Had a horrid awful dream last night, dreamt Pony was shot because she wouldn't travel. Took me ages to cry :S but since then havent really stopped. Texted V at 7am this morning, requesting a picture :blush: she must think I'm crazy, but at least it was better than at 4am which was when I originally woke up! Have been in an iffy mood since then. I know it was only a dream, but still :(
Was stiff from the gym today, kept myself busy at work though by stocking up all day. Very tired now though.
Eaten lots and not exercised much.
Food: 1 handful each of grapes, blueberries and raspberries, 1 laughing cow light triangle, 1 packet snack a jacks (BBQ), porridge, banana, muller light, 1 chewit, some stolen chips, 5 biscuits, chicken, bacon, mozzerella, boiled potatoes with butter, carrots, beans, gravy, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream
Exercise: 1 walk (the 'backwards, 3hills walk on the chevin lol), 20 minutes (210 calories) on bike.
S & her OH coming over tomorrow night, so there will be pizza, garlic bread and lots of wine :S watch that weight pile back on...
Saturday 5 May 2007
Friday 4 May 2007
oooh, check me out!
Went to the gym tonight :lol: was meant to be a 'night off' bearing in mind it's friday, but went anyway. No one outwardly laughed at me, despite me being very hot (bright red!!!) and sweaty, doing obviously a quarter of everyone else. Was a bit, not embarrassing, but...I dont what the word is, but it was that, watching everyone else doing huge weights/hours on cardio machines, then me putting them down to lowest weights and settings when I got on. Had an embarrassing moment when I couldnt get the cross trainer to work - must remember to press HARDER!
It was still fun, even if I did muck up the times on the cross trainer, so I ended up doing more. No bad thing though! As long as it isnt too busy, I think I shall quite enjoy it. Was humilating watching myself on the cross trainer though - unwittingly picked a machine right in front of a mirror. MP3 player was a godsend. Must put some more songs on it, as long as I remember than when I'm on the cross trainer, I shouldnt let go or move my feet, other wise I get disorientated :lol:
Work not too bad today, stayed in the shed for most of it, but SC REEKED. Of, well, piss. Has finally taken water bowls for those poor dogs. Spaced my food out over the whole day, which meant I wasn't hungry - fab. Did eat a lot today though :lol:
My gym workoutas of today is: (no laughing at the back...or anywhere)
10mins warmup - free choice, but will use treadmill, gradually increasing difficulty
then weights: leg press = 2 x 8 reps of 52kg, shoulder press = 2 x 8 reps of 15kg, seated row = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, pec flies = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, arm ext 2 x 8 reps of 10kg and arm curl 2 x 8 reps of 15kg. Cardio = 15mins + cooldown of cross trainer on level 4 - tended to go at 7-8kph and then 15mins + cooldown of treadmill again, but increasing difficulty, so by 12minutes am on incline 3 and walking at 5.7kph till cooldown kicks in. Very glad for that then LOL.
Food: 1 x smoothie, 1 x pack of 30g snack a jacks (cheese), 1 salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 muller light, 5 chewits, 1 whole packet maltesers, half bottle white wine, half garlic ciabatta, pasta, cheese sauce, bacon and peas, 2 peices of turkish delight.
Exercise: gym.
I am glad I went tonight, reminded me it wasnt so scary on my own. Was hoping occasionally to do gym and swim, but will have to work up to that very gradually I think LOL. Am very glad I went, especially as I only decided at 3pm that I would consider it and the whole way there I was getting myself worked up.
Just remembered, went to pick up 30kg today and couldnt do it! unheard of LOL so even if the exercises do feel easy, they're doing something!
It was still fun, even if I did muck up the times on the cross trainer, so I ended up doing more. No bad thing though! As long as it isnt too busy, I think I shall quite enjoy it. Was humilating watching myself on the cross trainer though - unwittingly picked a machine right in front of a mirror. MP3 player was a godsend. Must put some more songs on it, as long as I remember than when I'm on the cross trainer, I shouldnt let go or move my feet, other wise I get disorientated :lol:
Work not too bad today, stayed in the shed for most of it, but SC REEKED. Of, well, piss. Has finally taken water bowls for those poor dogs. Spaced my food out over the whole day, which meant I wasn't hungry - fab. Did eat a lot today though :lol:
My gym workoutas of today is: (no laughing at the back...or anywhere)
10mins warmup - free choice, but will use treadmill, gradually increasing difficulty
then weights: leg press = 2 x 8 reps of 52kg, shoulder press = 2 x 8 reps of 15kg, seated row = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, pec flies = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, arm ext 2 x 8 reps of 10kg and arm curl 2 x 8 reps of 15kg. Cardio = 15mins + cooldown of cross trainer on level 4 - tended to go at 7-8kph and then 15mins + cooldown of treadmill again, but increasing difficulty, so by 12minutes am on incline 3 and walking at 5.7kph till cooldown kicks in. Very glad for that then LOL.
Food: 1 x smoothie, 1 x pack of 30g snack a jacks (cheese), 1 salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 muller light, 5 chewits, 1 whole packet maltesers, half bottle white wine, half garlic ciabatta, pasta, cheese sauce, bacon and peas, 2 peices of turkish delight.
Exercise: gym.
I am glad I went tonight, reminded me it wasnt so scary on my own. Was hoping occasionally to do gym and swim, but will have to work up to that very gradually I think LOL. Am very glad I went, especially as I only decided at 3pm that I would consider it and the whole way there I was getting myself worked up.
Just remembered, went to pick up 30kg today and couldnt do it! unheard of LOL so even if the exercises do feel easy, they're doing something!
Thursday 3 May 2007
nervous nervous nervous
Gym induction in half hour. Very nervous :lol:
Just been to vote for the first time ever. Fairly painless.
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Pooofffff!! I think I can see myself getting addicted to the gym! Had a great time, as much as I can do getting hot and sweaty on my own :rolleyes: :lol: Have to do 10mins on treadmill to warm up, then upper body machines for 2 sets of 8 reps each I think, then 15minutes each on a combination of 2 on the cross trainer, rower, bike and treadmill again, but working harder than in the warm up. HOW MUCH FUN was the cross trainer?! :lol: I really enjoyed it. Didnt burn as many calories as I hoped though. My bike calorie counter is DEFINATELY wrong!! Wasn't hugely out of breath either, but WAS sweaty....must remember to take a towel and a drink on Monday. I ache a bit now though!
Food: 1 baguette with salami & pie d'angloys, some snack a jacks, limey chicken and basmati rice, 1 piece turkish delight, 1 twix top.
Exercise: Gym, walk with OH and K
Work was fairly boring today. SC REALLY smelt. Then I got a text from S, who said she'd gone and got it from the pile of dirty clothes by the washer, that had been there since AT LEAST Saturday. Well, OH & I saw it on Saturday, and it had been there a *while* before. Ick. I can't understand it, I really can't.
Will ache tomorrow!! I am a bit worried I'll forget how to use the equipment though :blush: and will make sure MP3 has plenty of batteries! What I might do is the 10 mins warm up on treadmill, then my reps, then the 2 x cardio (check me out, sounding like a gym person!), then come home and do 15 mins on bike as a cool down. Maybe. In theory it sounds easy and doable, in practice I could be half dead come Monday evening :lol:
Just been to vote for the first time ever. Fairly painless.
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Pooofffff!! I think I can see myself getting addicted to the gym! Had a great time, as much as I can do getting hot and sweaty on my own :rolleyes: :lol: Have to do 10mins on treadmill to warm up, then upper body machines for 2 sets of 8 reps each I think, then 15minutes each on a combination of 2 on the cross trainer, rower, bike and treadmill again, but working harder than in the warm up. HOW MUCH FUN was the cross trainer?! :lol: I really enjoyed it. Didnt burn as many calories as I hoped though. My bike calorie counter is DEFINATELY wrong!! Wasn't hugely out of breath either, but WAS sweaty....must remember to take a towel and a drink on Monday. I ache a bit now though!
Food: 1 baguette with salami & pie d'angloys, some snack a jacks, limey chicken and basmati rice, 1 piece turkish delight, 1 twix top.
Exercise: Gym, walk with OH and K
Work was fairly boring today. SC REALLY smelt. Then I got a text from S, who said she'd gone and got it from the pile of dirty clothes by the washer, that had been there since AT LEAST Saturday. Well, OH & I saw it on Saturday, and it had been there a *while* before. Ick. I can't understand it, I really can't.
Will ache tomorrow!! I am a bit worried I'll forget how to use the equipment though :blush: and will make sure MP3 has plenty of batteries! What I might do is the 10 mins warm up on treadmill, then my reps, then the 2 x cardio (check me out, sounding like a gym person!), then come home and do 15 mins on bike as a cool down. Maybe. In theory it sounds easy and doable, in practice I could be half dead come Monday evening :lol:
Wednesday 2 May 2007
Slightly less demoralised
After spending til 3.30 this morning wide awake, thinking constantly....Must have burnt off some calories, cos I am 1lb off where I was 2 weeks ago :crossedfingers: So shockingly, a weight loss week.
Still havent come on since I started this new Pill, but started my last packet of 3 on Monday so will trundle off to Docs for more and have a chat with them. Noticeably harder to lose weight since being on it too and more mood swings. The way I am going, I will have no friends left by July.
Gym induction tomorrow morning, and an afternoon of overtime! I must be crazy lol. Have 45minutes to get back from gym, shower, change, eat and go again!
Sports bra arrived today as well. What a peice of equipment! Belly jiggles more than boobs do :lol: takes me 10 minutes to get in the damned thing.
Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 smoothie, 1 muller light, pasta and bolognese sauce, garlic ciabatta, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream, 1 finger Mars delight.
Exercise: 2.5ish mile walk (2 out-of-breath hills), 34 lengths swimming.
Shocked and amazed I am still awake. I fully intended not to go swimming tonight, I was so tired. Wish I had gone a bit earlier though, cos I bet had I not been so adament I was only doing 34 lengths I would have done the whole mile.
I am annoyed its taking me so long to get back to where I was. I know it will come off (it has to, I will actually go crazy if i am still this weight at the end of the month) but...I get so irrationally upset. I can't see it coming off, my scales say it isnt coming off and so does the tape measure. But why am I working so hard for what feels like most of the time, absolutely nothing?
Still havent come on since I started this new Pill, but started my last packet of 3 on Monday so will trundle off to Docs for more and have a chat with them. Noticeably harder to lose weight since being on it too and more mood swings. The way I am going, I will have no friends left by July.
Gym induction tomorrow morning, and an afternoon of overtime! I must be crazy lol. Have 45minutes to get back from gym, shower, change, eat and go again!
Sports bra arrived today as well. What a peice of equipment! Belly jiggles more than boobs do :lol: takes me 10 minutes to get in the damned thing.
Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 smoothie, 1 muller light, pasta and bolognese sauce, garlic ciabatta, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream, 1 finger Mars delight.
Exercise: 2.5ish mile walk (2 out-of-breath hills), 34 lengths swimming.
Shocked and amazed I am still awake. I fully intended not to go swimming tonight, I was so tired. Wish I had gone a bit earlier though, cos I bet had I not been so adament I was only doing 34 lengths I would have done the whole mile.
I am annoyed its taking me so long to get back to where I was. I know it will come off (it has to, I will actually go crazy if i am still this weight at the end of the month) but...I get so irrationally upset. I can't see it coming off, my scales say it isnt coming off and so does the tape measure. But why am I working so hard for what feels like most of the time, absolutely nothing?
Tuesday 1 May 2007
disappointed
Having such a miserable, irritated time at the minute. Everything irritates or upsets me, even when people have been trying to help. I hate it when I text someone a question (which to me is highly important!) and they dont reply until they see me on MSN or the next day etc. OH keeps asking why I am constantly so grumpy. I don't know, I really wish I did.
Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), muller light, 2 smoothies, 2 griddled lamb burgers, huge handful grated mozzerella, lettuce, rocket, tomatoes, 1 red onion, 4 shittake mushrooms, new potatoes with a blob of butter. Stuffed!
Exercise: A pathetic 50 lengths, hence why I am disappointed. It was such hard work too.
Still, am now an official member of the gym.
Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), muller light, 2 smoothies, 2 griddled lamb burgers, huge handful grated mozzerella, lettuce, rocket, tomatoes, 1 red onion, 4 shittake mushrooms, new potatoes with a blob of butter. Stuffed!
Exercise: A pathetic 50 lengths, hence why I am disappointed. It was such hard work too.
Still, am now an official member of the gym.
Monday 30 April 2007
Unmotivated and Upset
I KNOW that I've eaten shit this weekend, but to have put on 5lbs worth of shit? When I've been walking/bike too? Snot fair, and when I get my repeat prescription for the Pill I'm going to ask about Fat Pills again.
OH's sister in law asked me last night if I'd lost weight. I said no, mainly because it would be round West Yorkshire in about 5 seconds that 'FatBloater is on a diet', people will laugh and then laugh harder when it doesnt come off. I think I was expected to say something about her weight loss (she has slimming world certificates everywhere), but....you can't tell yet. I dont think you can anyway :blush: Does that make me a bitch? Also slightly mollified as she's clearly lost a fair amount to get those certificates, and OH said he couldnt tell any difference either.
Done 30minutes (300calories) on the bike already, had my mp3 player on and played with my phone and just got on with it. The gym is going to be hugely embarrassing, I get so sweaty, so quickly.
Been for a very minimal walk with S & her dogs, to the tennis courts at the park and back. Will convince OH to go to the chevin with me tonight when he finishes work.
Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), 2 rice cakes with 1 triangle laughing cow light cheese, 1 muller light, 1glace cherry, beef, mashed potatoes, yorkshire puddings, carrots, peas, gravy, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream.
Exercise: 61 minutes on bike (600calories) 50 sit ups, walk round Chevin. Went the 'wrong' way round, so did the 'so big you nearly run down it' hill, but upwards, then went along the bridlepath and then turned left up the next hill (as high as the first hill), back down the way we went up (still with me?!) then back to the car the normal way. So 3 hills in total! Was sweaty & out of breath, so thats good surely.
Went to SCs house to get the dogs with S. It's....I can't even explain it, she doesnt wash - herself or her clothes, she's been wearing the same fleece (m2 gave her it!) since October last year, she neglects her horse, she leaves her dogs in tiny crates all day with no water, we looked in her fridge (we're so awful) and it has some potatoes (?!), out of date sausages, some hard cheese and a mouldy cucumber. She doesnt cook, she just gets take aways. There is mouldy pizza in her bedroom :bluergh: How? I genuinely dont understand how anyone could live like that. I know I was bordering on it when I was with ex, but... I still bathed and my clothes were clean. That poor horse though, she expected to get £10k for her, we told her that was ridiculous, so now she's advertising at £6k. The idea she'll get it is laughable.
Talking of horses....V is being kind of uncommunicative atm. Just dont want her to forget that until she's paid for, she IS still my horse, and I want to come and see her. I don't know, I'm being irritable about almost everything atm. Maybe I'm just over reacting.
Its nice to walk round the chevin, and think of just how lovely it would be to hack round there daily, if only I had a horse. It's harder to remember how much I actually hate hacking and how nervous and uptight I get, and the chevin would just be a minefield. All those joggers and dogs and rustly things in bushes. Its very easy to be a good rider as long as you dont have to be physically within 10foot of a horse :nod:
Have asked a solicitor about divorce, lots of questions about what ex is and isnt entitled to, any future claim he has, if anything, over stuff I do (mortgage) before we get divorced etc.
My sports bra still hasnt turned up, so have ordered another one from a different site. :unsure: Havent got order confirmation from b2g and can't get on their webpage. :wibble: so with this other damned bra costing about a billion pounds, I have spent £70 on bras in last 2 weeks :eek:
OH's sister in law asked me last night if I'd lost weight. I said no, mainly because it would be round West Yorkshire in about 5 seconds that 'FatBloater is on a diet', people will laugh and then laugh harder when it doesnt come off. I think I was expected to say something about her weight loss (she has slimming world certificates everywhere), but....you can't tell yet. I dont think you can anyway :blush: Does that make me a bitch? Also slightly mollified as she's clearly lost a fair amount to get those certificates, and OH said he couldnt tell any difference either.
Done 30minutes (300calories) on the bike already, had my mp3 player on and played with my phone and just got on with it. The gym is going to be hugely embarrassing, I get so sweaty, so quickly.
Been for a very minimal walk with S & her dogs, to the tennis courts at the park and back. Will convince OH to go to the chevin with me tonight when he finishes work.
Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), 2 rice cakes with 1 triangle laughing cow light cheese, 1 muller light, 1glace cherry, beef, mashed potatoes, yorkshire puddings, carrots, peas, gravy, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream.
Exercise: 61 minutes on bike (600calories) 50 sit ups, walk round Chevin. Went the 'wrong' way round, so did the 'so big you nearly run down it' hill, but upwards, then went along the bridlepath and then turned left up the next hill (as high as the first hill), back down the way we went up (still with me?!) then back to the car the normal way. So 3 hills in total! Was sweaty & out of breath, so thats good surely.
Went to SCs house to get the dogs with S. It's....I can't even explain it, she doesnt wash - herself or her clothes, she's been wearing the same fleece (m2 gave her it!) since October last year, she neglects her horse, she leaves her dogs in tiny crates all day with no water, we looked in her fridge (we're so awful) and it has some potatoes (?!), out of date sausages, some hard cheese and a mouldy cucumber. She doesnt cook, she just gets take aways. There is mouldy pizza in her bedroom :bluergh: How? I genuinely dont understand how anyone could live like that. I know I was bordering on it when I was with ex, but... I still bathed and my clothes were clean. That poor horse though, she expected to get £10k for her, we told her that was ridiculous, so now she's advertising at £6k. The idea she'll get it is laughable.
Talking of horses....V is being kind of uncommunicative atm. Just dont want her to forget that until she's paid for, she IS still my horse, and I want to come and see her. I don't know, I'm being irritable about almost everything atm. Maybe I'm just over reacting.
Its nice to walk round the chevin, and think of just how lovely it would be to hack round there daily, if only I had a horse. It's harder to remember how much I actually hate hacking and how nervous and uptight I get, and the chevin would just be a minefield. All those joggers and dogs and rustly things in bushes. Its very easy to be a good rider as long as you dont have to be physically within 10foot of a horse :nod:
Have asked a solicitor about divorce, lots of questions about what ex is and isnt entitled to, any future claim he has, if anything, over stuff I do (mortgage) before we get divorced etc.
My sports bra still hasnt turned up, so have ordered another one from a different site. :unsure: Havent got order confirmation from b2g and can't get on their webpage. :wibble: so with this other damned bra costing about a billion pounds, I have spent £70 on bras in last 2 weeks :eek:
Sunday 29 April 2007
More Piggery
Walked down to the Farmers Market in the town centre this morning. Bought OH some wild venison haunch, some buffalo burgers, some lamb burgers (I'm thinking BBQ!), some soaps, some Yorkshire Punch, some shitake mushrooms, and sticky toffee pudding which OH announced he wont eat when I got home as it has dates in it :rolleyes: There was a stall selling buffalo burgers (cooked), god they smelt good. Took all of my self restraint not to have one, especially when they did it with mozzerella, onions and mushrooms. Mmmmmmm. I want one. Just as well they've gone home now, otherwise I would talk back and get one!
Walked back, was just hanging washing out and S rang to see if I wanted to take the dogs for a walk with her, so off we went down by the river.
Spent most of the morning putting songs onto my MP3 player, had a great time :blush: :lol: Now trying to convince people to lend me their cds so I can pinch more music :lol:
Seeing the pony next month, can't wait.
I'm very tired today, we were at S' drinking wine till 2am this morning, glad it was just OH who had to work today! Can't really motivate myself to do anything really. Early night tonight....rock n roll.
Food: half bag smarties, 2 rice cakes with 1 laughing cow light cheese triangle, muller light. Tea is roast beef, yorkshire puddings, potatoes, mushrooms, carrots, green beans and gravy with Supergold ice cream for after.
Exercise: Walk round chevin, walk into town and back this morning.
Walked back, was just hanging washing out and S rang to see if I wanted to take the dogs for a walk with her, so off we went down by the river.
Spent most of the morning putting songs onto my MP3 player, had a great time :blush: :lol: Now trying to convince people to lend me their cds so I can pinch more music :lol:
Seeing the pony next month, can't wait.
I'm very tired today, we were at S' drinking wine till 2am this morning, glad it was just OH who had to work today! Can't really motivate myself to do anything really. Early night tonight....rock n roll.
Food: half bag smarties, 2 rice cakes with 1 laughing cow light cheese triangle, muller light. Tea is roast beef, yorkshire puddings, potatoes, mushrooms, carrots, green beans and gravy with Supergold ice cream for after.
Exercise: Walk round chevin, walk into town and back this morning.
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