Two Good Days....

Today has been lovely. Not for any particular reason, other than everyone was in a good mood, even my irritating customers were tempered by others who either openly laughed at or sympathised with me. Smelly wasnt wearing a bra (clearly she thought stu was in) and her nipples hurt because of the baby. No, darling, they hurt because you are wearing NO FUCKING BRA AT WORK. She's taken all day to white & carter and it still isnt done. Still, happy day, I dont care.

Gym was spectacularly successful - rower was ok-ish (couple of rubbish ones), x-trainer on level 13 for 10 mins AFTER a 41minute run/walk job in which I travelled 3.14miles. I'm not ENTIRELY sure I trust those treadmills in a distance sense, but that's what it said. Whatever, I did it, was knackered afterwards and am now having ice cream AND wine. Just as well I had a call to say s would do t'nag.

This is turning me mildly philosophical, but it's also been semi brought on by a conversation with the Gymbitch. The idea of this all was that I would feel more confident in myself and I've been SO looking forwards to looking thin, because obviously being thin is going to be the answer to everything that is wrong with me. However, the whole 'arms' thing is worse than it ever was, even at my veryvery worst, but only in the week after I come off my period. Still undecided about the happy pills effectiveness, will see next month I guess. I think I'm more insecure now than I ever was and it's not a good feeling.

Also, when do *I* get to see the whole thinness thing? no-one believes that i dont see it, I know they dont. Logically I do know I've lost a fair amount and that should also include size, but my mirror says it doesnt. So I'm actually frightened that I wont ever see when I'm too thin (ha). And what happens then?

I think I might want a fat scan doing at some point soon. I promise I wont cry afterwards (in the gym).

Anyway, happy day. We've laughed loads, worked hard and had fun. I really enjoyed today. The fact I've bought Wii Fit has helped, along with the copious amounts of wine, I think.

Happy happy happy.

Today is a good day.

I'm not really sure why, to be honest, but after the week of feeling like utter shite today has been lovely. It's helped that it was t-shirt weather for most of the afternoon I think. Seems to have been winter for the longest time.

I felt so thin today, I really dont know why as I obviously havent dropped 10 dress sizes in a day, but it was nice. Shame then that I went to the gym, did badly, then went to Netto on the way up to pony and got some fake haribo. I only went in for a cucumber.

I think I have to accept the pretend happy pills arent really working. Stupid hormones.

Lesson on Pony on saturday, should be good. Ipod loaded with more music and more coming via amazon...

All I really needed was a lottery win and wii fit to be available and it'd be the most perfect day ever!

So horrible

Yesterday I was comparing myself to another girl at work, thinking 'at least now I've lost weight, i'm not as big as that anymore'... Then we got chatting about weight loss, cos although still big, she has lost loads since being at work just cos she's on her feet all the time. Turns out she's a size 18-20 :S So truly am not smaller than her in any way, shape or form!! Feel awful now, for a/ being smug that I was thinner than her, b/ cos it's a horrid thing to have done and c/i'm huge then if she's an 18-20. She's the same height as me so it's not that.

So, I've had a measure quickly this morning. Hips are fatter, calves arms and thighs have stayed the same and my waist is smaller. My wrists have got fatter as well :S

Was more positive yesterday because I'd lost some more weight but it's back on this morning.

Got a lesson on cobbit on Saturday. Kind of looking forward to it.

Gym tonight, then a night off ponies. I'm doing this morning so sja will sort her out in the eve.

Walked home from the yard last night down east chevin road. Took an hour :S

today has the potential to be a good day

I feel (even if I dont LOOK) thin this morning, I've lost everything and more from being a fat cow last weekend and I slept ok.

BUT i talk too much, I still look fat and nicola is coming over later. She'll tell me the yard Moll is at is awful and then I'll have to listen about her boy-woes.

I have 8.5 points left apparently. I might have wine tonight after all.

300 posts

blimey, who would have thought my boredom threshold would have held out so long?

Not a great day today, still bothered by the picture. Didnt stop me squashing tonight, she was a good girl, if a bit strong at times.

Work was...work.

Happy pills either really not kicking in or a load of bollocks. Not sure which.

stupid stupid stupid

today had the potential to start off just as bad as yesterday although crisis seemed to have been averted my just restarting my machine before I switched the tills on. Work, all in all, wasn't that bad, just busy. C was a tit, as ever but we all got on well enough and I didnt have to shout at anyone today.

Got to yard, tacked ponio up and took her in the school. Chris biked up east chevin road (crazy boy) and took some pics of me on her. Two he deleted without even letting me see ('there's no point, you look awful') and the 3rd he let me see, but honestly, I look bigger than the horse. And the blurb that says those jodhs give a flattering sillouhette? I'll sue under trades descriptions.

So, I've got home, he's cooked a lovely big roast chicken dinner and it WAS really lovely. But afterwards, my tummy swelled that badly it looks distended. Huge. Back on vegetables tomorrow. Really don't want to go off to his parents now, I feel shit.

Bad do earlier. Think infected.