it all is.

I still whinge and moan that I'm not losing size quick enough. Going to the gym lots at the minute though.

The pony is almost-sold. She should belong to her new owner in the new year... and then will fund the house extension. Sigh. Grown up things. I cant wait till I get to 13stone and can ring up about riding lessons and start again.

Must buy christmas cards...

Poor ignored blog....

Went to Harrogate today, bought lots of Lush stuff, some books and magazines, a card for Chris' dad and some weight watchers scales. Have stuck to it - ish for last 3 days...Portion sizes are slightly ambiguous though so am not sure if I'm doing it right. We're having pizza and garlic bread for tea, which I am desperate for!! But is 21 points of my 28 :S so have had cereal and tomatoes to eat today. Scales are very cool though. Were £60 reduced to £40 in Argos, so had them. Measures BMI, body water, body fat and age...Can have a password on it so Chris wouldnt be able to see my weight....Measures the oz's too, so will see any teeny bits of weight loss that happen!!

Am starving...am dreaming about this pizza...

My head hurts

Oppsy....Didnt think I was THAT drunk last night.

Anyway. Day one of FatClub. Yesterday has already put me 7.5points over my weekly total :S. New weigh in day is now Mondays. Am going to have breakfast this morning, despite the fact I feel sick :S but have just done half an hour on the bike.

Been looking at FC site - by the looks of things I should only do 6points worth of evercise a week...My cycling was 2.5 :unsure: Was planning on going to the gym tonight...Perhaps it was a day. (edit - was wrong on all counts...daily exercise allowance is 4 points. hmm)

I really do feel poorly this morning. Was up and wide awake at 5am which I'm sure won;t have helped.

Just eating cornflakes...30g is MINISCULE. Would appear my previous cereal bowls have been about 100g...Hence about 400calories! Oops.

Food: crunchy nut cornflakes, semi skimmed milk, salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), french fries, 2 bananas, beef stew

Exercise: 30mins (300 calories) on bike

what Have I done...

Have just joined FatClub online....Decided it was slightly less drastic (and cheaper) than Lipotrim. Also subscribing to the magazine. To celebrate am eating badly and drinking wine.

Food: 1 slice toast, 3 ham & pie d'angloys sandwiches, 1 muller light crunchy corner, packet french fries, pasta & carbonara sauce, homemade garlic ciabatta, half a bottle rose wine

Exercise: none

Lipotrim

http://www.lipotrimburnley.co.uk/getting_started.htm

:bawling:

I am SO going to get sacked soon. SAGE is just going straight in one ear and out the other.

M2 and SC I'm convinced are now having an affair...apparently she was sending him rude pics during work on Friday and was getting some off him in return!!! Ick, the thought is foul...I actually dont know how anyone can find her attractive. She has bad teeth, never washes, greasy hair, is just plain dirty, neglects her pets which she proclaims to love so much, is also seeing jack again I found out today...Told M2 and he looked like I'd hit him :unsure:

So, with SC allegedly on holiday, but still coming in, NotSoLovelyM being an arse and complaining and also has Nod in to see me, MrD is getting stroppy as nothing ever really goes his way bless him and I am finding it hard to cope with everything.

Food: 3 slices toast, 1 ham & pie d'angloys baguette, 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, bag of Aero bubbles, packet French Fries, healthy eating muller corner, 4 fingers shortbread, half a small toberlone bar, 2 rectangles clotted cream ice cream, pilau rice, limey chicken, home made garlic ciabatta

Exercise: swimming (40 lengths)

Bad, foul, grumpy mood

Raaahhh!!

LovelyM has very quickly become UnLovelyM since he & Nod have been together. He is irritating, completely lovestruck and impossible to get to do anything. I wouldnt mind so much if he actually did some work, but....he really didnt. RAAAAAAH.

Have been so pissed off have eaten lots too. Oh well.

Came off period today, and still same weight so dreams of bleeding for a month then losing 10stone are wildly unreachable. Seems like Pill may have had nothing to do with it.

So tired, has been a really muggy hot close day which wont have helped my mood. Forklift training was cancelled cos man had kidney infection :(

Food: hot ham & crackling sandwich, strawberry bun, 2 slices salami & pie d'angloys, 4 jam tarts, 1 chicken & salad sandwich, french fries, muller crunchy corner yoghurt, 2 ham & pie d'angloys sandwiches, lots of Lindt chocolate, 1 almond croissant, raspberries

Exercise: Nothing

hmmmmm

Tired, unmotivated and eating already. Havent weighed myself, dont dare lol. Really need to keep thinking about the online stuff but...so tired... The Hickstead Derby is on later, can't wait to see it. I may even go back to bed....

Entertained ideas of going to the gym for about 5 minutes, then decided against it and thought I might just use my pilates rowing thing, the bike, sit up machine and spinny thing (all of which I have ignored recently..) while watching the Derby. Then S texted and asked if I wanted to go to the yard & gym later. So I did. Lunged her horse for a bit (I havent lunged for over a year :eek: !!!) then off we went to Aireborough....Didnt do a full programme. Straight onto the x-trainer for 15 minutes on level 7, then some weights...I did the leg weights pushing in I did 50kg and pushing out I did 40kg, so might start doing them all the time, also did seated row, arm press and leg press, then onto the treadmill for another 15minutes. At least I went...!!

Got back in time for the highlights of the whole Derby meeting, so did washing up, hoovering etc and finished just in time to sit in front of the Derby with my lunch. Simple things...

Food: 1 big bowl crunchy nut cornflakes, 2 ham & pie d'angloys sandwiches, 1 muller healthy corners yoghurt, roast chicken, mashed potatoes, yorkshire puddings, green beans, carrots, gravy, cranberry sauce, orangey solero ice cream, 1 jam tart.

Exercise: Gym

Fat Day

:thud: I managed to do the banking AND sheets AND SAGE with minimal mistakes and help! Weeeee!!

Hugely busy at work, was allegedly my first day as 'alone manager' but M3 was hovering. Must ask to be told when I'm going to magically know when orders are coming in.

Going to see Selfish N tonight...she rang as I walked in the door and I wasnt quick enough to come up with an excuse :S Also let slip I wasnt working tomorrow, so no doubt she will invite herself over/I'll have to do something for her...I wanted to watch the Derby... Will be nearly a year since Lily died.

Food: 2 x portions lasagne, half a portion chip shop chips, 1 muller light, 1 strawberry bun, maltesers, 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, garlic bread, 1 J20, 2 hot chocolates

Exercise: nothing. MAY go to gym tomorrow before the Derby...

O....M....G

Apparently M2 & SC have been texting each other naked pictures all day :eek: Not entirely sure I believe it, but....Crazy.

Convinced myself I wasnt going to the gym tonight, but then, having eaten tea and had half a bottle of wine I went after all....

Not a bad day really, SAGE really winding me up. I cannot grasp it at all. Work in general is a bit weird.... I dont really feel I 'belong' in the shop anymore,yet I definately dont belong in the office either...

Food: banana, 2 ham & pie d'angloys sandwiches, fruit corner, french fries, lasagne, salad & salad cream, garlic ciabatta, skinny cow ice cream

Exercise: Gym

Hmmm

Maybe I will stop being an impulsive drama queen for a week or so.... I have come on today, so will either have huge weight loss, or nothing because it wasnt the pill/lack of periods make me stay the same weight.

So, I dont know. Maybe I am just destined to be fat and ugly forever :sad: especially as I am troughing more now...

Food: 3 ham & pie d'angloys sandwiches, grapes, french fries, muller light, homemade pizza, homemade garlic bread, 1 chocolate chip muffin

Exercise: nothing

Hmmmm

Now what to think? No loss this week, but OTOH, considering what I was on Saturday, the fact it isnt a huge great big gain is very definately Something To Shout About. But I'm not, I'm still gutted. Won't be happy now till I'm VV.7...

Banking/Sage etc seems to be going in better. Have till Saturday. No further on on the online stuff. OH has taken it over :nod: :grumps:

Eaten LOADS today :biggrin:

Food: Aero bubbles, 1 banana, lots of grapes, some chicken breast, some ham & mozzerella, 3 ham & pie d'angloys sandwiches, 1 muller fruit corner, packet french fries, pasta and carbonara sauce, 1 solero ice cream, half a bottle piat d'or

Exercise: 40lengths swimming

Banking Banking Banking

Went in one ear and out the other. One day, in about 3 years, it will make sense. Possibly.

Food: 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, 1 ham/mozzerella/salad cream salad, french fries, muller light, garlic ciabatta, bolognese sauce, pasta, parmesan, Muller Corner Healthy Balance

Exercise: Hmmm, Either I lost count and 'gained' some lengths or I speeded my swimming up a lot looking at the time it took. So, either 68 lengths or 72. Either way, for the first time in god knows how long, over a mile.

Mmmm, Radley purse....

I had to get up early, just so I could look at it and stroke it :wub:

My hip/outside of right leg aches ever so much atm :S And I really must stop being a hormonal, depressed witch. OH will end up leaving me and it will be my own stupid fault.

Road outside work is flooded, road is closed but everyone just going round the blocks anyway.

Food: 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, 1 ham & pie d'angloys baguette, grapes, almond croissant, 3 cranberry & white chocolate butter cookies, 1 muller light, 2 bowls pork stew with mozzerella, apple and mint sauce and bread.

Exercise: 40 lengths in swimming pool

Useful website

cerazette post

Hope admin emails me back with how to join - I cant see the codes you need to join, so have emailed them

Bankrupt

:eek:

Just back from shopping at the White Rose centre with OHs sister. It is a close run thing as to who spent the most...I think I *just* won though.

I bought:
A nightie for E's birthday
A pencil case for L's birthday
5 pairs of knickers from La Senza (I must have a pair for every day of the month now...They were on 5 for £10)
2 tops from Evans
1 pair of shoes, ballet style, with crystals on
1 necklace
1 computer game for OH
A set of bed sheets
Some body butter, lip balm and exfoliating gloves from Body Shop (no Lush :bawling:)
AND
:blush: A pink one of these

A good day, but to say I've done 'nothing', I'm really tired! Not to mention skint now...

Food: 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, 1 smoothie, 1 ham and salad sandwice, 1 slice carrot cake, 1 large yorkshire pudding, filled with Pork stew. 3 spoons apple & mint sauce

Exercise: shopping...

Thank you and goodnight

Nearly back at XX stones now. :bawling:

Food: 1 ham & pie d'angloys baguette, 1 bowl lamb stew with 2 slices brown bread and mint sauce. Going out tonight. deep fried garlic mushrooms, missippi chicken and chips (brown, sweet sauce) and half of OHs hot fudge cake and my toffee sundae, 1 bottle white wine.

Exercise: None.

Still Fat

And now podged and sleepy too.

Been to gym and increased reps so am at 3 sets of 10 now. I am KNACKERED. Wondering whether or not to join a diet club (online, natch).

Food: 2 x helpings lamb stew, 4 slices brown bread, salad (ham, mozzerella, salad cream), quavers, french fries, boost bar, yoghurt drink

Exercise: Gym

:bawling:

How on EARTH did that happen? :bawling: Have put on half a stone since yesterday morning :eek: How?! Seriously??? Absolutely gutted doesnt even begin to describe it. Am semi thinking about going back to the Drs.

Not a great day, M was being irritating. SC amazingly just kept her head down and got on with work :thud: M2 was out in van and M3 busy in office. I now have my own keys, cashed up both the tills and set the alarm. Yay me.

Gym was busy tonight, upped the cross trainer a level so am now on level 7 and managed 2minutes on treadmill at incline:6 and speed:6. Half considering doing 3 reps of 10 on the weight machine things now. Starting to get easier.

Food: ham/mozzerella/salad cream salad, French Fries, maltesers, half a salami and emmental sandwich, 1 croissant, pork, mashed potato, yorkshire puddings, green beans, carrots, 2 teaspoons apple sauce, gravy

Exercise: Gym.

slowly going down....

So much for my aim of losing 3lbs a week! So far I've lost 2lbs in 2weeks. Still, at least it's going down. Must stay positive.

Huge thunder and lightning at 3am, so was awake for an hour or so. Was right overhead for ages. NeedyKitten was astounded.

----

Started the discussions...seems new website isnt being launched till March which reassures me slightly. What with owners announcements that M2, M3 and me had till August to impress him, I was getting a little worried that he would be expecting something by September at the latest. Thankfully I was wrong! Also need to come up with a name. This has also shocked me - rather assumed it would just be 'FatBloaters Work Websites Online Shop'....

Felt really shit just after lunch. Speech went...odd...eyesight blurred and I started to shake. Didnt feel right all afternoon really but by 5pm-ish I felt ok. Havent gone swimming. Not only was OH preturbed by shakey fit, there is also the bike race in the town, so hell on earth to get through. Plus the alarm wouldnt set (great - the first time I ever set it, it shags up) so we didnt get home till 7.30pm. D thinks its cos I havent had a day off for ages. He could be right. Was quite shocked though to notice that I only have 2 more days until my weekend off. Feels like forever.

I feel a bit crap now, tbh, but think its cos I'm just podged. Hope it thunders again...Just not enough to wake me up this time. In fact, I hope it thunders while we're at work tomorrow.

Nan seems better, should be out of hospital on Friday.

Food: homemade garlic bread, pasta, carbonara sauce, 1 almond croissant, 1 plain croissant, 1 ham & pie d'angloys ciabatta, salad (ham/salad cream/mozzerella), French Fries (6 precious calories less than Quavers!) and a packet maltesers, half bottle Echo Falls.

Exercise: Nothing :S

Tomorrow the online stuff starts being planned for real. I still don't know where to start.

Iffy day at work. Did lots but not very much at all. Learnt the banking, it's all done on SAGE but it went in one ear and out the other.

Planned to eat cereal for tea, but was so hungry by the time I finished swimming we're having chicken and garlic bread instead. Was fun going with S - she made me swim quicker I'm sure and it didnt seem to take nearly as long as it does when I go on my own.

Things to think about stocking online: Kookamunga catnip, better cat toys (Ancol?), blingy collars and leads...Maybe use staff pets? NeedyKittens favourite product is...: etc. Need to work out how to sell wormers etc too. So badly want this to be a success.

Food: 1 bowl fruit and fibre, half a slice toast, 1 ham and pie d'angloys sandwich, ham/mozzerella/salad cream salad, 2 slices bread, 1 mini Yorkie, packet maltesers, quavers, limey chicken, homemade garlic bread, 1 skinny cow ice cream

Exercise: 40 lengths in pool

Your diet will crush me....

Still no loss....please don't tell me I have to wait another 4months... :unsure:

My aim of losing 3lbs a week until Christmas is long by the wayside....2 weeks in and I already need to lose 6lbs in order to keep up with that.

NeedyKitten went to the vets tonight for his booster jabs, spent the whole time in his carrier eyeballing everyone, then when the vet dealt with him, glared at her too. Was a good boy though, let her check everything, had his jab, then slunk back into his carrier....Doesnt seem to have upset him much now he's home.

Really must start thinking properly about this online thing...First meeting is Wednesday and all I've done is think about what colour laptop I'm going to get (being fobbed off with the old crap one at work :red-flap: ) and which sites I like the look of. Thats it. I have no idea where to start.

No exercise today, other than work... Kept busy though. SC is back and has managed to acquire a sick note, saying she'd had a miscarriage. Feel a bit shit now, but...I guess you have to know her to understand my reservations. She tried being all sad and snivvelly till about 10am, when she realised no one was paying her the blindest bit of attention and she suddenly cheered up.

Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), quavers, packet planets, 2 mini Yorkies :blush: , pasta & carbonara sauce, garlic bread, 2 Go Ahead plain yoghurt breaks (72 calories each)

Exercise: nothing

hot and tired

Don't know why - its been a nice day, not too manic at work, no idiots....SC is back tomorrow, after her 'miscarriage' during which she coincidentally happened to move house....Last time she moved house, she had a bad back. Cynical, moi?

Had a lazy day really in the shop. Didnt go swimming this morning, just couldnt motivate myself, but went to the gym instead this evening. Was nice....Not many people in and the ones who were in were just quietly doing their stuff, and not making big deals about how much they were lifting etc.

Tomorrow I get to find out what my new job actually entails...And by 1pm, the owner will too. He will be constantly popping down to make sure everything is as it should be from now on too :wibble:

My tummy really hurts :S And also my Nan is in hospital....

Food: 4 squares tear and share, small ham & pie d'angloys baguette, ham/mozzerella/salad cream salad, quavers, 1 oatmeal & sultana cookie, some of OHs toffee cookie, packet maltesers, toad in the hole, mashed potato, green beans, carrots, mint sauce

Exercise: Gym - full work out

I wanna be so skinny....

No fucking wonder I'm not losing weight. I can't stop eating and I SWEAR my tits are getting bigger :bawling:

Was meant to be going out for a meal tonight, but M had knocked the alarm, buggered it up and OH had to wait for the alarm people to come out to him. They arrived at 7.45. Our table was booked for 7.30. We could still go out, just, but neither of us are really in the mood now.

Pissed off with everything and still having a confidence crisis. Where the hell do I start with setting up a business?

Food: 2 squares tear and share, 1 strawberry bun, half a mini muffin, half a slice of cake, some mouthfuls of lasagne, porridge, muller light, quavers, 2 ham and pie d'angloys baguettes, 1 HUGE Waitrose chunk of shortbread and chocolate chips, pasta, cheese sauce, sausages, peas

Exercise: Nothing

:bawling: :bawling: and also....oh, shit

Remember months ago I said I wanted a baby? Then I thought I was pregnant and I realised I didnt want one after all...? Well, M1 has finally been sacked, so not only do I now have the online business as my 'baby', I now have the new job title of 'Duty Manager'.... Which, obviously I am super-excited about but am also having a huge crisis of confidence. The online store is a HUGE thing....If it takes off I will look amazing, have loads of bonuses, be Best Girl etc, but if it all goes tits up, there will be questions as to WHY and HOW I fucked up. Thats without all the muttering that I only got the 2 of them with OH/M3's help....

Tried to go to the gym today, but was thwarted by traffic, flooding and roadworks. Took half an hour to get from home to Waitrose - I could have walked there quicker - OH wanted me home by 9pm and as it was getting on for 8pm and I like to be at the gym for hour & a half I decided I may as well just come home. Still don't know why traffic was so horrific.

I am having a down day anyway... I checked my tape measurements today. If I haven't stayed the same on stuff I have gained inches. How? :( :bawling: This is since March. Maybe I need to go back to the Drs and talk properly with them?

Food: Quavers, slice of Power Rangers cake, 1 mini muffin, 1 ham & pie d'angloys baguette, Lasagne, salad, garlic bread, salad cream, 3 Kiplings Mini apple pies, vanilla custard, half a bottle Tattinger

Exercise: nothing.

Thursdays post....

Owner has officially asked me to do the online business today :biggrin: 'Interview: went... Owner: I assume M3 has mentioned the online thing.... me: yep Owner: You up for it? Me: yep Owner: Cool. :lol: Have started collecting catalogues already :lol: Also looking at laptops....well I'll NEED one now, won't I? ;)

Not a bad day, unmotivated at work, although I have bought a gym ball to do sit ups on. Now just need to try and blow the damned thing up. M2 said he would bring his football pump tomorrow.

It's ex's birthday tomorrow.

Knackered now, went to the gym straight from work which was BUSY. Remembered why I leave it an hour or so, then go. S's boyfriend/not boyfriend was a dick so we came out earlier than *I* really wanted...only 5minutes or so, but....that could have been my weightloss 5minutes!

Food: 1 slice toast & margerine, 1 muller light, 1 bowl oatiflakes, some grapes, 1 banana, ham/mozzerella/salad cream salad, quavers, 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes, 250ml B&J Caramel Chew Chew icecream :blush:

Exercise: My gym. 29minutes treadmill, 18mins cross trainer, 10mins rower then the weights.

Slightly late....Wednesday

Only 1lb gone, so already way off my target of losing 3lbs a week :heehee: Oh well. Maybe I'll be thin by NEXT December. :rolleyes:

Was babysitting last night, hence being a day late blogging. I love babysitting those kids. They sit and play on the X-Box till we say bedtime, then they run upstairs, clean their teeth and go straight to bed. I was never that good.

Me and OHs sister are going shopping next Sunday - eek!! Never spent a huge amount of time together and never 'alone'! (Although I dunno if the kids will be coming with us...)

Bit of an update on Work Situation....Well. I don't know what to do now. Have been offered the online shop as MY baby, to set up, keep running, just run entirely.... It is an Opportunity and I suspect is linked to me telling Owner that what I was doing now was my first 'management' role. Payrise (almost, but not quite the Original Payrise apparently), bonuses over and above what everyone else gets if it does well, am to ignore M1 totally when he chunters about it (he's coming back on Monday) and go to M3 or Owner. I think I am officially being offered it on Friday. Oh, and I am being booked to do my AMTRA conversion exam on 10th September.

Food: half bag Planets, half bag buttons, some pepperami, ham/mozzerella/salad cream salad, quavers, yoghurt, 1 slice garlic bread, pasta and bolognese sauce, half a garlic ciabatta, 1 and a half rocky bars.

Exercise: Half hour cardio at the gym with S (10mins rower, 5mins sitdown bike, 5mins treadmill, 10mins cross trainer).

Hmmmm

:scratchchin: SC has lost the baby. Isn't it awful that I am not surprised and that it's all rather convenient.... She can't come back to work though until Saturday, as she still needs tests... *shrug* Apparently on Sunday though, she could feel the baby moving and when it rested on her bladder, she needed to go wee right there and then! Her mother has bought her a maternity top :rolleyes: apparently she was wearing it all yesterday.

Work was a bit shit today, no motivation. Nothing heard from M1 handing this contract thing in to Owner.Doubt will hear anything now till Friday.

Bad food day, especially considering tomorrow is Weigh Day and those lbs that had melted off on Saturday are back again :( However, I got told today by someone I used to be on the same yard as when I had the Pony that I had lost LOADS of weight! Result! Sadly since I last saw her, I know I've put it on, but still, it was nice to hear.

My friend lost her horse today :bawling: He was one of the coolest horses I've ever sat on and *I* am sat here :bawling: too, so God only knows how she is. I'm so so so so sorry E, I know I keep saying that, but I can't tell you enough how sorry I am.

Food: 1 strawberry bun, some spicy chicken breasts, half a packet maltesers, half a mini muffin, ham, mozzerella, salad cream salad, quavers, muller light, tea is pasta and cheese sauce with homemade garlic bread.

Exercise: 46lengths swimming, 120 situps

Oh....My....God.....

SC is pregnant. Apparently the announcement is coming tomorrow, but S told me this morning. It's going to be a Nightmare. Suddenly she will be too faint to work, too full of morning sickness, oooh, I can't carry this 1kg bag, it might hurt the baby.... Half of me doesnt believe she's pregnant and will 'miscarry' before too long. How awful is that? OTOH, Shes thought it was funny that she kept forgetting to take her pill for so long, I'm really not surprised. I pity her OH though, he only asked her to marry him cos she was so persistant. Suddenly he has a mortgage, they're getting married and having a baby...all within 4months!

It's M1's (allegedly) final meeting tomorrow. He'll be coming back, I'm sure of it, so that, combined with SCs pregnancy....Sigh. Whats the job centre site again?

Havent been able to get going at all today. Woke up at 4.30am, wide awake, stayed in bed with the intention of getting up around 6.30ish to get on the bike and do my sit ups but the next time I woke up was 7.50! Oops.

Got some Cortaflex HA today to see if it helps my shoulder any. People are starting to comment on the noises and 'shapes' it makes under my T Shirt :lol: Half hope it works, half hope it doesnt - £20 a month :eek:

Those lbs that appeared to have melted off on Saturday are back again with a vengance :( Maybe I was wrong to come off the Pill.

Food: porridge, handful blue/rasp/strawberries and a banana, quavers, cherry & almond slice, 2 lemon tarts, 1 almond croissant, 1 beef, mint sauce & lettuce baguette, 1 ham & pie d'angloys baguette, 1 pint Pimms

Exercise: 20mins (200calories) on bike, 120 situps

Slow Day

I don't really feel like I've woken up all day... Swimming was HARD, a real struggle today. Been fairly steady at work, but mainly people needing stuff weighing out, although we had a few idiotic customers. The amount of people who don't realise that using someone elses credit card is called STEALING....

Off to a BBQ tonight at OHs SiLs. Can't especially say I'm looking forward to it..... Not eating as we have roast beef here to eat.

Food: Ham/mozzerella/coleslaw salad, muller light, quavers, half a galaxy bar, half a banana, 2 lemon tarts, roast beef, boiled potatoes, green beans, yorkshire puddings, carrots, gravy, mint sauce, 2 glasses white wine, greek yoghurt, handful blue/rasp/strawberries

Exercise: 44lengths in swimming pool, 120 sit ups, 20mins on bike
----
Back from the BBQ. Am considered rude cos I didnt eat as I said we had tea ready at home :unsure: They only old us about it at 3pm!! Anyway, not eating till 10pm now. Was ok, kids appeared to have a good time. it bothers me that I am the 13th person....

Maybe I needn't have come off the pill :S

Full of Cold

Was mildly entertaining ideas of going to the gym today as day off, but think I shall just do a load of housework instead....I say that, yet I am still sat here at the computer screen. I'm not full of cold yet, but it won't be long...sore throat this morning, headache, achey all over, tickly nose....Joy. It's been at least 3 months since I last had a cold though.

Have just texted SC to apologise for snapping at her yesterday. I still think she was being ridiculous but...I was starting to feel guilty. Arse. No reply yet, but then she is probably still festering in her horrid, mouldy bed. (Sadly, I'm not lying.) Wish I was going to Bramham :( Have no money to go though, I could have walked the XC course instead of doing housework/the gym.

Still no further forward in looking for a job. I really don't want to leave, but have sort of burnt my bridges now. Yesterdays meeting resulted in him being suspended on full pay (AGAIN) for another week. It's farcical. Although....Apparently the owner is FUMING as its the lawyers who have said he can't just sack him, and has come up with a contract that M1 has to write, and if Owner agrees with it all, he is going to show it to M2&M3, if they agree to it (which they wont unless its OUTSTANDING), then it is to be signed and with weekly visits to ensure that the work set out in the contract is being done. He is on his final warning NOW and one tiddly little step out of line...5minutes late, or too long for lunch/whatever, thats it. So I dont know what to do now!! My resgination hasnt yet formally been accepted or given in writing.

Have just mopped the floors. Hugely embarrassing confession....They havent been done since I moved in. Hoovered, yes. Mopped....No. Having said that, they were surprisingly clean. NeedyKitten is furious about the kitchen floor being wet and keeps walking in and out making a big deal about the fact his paws are wet. This is the cat that comes and sits in the bath with me. Hoovered throughout, on my second load of washing and need to dust still. OH did the washing up before he went to work, so only have the wine glasses from last night, his breakfast stuff and my lunch stuff to do.

I think my new aim should be to try and lose 3lbs a week....Will soon see whether the weight gain was due to not exercising/eating badly for that week or the pill. There is a loss already though from Wednesdays weigh in, so keep fingers crossed.

Mum cat has gone to stud - she appears to like this one and has mated 7 times since yesterday :eek:!! Hopefully this one will go full term :morecrossedfingers: Due date is 14th August and collection in November... Daddy

Food: 2 ham & pie d'angloys baguettes, greek yoghurt with blue/rasp/strawberries, 2 rice cakes, 1 laughing cow light triangle, crackling off the ham, pasta, pork, tomato sauce, marscepone, homemade garlic bread.

Exercise: Housework?! 120 situps

sleepy, grumpy, dopey....

Can't remember any other dwarves, except Happy and I ain't that...

I'm tired, I can't *really* be arsed with the gym tonight, but I must go, I am going and if I don't I will be furious with myself for not going. I'm really tired in that I'm slightly scared I may fall asleep on the cross trainer. Grumpy...well, there's still no decision apart from 'Tell FB that the job is hers, when M1 leaves....whenever that is'. His meeting was today at 4.30pm, but we all suspect he is on his final warning now. He won;t find another job and leave off his own bat - even if he works hard he's still on a fairly cushy number. Dopey...well, in that I can't really be arsed to do anything and I'm finding it hard to think straight. Looking on job centre website and nothing... There's a couple of pet shops I can ring tomorrow but I doubt they'll have anything.

My shoulder really is sore and clicky.

Food: half a chocolate chip muffin, salad (ham/halloumi/mozzerella/coleslaw) muller light, smoothie, quavers, pasta and bolognese sauce with parmesan, homemade garlic bread and wine.

Exercise: 20mins bike (200calories), 120 situps, gym (all weights, 18mins cross trainer, 10mins rower, 31mins treadmill)

Let the weight loss commence!!

It would appear I have lost 2lbs already :lol: I am not getting excited though until I've got past VV stones 11lbs again - this is just the warmup (again, sigh). Off to gym tonight with S to her gym, so won't be doing as much as I normally do at mine, but I'll be doing some different weights. Wish she could join my gym, I really don't like hers and I HATE going on my own.

Must remember to ring up LCC today about my gym card - it's still coming up invalid and I've rung the bank and they say the money has gone from my account. I suspect I have an old card, the number on the back is out of date anyway. Hopefully it's sorted now, but if not, ALC have to send back my card for a new one. Had to be mine which buggered up.

I feel quite podged...I can't see that those lbs that seem to have melted off will have stayed off :( I shouldnt have had the baguette (I knew I was eating in half hour or so as well) or the strawberry bun, but at least it was half and not a whole one.

Food: Ham/mozzerella/halloumi/coleslaw/avacado salad, quavers, muller light, 2 rice cakes and 1 triangle laughing cow lite, half a strawberry bun, small baguette, ham & pie d'angloys, spaghetti bolognese, garlic bread, chocolate chip muffin.

Exercise: 60 situps, 20 minutes (200 calories) on bike, half hour cardio at the gym.

Sigh....Let the weightloss commence

Put on 5lbs in 2 weeks. I suppose, thinking about the exercise I DIDN'T do, and the food I ate its not too bad really.

Still meh though :(

Food: ham/mozzerella/halloumi/coleslaw salad, quavers, muller light, 2 rice cakes, 1 triangle laughing cow cheese, half a packet maltesers, 1 sausage, homemade pizza & garlic bread, wine.

Exercise: 32 lengths swimming, 20mins bike

Confused....

I'm now reading about Cerazette - the Pill I've just come off of...Doesn't seem to be well liked anyway. I appear to have done quite well on it, in that my skin hasnt got bad, nor has it raised blood pressure....I have had mood swings, but I don't know if that is down to my inherent bitchiness/brattishness anyway OR if the Pill has magnified it. Now I'm reading a bit more, it seems you can have difficulties coming off it. A lot of people have said that they bloated after they came off it, and had bad skin and raised blood pressure anyway. So have I done the wrong thing?

I am mostly convinced that the pill has stopped my weight loss. It coincides with the right time anyway. Now I'm off it, I'm all motivated to lose weight again, but what if its just cos my enthusiasm was waning anyway? What if it's all psychological and I needn't have come off the Pill? Still, done now...Will give it 2 months and see what happens.

I'm so tired and I've done NOTHING to warrant it...Did some clothes washing and some washing up, surfed t'net most of the day, watched United 93, surfed some more, window shopped in the Next catologue, but I am yawning like nothing on this earth and could happily go to sleep. Just done 5minutes on the bike and am ready to have a heart attack!!! My legs ache, I'm sweaty like you wouldnt believe and I'm out of breath....Surely it hasnt been THAT long since I've been on it. How embarrassing. Was vaguely entertaining ideas of doing 20mins on it before work everyday - not a chance if I feel like this after 5mins!! Have the vague rumblings of the start of a cold, but have been like this for a week or so and it refuses to develop or go away. Sulk. It doesnt help that I am B.O.R.E.D and therefore eating.

Food: 1 x ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, 2 x ham, coleslaw and mozzerella breadrolls, chunks of port salut, 1 packet quavers, 1 chunk of Halloumi, pork fillet, 1 sausage, beans, carrots, boiled potatoes, 2 yorkshire puddings, 3 teaspoons apple sauce, gravy, half a bottle rose wine

Exercise: 30mins (300calories) on the bike, 40 lengths in swimming pool

Hmmm, maybe I just needed a 'warmup' - have just done 25mins straight on bike and was ok...hot and sweaty and mildly out of breath, but otherwise ok... knees ache now! Will weigh myself in the morning (am expecting it to be around WWstones 5lbs or so), then get back into the routine again. And will see how quickly - if at all, weight loss happens. If nothing, I swear I am going for lipo.

(9.30pm - just back from swimming. I am KNACKERED. Lots of movement, not very much speed. Am convinced 2 girls were laughing at how slow I was :( Was a real struggle.)

I am BORED (and slightly drunk)

RAHHHHHHHh

Came off the pill today....Am going to sit back and wait for weight loss to happen :lol: Am hoping it will be within a month - I seemed to stop losing weight after a month when I went on it, so it stands to reason it will be the same this way round

Have eaten LOADS today :(

ham/mozzerella/salad cream/avacado salad, quavers, maltesers, a boost bar, some marzipan, an almond croissant, a scotch egg, some of OHs pies (I didnt eat them all...), 3 ham & pie d'angloys sandwiches, 1 pint of pimms

exercise - nothing.

I wonder where all my motivation has disappeared to? I really hope its the pill that has stopped me losing weight(and therefore losing motivation...), but if it isnt then I dont know what to do.

Hmmmm.

What a crap day....

But not really for any particular reason - have just had zero motivation and feel quite achey - please don't say I'm coming down with another cold....

Busy searching for vacuum cleaners online....the current one just can't keep up with a fluffy Norwegian Forest moult. OH is of the opinion that if we buy something to last, we spend Money on it (this is how we ended up spending £1000 we don't have on a TV and surround sound thingy), but I dont want to spend £300 on a vacuum (of all things) and find it's shit.

Have also decided to come off the Pill. NOT to have babies, but to see if it helps with the weight loss. I know the resolve has slipped somewhat, but I AM still exercising and eating less that I did, but in last 2 weeks, I have put on HALF A STONE again. Back up to WWstone 6lbs :bawling: So coming off it for 2 months, if it works all well and good and I will stay off it till I can get to a weight where I can have my normal Pill back...if it doesn't, I am asking to have my stomach stapled.

So. Any vacuum recomendations anybody?

Food: salad (mozzerella/ham/sundried tomatoes), quavers, 1 big slice chocolate cake, lots of PiMMs, big bag Maltesers, pasta, tomato sauce, bacon and cheese, 2 slice salami, 1 chunk Halloumi.

Exercise: nowt.

So Very Tired

I think I've had 3 hours total sleep all night. Spent most of it on the Job Centre website (have printed off 2 jobs - neither related to pets) or trying to work out if any of the pet shops in the area are looking for people. Looks highly doubtful. OH is having a fit and keeps telling me to wait another week. But....How long has he been saying that? Love my job, but sick of the crap that comes with it.

Kitten stayed with me all night which was sweet, although the one time I DID fall asleep he started coughing up a hairball right by my ear, then proceeded to drink the glass of water I had left out for ME....

Got a cracking headache and in a foul mood already. I can tell today is going to be fun - it was N's 16th birthday yesterday so she will still be all giddy and overexcited from that - esp as its her party tonight! I can see myself having no friends at work by 5pm.

-------

Back from work, foul mood, ended up in tears with the INJUSTICE of everything today, having fallen out with everybody beforehand. Got banished to the shed, partly I think to stop any other huge displays of over emotional behaviour and partly because I was starting to make no sense at all I was so tired. I'm still impressed I didnt crawl onto a bale of hay and sleep there. At 3am this morning, I entertained the idea of going to the gym tonight. Nah. It's not gonna happen. Pizza, garlic bread (homemade), wine, long bath and sleep is FAR more appealing. Swimming in morning anyway. Have come home though, washed up, brought washing in and put it away, made tomorrow and Mondays lunch and made OH a cup of tea and a shortbread biscuit and turned his computer on for him by the time he was back from work too.

Food: half a packet of Planets, salad (ham/mozzerella/sun dried tomatoes/mushrooms), quavers, 1 shortbread biscuit, lots of PiMMs biscuits, half a salami & pie d'angloys sandwich, pizza, garlic bread, wine.

Exercise: None.

:bawling: :tantrum: :bawling:

Hypothetically, Potentially isn't happening at all. M1 being suspended on full pay for 1 week, then coming back under constant review. So am job hunting again. Fuckers.

As such have eaten shit today. 1 bacon, mushroom & brown sauce sandwich, 10 shortbread with chocolate chips, 1 strawberry bun, 1 salad (ham/mozzerella/stuffed mushrooms/sundried tomatoes), 1 packet quavers, half a chocolate muffin, 1 ham and pie d'angloys sandwich, half bottle rose wine (I broke one of my lovely big half-a-bottle-wine glasses :bawling: ), pilau rice, limey chicken, garlic ciabatta.

Spent ages at the gym. Did all my weights (2 reps of 10, have increased all the weights now, although I struggled A LOT with peck flyes and shoulder press), then accidentally did 26minutes on the cross trainer (I dont know how my mind was working - I did 10mins, then stopped for a break cos I thought it would pause what I had just done-it didnt- and then reprogrammed it to do another 13mins....crazy), 31 mins (inc warmup) on the treadmill and 10mins on the rower. Surprised I didnt have a heart attack by the time I came out. Now have a blister on my right foot.

Foul mood and wish I'd left months ago when I originally wanted to.

Will Hitch Back Up The Wagon Tomorrow....

Cos today I've had my last final, honest guv, big piggy fat day. Till the next time.

Still slightly dopey from the relexology, but have finally listened to Paul McKenna on the new cd player I got while at mum and dads. Dunno if its done any good but it might have contributed possibly... I only managed to leave the pork fat and the tiniest smidgen of Yorkshire pudding on this evenings tea. And I know I'm not hungry anymore, but I WANT some ice cream so OH has gone off to get some from the freezer :spoilt: :wub: but also :fat:

Went shopping with S - spent lots in Lush, some pants from La Senza and some hair dye!

Not much else to add, I really couldnt motivate myself to go to the gym tonight, I WILL go tomorrow and possibly saturday too...

May also find out tomorrow whether Hypothetically Potentially might happen.... :fingerscrossed:

All Treatment-ed Out

I am SHATTERED. We'll not talk about what I've eaten :blush:

Had reflexology today and :thud: lady was impressive. Picked up straight away on my poppy shoulder, my neck, sinuses and headaches, AND was able to tell me how long ago I gave up smoking, thanks to some hard skin on my left foot! Amazing. I am utterly shattered now though, which means I am in a foul mood.

Pedicure yesterday which was nice, but I put my socks on too early and have smudged the varnish. Oops.

OH and Dad went to France and have come back with all sorts of goodies, OH got me a lovely pair of trainers along with the millions of boxes of wine! Have been very good, as soon as we got home I got everything unpacked and either put away or in the washing machine - how domesticated have I got?!

Kitten is very pleased to be back home. Think he was getting upset with being constantly sworn at by siamese.

Also got a new pair of jeans - almost bordering on being too big on certain parts of my body.

Tomorrow, fingers crossed is Hypothetically Potentially becomming reality.

Off to parents today

So a week of no exercise, gluttony and people touching my feet :S

OH and I are off down to the farmers market to get some buffalo LOL and possibly some other stuff....Kitten has realised somethings happening and is generally being a pain in the arse.

Not going to blog till Wednesday as dont want parents to know this exists.

Now. Must get motivated and sorted.

Bum :(

Went into Leeds instead of Harrogate this morning after a blissful lie in...think we rolled out of bed about 10ish LOL. First stop was mk1...where the sizes STOP at 16 :bawling: Put me out of the idea of finding any nice clothes after that, so went to Lush to comfort shop, and STILL couldnt cheer myself up :thud: and only spent £13 :thud:

Went into Waterstones too, got myself a couple of books and then cos it was 3-for-2, got OH one too and a bag from somewhere that was closing down, so that can be my sports bag, rather than pinching OHs. Also some magazines from smiths, and that was it, we came away....OH got some tops and some bright-white (hehe) pants from H&M.

On the way home, scooted into town and got things for tonight from Waitrose and then wandered down to the butchers for some ham to take down to mums with us tomorrow.

Now have to summon up the enthusiasm to do hoovering, general tidying and start packing to make sure we have everything...

Food: chunk halloumi, toffee & pecan cookie, strawberry bun, 1 ham & pie d'angloys baguette, chicken breast with mozzerella & bacon, boiled potatoes, green beans, carrots, gravy, cranberry sauce, ben & jerrys ice cream :blush:

Exercise: none

YAAAAAYYYYY!!!!!!

I have really looked forward to this coming week off. Not sure why. Mum has booked me a pedicure and a reflexology session....

Shopping in Harrogate tomorrow, then Sunday there's the Farmers Market, then we're driving down, then I'm off to see Pony! Yay! Monday it's dads birthday, then Tuesday him and OH are off to France for the day and mum and I are having our pedicure. Wednesday we're having this reflexology malarky and then coming home. Thursday I assume will be spent doing Boring Jobs and Friday am back at work and will hopefully find out if Hypothetically Potentially has become a Definate Reality :lol:

Lazy day at work, spent the morning sweeping everywhere, including under the tubs and under the stands. D did W&C, SC did bugger all and LovelyM spent most of his day requesting relationship advice...He needs a boyfriend. Badly!

Was a bit achey this morning, but sweeping worked it off and then I spent the afternoon in the shed, mainly chasing (notso)LovelyM with a pitchfork because he was being spectacularly irritating for the afternoon. Just back from the gym and worked Very Hard. Have a blister from the rower LOL. Just as well have enforced rest!

Food: quavers, salad (ham/cheddar/salad cream), muller light, maltesers, have D's bacon savoury, crunchy nut cornflakes, 1 large baguette with ham & pie d'angloys, 1 bowl Waitrose Gelato Nocciolato....Fucking lovely, although made gym visit pointless! Has dark chocolate in it, which I didnt realise til I'd eaten most of it, so may have a migraine tomorrow. Didn't stop me eating it! And sorry Paul...I didnt leave ANY of my food today, although I did share the quavers & maltesers.

Exercise: 120 situps, gym (increased weights up a 'weight' so now doing 2 sets of 10, put cross trainer on level 6,

Little Toad...

NeedyKitten that is. Has somehow found his catnip from whereever it was hidden - me and OH both thought it was on the mantlepeice in the living room, but that would involve the cat going in there last night, stealing it, then hiding it ready to spill everywhere this morning.... although knowing him, I wouldnt put it past him lol. The hallway is just a sea of catnip....He will have a shock when I hoover tonight!!

Currently eating a bowl of Crunchy nut cornflakes, very slowly and am enjoying every mouthful :nod: as told to by Paul McKenna. Must listen to that CD tonight, as definately have not woken up full of energy and ready to run 10 miles! I have left some remnants of cornflakes and some milk in the bowl though, just like he told me to...

Only today and tomorrow left at work and then a whole week off (again!) I will have no holiday left soon lol.
----
Just back from work....Been so proud of myself all day for not being so hungry and was wondering if Paul was helping! No, I just forgot I had eaten those cornflakes :bawling: I did however leave bits of all my food so far today (except the chocolate hobnobs :blush: ).

Went to S' gym this evening. Very different to mine. The cross trainers made my legs ache more for a start! Did a different programme to what I do at Aireborough....5mins on bike to warm up, 15 on x-trainer, then 10 on rower. Then we arsed about on a toning table for a bit, then I did oblique twists (dont have that at mine, although do have one here at home which I forgot about), Pec Flys, adductor and abductor. They HURT!!! Oh, and one for your bum - you lie on front then lift on leg up at a time on this machiney thing. Very odd. Don't feel particularly worked out though, although will regret saying that tomorrow - I can feel it already!

Busybusy at work, SC was irritating, started waffling on about shires 'crap feet' until I got so irritated, I just turned round and said 'Actually SC, thats just bad farriery...' Looked at me as though I'd just kicked a kitten and walked off. Also made lots of unsubtle hints about baths, and walking dogs and making sure they had water. I'm so awful.

Food: 1 bowl crunchy nut cornflakes, porridge, muller light, quavers, 2 hobnobs, 2 rice cakes with laughing cow light cheese, limey chicken, pilau rice, homemade garlic bread

Exercise: Gym

:cuddle: and :goodvibes: for today, E :)

(Just finished tea....didn't leave any of it. Or the rice cakes...)

Yay!! Books came!

And am a bit :huh: It seems fairly common sense-y really and all a bit too easy. I stand to be corrected, obviously, but *dunno* it just seems, well, too easy. Maybe the epiphany will come when i listen to the CD.

There's 4 'rules' - only 2 of which I can remember. 1 is eat what you want, when you want. The other I can remember is chew each mouthful slowly and savour each mouthful.

I managed the first of those, but not the second today :blush:

He says dont weigh yourself for 2 weeks :S thats when I tend to give up when I can't see how I'm doing....But suppose it fits in nicely with us being at mum and dads next week. He also suggests making sure you leave SOMETHING each meal...have cheated tonight and left the crusts, which I never eat anyway lol.

Work wasnt too bad. M1 is an utter arse and I can't wait for him to go. OH told me I eat too much and don't do enough exercise to lose weight :( Although the past 2 weeks I would have to agree with him :(

Food: salad (ham/halloumi/salad cream), muller light, quavers, 1 qalaxy cake bar, lots of caramel & choc biscuits, lots of Hobnobs, a packet of maltesers, half a bacon and cheese savory, a big bowl of crunchy nut cornflakes, 1 salami & pie d'angloys sandwich, 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich.

Exercise: 70lengths swimming. Pool was empty! Well, full of women. Their OHs were all obviously watching the football too :rolleyes:

A gaining week :(

Paul McKenna ('s book) will have his work cut out!

COnvincing me I dont NEED nice things to eat, then getting grumpy when I refuse them (or not, as the case may be, then I get an attack of the guilts).

Amazon emailed me to say my order was dispatched today, so hopefully will get it tomorrow :crossedfingers:

Super-busy at work. M1 came back off holiday and was fine with everyone else but FOUL to me :unsure: *I* didnt contribute to his problems! Asked him to serve, and he shouted back to ask someone else - I shouted back that if anyone else was about to serve, I would! He came out then, but was NOT happy about it.I really wished Owner was there then... I would have loved to have seen his face. I dont care. I only have to put up with it till Friday, then hopefully never again. Stupid arse.

Tomorrow just me and Mr D in the shop.... Got hopper/biscuit kilos/bird kilos/stands to do plus the shop could do with a bloody good tidy up. It's so frustrating with the builders in - everythings had to move for them to be able to work, but its embarrassing when people ask us for stuff and it's either covered in dust or we just plain can't find it.

I am tired today, despite the fact I had a good sleep last night...I'm so pleased everything is resolved, and in the ponys best interests too. I am still going to see her on Sunday afternoon and I cannot WAIT. It's a nice day as well, which has helped my better mood.

Food: 2 packers Quavers, 1 packet maltesers, salad (ham/mozzerella/halloumi/salad cream), muller light, 1 baguette with salami & pie d'angloys, half a pizza (homemade) and half a homemade garlic bread.

Exercise: 5minutes (48.8calories) on bike, 60 sit ups and either 50 lengths in 50 minutes in the pool, or 54 lengths in 50 minutes....I lost count.

(just got on scales....bit of a heads for tomorrow, but HALF A STONE ON! :bawling: )

Sorted

The Situation is no longer a Situation.

Pony is staying where she is, I am visiting on Sunday, we are pretending the last 2 weeks havent happened. Well, I am :unsure:

Now exhausted.

Utterly Exhausted

Only this time I know why..... Can't sleep for thinking of The Situation. :( Whatever happens it will be wrong. I have emailed a horse transport search thingy who make you fill out a form and then all the different transporters get back in touch with their quotes. Will wait till I have a few, then email V and tell her when we're coming to get Pony/Stuff. Not really sure what to do though tbh.

The options:

1. Offer Pony to V for sale, as long as I get £xxxx by a certain date. This is on the understanding that I will never have any further contact with the horse, as long as I get one last chance to say goodbye. (lets not confuse concern with stalking, hey?)

2. Bring Pony back, turn away on grass livery until back/legs sorted. Ask EH to reschool her/take her to parties, then sell.

3. Bring Pony back, turn away on grass livery until back/legs sorted. Loan to a very local home only.

4. Bring Pony back, discover nothing wrong, sell immediately.

5. Bring Pony back, disover pony knackered, field ornament forever.

Also had a shit day with food. I have no willpower and self control - I think I may be expecting too much of this Paul McKenna book.

Was meant to go for a walk with OH tonight, but OH has cried off cos 'it looks like it might rain', thought about going to the gym with S but she's working and I really need someone with me to motivate me and be competitive with today.

Food: half ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, 2 rice cakes with laughing cow light cheese, a twirl (2 fingers), 3/4s packet chocolate hobnobs :blush: salad, quavers, muller light, lamb, boiled potatoes, yorkshire pudding, green beans, carrots, gravy, mint sauce.

Exercise: Nothing.

Very tired!

And not for any particular reason why. Didnt swim this morning because me and OH just couldnt wake up. Eventually rolled out of bed around 9.20 :shock:

Really must pull finger out and look for yards. I suspect I will end up going back to Original Yard, purely for ease rather than anything else. People I know, a yard layout I know, arenas and hacking I am confident with, if I ever sit on her again. A big shame it appears V & I can't work things out though :( Had got myself all worked up for The Chat tonight, and it looks like she can't get to a computer. Heart skips everytime someone new signs into MSN. I am so pathetic.

Acquired (aka, stole) a petometre from work. I'm sure its quicker to rack up the calories than on my old (human!) one. Maybe a dogs metabolic rate is quicker than a humans, despite the fact I put my weight in? I dont know.

I am so hungry, constantly. Had eaten most of my lunch before we even opened the doors today. Just till Friday to go, then I have a half week off to see my parents, then hopefully The Big News will be common knowledge....If it happens.

Food: 1 salad (chicken/mozzerella/halloumi/cranberry sauce), quavers, twirl (both fingers!), 2 Go Ahead apple bars, muller light, 2 rice cakes with 1 triangle laughing cow light, 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, roast lamb, boiled potatoes, yorkshire pudding, carrots, peas, gravy, mint sauce.

Very yummy. I could eat it all again.

Exercise: Nothing.

Dont know whats wrong with me. No enthusiasm for anything really. Have just bought Paul McKennas book....Hopefully that will kick start everything again. If that works will think about hypnotherapy for confidence etc. I have no idea how I am going to pay for all this though....

Bargains!

I really must stop spending so much money, especially in light of everything...

Show today, went with works tradestand - took the whole stock of dog beds and we were SO busy!! We must have taken about £500, which considering at the same show last year, we took £7 is going some lol. I got some bargains from the Joules stand (:thud: there was a Joules stand!) and got a summerweight pale blue rugby top which was £50 reduced to £25 and a neon pink jacket which was £85 reduced to £40. Bargainous. Also some red jewelled flip flops which will go well with jeans and my boobs out red top. Must do something about the state of my feet though!

Had a horrendous day food wise. I took a salad, but there was so much temptation everywhere....

Food: 1 bacon sandwich, 1 cheeseburger, chips and tomato sauce, 4 donuts, 2 hot chocolates with whipped cream, 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes, 1 turkish delight, quavers, muller light, salad (ham/mozzerella/halloumi/salad cream).

Exercise: I walked down to the show and then back home (about 25mins total) and have done 200 calories on the bike so far.

The huge loss I managed over the last 2/3 days has been totally wiped out. Bah.

Annoyed with Myself

Must not be overexcited about Hypothetically, Potentially, but Hypothetically, Potentially, SOMETHING *MAY* be happening around the beginning of Juneish time. Possibly.

Had such a lovely sleep last night, I was utterly exhausted from the night before, and could happily have slept for days. OH on the other hand, didnt, and was wide awake from around 4am.

Work wasnt too bad, still can't concentrate, and still occasionally had to run in the office, shut the door, scream quietly, and come back out again lol. Undecided re the Pony Situation. I dont feel I have been the unreasonable one, but then, I wouldnt, would I? I really dont know what to do, or how to feel. One minute I am over excited about having her back, planning stuff, looking round yards, trying to work out when is best for me to have her... The other side, thinks 'fuck, how am I going to pay for all this? Its not in pony's best interests, I hated that yard, why am I thinking of going back, I wasn't confident on her in a Dr Bristol & a flash, how will I feel with a cheltenham gag and a grackle?' etcetc. The best situation is if the loaner buys her now, but somehow doubt that will happen. At worst, will just have to give her 6months off, get a friend to ride then sell before winter - I cannot afford her. Its a horrible decision, but I have proved I cannot cope with her still being mine and somewhere else. Best if she belongs to someone else and I cut all ties.

So been totally unable to concentrate all day - head is partway Somewhere Down South, partway in the office talking to the owner, partly on the W&C order, partly on the yards I'm going to look at... Basically everywhere it shouldnt be.

Building work is coming on. Wall is totally out now, and beam is in. The metal things holding it all up should come out on Monday, and hopefully the shop wont fall down. Then I think the office is being pulled down, then the counter is moving....then the front is coming off the shop. I wish we'd taken pics, because it will all look so different.

Still havent been to gym or swimming. Another piggy day.

Went to Drs, apparently weight gain is very normal, and although she didnt weigh me (dont they learn?!) accepted I had lost weight, and said it was good, although she could imagine how disheartening it was that it was going so slowly. Suggested the coil as another option. I dont think it is one I will take up. Said the periods thing was totally normal.

Food: 1 bacon & mushroom & brown sauce bun, 1 slice pizza, salad (ham/mozzerella/halloumi/salad cream) muller light, 2 rice cakes with laughing cow light, 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, 1 chocolate muffin, chicken, yorkshire pudding, green beans, carrots, boiled potatoes, cranberry sauce, half bottle pink wine.

Exercise: Nowt. Nada. Bugger all.

Hypothetically, Potentially

No reply to apology. :( I really dont know what to say or do. Have a list of 20 yards to ring round in the morning. I really dont want to go back to where she was before, but if I have to, I have to. I suppose its better the devil you know really.

Had very little sleep last night, about 4 hours max. Meant that I couldnt get too worked up about today, until Owner actually arrived. I've been left a little bit :huh: and *dizzy* over the review. Basically, I have come out of it looking great, which was a shock! I underestimated myself on everything. M1 did some very political voting and gave everybody horrific scores.... Had it not been for that, my overall score would have been a good 4.5-5 (out of 6) rather than the steady 4 it was. The funniest thing I have EVER heard, is that he gave everyone 2/3 for time keeping - and gave himself 4s & 5s :heehee: This is the man that regularly rocks up at 9.45am, then goes to the bank at 10am, gets back at 11am, and goes for a 3 hour lunch at midday. I can only assume he thought he was marking 1 as the highest LOL. Hypothetically, Potentially, IF eithers M1,2 or 3 were to leave, there will be a new position created for someone (me) to move into. Hypothetically, Potentially, Someone might be leaving in 3weeks time. This means a hefty payrise, lots more input and responsibility, a salary, rather than the rota (no more overtime, boo), so Hypothetically, Potentially, keep those fingers crossed for a while longer. It totally hasnt sunk in yet, I keep wondering if I have made it up. I cant let myself get too overexcited for another 3 weeks. However, I have already mentally spent the money!

Spent most of the day eating chocolate and biscuits. Am pissed off now, as there was a significant loss this morning. Didnt go to gym either as was exhausted by the time I finished work. Am also shocked at the 'comedown' I had at 4pm - I havent had such an amount of chocolate for so long, and that combined with the review and last night, meant that come 4pm I was exhausted and physically couldnt do anything more taxing than chat to builders.

Food: Quavers, salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), 1 chocolate muffin, lots of chocolate hobnobs, 1 packet of Planets, some Hula Hoops, some Aero bubbles most of a pack of Rolos, pizza, garlic bread.

Exercise: Nothing. At all.

Having Her Back

Both Yay! and Nay!

I'm pleased to have her back, but also, I hate the way it has ended. We were both at fault and neither will accept full responsibility. Need to find a yard now.

Havent swum tonight.

Food: boiled potatoes, sausages, beans, carrots, gravy, chocolate, quavers, salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), muller light.

Exercise: None. A mini walk on chevin while trying to contact V and then gabbing to Corinna for a bit.

:thud: A Reply!!

At midnight last night and :S dunno.

'Is everything ok? I've just seen post on the forum :S I sent you a txt the day before yesterday, didnt you get it? And I went to the internet cafe but you went offline. Havent spoken to the vet re Dectomax but visit is already booked and she did say at the time no other treatment available. Have to work on Sunday. If you come Monday, I have 2 hours off over lunch but not allowed holidays yet as only been here a couple of weeks. You can come and see her on your own no probs, no one will bother you and can definately skive for half an hour or so :)'

So, hmmm. At 2am I came to the conclusion I *may* tell her the sale is off (there is nothing in writing as such to say M was ever offered for sale) and update the contract, put in a few more specific clauses.

Am still yet to reply to the text. Not sure what to put. No weight loss.

----

9.30pm. replied, saying I didnt like the fact I'd sent 7 messages to her 1 reply, and re-asked all the questions I asked in previous texts. Still waiting for an answer. She's been online.

Food: salad (ham, mozzerella, salad cream), quavers, grapes, 2 mini yorkie bars, half a packet maltesers (:blush:), limey chicken, pilau rice, 6 biscuits

Exercise: 50 lengths in the pool

Nearly 36 hours later

I still dont have a reply! I sent another text at around 7pm as well, no reply to that either.There are Plans in place!

Went to gym this eve, but didnt manage whole routine - it was PACKED. Will try not to go on a Monday evening again I think, it was so busy. Or if I do go, will go later than tonight. Didnt get on rower, leg press,seated row or pec flies.

Finally have an almost date for my review! Either Wednesday or Thursday morning.Starting to prepare my speech.

Food: salad (ham & salad cream), yoghurt, quavers, maltesers, tomato and pasta bake, HUGE garlic bread, banoffi pie (bought when I thought I was going to do whole gym routine!)

Exercise: Gym, 60 sit ups

Hiccups!

Had them since about 4pm, they stopped while I was at the gym but have not started again - but I HAVE eaten my tea very quickly!

Odd day, lots of texts sent, but none in return. Still waiting for a reply from one I sent 10hours ago. Sigh.

Did a bit less at the gym today - 15minutes on treadmill (after 11 warmup), 15 on cross trainer and 10 on rower, then weights. I feel like I've worked though!!

Food: salad (ham/cheddar/salad cream), muller light, quavers, pasta bake with pork and tomato, garlic bread

Exercise: gym, 20 sit ups

Difficult Dilemmas

My pony is poorly - has a very bad back. I really dont know what to do for the best. V is being uncommunicative other than to tell me about the leg mites (what leg mites?!) and vets way of clearing them up *I* don't agree with, but... Nor do I really agree with the 'turn away and dose with painkillers for a month' attitude to her back. Am sat here absolutely bawling my eyes out, can't help but think of my dream the other night where she died, but can't afford to have her back really, but right now...Oh, I dont know. Fuck, shit, bollocks, arse.

Might ring SelfishN and see what she thinks.

Not going to gym today - not that stiff considering, but need a(nother!) day off. Feel awful about the horse now.

Now spending the day uploading more songs to the mp3 player. I can forget how long things (exercise!) takes with it on. My saviour LOL.

Food: 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes, 12 biscuits, garlic ciabatta, pasta with tomato and marscapone cheese.

No exercise

----

Rang SelfishN. She thinks I should take her back :S I dont know what to do. People I have discussed it with also think I should take her back. Finally had a text from V, says a lot without saying anything, and still no response to most of my questions. So have sent another text back, and no response to that one. I know she's tired, but :S Someone tell me what to do, I really dont want to be a bitch and I'm trying not to be a selfish brat, but :'(

Fuck fuck fuck

I need to learn the word 'no' !!

Or self restraint. One of the 2. Preferably both!

Odd day at work, horrid atmosphere. Both MrD & SC are being really 'please watch me do this so no one thinks I'm stealing'. LovelyM thinks its outragous that his 'till priviledges' have been taken away, which I semi agree with but also agree with the fact they *have* been taken away. *dizzy* lol. Didnt really get much done.

S appears to have split up with her boyfriend. Again.

Went to the gym this evening, did 20mins (inc cooldown) on cross trainer, 33 on treadmill (11mins warm up, 22 fast walk and cooldown), then 15mins on rower for first time! Think I did it all wrong and on the highest setting :S Did 144calories in 15 minutes. Burnt about 600 I think in total on the cardio stuff, then I did my weights.

Food: porridge, banana, dime bar, quavers, muller light, 1 pie d'angloys and ham french stick sandwich, 1 big bowl crunchy nut cornflakes, 4 sweet biscuits! See, wheres that self restraint! Just as well I did the 15mins on the rower.

Exercise: gym.

Bah

It would appear I might have had the tiniest weightloss since yesterday. Going out tonight and will eat Fat Food. Bah.
-----
6pm. Joy. Just got home to find we have no water. May not be going now.

Food: salad (chicken/cheddar/cranberry sauce), greek yoghurt, blueberries, raspberries, packet quavers, 1 bacon and cheese burger with bun, chips, coleslaw, salad, tomato sauce, half a slice of cheesy garlic bread, sticky toffee pudding and custard.

Exercise: none.

Bah indeed. Good night though, nice to see everyone.

:bawling:

No weight change whatsoever this week.

I'm so glad I've swum so far and been to the gym 4 times.

Whinge whinge whinge. Yes, I am in an arse about it. Why can't my body do what it's SUPPOSED to?

Anyway, just back from work. A significant amount of money has gone missing in the last week or so. Only 2 people that could have done it - SC and MrD. Sadly, *I* suspect the latter although....bah, I dont know.

Food: porridge, banana, muller light, 2 biscuits, pasta, cheese sauce, sausages, peas, garlic bread, natural yoghurt, handful blueberries, handful raspberries

Exercise: 40 lengths swimming

Fat but also fit LOL

Went to lunch with SelfishN. Went to White Hart. Very nice, very posh, very expensive. Didn't help that I had spilt petrol all over myself when filling my car up and stank the place out. :blush: Lunch was really nice though. I got 5 minutes to talk about me and my stuff *shock* but then things went downhill until it was time for my fictional Drs appointment :blush: I'm so awful.

Came home, pottered about for a bit, then went to gym with S. Was quite fun, did my usual workout, and have increased the reps on my weights, so now I do 3 sets of 8. Must remember to keep counting though!!! Moved up to level 5 on the cross trainer too and by the time we finished on the treadmill, the incline was at 4.0 and speed at 6kph. Very red by time I had finished and my legs ache now! I must be crazy to be considering going swimming tonight too! Was fun doing it with S, much easier to stay motivated I think and it helped we're both competitive, although obviously she's far fitter than I am. Hopefully we're going to go next Wednesday as well - fingers crossed this turns into something we do when we both have a day off together.

In other news....apparently, reviews are for definate next week, while G is off. I am hoping this is a good thing.

Food: spaghetti, cream sauce, mushrooms, smoked bacon, half a pizza sized garlic bread, 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes and milk, 5 biscuits.

Exercise: gym, 70 lengths in pool

Irritated

9am this morning, I was in the gym, had done my 10mins warm up and was on the leg press, when who should I see walk in, but IrritatingColin who I used to work with :thud: I ignored him and he did likewise although the gym is so small we couldnt fail but to see each other, especially when he went on the pec fly thing RIGHT IN FRONT of my cross trainer. Got incredibly sweaty on the cross trainer, I swear went quicker but burnt less calories? Odd. So, irritations number 1&2.

Irritation 3 - Bank Holiday, had to work. Funny day. Not busy yet still didnt manage to get much done at all. I was knackered anyway, despite it not feeling (mentally!) like I'd done much at the gym, had irritating customers all day (I love my job, I love my job) and then home to find ...

Irritation 4 - the cat appears to have been sick, numerous times. Mostly on our bed. OH had washed the duvet, so have stuck the bottom sheet and pillows on too.

Irritation 5 - SelfishN is back, and has found out tomorrow is my day off. Have invented a Drs appt to go to in the afternoon, but know my morning is now ruined as will have to trail round after her all morning, listening to herherher. I'm so awful, but I know if I was in a position where I needed the help I've given her or advice or whatever, I know I would be given her opinion, that is what I should do and there would be no further comment on it. FFS, when my horse went on loan, she drove us there (for a fee!), and while I spent the whole time in tears, she wittered on about boy trouble!! Forgive me if I sound bitter.

Irritation 6 - well, there is no irritation 6, yet. No, there is. Why have I not lost weight, and why, knowing this, have I agreed to go out, far away, on Thursday, so no time for the gym? part of me thinks my body isnt used to the gym routine and I should just swim tomorrow and weds, and 'nothing' on Thursday, but the other part thinks 'I'm really not going to lose weight with that attitude'. I dont know, I might swim AND gym tomorrow, or I might go to the gym Friday evening instead :nolife: I also appear, at long last, to be having some kind of excuse of a period. Maybe that will help...

Irritation 7 - I have no self control whatsoever and have had chocolate, a quarter of garlic bread and a slice of pizza today. Therefore have cancelled out the gym-going this morning.

I have also decided that when I get a repeat prescription for the Pill, I will make sure I see a Dr, point out that all weight loss appears to have stopped since I went on Cerazette, my periods have stopped and am generally tired, ratty and moody. Am also going to ask for Fat Pills I think.

Irritation 8 - I think I have another cold starting.

Food: 1 slice ham and mushroom takeaway pizza, 1 quarter home made garlic bread, half a slice homemade pizza, half a penguin, half a blue riband, 1 chunk dairy milk, 1 chicken, cheddar and cranberry sauce salad, 1 muller light, 1 banana, chicken, boiled potatoes & butter, carrots, green beans, gravy, cranberry sauce, 2 rice cakes, 1 laughing cow light triangle.

Exercise: Gym.

Going to need my day off on Tuesday!

Even so, I can't imagine that the ensuing exercise will in any way, shape or form forgo the gluttony which I am about to partake in. Bah.

Went swimming this morning - did 70 lengths :thud: Finding it very easy to sit here now and say I could have done 80lengths fairly happily...although, I really think I could have done. By the time I got to 60lengths I had a proper energy surge, and while it didnt make me QUICKER exactly, I just kept plugging on. Took 80 minutes, so not great but not exactly shabby either. Bank Holiday tomorrow, so off to the gym at 9am to fit it in before work. With S coming round, this could mean I end up with about 3 hours sleep :lol:

Work....pah. While I do enjoy my job, customers do irritate me occasionally. Although MrD sold a collar and a choke chain to someone doing a bondage show!!

Food: Salad (chicken/mozzerella/cranberry sauce), snack a jacks, muller light, 3 apple custard sucky sweets, pizza, garlic bread, wine, 1 caramel, some tangy cola sweets.

Exercise: 70 lengths in the pool, 40 minutes (416calories) on the bike.

----

S & her OH have just gone...they brought their (lab) puppy with them. Once Kitten was over his shock they played together fairly happily, as far as a 8month old dog can be about being chased by a cat.

Stiff!!

Had a horrid awful dream last night, dreamt Pony was shot because she wouldn't travel. Took me ages to cry :S but since then havent really stopped. Texted V at 7am this morning, requesting a picture :blush: she must think I'm crazy, but at least it was better than at 4am which was when I originally woke up! Have been in an iffy mood since then. I know it was only a dream, but still :(

Was stiff from the gym today, kept myself busy at work though by stocking up all day. Very tired now though.

Eaten lots and not exercised much.

Food: 1 handful each of grapes, blueberries and raspberries, 1 laughing cow light triangle, 1 packet snack a jacks (BBQ), porridge, banana, muller light, 1 chewit, some stolen chips, 5 biscuits, chicken, bacon, mozzerella, boiled potatoes with butter, carrots, beans, gravy, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream

Exercise: 1 walk (the 'backwards, 3hills walk on the chevin lol), 20 minutes (210 calories) on bike.

S & her OH coming over tomorrow night, so there will be pizza, garlic bread and lots of wine :S watch that weight pile back on...

oooh, check me out!

Went to the gym tonight :lol: was meant to be a 'night off' bearing in mind it's friday, but went anyway. No one outwardly laughed at me, despite me being very hot (bright red!!!) and sweaty, doing obviously a quarter of everyone else. Was a bit, not embarrassing, but...I dont what the word is, but it was that, watching everyone else doing huge weights/hours on cardio machines, then me putting them down to lowest weights and settings when I got on. Had an embarrassing moment when I couldnt get the cross trainer to work - must remember to press HARDER!

It was still fun, even if I did muck up the times on the cross trainer, so I ended up doing more. No bad thing though! As long as it isnt too busy, I think I shall quite enjoy it. Was humilating watching myself on the cross trainer though - unwittingly picked a machine right in front of a mirror. MP3 player was a godsend. Must put some more songs on it, as long as I remember than when I'm on the cross trainer, I shouldnt let go or move my feet, other wise I get disorientated :lol:

Work not too bad today, stayed in the shed for most of it, but SC REEKED. Of, well, piss. Has finally taken water bowls for those poor dogs. Spaced my food out over the whole day, which meant I wasn't hungry - fab. Did eat a lot today though :lol:

My gym workoutas of today is: (no laughing at the back...or anywhere)
10mins warmup - free choice, but will use treadmill, gradually increasing difficulty
then weights: leg press = 2 x 8 reps of 52kg, shoulder press = 2 x 8 reps of 15kg, seated row = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, pec flies = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, arm ext 2 x 8 reps of 10kg and arm curl 2 x 8 reps of 15kg. Cardio = 15mins + cooldown of cross trainer on level 4 - tended to go at 7-8kph and then 15mins + cooldown of treadmill again, but increasing difficulty, so by 12minutes am on incline 3 and walking at 5.7kph till cooldown kicks in. Very glad for that then LOL.

Food: 1 x smoothie, 1 x pack of 30g snack a jacks (cheese), 1 salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 muller light, 5 chewits, 1 whole packet maltesers, half bottle white wine, half garlic ciabatta, pasta, cheese sauce, bacon and peas, 2 peices of turkish delight.

Exercise: gym.

I am glad I went tonight, reminded me it wasnt so scary on my own. Was hoping occasionally to do gym and swim, but will have to work up to that very gradually I think LOL. Am very glad I went, especially as I only decided at 3pm that I would consider it and the whole way there I was getting myself worked up.

Just remembered, went to pick up 30kg today and couldnt do it! unheard of LOL so even if the exercises do feel easy, they're doing something!

nervous nervous nervous

Gym induction in half hour. Very nervous :lol:

Just been to vote for the first time ever. Fairly painless.

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Pooofffff!! I think I can see myself getting addicted to the gym! Had a great time, as much as I can do getting hot and sweaty on my own :rolleyes: :lol: Have to do 10mins on treadmill to warm up, then upper body machines for 2 sets of 8 reps each I think, then 15minutes each on a combination of 2 on the cross trainer, rower, bike and treadmill again, but working harder than in the warm up. HOW MUCH FUN was the cross trainer?! :lol: I really enjoyed it. Didnt burn as many calories as I hoped though. My bike calorie counter is DEFINATELY wrong!! Wasn't hugely out of breath either, but WAS sweaty....must remember to take a towel and a drink on Monday. I ache a bit now though!

Food: 1 baguette with salami & pie d'angloys, some snack a jacks, limey chicken and basmati rice, 1 piece turkish delight, 1 twix top.

Exercise: Gym, walk with OH and K

Work was fairly boring today. SC REALLY smelt. Then I got a text from S, who said she'd gone and got it from the pile of dirty clothes by the washer, that had been there since AT LEAST Saturday. Well, OH & I saw it on Saturday, and it had been there a *while* before. Ick. I can't understand it, I really can't.

Will ache tomorrow!! I am a bit worried I'll forget how to use the equipment though :blush: and will make sure MP3 has plenty of batteries! What I might do is the 10 mins warm up on treadmill, then my reps, then the 2 x cardio (check me out, sounding like a gym person!), then come home and do 15 mins on bike as a cool down. Maybe. In theory it sounds easy and doable, in practice I could be half dead come Monday evening :lol:

Slightly less demoralised

After spending til 3.30 this morning wide awake, thinking constantly....Must have burnt off some calories, cos I am 1lb off where I was 2 weeks ago :crossedfingers: So shockingly, a weight loss week.

Still havent come on since I started this new Pill, but started my last packet of 3 on Monday so will trundle off to Docs for more and have a chat with them. Noticeably harder to lose weight since being on it too and more mood swings. The way I am going, I will have no friends left by July.

Gym induction tomorrow morning, and an afternoon of overtime! I must be crazy lol. Have 45minutes to get back from gym, shower, change, eat and go again!

Sports bra arrived today as well. What a peice of equipment! Belly jiggles more than boobs do :lol: takes me 10 minutes to get in the damned thing.

Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 smoothie, 1 muller light, pasta and bolognese sauce, garlic ciabatta, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream, 1 finger Mars delight.

Exercise: 2.5ish mile walk (2 out-of-breath hills), 34 lengths swimming.

Shocked and amazed I am still awake. I fully intended not to go swimming tonight, I was so tired. Wish I had gone a bit earlier though, cos I bet had I not been so adament I was only doing 34 lengths I would have done the whole mile.

I am annoyed its taking me so long to get back to where I was. I know it will come off (it has to, I will actually go crazy if i am still this weight at the end of the month) but...I get so irrationally upset. I can't see it coming off, my scales say it isnt coming off and so does the tape measure. But why am I working so hard for what feels like most of the time, absolutely nothing?