Hello, good evening, welcome to nothing much

It's been a weird day.

Been up since 5.30 as S has broken her foot and Steph went to Myerscough Futurity so I was only one about to do t'nags. Did it all though AND rode, all before work check me out. FatHorse was...ok. But then I dont think I rode as well as I could have done. Pissed it down while I rode as well, then it's been glorious sunshine all day. Typical. Have left FH, Soph and Gunnner out tonight, despite the fact their stables are all ready, was such a nice night. Have left FH naked, it'll rain overnight now and I'll not be able to ride in the morning, you watch. Just got her and Lu to swap in the morning, do haylage for the indoor3, sort t'dog out and ride. Oh, and waters, natch. Should be doable without getting up at 6am...

B hasnt said thank you for her leaving present. Not to me, anyway. I would love to say I'm shocked, but I'm really not. Silly bitch.

I did my measurements this morning and have lost a big fat nothing over the last month, whats happened there? :bawling: I think I've run more and gymmed more in the last month than ever. Soon it will kick in and I'll feel rubbish, but right now, it just doesnt feel right. Very odd. I know I SHOULD be feeling rubbish, but right now, I dont. It's very disconcerting.

Went for a run tonight though, am pleased I went, about 2pm I was going to give it up as a bad idea and play on wii fit instead, but although it was a rubbish run, at least I did it. What is with this un-negative thinking? It can't last. My Nike+ is getting more and more odd though, reckoned this run (the exact same one it measured at 3.44miles) was 1.84miles. I know I walked more, but nearly 2 miles out? Eek. Almost wish I could go out again, feel full of energy again. All odd this week, I havent liked it at all.

Not sure I can be bothered to school in the morning, but no quick hacks, other than the bridleway I ran round the other day and I am bored to tears of that now.

Now I'm getting cross. This is much more like it.

August rubbish measurements

Saturday August 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 26.5
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 45
top hips (on bellybutton)- 44
waist - 35.5
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 13.5
R upper arm - 13

Wednesday July 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 46
top hips (on bellybutton)- 43
waist - 37
under boobs - 32
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 13

A grand total of ... zero inches lost, I believe. Fuck.

This was the day

I was meant to have got to my goal weight.

Nowhere near it.

One day I'll manage it, then fuck it all up. You know it's going to happen.

Not sure what happened there

Was fine yesterday morning, feeling a bit lazy and by the time I'd worked up the energy to get dressed and go to the yard, S had already been and got FatHorse in AND mucked out done her water and hay :blush: so patted her, told her she was a good pony, and came back home.

Took a bit longer to work up the energy to go to HGate and get B a maternity present - felt really tight only getting her #20 from Mothercare as a work present so went to Lush and got her some babyish-related stuff as well. Said I wasnt bothered if I got the money back from that, but have been given it anyway, so thats ok. Also accidentally went into New Look and got some jeans to thin into and a top with Debbie Harry on - love that. Wore it today. Also went to Waterstones and got some more books, and while I was in Lush I got me some more toys. And a DVD. I MUST STOP SPENDING. I have no money. My bonus is spent already and none of it has gone towards Iceland. Also had an accident with some rubbish food. Oreo cookies, pringles and croissants. Nipped into work to take B's stuff in, then by the time I got home I had the start of a headache. I know I went to the gym and had a FatScan (it's rubbish, I'm not even talking about it) - I have the print out here at home, but do you think I can remember it? Last thing I remember from yesterday is leaving work and thinking I should get some petrol (which I didnt do). I have clearly taken some migraine pills at some point because I've found the wrapper out by the bed. Chris says I was asleep when he got in from work and didnt wake up all evening.

Finally hauled myself out of bed at 8.30 this morning and did the horses. Intended on riding but didnt - a good plan I feel, given I still feel dizzy and a bit meh. What wasnt such a good plan, in hindsight, was going to the gym, but I needed to do something. I should attempt going for a run tomorrow night, if I dont ride. I should ride, she's had 2 days off now. Keep spontaneously falling asleep as well which is mildly disconcerting. Have done it twice since I got back from gym. Am not tired?!

We checked the ingredients in the Oreo cookies, cos I wondered if they had set off a migraine, but apparently it's all flavouring and colourings, so not that. I've had them before and been ok as well, which is why it's odd. I'm not stressed. The only other thing I can really put it down to is lack of sleep (I got about 2 hours sleep not last night-obviously-but the night before). But I've had less and been fine? Very odd. I obviously shouldnt have boasted about not having had one for months :lol:

Back at work tomorrow and have eaten shit yesterday and today and have put on weight. This week is a definate gain week. When I feel a bit better I'm sure I'll start to panic and worry but for now ... it's all good.

Gah

Today has been not bad in the grand scheme of things I suppose. Bit of a nothing day really.

Hacked out on FatHorse this morning. Just did the bridleway. It's official, I HATE hacking on my own with a passion. She was an arse on the bridleway, took us 10 minutes longer cos she was a spooky witch and proper-forwards just wasnt an option at all, she was just being a dick. Then we got onto the road, and this redeemed her 100% - we had all sorts of twats trying to squeeze past us at ridiculous speeds. Two cars wing mirrors even collided some twat was so desperate to get through and FatHorse, God love her, didnt even flinch. She did then spook at a sheep, but there were no cars, thankfully. So, I can't really decide to be cross cos she was a pain on bridleway, or be releived because when it mattered, she listened and was sensible. I'll be releived, I think. I desperately want to find someone to hack with though. Chris keeps promising he'll come out on his bike but he never does. I'm almost tempted to ask Nicola if she wants to run with us again. THATS how desperate I am. Thats awful, I must stop thinking like that. I am not a nice person at times.

Work was ok. Money gone again. I'm sure it's D. Spent all afternoon going through the CCTV but nothing.

Went to the gym, did the same as I managed on Monday, check me out!! And did thin-arms. Was tired by end, trundled off in a world of my own.

Been rubbish though. Rubbish. I'm still gutted that the Beth Orton tickets sold out. MSP are just playing their Heavenly songs on another date, but that's already sold out and I cant justify ebay prices on 6 songs. I'm still tempted by the Beth tickets though, it's just the idea of paying 7 times the face value... But...Bonus... Hmm..

:bawling:

:red-flap: :bawling: :bigtantrum:

Sold out.

I really dont know why I'm surprised

My FatFighting friend, who begged and pleaded with me to go to meetings with her because she didnt want to go on her own has given up. Reckons Slimming World will suit her better. I dont even know why I'm shocked she's bailed out on me, but there we go. I didnt even want to go.

I went tonight though. Lost 5lbs, apparently. I dont get it. How can I be uber good one week and not lose a fucking thing, then this week go over points every day and yet lose a substantial amount? It makes no sense. I would say I'm not complaining, but I really am - I'd love a loss like that every week which blatently isnt going to happen and it upsets me that I can't. Rubbish. More compliments, more rubbish. I dont like it, I didnt realise people took that much notice and I wish they didnt.

Was going to ride this morning, but when I woke up it was pissing it down, so I did the Bridleway Run instead. My Nike+ is rubbish, it said it was 0.87 miles, and it took me 31minutes, which is clearly bollocks as I ran most of it. Mapmyrun says it's 2.6miles - much more likely. It was raining though and I got drenched. Had to get chris to bring me dry pants and socks and a towel to work. I intended on riding tonight but I was knackered by time I got back from FatClub, so she's just gone back in the field. I nearly went up and put her rug on but darent cos it was still fairly hot and I know perfectly well she would have trashed it the second my back was turned. I'd like it to be at least a month old before she does that. MUST ride tomorrow, but I'll be pissed off if it's raining again. Metcheck assures me it wont be, but it has been wrong before.

Beth Orton is doing a gig in London on 13th September which I am beyond desperate to go to, but Stu is being horribly slow in replying to my text asking to swap the weekend. Am tempted to just buy the tickets, as I've just watched the platform sell out almost in front of my eyes. Am resisting the urge to text again...and again and again and again.... I have the hugest crush ever on Beth, if I dont end up looking like Shirley Manson, I'd 'settle' for Beth.

GOD DAMMIT TEXT ME BACK.

I should be really happy today

But somehow I'm not, and I dont know why. I know I SHOULD be.

I've found out what my estimated bonus is. It's a good one :nod: Will pay off credit card, put a healthy whack in the extension fund and boost the Iceland Savings Fund somewhat too. My payrise kicks in next week, thats an extra #30 a week after tax, which can go into The Iceland Fund up till we go and the extension thereafter. So money is kind of looking less of a struggle. So there's Reason One To Be Happy.

FatHorse has managed to stay out almost 24/7 since Saturday night and still has not colicked or anything stupid. Reason Two.

I went to the gym tonight, TAM couldnt make running - I was kind of relieved tbh. I'd worked myself up to doing The Bridleway Run (I dont know why it warrents capitals, but it just does in my head)....had even decided to go along Yorkgate first, as that was the bit I was really dreading and was almost looking forward to it, just pure nosiness to see how long it took, compared to being on FatHorse...and I wanted to use my Nike+ again lol, I do like nice shiney things. Then was told the gym was empty and it was, it was great. I'm even proud of what I did - treadmill 5% incline, 6.5mph for 70seconds on each work section to 15minutes, 15 rower intervals and then the cross trainer on level 15. Even did thin-arms. Reason Three I should be happy. It may not be a huge improvement, but it's the best I've done so far.

Reason 4 should be the best yet, but I think it's that that's one of the things that's made me all weird. A customer really complimented me on how I look now. It worries me...I forget how many people I see in a day. What if it all goes pear shaped, what if I get back into eating shit all day and all night? I do sometimes have to push myself to go to the gym or running, what if I give up? It would be so easy just to have a week off, which would turn into 2, which turns into a month...that's what happened at Aireboro. And then what would people think, when I get fatter again?

So that made me weird, added to the fact I had a disagreement with a girl at work, and the new work shirts I got don't fit (too small, natch) and Chris has got all weird about me being on the yard on my own or going running up there on my own, thanks to a sex attack in the forest, means that despite all the good stuff, I've actually been really rubbish all day.

It was (kind of) all going so well

Bah. I've been rubbish with food tonight :( No reason, just being a greedy cow and it was There.

Went up to yard this morning and FatHorse was still within FatCamp and hadnt spontaneously colicked or anything ridiculous, which was nice. Brought her in and turned the shetland out (I LOVE that pony) and went down to the gym. Was a bit rubbish before but the workout was good, although the running was hard this morning. Kept it to a minute on the work sections but had the incline at 5% all the time. I can;t do any longer yet though, I've been trying. Didnt get thin-arms either, must do them the next time I'm in. Might go after FatClub on Tuesday, depends on how suicidal I feel.

Got to work at there was a msg from TPO saying she'd got so hot yesterday she couldnt possibly work today :rolleyes: So that was 2 off sick today, but we managed to get a load done, I'm proud of us today. Went back up to the yard afterwards and rode the FatHorse. Really shouldnt have done, or more to the point, I should have gone on a hack. We just mooched round the school for a bit, did a bit of trot then went in. Running tomorrow night so it will have to be schooling before work. I might lunge her actually, but thats a bit of a rubbish workout for me. Ive already done her stable etc. I've just thought of a run I might do on Thursday - just round the bridleway that I normally ride round. Takes about 40minutes walking and trotting, so I'm not sure how long it'll take to run it. I'm sure it's not 3 miles though, it doesnt feel as far as Swinsty when I'm on FatHorse.

Food tonight has been really rubbish, I'm never going to lose my 20lbs by Iceland if I carry on :(