How will I know...?

I was poking at my belly earlier, as you do, and was wondering...How will I KNOW when I'm thin enough? I can't decide if what I have now is loose skin, or still just fat?

I need to set myself some exercise aims as well. Running the whole of Race for Life this year will be a good start, sub 30minutes would be amazing, but not overly acheivable.

November measurements....

Saturday 1st November
L. calf - 16.4
R. calf - 16.7
L. thigh - 26
R. thigh - 26.7
Hips (inc tummy)- 43.5
top hips (on bellybutton)- 38.5
waist - 33
under boobs - 31.5
L upper arm - 13.0
R upper arm - 12.6

Tuesday September 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 26.5
R. thigh - 26.5
Hips (inc tummy)- 45
top hips (on bellybutton)- 41.5
waist - 36
under boobs - 32
L upper arm - 13.5
R upper arm - 13

So, yay! Some inch loss at last. Not bad going as I have been really naughty about sticking to points over the last few months. I write this, eating a Wispa bar (not as nice as I remember) and have just eaten a Kinder Bueno. Oops. Will point it, I'm a good girl... Now. :sigh: And Chris got Ben and Jerrys for tea. Who wants to be thin anyway?

FatHorse was a good girl to ride this morning. Think she was bored too. Just went in the school, which is still a bit sloshy. Then I turned her out in FatCamp while I did my jobs and tidied about my stable, then brought her in and washed her legs - she has manky grease build ups where her boots go :puke: so they got done in washing up liquid. She's having the rest of the day in bed. Towel dried her legs but they were still damp, plus I've brought her wellies home to wash.

Lots of magazines have been bought to curl up with later. Tired now. There is a definate FEEL of man-flu hanging about

So much for riding this morning

:grumps:

Tumbled out of bed at 6am....to hear it pissing it down. Neither of us like working in the rain, so instead I have got up, trundled about a bit, had a coffee (the novelty!), done my banking, painted my nails, will straighten my hair then go up and muck out.

Todays aims:
Banking & wormers, then shop
Fruit at midday, then lunch when shop staff have finished their lunches
Admire my Christmas present (arriving this afternoon apparently)
MUST email riding instructor, apologise for being shit and explain lessons while needed are pointless at the minute because I have no usuable surface to ride on.
At the gym I'm going to attempt Day 1 of Challenge Queen Rach again. I think I did it in 33 minutes last time, but with no squats. If gym empty will attempt squats. If not I'll just try for quicker.
More Goodness.

Chris is going to France next week. Allowed to have THREE days unsupervised and TWO nights. I dont want him to go :wimp:

Right. Must get weighed. Day one (again) and all that.

Thursday...

I think it's a good day.

Get in the shop...tick
Good workout at the gym....tick
Not stressing at the horse.... tick
Apologising for twattishness....tick

Slightly over points.... Not by many though, 2 maybe? I havent pointed exactly. Had some plums at midday, then my lunch just before 2pm. I like to do this, when I can last that long... it makes the day seem so much quicker, to be having lunch just before last break.

I'm going to get on FatHorse tomorrow, the alarm is set and everything... Even if we just end up trundling about the field for 10 minutes, I'm going to enjoy it and be happy with it. I'm not hacking out, I still hold my hands up and I admit I frightened myself the other week and I'm furious I put her in that situation.

As for the gym tomorrow, I'm going to do the first Challenge Fat Bloater I think. My new program is ok, I get hot and sweaty but I don't get that proper rush I get from working HARD. Even though it is hard. Work that out?

Anyway. Today I feel pretty much on top of the world, I don't know why but I'm not going to knock it. I've spent the last 3 months or so waiting for the rubbishy feelings to kick back in, they havent, and I'm hopeful now they won't.

Here's to the last 4 stone....

Habits

I really need to develop some good ones. The past 3/4 months I've just been surfing along in my own little world, complaining about this that and the other and not actually doing anything proactive to change anything.

So.

This morning I decided I'm not going to go to FatClub anymore. It makes me feel about an inch high that someone from the gym weighs me. I never stay for the meetings so I'm not actually getting any benefit from it. So I'm going back to doing it online and I must start USING the message boards again. Plus it's going to be cheaper. Hardly noticable, but cheaper nevertheless. My new weigh in day will be Friday mornings.

Work...well. I'm going to make more of an effort to get out of the office - stay in there till after lunches then go into the shop. This will help me get more organised with my time for when I really am on my own and no one's going to be looking at my screen when they walk in to see if I'm on Facebook or working. Plus the shop is looking a bit of a shit tip just lately. Friday I'm going to do AMTRA stuff with Dan as well. He needs his arse kicking in general. So that'll stop me stagnating in the shop anyway.

Horse...Hmm. Well. Today I intended to get up early and go out for a hack. I havent. I frightened myself tbh the other week when I came back along Yorkgate at the time I did. The arena is frozen solid and the field won't be much better. I think the best thing to do will be to find a proper yard where I can hack out with people on my days off and there be a better maintained arena... I'm half thinking about going back to the Grange. I know I said I never would, but..I bet for £40 a week I could have her brought in on a night and it actually be done. I keep hearing about places getting broken into as well, while people are there, and I just feel a bit vulnerable up there on a morning.

Thinking lots. Been a twat.

rubbish...

I am a shit FatFighter.

Got to the gym after work tonight and just went to find Fanny - couldnt be arsed with gym, so we went for a run instead. Was rubbish. She'd already run a mile on the treadmill (9.26 the big bitch, thats beaten me now by a good 30 seconds) so then we just went for a shite run - ipod reckons it was only half a mile. Took us 20minutes so I assume more likely to be 1.5miles. Fucking hope so anyway...

So yeah, about Fat Fighting.... forgot to go. Hmm. Then came home, have eaten 2 slices toast and jam, 1 packet of crisps, tea (roast dinner...) (more) wine and nutella and yogurt. Oh well. I can be thin next week...

Rubbishness. And I can't even bring myself to get cross with myself over it.

Mapmyrun says 1.9mile. Suppose not so shabby. We did walk a lot.

Bah. I wish...

I wish:

1. That I'd never got to this stage to start with

2. That I was a nicer person

3. That I was rich so I could afford to fix myself

4. That I could find it within myself to start back losing weight again. There is not *that* much further to go now, why can't I do it?

5. That I could stop wanting.

6. That I could be happy with what I have. I have a Christopher, a home, a good job that I get paid well for relative to my productivity, a FatHorse and my 2 kittens. I really do not have anything to complain about at all.

7. That I could motivate myself to do MORE. Today I could have ridden, gymmed and run. I only went to the gym. Tomorrow I should be able to run/ride or gym. I bet I only gym. I MUST get myself out of the habit that the arena is wet so I have to hack. I'm so fucking BORED of the bridleway.

8. That I could do something positive instead of whinging about how unfair everything is.

9. That I could apologise to the people I need to apologise to.

I wish that was enough.