Bad girl

In all sorts of ways.

Friday night....top night, fabby to see everyone, but I ate appallingly and it showed yesterday at work by the fact I was grumpy all day and had no energy whatsoever. Even managed to break the habit of a lifetime and NOT get drunk at the weevils house. I had one glass and that was it!! Check me out. But it does mean I can't even blame my gluttony on the fact my willpower was out the window :rolleyes:

Work, like I said, was rubbish yesterday....Tried doing some retail therapy to cheer myself up, didnt work cos I spent a ridiculous amount, now I have shopping-guilt. Got a new bit to try, a new girth (cos at least FatHorse is getting thinner even if I'm not), a LW turnout rug (I subbumbed...but only cos I want to ride - the weather will clear up for summer now) some new boots for me and a pair of half chaps that won't fit because they'll be too small, but at least it's something to thin into which wont be as baggy as the ones I have now. Banking just would NOT balance yesterday, Chris wouldnt believe me and came in to sort it out, but he couldnt get it to balance either. Made him bring me in some emergency chocolate which is BAD because he bought in a pack of fun sized chocolate bars. I've eaten 6 of a packet of 10.

Was allowed to leave a bit early cos it was his dads birthday party last night, thought about going for a run, but my knees ache a bit so i did my nell dvd and some Yoga on WiiFit instead.

The party was ok, the usual suspects, being farmers. Once again I. Did. Not. Drink. At all!! Chris got embarrassingly drunk so I drove home - he was even too pissed to moan I was going to fast. Ate rubbish again though. Couldnt bring myself to go to where the food was because there was too many people up there (what is WRONG with me??) so Chris went and got a HUGE pile of rubbishy food which I picked at and there was a big tub of pringles left near me for too long so I ate most of that too, if not all of them, actually. Bollocks. So this week is a weight gail week, I'm sure of it. Must remember to wear the same clothes as last week.

Still, vegetables tonight and tomorrow and a proper food ban would be good!!

Just today to get through then I have all next week off....can;t wait.

Another good day

Definately time for a national holiday. :nod:

Dunno why today was such a good day, but woke up before the alarm, got all my jobs I need to do before I leave on a morning done in about 3 seconds and was on the yard by 6.40am. FatHorse got a brush waved in her general direction and tack thrown on and took her in the school. Was levelled last night so was lovely to ride on. I might put a jump up tomorrow as I'm not putting out in morning so Soph and &G will be out in the field. I really do need to arrange some lessons with her, she falls in horrendously and if she's not falling in, she falls out and utterly ignores me. Very frustrating. Schooling books have been dispatched so they'll be here Friday probably...want them now!! Should have paid the extra for quicker delivery.

Got to work to find a STACK of work that needed doing, but it was All Good, I've decided I'm far better working alone, with lots of things on. I hate being distracted from doing stuff and I hate having to keep an eye on what other people are doing even more. Owner came in and told me the Thing I'm Not Meant To Know, although I'm still not meant to know it. Also told me something extra I'm not meant to know...I need to work extra hard to ensure everything goes to plan....So, shockingly, that made me really happy, rather than panicking about how I might not do it.

Second work related (sort of...) thing that made me happy was my food competition... Ate at 2pm, check me out. Did eat it all at once, but I've been ok, but then we had tea pretty much as soon as I got in from work. I'm not really hungry now, but if offered food, I could certainly eat it...Can't decide whether to save the 2.5points I have left for Fat-BBQ on Friday, or have something a bit later. Plus I have just remembered it's Chris' dads birthday party on Saturday night. Lots of food about then too. Think I'd better save them, despite I would happily eat...I dunno, something that's 2.5 points.

So, thats all good. The architect came round tonight and he doesnt think there'll be any problems with the plans for the extension. He's sending them off tonight, so in 8 weeks time it'll either be yes or no...He said as well to get builder quotes now, rather than closer to when we want it doing, so all very exciting. Can't WAIT to redecorate.

Just got back from the gym, I LOVE my ubershort program, the treadmill is hard work, nearly fell off the end this evening by the last work minute lol, and the x-trainer is a killer, although I might put the level up a bit. Was shaking like anything when I came out, was great!

Chris got me some tops from GYS...last year he got me XXL and they were far too small. This year he got me Large, I say they're too small, he says they fit. Have looked at sizing, they're a 14-16. They're too small. But still, HUGE grins...they're tight but wearable I guess.

Today has been a great day, I've loved it. AND I've been good ALL DAY. Even at the gym. Check me out.

sleepy....

FatClub wasnt too bad tonight, lost another 1.5lbs, but once again I wore different clothes. Next week I have to wear the same, otherwise there's no point doing it really.

Rode FatHorse this morning, we went in the field. I dont know what it is about the side near her FatCamp, but she is just stupid down there, still we managed a good 25minutes schooling, then spent the next 10minutes or so tazzing about :blush: I do wish I was brave enough to jump the logs. They arent that big, it's just me, being stupid as ever lol. Anyway, she was a good girl, left the yard in a good mood, even though was a bit late.

Work wasnt too bad although there wasnt a huge amount on, Chris has got some figures he's struggling with, I MUST remember tomorrow to compare BHB & CDM figures see which are cheaper. Keep forgetting, which is rubbish especially as the sales sheets are top of my in tray. Will be on my own tomorrow :bawling: Chris is going to GYS and Stu is out in the van.

Was stupid at work, getting myself worked up over FatClub, and then cos Chris was in an arse he got snappy, plus I TOTALLY failed on my eating competition, was starving and had some of my lunch by 9.30, rubbish. Must not eat till after 1pm tomorrow. Might just leave my lunch in the car, if its not close then it will be less tempting. In theory anyway. Went to the gym after FatClub, and was rubbish but enjoyed myself. I think I might just stick to the quick, intensive program. I went in fully intending to try and run a total of 3 miles and failed completely and utterly. Heart wasnt in it tonight. Watch, tomorrow night I'll be full of running and I cant do anything cos the architect is coming round at 7.15. I might go down the gym after he's been, depending on what time it is.

So I'm cross (although being good now....) I was SO PROUD yesterday that I didnt do it, then spoilt it today. Tomorrow will be a good day.

Must get arse into gear and sort out things for tomorrow, otherwise will be in a big rush and will be utterly late for everything, and that will not be a good day...

A good day today

There's a shocker!!

Dont know why today was such a good day, it had the possibility to be completely rubbish. Got up before work and went and rode Mollycob...we mooched about for a bit while I tried to decide what to do (arena was flooded). Part of me wishes we'd gone for a hack, but I'd left the doors open and didnt have my keys. Anyway, we ended up just doing some schooling and she was A Good Pony so we saved that session. Can't wait for my schooling books to turn up, I desperately need some new ideas.

I think I'm going to let her (molly) bank account build up a bit more and then arrange some lessons with a local instructor, I really do need some help. Hopefully, if the person I've heard of is any good, I might even gain a hacking partner... I'm so fed up of hacking alone, and so is she. FatHorse invented monsters the last time we went out, I'm sure it's because she's bored of that route. I bloody am anyway.

Work was good, got lots stocked up. C&D were pains though, the pair of them are lazy arses at times. Had a competition with myself not to eat till after 1pm (once I start I can't stop...) and managed till 1.45, yay! Troughed my entire lunch in 3 seconds flat mind, but we'll see how it goes tomorrow.

I'm not hopeful of losing any weight tomorrow, but next week I'll make sure I will. Have to be Very Good at the BBQ and it should all be ok, especially if I keep going to the gym and riding.

Talking of being Very Good....I havent done anything stupid at all today :biggrin: check me out. Was wobbly at the gym, was shaking like you would not believe and was DESPERATE, but resisted, all good :D Like my new program lots. I cant make up my mind about tomorrow, whether to go after Fat Club or not. If I do, I think I'll just go on the treadmill, get thin arms and do some sit ups. Maybe. Wednesday we have the architect coming round, so am not sure if I'll get to go, which is a bugger. Still, have Thursday and Friday off so can go both those days, and Sunday. Saturday I'll have to just ride. Might see if Chris wants to take the bike round Danefield, although last time we did that, she was an utter tit.

gym review

treadmill - 10 minutes, rest 4mph 1 min 0% incline, work 6.5mph 1 min 4% incline
rower - 20sec as fast as poss (45spm+) 10 seconds rest X 8
cross trainer - 10 mins level 12 manual 1min fast as poss (70's) 30 seconds slow

Arms have changed a bit, not doing shoulder press anymore and I've had to drop down some weights cos the exercises have changed, which has annoyed me slightly, but it's all good. Must work on sit ups a bit more, rather than starting and pretending that it hurts and I'm done.

Have also decided that I am not being a miserable bitch anymore, friends will get fucked off and is no fair to unload myself onto them when they feel rubbish enough as it is - you may as well call me Nicola if I carry on with that. So I'm stll going to be a miserable cow, but only with myself.

As for food, I didnt eat all morning till I came back from gym (2.30) - have just had a sandwich and a pack of pink & whites, so should be ok till tea. It can be my new daily challenge to see how long I can go without eating - means that when I do eat I shouldnt ned as much to fill me up.

Ridiculous.

While I'm out I think of loads of things I want to blog, but when I get here, in front of my computer, I've forgotten it all.

I do need to stop weighing things down on other people though, it's stupid ad unnecesary and I do call myself Nicola. I sti9ll scratch but it's starting to hurt now, must be getting too blunt. Plus I'm running out of places to do it. Wearing a swimming costume now will be uncomfortable until I'm in the pool, and if I ever get thin enough, a bikini is out of the question.

Hmmm, getting thin. I dont think I'm cut out for dieting anymore. I havent eaten yet today which is V.Good. However, it'll get to about 5pm and I'll just trough everything in sight. Which is V. Bad, natch. Plus there\'s this BBQ on Friday, I will drink then and eat Very Bad Things.I really do wish I could make myself sick, it would make things so much easier. Its not through lack of trying either.

Got a gym review with Jen in about half hour or so....This is for before work on a Sunday when I dont have much time.

Elmo is being a Very Bad Kitten, poking about at stuff, have just shouted at him and Belly is sat on my lap, also bawling away at him....he stopped (to shut us up I think) and Belly gave him one last miow, then looked at me gave me a big blink and cuddled up again. Love my kittens.

Want to ride tonight, but its chris' neices birthday so we have to go down there. Plus it's raining and she'll be wet. Sigh.

feeling rubbish

Am eating rubbish, knowing I'm eating rubbish, but somehow....being unable to stop. Maybe hypnotism is the right idea. I dont know. I know I'm being atwat, but I still do it anyway? WHY??

I run out of patience with myself, it's ridiculous

I slept

Could have slept for longer, but Chris forgot to reset the alarm.... Bah. Am now sat here trying to work up energy to go up, sort t'nags out and come back and do some much needed tidying. I should ebay a shit load of stuff, but I think a car boot might be easier. I would suggest it to Christopher, but I know if he came we'd come back with more shit than we went with.

Raining this morning, FatHorse might get another day off :lazy: Have booked a week off work the week after next, just to do fuck all apart from ride and go to the gym to get thin. How sad am I? Whats worse is I can't actually wait. Still got 3 weeks of holiday to take though before the end of November. Technically it works out as a week off a month (already got a week booked for Iceland in September) but realistically I cant do that until someone else does their amtra. Might have another week off in August before madam goes on mat. leave, one in October and ask if I can possibly be paid for the rest.

I dont really know what to do at the minute. I genuinely feel like I'm cracking up at times, *I* am a mess at the minute and despite what I assure chris, it *will* scar. It hurts to walk (think thats part of the reason I was so miserable at work yesterday)and I hate being sad all the time. I cant really describe it at the minute and I'm frustrating myself. It's rubbish. Need to go patapony.

funny day

funny weird, not funny haha.

Got up ridiculously early, after minimal sleep, went up, did the horses and was in the gym by 7am. check me out, for the first time ever, I ran a mile in under 10minuts - 9.40m. Did 2.3m in 25minutes, *think* I did the 2 miles in 21 minutes, I cant remember now. Rower and cross trainer were rubbish, but I'm pleased, kind of with the running. Wish I'd carried on till 3 miles though and not done the x-trainer.

Got to work and was fine, good, even (well, discounting the gym) till midday and then I just slumped, had a cracking headache and generally felt shit, really thought I had a migraine starting. Turns out I was just being a lazy shit cos I was fine by half 4. Meant to ride tonight, but decided as I was knackered I couldnt be arsed to do anything but hack and as I have no one to hack with I couldnt be arsed with the (admittedly minor) tantrums I have to deal with. So she got a pat and that was it. Laxy bitch I am.

Wide awake now. Stu, god love him, put the phones on quiet and locked the door so I could get some sleep.

78 Stone Wobble

Presentation tonight, Chris did it. Didnt finish till half 8 so no chance of getting to the gym/going for a run/walk/whatever. The next obvious choice would be Nell or Wii Fit, no? No. I ate 2 whippy things and made my lunch for tomorrow instead. I've been so Good, right up till tonight, the longest for AGES. CROSS CROSS CROSS.

Had my jacket potato etc managed to resist 'sharing' everyone elses chips and pizza, but in order to do that had to sit on my own and ignore everyone. I was nearly in tears doing it, how bad is that? I got in such an arse.

Going to go to the gym before work tomorrow, go up and get horses out super-early, then gym, then work and ride afterwards, maybe go for a nice hack. She was a good girl this morning, but I only rode for 20minutes - she was so good this morning it was pointless doing anything more, she did everything I asked, when I asked, where I asked. Even had a fab gallop which really set me up for the day, I was in such a good mood when I got to work.

So cross with myself. I'd been so good. Pathetic.

July measurements

I know, I said I wouldnt do them, but I'm lunging this morning, I should have some more time. And if not...then neither Stu or JB are due in today. So not the right attitude.

Wednesday July 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 46
top hips (on bellybutton)- 43
waist - 37
under boobs - 32
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 13

Tuesday June 03rd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17
L. thigh - 27.5
R. thigh - 27.5
Hips (inc tummy)- 47
top hips (on bellybutton)- 43
waist - 37
under boobs - 35
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

4.5inches this month. How the fuck is my left arm an inch thinner than my right?

A rubbish day

So many reasons, but it didnt start hugely well when FatHorse was a total witch to ride this morning. Couldnt ride one side of her and she took utter advantage. Took her in the field to try and get some semblence of forwardsness and, fuck me, we got forwards. We didnt have so much of straightness, braking or sensibleness, but I suppose I only went in there with 'forwards' in mind. I'm going to lunge in there tomorrow and then on Thursday, we'll go back in, but I'll remember to think 'forwards, straight, sensible and brakes' as well.

Work wasnt too bad. I was lazy though and couldnt get motivated. I need to really kick myself up the arse tomorrow. It should not take all day to do the banking, put one new thing on the system and phone an order through. I reallyreally dont deserve my payrise.

Then FatClub, I've lost 1lb apparently, but I wasnt wearing my hoodie, so there's my pound thats gone. Didnt stay for meeting, really wasnt in frame of mind. Came home in a foul, horrid mood. Announced I wasnt eating tea, which I havent, but I had cereal, a whippy bar and some ham and cheese :rolleyes: So much for the food ban.

MUST sort myself out tomorrow. It's horrible. Loved the whippy bar but its still coating my mouth now and it's not good. My thighs I swear have got wider as well. Technically I should have done some measurements this morning. I'll do them saturday, I have little enough time in the morning as it is.

Nicola coming round tomorrow. Joy.

WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm not looking forward to FatClub tonight, I WILL have put on weight. I KNEW I shouldnt have gone to the body shop party last night...there was wine, wagon wheels, sweets, chocolate biscuits and dips.

FatHorse was a good girl yesterday morning, we even did some jumping, check us out. This morning will be Boring Schooling only though, I am Tired and she was, umm, speedy, into the jumps, resulting in some uncomfortable jumping.

Work wasnt too bad yesterday, bit boring as spent the whole day putting new things onto stock, today could be interesting. I want to get out in the shop and do some stocking up (leaves staff to get on with stuff I'd rather they were doing/I might lose a bit more weight before FatClub) but owner is coming down to go through thursday nights presentation, so I dont know if I'll get chance.

Oh, yeah, Thursday night. No exercise and Bad Food. I'm not looking forward to it, quite apart from the presentation. Bah.

From Despair to Where?

Upwards, hopefully. I'm very tired this week, can't decide if its due to being unused to getting up so early and DOING stuff again or what, but I'm fed up of it and would like to just sleep for 2 days and be fine again.

Went into Harrogate yesterday, got LOADS of books (incredibly happy), lots of bath stuff (happy) and some pj sets from La Senza. All of which look rubbish, which made me rubbish. And I got caught as well to reaction to which, tbh, made me more rubbish. Still, the books are great. When the extension is done, I think we just have to have one room with a great big comfy sofa in, and just full of book shelves... I'd love it.

Have ridden FatHorse this morning, I was pleased with her, although she was bloody heavy on my hands and I've blistered a bit. Was going to do some more jumping, but they started clay pigeon shooting again but literally RIGHT behind us. Didnt want to die today, so we just did a bit of walk and trot. She was so tense today. Didnt help that they started as I was running through P18 and was just doing FWLR. She went off that fast I was nearly left sat on my arse. I might ride later, will see how I feel, although she'll be furious and probably ditch me in retaliation. Fat Camp is looking veryvery bare now... Will give it another week I think and pull it out a bit. She's lost weight anyway.

I havent however. Why the hell not, I've done loads of running. Not fair. Hopefully I'll still have lost on Tuesday night, but...meh. I KNOW I can't lose 6lbs every week, but how cool would it be if I could?

Must be a good girl and go to the gym too today. Knees are a bit sore though so running might be crap. Have to do horses in the morning, but do I ride? Hmm. I fancy hacking out but I'm bored of the square now, Danefield will take too long and the other way, there's just too much fast traffic at that time of the morning, it's not worth it.

Right. Must motivate myself to do something productive, such as washing up, rather than sitting here, stroking the cat. I might go read my book.

I want a zoo.

sleepy

Have not slept well (no particular reason) and am now trying to muster up energy to go up and do the horses.

Can't really be arsed. I might just go up and turn out and muck out then come back and ride later. Bet it rains later though.

Decisions, decisions.

Have to re-remember why I[m doing this

I need to be thin for Iceland and the whole swimming in public thing.

Chris-pizza and wine is not helping this cause although I feel better than i have done in a while.

Gym was good, although the t shirt I had was too short in the arms to wear in public, so I borrowed a gym one. it was white. not a good thing, I was rubbish and it showed. Did some sit ups, ran 3.25miles in 37minutes, rowered and cross trained. FatHorse has had the day off today, she might get ridden twice tomorrow though, dpends how I feel.

Do I like wine, or do I just like to be drunk?

I'm really tired this morning...

Forgot to tell Chris I didnt have the horses to do this morning, so alarm went off at 6am...again. Hadnt got to sleep especially early either. Thought, for about 5 seconds, about getting up and riding anyway, but decided to go back to sleep, which I did for 16 minutes until the snooze went off. Typical. Still havent gone to yard. I SHOULD ride tonight, as am having Chris-pizza and wine for tea, but I really want to go to the gym, and if there's time do some situps and stuff. Or something. I could do both, but if I ride first I'll be rubbish at the gym which will upset me, but if I ride after then god knows what time I'll be back. Maybe she can just have the day off and I'll do some jumping tomorrow. Maybe.

NEARLY managed 3 miles in one go last night at the gym, think I walked for about 4 minutes in total (walked 2 or 3 times, I cant remember) and did it in 34 minutes, check me out - really pleased, but also a bit :huh: because I dont *think* it would have taken to much effort to have run the lot. WHY though, can I not do it outside??? It's highly frustrating and mildly upsetting too. Did rower, x-trainer and tried to get thin arms, but the arms weren't really happening last night.

Stupid stuff is getting stupidly stupid. Can't move without somewhere hurting now. My own fault and now I'm feeling better I'm cross, because it's so STUPID.

Urgh, today wont be a good day at work. Lots of orders to put away and the new girl is in. Really must pull my finger out and become what they seem to think I'm worth.

seriously, I do piss myself off.

I've just had an AMAZING gym session, but I'm fucked off with it :rolleyes: I should have done 3 miles. But I did manage 2.3 instead. The rower was ok and the cross trainer was same as always, increased the weights for my arms as well. Still wish I'd done 3miles though.

AND. Something work related, it's a good thing, but I dont think I deserve it - not false modesty, just dont deserve it. Why can't I just be grateful?

Pony was a witch this morning, dont know what got into her, but she was SO backwards this morning and I just couldnt get her going at all, so ended up losing my temper (bad) which meant she did too. Didn't come off, but it was a close thing. I'm going to lunge her tomorrow, then go back in the school Friday morning, and maybe do some jumping IF she is a good girl. Little shit she was this morning.

Had put weight on this morning but I'm not getting in an arse, I ate badly after the meeting and I'm sure it will have gone by next Tuesday. Hopefully. Was fine all day (although didnt get lunch till 4pm cos of meeting) but then lady next door brought some biscuits round for us, and I acidentally ate 4. Oops. Just as well it was OK at the gym.

This keyboard is really fucking me off, I press letters and nothing happens unless I go back and press it extra hard. Has taken 40minutes to write this. Rubbish.

Oh, and Must Try Harder. I'm fine until I start.

Can't decide what sort of day I've had.

Started off badly when I decided to hack out on FatHorse, given she'd been such a good girl schooling yesterday morning. I KNEW the second I got on her, she was going to be an arse, her back was right up and she was just silly, right from the start. One of the shetlands has had a foal :wub: and that caused a high speed reverse till I booted her, she remembered forwards then. Went past a tractor - THAT didnt phase her, obviously, but the dead fox in the verge, definately did. We had Issues with the drain again, then were fine until we got to The Cows. She is not scared of cows. She used to live in a field with some, was stabled next to some AND hacked through them. She tried spinning, she tried reverse, she tried threatening to go up (shocked her when I booted and growled 'fucking TRY it, you little shit' at her -I wasnt coming off her, still had to get to work and have a wash etc!!) and in the end she slinked past, but not content with having got past, she had to have a little spook at the end, at nothing :rolleyes: Oh, and a very big spook as we came off the bridleway because the 2 mounds of sand that were there on Saturday, weren't there this morning. Then went back along Yorkgate absolutely golden. She is a little shit. Told her I was tying her to the gate for the pikeys to take. She wasnt bothered. Think she realised they'd bring her back again.

Work not too bad. Money gone from the tills. I have my suspicions. Irritatingly it's not who I *wanted* it to be. Was fun in places, me and V had a huge attack of the giggles, we were very naughty. I was crying and couldnt breathe and inadvertently scared everyone cos they thought something was wrong. We want to go to the circus, tomorrow night will be cheapest, but I have to go to the gym, hmmm. Or Saturday, but it will be packed with kids. Is most disconcerting driving past the garden centre and seeing a zebra grazing. Clairebear thinks its a white horse they've painted black lines on.

FatClub. I went, I've lost, I was told off for losing too much, too quick. Thought the whole point was to lose weight? Ridiculous. Meeting was rubbish and Sarah unsurprisingly has bailed out on me, so I went alone, which made it even more rubbish. Next time I think I'll just go get weighed and then go to the gym. Havent actually lost as much as they say though, because I was wearing different clothes and next time I'll obviously be in my gym stuff, which will weigh less than jeans and a hoodie.

Have not been good.

Lets go for 'rubbish day'.

Rubbish, I'm sorry

i dont know what the hell was up with me today. Got to gym, was stupid before I even went in, got on treadmill, full of energy and ready to do my best gym-run ever. Fuck knows what happened, did 1.3miles then completely and utterly stalled, ran half a mile or so more then had to walk the last bit to 2miles because I had a horrendous stitch. Walked that off, then went on rower, did the intervals (500m 20sec rest X 4) and it wasnt too horrendous, but by the time I'd done those I was late. Why? I wasnt late going down there? Rubbish. So was bad after too and suspect I will be in trouble later.

Work was fairly rubbish, but yay for no pikeys. Desperately wanted to ride, but the wind was horrendous, could barely open the doors to the barn, fathorse was being a tit and while I still wanted to ride, self preservation kicked in. Still cross though as I intended going on wii fit, but Chris is sat in front of Top Gear and is not for moving.

Bad food today as well. Rubbish day all round really.

I'm sorry

Stupid stupid stupid

I was having such a really good day as well today.

RRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

God, i piss myself off and now theres all sorts of extra explantions.
twat twat twat

it was no surface, all feeling....maybe at the time, it felt like breathing.

positive things for a saturday

1. Still dont seem to have pissed anyone off
2. I am healthy
3. My vets bill is totally paid (as in, I paid off the credit card last night. Poor again now)
4. I'm going to be thin soon

Think thats it for this morning, eek!!

two blogs in one day

and they're both positive ones, who knew??

Had a really nice day today, but dont know why, really, it's just been A Good Day. Maybe I should start my day by thinking of positive things more often? (actually, it's probably not a bad idea lol).

Went to gym this morning and had a review done by text LOL. It was hard!! run 400metres as fast as I can (7.5mph today, for the first 2 anyway, then 6.5mph for the last 2) with a minutes rest as many times as I can... Today it was 4 times, is harder work than I thought it would be. Anyway, 2.5km in 18minutes. Can't decide if thats good or not? I was red, out of breath and sweaty by the end though, more so than when I just do 2 miles in however long I can anyway, so must be good. Then went on rower, 500metres with 30second rest. Fastest was 2.05m, slowest was 2.09m. Again, no idea if thats good. The idea with the cross trainer was to do 2minutes fast and a minute slow.... I just couldnt do it, so just did my normal x-trainer routine, then I went and tried to get thin arms with the weights. By the time I finished I looked like I'd showered in my clothes - and I had nothing to change into, yuck yuck yuck. And I had to get to vets to see if Molls vet bill was ready - it was, and it was a shocking EIGHTY SEVEN POUNDS. I did ask her, numerous times, if she was sure it was right, if she had the right horse, the right account etc... she seemed to think so anyway.

Got back home, to find a letter from Barclays to say I'd been charged for a DD that I thought I'd canceled and which I obviously hadnt and it had come out of the account which had insufficient funds. So trundled back down into town and paid that, and the bank-lady has refunded the #15 charge, check her out!

Went to see FatHorse and decided to go OUT for a ride. As we left we ended up joining 2 riders going past. Asked them if they minded me tagging along till the bridleway and they said they didnt. Ended up having a really nice chat, I might accost them the next time I see them and ask if they want an extra hacking partner. Had a bit of a tantrum when we left them, but nothing like I was expecting, and to be honest, I'm not entirely sure the tantrum wasnt actually over the fact I wanted her to walk over a drain and not over the fact she had to leave her two new friends at all. Met a couple with their kids on the bridleway and FH embarrassed me totally by sticking her head in the pushchair while I was talking to the parents. Expected child to scream (I nearly did) but kid loved it. Left them and carried on, got to Yorkgate and :eek: there were 2 piles of sand either side of the track. Dear God, the reaction was suitably drama queen esque. They were hiding trolls and all sorts. Trundled back along YG and back to the yard, the pair of us in great moods. I might even do some jumping tomorrow night. Check us out, hey?

I was thinking earlier about the stupid things I do. I think I can narrow it down now to the times when I would have had a cigarette before. It's getting ridiculous at the minute though, although I've been good today, I really cant hide it for much longer. Mostly when I'm 'stressed' or cross. Or just bored. Before the gym because I dont think I'll do as well as I want to, after the gym because I havent done as well as I wanted to, at work because customers/staff/reps have infuriated me, at the yard because I havent ridden well or FH been an arse... Anyway, the whole act of taking care of it afterwards distracts me from whatever has happened and by the time I've dealt with it, whatever has upset me has passed. Thats my theory anyway, it's probably a load of bollocks.

Got home to find that V had bought me some of my most favourite ice cream ever as a thank you for doing some posters to find her dog... AND I was still within points enough to eat some. I told her she really didnt need to, but I loved that she had LOL.

See, today has been a good day. I am happy, happy, happy. I have a lovely Christopher and some amazing friends, who all mean the world to me. I just need to not fuck things up and it's all good.

Being Positive.

I am. Today will be A Good Girl Day. I think I need to start making a list of positives everyday, because I really am a lucky person, I just dont see it at times.

So. Todays positives. This may get shorter as the week goes on..!

1. I have a Christopher and some lovely, amazing friends.
2. I also have The FatHorse and The Kittens
3. The above are happy (I hope) and healthy.
4. I am losing weight, I will do it and I will be thin.
5. We've had the plans approved for the first bit of the house extension.
6. I am still remotivated re the weight thing, despite a flapjack-shaped slip up yesterday.
7. My manky foot did not hurt at all yesterday
8. I've just paid off my credit card, so when FatHorses vets bill arrives, I can put it straight on that and not worry about it sitting on S' account for ages.
9. I do love my job. Despite how much I complain about it. Got told the other day that I have 20days of holiday I'm still to take before he end of November, otherwise I'll lose it, no carrying over or getting paid for them. Normally I've used my holiday by the end of March!!
10. I'm going to Iceland!!!
11. I've almost done a full week of riding before work and then gym or some sort of exercise in the evening. (Today I MUST do both as well - day off). Tuesday was the only day I didnt do any real exercise (dont count walking to fatfighters, esp as Sarah drove me back home), but, a day off is good...I guess.

Wow. That is more positives than I thought. Now I just need to stop the ridiculous scratching and then I can go to bed whenever I want rather than hiding in there before Chris gets in. And wear my shorter armed tops when I have thin arms. And it's just a stupid thing to do.

Now I just need to motivate myself to get to the gym.... Or ride this morning, one of the 2.

Hmmm

Fat Fighters meeting - LOADS of people from the gym there, suppose it was to be expected really, but it means that I can't give up now. One of the gym people does the weighing. REALLY dont like that, but I'm sure I'll get over myself. I came out all remotivated but I sem to have lost it a bit now... I'll take the stuff they gave us and have it as bedtime reading, hopefully I'll rediscover the motivation.

Really must ride the fathorse in the morning, meant to this morning but was so tired when the alarm went off I just lunged instead and I feel rubbish now, especially as it took as long as riding would have and I ate shit all day.

Still, riding and gym tomorrow, thursday and friday. Must put my stirrups up a hole, I was so ineffective in trot the other day.

Wish I was thin. And rich. And probably someone else entirely.

tired this morning

Dan gave me a Dan-Compliment yesterday. Apparently 'it's been fucking AGES since you were in a bad mood Rach!!'. So, yay me! Unfortunately I am knackered this morning and am already in a bad mood, and all I've done is get up and dressed. Doesnt bode well for rest of day, does it?!

Ran/walked from work to Business Focus last night with T&someone she works with. I held them back :( I'm 1000000% sure the more running I do, the more rubbish i get, I really do. I did it with swimming too. Rode FatHorse yesterday morning as well, she was ok, there was some moments of brilliance, but mostly she was a tit. I'm meant to be riding this morning, but like I say, I'm knackered so I'm just going to lunge.

Made her a FatCamp Sunday night and she went out in it yesterday. Checked her a couple of times during the day and she'd fencewalked a bit, but, I know its mean, but I'm not hugely bothered. If she's fence walking she's not stuffing her face AND she's working off what she's eaten lol.

Got a FatFighters meeting tonight with Sarah. I just dont have the willpower anymore so I'm going to go and be shamed into losing weight. Hopefully the competitiveness will reinspire me. I have 3months (ish) to lose 2 stone and it's just not happening at the minute :(

Need to think of things to sell to pay for this bloody vet bill. I dont even want to know how much it's going to be.

3 things

1. check me out, the cardio queen.... rower 2000m 8minutes,29.3seconds, bike, program 6, 15mins, 5.05km, x-trainer, level 17, hill program, 240calories, treadmill, 2miles in 23minutes dead, but did have to walk 3 times (3 minutes) but did the last 3 or so minutes at 6mph. Was pleased today.

2. Rode FatHorse. She was, um, turbocharged. We were only going to have a mooch round the school, but we did a better impression of something speedy. I did think about taking her in the field, but given its only two days since the vet was twittering on about colic surgery and 'is she insured?' we stayed in the arena.

3. Built Fat Horse a FatCamp. Cross everything that she doesnt escape into the main field, or onto the bridleway, she doesnt colic and she doesnt do anything else that might cost me more money. Oh, and cause her ill health, obviously.

But. Still no self control around food, still rubbish on the treadmill, still rubbish at running outside. Running from work into town tomorrow with 2 extra people I dont know and I really dont want to do it, they will be uber fast and I wont keep up and will hold them back but can't back out now.

Made a bit of a mess.

Frustration number 10....

Am I going round the bend?

See, its going well now

But I cant be happy - because if I'd stuck to it for the last 3 months then I would have been so much further on.

Still I cant be too cross, it's my own stupid fault.

Belly is in season, she woke me up at 3am by sitting on my head, yelling her head off. Chris slept through it.

Do I gym or ride in the morning? Am tempted to gym. Tonight was far more successful than last night, even beat my rower - 8.36m. Did level 5 on the bike, level 17 on the x-trainer and also managed to do 2miles in under 25minutes. Couldnt run it all though.

Must ride FatHorse tomorrow night, although I suspect seeing how she was tonight I'll be wanting nice big arm muscles.

Fat Fighters day one...

I'm a point over already :lol: but am under points for tomorrow so can make it up then hopefully. Must. Be. Good.

Gym was predictably rubbish, but I managed to run a bit which I didnt think I'd do, in fact I did everything, just a bit slower than I would have liked. Had to do it in a vest top which I did NOT enjoy cos my stupid burnt shoulders really hurt.

Starting Again

Fat Fighters is starting again today. I have loads of fruit with me, I'm having vegetables for tea... I WILL be thin. Need to lose 2 stone by September, at least. Back off to the gym tonight as well.

New 10% goal is 13stone3lbs. After that, only 2 more (ish) stone to go before my Big Goal Weight. Makes it sound so easy.

Yeah, new weigh in day is a Wednesday too.

oh god...

A blog of realisations tonight.

1. Work. When Graham left, we all had a laugh and a joke over who would be the one who stepped into his lazy arsed shoes. I suspected it would be me. It was never going to be Chris. It isnt me. And its pissing everyone off - all I had all weekend was pissed off texts saying how lazy S had been. This happens everytime we go away or have a day off together - either he turns into Mr Lazy or else his gf turns up for the day and they book holidays on the tinterweb. Irritating. Mostly irritating because it feels like Chris and I cant go away for any length of time... Iceland is already irritatingly short because it isnt fair to leave S on his own for so long without a day off, but if we have to worry about unhappy staff to get back to as well? Happy holidays...

2. Weight. This is getting stupid. I havent lost any weight at all for fucking ages because I have no will power. So I'm changing my weigh in day to tomorrow and I'm starting again. Again. Current goal is to lose 2 stone before we go to Iceland. I want to get in the Blue Lagoon and not feel like a whale has got lost. I will be a good girl, I will not be tempted by yummy food, if I even LOOK at a tub of B&J I may as well stick the tub straight on my thighs. No more wine, pink or otherwise either, for a while.

3. Exercise. I've missed it so much. I've done nothing today, not even a walk and I feel itchy because of it. I've missed running more than I thought I would actually. Cant wait to get back in the gym tomorrow, although I'm already dismissing it as a rubbish workout because my chest is still slightly dodgy and its been a week since I was last in there. A WEEK? I cant remember the last time I stayed out of there a week. I really have changed.

4. The sun. Next time, you silly bitch, PUT SOME SUN CREAM ON. My upper arms, back and front of my legs are lobster-red. And sore.

5. I want a different job, or at least to not work with Chris anymore. I want to go away on a proper holiday and not still have to deal with stuff while we're away.

6. Oh, and to discuss the idea of cosmetic surgery calmly and rationally without either of us having a tantrum.

Dont want much, do I?

Bored now

Man flu is starting to piss me off now. Walked into town earlier to pay fat horses vet bill and get some more asprin, and had to have an hours sleep when I got back. How rubbish? Also attempted the Nell DVD and could only do 20 minutes (inc warm up!!) before dying in a sweaty, out of breath heap.

Fat Horse got freezemarked today, she was a good girl, only 1 minor aberation when she twitched as the first mark went on, so her 9 looks more like a deformed lollipop but still, she's been branded.

Kitten has also been vaccinated, he is in fine health apparently. Belly was FURIOUS when we got back and had trashed the house. Who needs a teenager?

Operation Anti Fat Ass is not going well. A cheese doritoes sandwich, a bottle of wine and some B&J cookie dough ice cream kind of not well.

I'm ill, meh.

what a weekend....

Back early(ish) - about 5.30, because mum and I had a huge argument about, of all things, sausages. I only wanted one, but no, I HAD to have 2. So I offloaded it onto Chris' plate. You'd think I'd done something AWFUL by the reaction. So we left asap, with barbed 'compliments' ringing in my ears. Got home, sorted cats out and went to see Fat Horse... Such a sweetheart, very cuddly. Still feel bad about having her freezemarked tomorrow, even though I know it *shouldnt* hurt.

There were also 'issues' cos Chris and I went for a walk earlier. It would have been a run, on my own if needs be,I actually really fancied it, but I've come down with chronic man flu and could barely breathe after an hours (flat!) walk. This was another bone of contention - I slept a lot of the weekend, partly because I am/was ill, partly because the thing I was panicking about turns out fine - for me anyway. Worrying over nothing.... But it meant I could finally sleep without chewing things over.

I must sort out Operation Anti Fat Ass again, I'm still stuck at the weight I was 2 months ago and it's so frustrating. Although I could always do more exercise I guess. Swimming again is the next on the list, but I'd want to be fitted for a costume as well. At least I'll never drown while they're this size though... Did I blog about getting a sports bra? If not... I can only go down one more back size before I am too humungous for a sports bra :eek: I will need to have them specially made at great expense. Would be far cheaper just to have a boob job.

Anyway, whatever, its food I mainly have issues with, in that I cant stop eating... It's rubbish. Really must develop some self control somehow. Other people do it, why cant I?

Back in gym tomorrow. Gonna be hard work, havent been since... Wednesday!! Bugger, it will be hard work.

No news is good news....?

Lets hope anyway.

Went sports bra shopping yesterday, have gone down 2 back sizes and UP about a billion cup sizes. There are no cup sizes bigger!! Still, it kept them in place during a Very Naughty Fat Horse ride and a wet run...

Dont know what got into FatHorse yesterday, but she was turbocharged. Did some babyjumping again, I made a specific effort not to grab at her (in fact, I probably needed more of a contact) and I genuinely wasnt tense - not that I felt, anyway, but she towed me into everything. Then took her in the field to walk her off, and, er, ended up galloping round it 3 times. And I mean proper galloping too, I didnt realise she had a 4th gear. It wasnt intentional, but fuck it, so much fun. Steering and braking both in the arena and the field were minimal though.

Then the run...was so much fun actually. Went round Fewston instead of Swinsty and got caught in a torrential rainstorm about halfway round. I have never been so wet with clothes on in my entire life, there wasnt a single inch of me that was dry. And I'm obviously crazy, fun??? But it was, so much.

Off to parents tonight. Want to take my trainers and go for a run, but the grief and teasing I'll get will be unreal. Shame I cant go to a gym really... Who would have thought I'd have got so itchy at the thought of not being able to exercise? Something is obviously wrong....

Oh, gym on Wednesday night... (having been to Whitby - lovely day)... 22minutes on level 4 (bike) = 6km, 15mins on level 17 (cross trainer) and 8.42 on the rower.

Measurements again...

Tuesday June 03rd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17
L. thigh - 27.5
R. thigh - 27.5
Hips (inc tummy)- 47
top hips (on bellybutton)- 43
waist - 37
under boobs - 35
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Thursday May 1st
L. calf - 17.5
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 48
top hips (on bellybutton)- 46.5
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

5.5inches off, I think? Not bad I guess. Shame it's not all in one place!!

shit shit shit

I did something, work related, a while back which probably wasnt a great thing to do. I think it might have just come and bitten on the ass, big time. Like loss of job, fines, loss of friendship....I hope to fuck I'm wrong, but I really dont think I am.

Now cant sleep and feel sick, but will be nothing like how v's feeling.

amazing exercise day.... (kind of)

not such a good food day anymore...

It started out so well, Jen and I went up to Swinsty at 7am and went round, then I went to work...finished work and decided to calibrate the nike+ thing properly, so went to the gym and did that (eventually), but felt embarrassed at only going to run 400 metres, so did 20 minutes on level 4 on the bike, then normal cross trainer.

So that was all good. Then went up to the horse, was going to go out but couldnt be arsed locking everywhere up behind me, so went in the school. It was hard work actually (for her) as the arena was waterlogged in places still and really really deep. Still she managed to tit about for ages before doing some real work and then we did some more JUMPING. I have to be brave though, I absolutely cannot jump out of trot, it does have to be canter. I just need to remember to sit quietly and not fiddle and tense up as her turbo kicks in in canter. Its only when I get tense and snatchy that she really powers in. It's not rocket science, why cant I do it?! I think I might ride in the field tomorrow, its easier to avoid the puddles :rolleyes: Its not like we;re jumping high either, we're talking about 1foot6 at the most!! After that I was feeling decidedly faint, so scooted down to waitrose and got some pasta salad, some fruit (which i havent eaten) and some aero bubbles (which I have). Then went round the tarn with Tam, we were both rubbish and couldnt be arsed, so we just ended up going round twice and walking most of it at that. And even now I dont think my nike + is calibrated properly, although walking & running is going to alter the reading somewhat.

So, up till this point the whole food thing was going fairly well, but since I got home I've had a ham and cheese sandwich, tea, a fat fighters pudding and, um, wine...

Getting stiff already lol.

Work wasnt too bad, even better now I'm not going back in till a week tomorrow.

Must be better tomorrow, food wise. Dont think I'll ever better todays exercise :lol:

check me out....

Or, um, not...

In gym this morning, ran 2miles in one go, without stopping. Check me out, huh? took 25minutes to do 2.18miles (walked the last bit). Then tonight, was calibrating my nike + thing...struggled, like, really struggled, to run 400 metres.

Didnt help that I hadnt pressed go to calibrate it the first time, so we ended up doing it 3 times. AND....it says 400metres when you walk is shorter than when you run. What? Oh well, it's set up somehow.

Work wasnt too bad. New girl started yesterday. I dont think she'll stay long. She doesnt really fit in, and shes a bit like B in that she has to have done everything better than everyone else. She rubs me up wrong way anyway.

Fat Horse was ignored again tonight, it's pissed it down all day so she didnt get ridden. Think I'm off round Swinsty with Jen tomorrow before work, so might scoot up and bring her in before we go so she is at least dry in the afternoon.

Food ban is not going well. Must be better, just in general. I'm so rubbish at running outside, compared to on a treadmill. Its not like I dont practise enough outside, or is it? Who knows.

tired...

Ash were great, I think. I got drunk, probably made a fool of myself and wore a too tight/too small top. Have been fine all day, but have just been up to pat-a-pony and tiredness has really hit me now. Was even considering going to the gym at one point, although useless thinking that now cos it's be shut. Bah.

I might wii fit later, see how I feel lol, I could happily go to bed now! Food ban yesterday worked a bit too well and I was pissed after about 5 minutes. Am eating more than enough to make up for yesterday though lol.

Working tomorrow and Monday then a whole week off, I cant wait. Off to Whitby on Wednesday apparently. Have never been. Can't decide if it'll be fun or really quite boring lol, then down to parents for the weekend.

Urgh, I need to go do something before I actually fall asleep.

Cross now

OK, so food ban wasn't exactly going well today, but really, bearing in mind I'm going out tomorrow and I wanted to be thin, I should have been better. Still hungry though, AND I didnt go to the gym. Stupid.

I did however ride this morning. Was so nice, just went round the bridleway and back along Yorkgate. We looked like a christmas tree and we still got passed by idiots, far too close. Pony was a very big star though, her back was up when we first went out, but as soon as I said 'fine, trot, get on with it' she remembered herself. Have booked her in for freezemarking though, with Freezemark rather than Farmkey. Farmkey couldnt come out till AUGUST :eek: so, all being well, she is being done on the 9th June. Think she's having a bald patch cos I think a white one will just get lost.

I'm having half a day tomorrow, hopefully, barring any disasters. Going to the gym before work, then going on a last minute shopping trip for something to wear to ash tomorrow night. Want to look H.O.T. Well. My version of anyway. I'll spoil it by getting drunk, but the thought will be there... Anyway, I'll attempt to get something nice in Harrogate, then go for a ride. Should maybe do a DVD too to make up for not gymming tonight. I wont though, I'm a lazy cow.

Must be mad

Yesterday, I got up early and was riding by 7.30am, went to work after (admittedly didnt do a right lot :blush: ) and then went to the gym afterwards, and even if I say so myself, I was AMAZING (for me).

Ran 1.61miles, had a minutes break and then did to 2.10miles (took 25minutes), rower was 2000m in 8m44s (could have been quicker cos I kept stopping to tighten the foot straps, but I'm not being cross, honest), did program 3 on the bike, then 15minutes on level 16 on the cross trainer. A once in a lifetime, never to be repeated, workout :lol: I was proud.

Now, this morning, I got up at 5.15 (wide awake, although typically I could sleep now) and am about to go up to the yard again to ride. Am also madly crossing fingers that the fog clears because I'd quite like to go round the bridleway before Yorkgate gets busy. Architect is coming round tonight with the loft conversion plans and then hopefully I'll get to the gym after, depends on how long he stays.

Going to see ash tomorrow, I CANNOT wait

ANDANDANDANDAND

Much more motivation needed to get thin. Chris and I have just booked this years holiday - 5 days in Iceland at the end of September. Flights booked (and seats picked!), hotel booked... came to 58,500ISK :lol: Makes 800quid sound small change lol. I NEED to be thin, I want to get in a geyser :lol: I also need to win the lottery, it is SO expensive over there. Now just need to work on the whole 'I hate flying' thing...

Arms are ever so sore now though after yesterdays gymming. Think I might actually have to see if they do running tops in Fat Size. My iPod calorie thing should be here today, weeee!! Hope so :lol:

Happy happy happy (kind of..)

3 good things...

Chris and I have booked a holiday to ICELAND :excited: end of September. REALLY have to be thin now, am determined to get in a hot water wotsit. Geyser.

I played on the Wii Fit for 52 minutes.

JB didnt sack me for blatently playing on Facebook instead of working LOL.

Then the other stuff...

Food ban not going so well

My carefully worked out exercise plan has gone to shit already by the horse being wet tonight. Still, Wii fitted instead and left her in overnight. I WILL get up at 6am and ride before work.

Arms are sore. Not by extra stuff, just by previous shitness.

Better

Stupid crazy hormones.

I'm getting fitter, I adore my pony and I havent run out of money (yet), and things are just good at the minute.

I'll be rubbish next week again, but for now, it's all good LOL.

Inconsistent? Me? Oh yes.

Think I'm cracking up

Had a lovely weekend but now just feel rubbish. Appreciate I'm being pathetic, but that appears to be making it all worse.

rubbish behavior.

Tired...

I dont feel ill, but I've felt sick since Tuesday night. Drinking 2 bottles of pink wine and some vodka won't have helped but its thursday now. Why still the sick-feeling? Tried ALL yesterday to be sick so I'd feel better, but only managed once, which made me feel ok for about half an hour. How do you do it??

Gymmed last night, which was a bit of a disaster. Stef dropped her towel on the treadmill, then had to jump over it, then swore (it was packed) so loudly I heard her over my earphones, which set me off laughing till I was out of breath - literally, I couldnt breathe - and was sat on the treadmill crying. Wasnt even that funny!! But then I couldnt really get back into running and just did the 2 miles, in a rubbish time. Rower was fairly shit too. Bike and cross trainer not so bad.

Then went and rode, trying to put into practise stuff from the lesson Tuesday night. Wasnt really happening. Then we had an argument about closing the gate (I was going to walk her off down the lane) so we both hada tantrum with each other. At least she was forwards tonight though. Can't decide whether to hack tonight or not. She was such a witch the other day I'm not sure I want to, but also I cant be a wimp over it. And I can't be arsed with schooling, especially not after the gym.

Food has been shit this week. Must be good today and tomorrow for another shit-food weekend lol. Looking forward to seeing Emmie and Carle, not seen Emmie for....must be 3 years at least. And never met Carle!

Going to be a good exercise girl tomorrow as well and am hoping (ha) to get to the gym for a run before work, and then me and Jen are off to swinsty.Although maybe I'll do bike cross trainer and rower, if we're running in the evening...Hmm. Getting my hair done tomorrow too!

Still feel sick. Rubbish

rubbish

just about sums today up.

dont really think i need add anymore :rolleyes:

I did it

But predictably, I'm not pleased :rolleyes:

We thought we were being so clever, getting to the front of the walkers but the back of the runners, thought we would be in the perfect place... We were, until they turned everyone round and we ended up right at the back of the walkers. Seriously, there was only about 20 people behind us. Took us about a km to get nearish the middle, but some of the tracks were so narrow, you HAD to walk because everyone was so tightly packed. So, we did a lot more walking than we planned to. Still, I did it, AND I ran up the hill at the end. Next year (hahahahaha) I'm going to run the lot and make sure I'm at the bloody front. Oh yeah, and get there early enough to get parking, we were parked a mile and a half away so I was knackered before we started!

Oh, and next year, I will not have a bacon sandwich (was good though), then another sandwich and half a pot of Ben & Jerrys icecream when I got home (did go to gym though and did my program before I came home, no excuse though), then because everywhere was shut ( :bawling: :bawling: )have a bowl of cereal, another sandwich, packet of crisps and greek yogurt with honey and peanut butter. I've put on 4lbs :blush:

Pleased I went to the gym though, even though I ache now. Part of me wants to do the Harrogate race for life on the 28th, but its dads birthday (needs calling) its at 7.30, it's round GYS and it's #12.50 I dont really have to enter. Decisions. I think I;d rather just run round Swinsty again. OR, go back to Temple Newsam and do it without anyone else being about, see if I can do it any quicker. We did it in 43minutes.

Got itchy arms in the gym too, they really hurt today and look awful.

Stil tired, wish I wasnt working today and I ACHE!!

It's all good

I'm still bricking it about tomorrow. Dont know why, logically, I know I can do it, no one (hopefully) is going to be laughing at me for running/walking, I wont be the only one doing it, dare I say it, for once I hope I wont be the fattest one doing it and I have my ipod. I dont want to do it with Stef now. At all. I'll just feel rubbish by the end. It's good.

New jogging bottoms for me yesterday. Am close to a mini tantrum over it but it's fine. I'll get over it. And some socks :biggrin:

Had such a bad food day yesterday. Felt sick by the end. Have put on a couple of lbs this morning, but it's good. I have all week to get rid of it. Better get rid of it, next weekend is going to be one long bad food weekend!!

Pony was a pain last night. Took forever to establish forwardsness, then once that button was flicked she became turbocharged. It was hot and muggy though. She is cool.

Must motivate myself to do something. Like get ready for work. Really can't be arsed.

Nothing you can say

Will convince me otherwise.

I am not naturally pretty or attractive, I am not naturally clever or funny.

I really dont have much of an imagination so I borrow (steal) other peoples words to describe how I feel.

I wont ever believe I've lost enough weight, because I will never be perfect, but I will get bored of trying before long.

People only say I'm thinner now because they are comparing me to how I used to be.

Weigh in tomorrow, I've had bread, cheese and wine.

tired now

36mins on treadmill = 3miles
8.50mins on rower = 2000metres
10 mins on bike on some kind of program = 2.4miles
15 mins level 15, hill program on cross trainer
Fat scan = 36% bad fat

According to calorie-count site I've eaten 2477calories and burnt 2862calories. Long way off the goal of eating 1600 calories!!! But at least I've burnt more than I've eaten.

This time next week

I should have done Race for Life.... Scary thought now, still feels like it should be months away. I'm so not ready.

Had the potential to have a really good gym morning, on the treadmill I ran a full mile in one go for the first time ever AND did the 2 miles in 23m30s (this is good for me :blush: ) which is 2 minutes faster than I did it on Friday, then on the rower I did 2000m in 8m52s (again, good for me). Didnt get time to go on the cross trainer which has annoyed me greatly. Am I becomming an exercise fanatic? I would have happily gone running tonight too. Shame the weight isnt coming off, although it wont when I'm 'forgetting' to point stuff. :rolleyes: No self control and I'll never shift anything if I dont kick myself up the arse soon.

Pony has been fenced in with electric fencing, which she hates. If she gets out again I dont know what I'll do. Will have to move if she does, there's no other way of keeping her in.

Diet starts again tomorrow I guess. Tempted to attempt 3 miles every night from now till Sunday (R4L) but I suspect that would be madness.

Sleepy

Well am still not entirely happy with the whole weight issue, but I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough.

Pony has taken to jumping out of her field, irritatingly. I am hugelyhugely thankful that she has so far only turned right (ie, down to the other horses) and not left to the road. So I've spent the evening electric fencing the outside edge of her field. Box said 200metres should only take half an hour to set up. Bollocks. Took me about 2 hours.

Went out on a nice little hackette before I did the fencing, went down past the horses along the road, back up the bridleway and along Yorkgate. She was a Good Pony, although fascinated by the cows. Sunburn is sore now though.

Work was shit, in every way. Shit takings, shit customers, just...shit. Oh well, I like Sundays.

Lets hope pony manages to stay in the field tonight and not contort her way through the maze of fencing I've constructed....

Here we go again....

Already. Think I'm a couple of weeks ahead of where I should be.

Anyway. Everything's pathetic, useless and I am giant mass of (cooked) fat.

Bollocks.

Tired....

Today I went to the Tarn and ran (and walked) round 4 times. Then I went to the yard and rode cobbit. She was good, but *ahem* inattentive and unco-operative. Ended up just trundling down the lane to have something good. Has occured to me now that they were clay pigeon shooting tonight though.

Yesterday I worked then rode and I'm really stiff now. Did lots of work without stirrups and sitting jockey-esque (while praying to all sorts of Gods that she wouldnt suddenly invent a monster from somewhere) and am paying for it now. Gym tomorrow could be interesting.

Work is ok at the minute. Have been complimented on the fact I was in and stayed in a good mood for 2 days in a row! Yay me! Thats quite bad really, isnt it :S

Almost proud of myself

Check me out, in the gym.... 40minutes running (3.16miles), then rower, can't remember what fastest 300m was, but slowest was 1m13something, 10 minutes on the x trainer on level 14 AND THEN 10 minutes on the stepper. I hate the stepper. I get so bored.

Came home, did housework :geek: pootled about on the internet, went up and made sure pony got to go out in the field for once, then went running round the chevin with gymbitch.... This is what I'm not so proud of. I could have run so much more than I did :S I think anyway.

Pony's feet are appalling and I am looking for somewhere else for her to live I think. I'm not convinced she's getting to go out at all hence the horrid witch pony behaviour yesterday. There's another yard a bit further down on west chevin road. I'll look there.

I'm knackered now.

Feeling rubbish

Dont really know why, just do. I've been in a bad mood since i left the yard, for a variety of reasons. First off I went to the yard WANTING to ride, really wanting to do some schooling (yesterdays hack consisted mainly of tenseness) got there and she was in (again :grumps: ) so took her out and tied her at the doors while I mucked out. We had BrattyPony for a while and lots of dancing about, but the leadrope was never tight. Then :shockhorror: a group of horses trotted by on the lane. MY GOD. You'd think the world had ended. She had a fit and ended up breaking her leadrope then rampaged round the yard bucking and kicking for 20 minutes, not letting anyone within 2foot of her, and if they tried, she kicked. MOST unlike her, although I have pointed out that if she doesnt go out daily she gets silly the longer she's in.

Yard expressed astonishment that I was still going to ride and I was in a FOUL mood by this point, so admitted it was probably going to be wiser to lunge. Should have ridden. She was a lazy donkey on the lunge. Tomorrow we shall school.

So, I come home. Came through town and got stuck behind The Slowest Driver in the World. Took 5 minutes to get about 10 metres. They turned up towards home, so I decided to carry on up the hill and come across the crossways. Nearly crashed cos some dick pulled out in front of me as I was crossing the junction. So I enjoyed some road rage.

My phone is fuckarsing about as wel, every couple of hours or so it seems to shut down and to receive any messages I have to switch it off and on again, which means I didnt get to go for a run either which has also fucked me off greatly. I could, obviously, go on my own, only I wont because I know I wont run far enough. So that fact has pissed me off too. I'm in a great mood.

So now I'm at home uploading yet more stuff onto the ipod and Thinking while I'm doing it. I can feel myself getting more grumpy and down as the weeks go on and I am desperately trying to stay sane and it's not really happening. What really doesnt help now is I just cant stick to my points, I try so hard and I am fine until I get home (or about 3.30 if I'm at work). I still cant see this alleged thinness. I dont think I'll be happy until I see bones.

Told you...

5lbs on :(

Havent adjusted my points back up and I'll stick to it this week. Honest. My own fault though I've had such a bad food week.Although the Fat Fighters site is now down :bawling: so I can't even point anything now.

Walked up the chevin last night. It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be :blush: I'm not dead anyway although my thighs hurt!

bah :bawling:

measurements

Thursday May 1st 2008
L. calf - 17.5
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 48
top hips (on bellybutton)- 46.5
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Staurday March 1st 2008
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17
L. thigh - 28
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 49
top hips (on bellybutton)- 49
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Bah :bawling: So not gonna be thin for Ash on 31st.

And :eek: Race for Life is in 18 days.

measurements tomorrow

It wont be inspiring. Was going to have a fat scan tonight then decided I didnt want to know. Still dont.

Did gym, but that wasnt especially inspiring either, did walk for 1min/run for 3mins for 20minutes but wish I'd either gone longer or faster now. Cross trainer and rower were ok though - rower only cos gymbitch yelled at me. I really cant row any faster....

Wii Fit came, that thinks I'm rubbish too lol, although I did best at running, oh the irony...

Bonus gets paid on Friday...cant wait.

Spoke to ex about a divorce today. he reckons he's seen something where you dont involve courts or solicitors at all. Not right, surely? Or at least, not legal?

things and stuff

Had a funny day in that i havent started very much and finished even less today. My head is somewhere else entirely. I'd start a job, get distracted and then do something else.

Managed to hold my attention though for long enough to find out I'd got my bonus - weee!! Sadly tax has eaten a big chunk, but as Christopher keeps telling me, it's better than a poke in the eye with a shitty stick. It is, infinitely better. It'll pay for wii fit (which I dont actually appear to have been charged for...) and pay a bit off my saddle. Or go towards the extension. One of the two. Talking of wii fit, it arrived today, but they took it to the depot because there was no one in to sign for it :bawling: Rang up to try and get it delivered to work, but it was just a computer you talk to. I'm not hopeful of ever getting it tbh now!!

Then went running round the Tarn this evening, got drenched, it rained the whole time. Went twice round, took 20mins. Cant remember if thats any good or not. We run more than we walk though, for definate. Then went to do t'nag, full of 'I want to ride' type demeanor, but got there and she'd been fed. Dont have to do mornings now, weee! Although last night she had a tantrum about being out on her own. Am now bothered she might try and jump out into the lane :S So sja is gonna turn her out in the afternoon and she HAS to come in on a night. Even if it takes me 10 hours to catch the little bag.

Cos I couldnt ride, I went to the gym but it was rubbishrubbishrubbish. Only managed 10 mins on treadmill and did the rower. Thats it. Bollocks and a waste of time going. It was busy and my knee started to hurt. I must try and see if any hacks go left out of the yard, although they are clay pigeon shooting tomorrow night, hence it might be best not to try it then.

Pissed off about lack of exercise and have just eaten a big bowl of ice cream. No wonder I'm still fat.

Cool Cob

how the hell do you teach rising trot?

Cob was such a good girl yesterday, am so proud of her. She was lazy but that was no bad thing really, considering. I even did a tiny, piddy, not-even-a-jump jump, check me out...well, I say we jumped...I hate jumping out of trot - can't seem to get myself organised - so I just shut my eyes and prayed I didnt fall off. Then Gymbitch got on and we went for a trundle down the lane, she was such a good girl :D Had a trot (come on, how do you teach rising trot? Without laughing, preferably) and she didnt fall off! Check her out lol.

Shame for the whole day preceeding that I was a lazy assed bitch and did absolutely nothing, so predictably have put on weight this morning, but then, also I did eat shit all day and no exercise. Today I am back on the plan, it's a monday so no banking so will play out in the shop all day, then off to the Tarn (maybe 3 times today? See how TAM feels) then will ride this evening. Tempted to go for a hack but I'm not sure where. Am sure there's a bridleway if you go left out of the yard.

I have 10.5points left. Technically, had I not decided I wasnt going to drink for 2 weeks, I could have wine. Technically.

Tired.

I vowed yesterday, at work, that I wasnt drinking any alcohol at all for at least 2 weeks.

N came over last night, had one bottle to myself then started on the white russians. Shockingly dont feel too rubbish today (yet) and managed to resist a sausage sandwich from the farmers market.

Went round Danefield on pony while Nicola ran. Was muchos fun trotting off saying 'come on! just a bit further! to the bin! no, to the bench!' Maybe I have Gymbitch tendancies too? She whinged about the boy the whole way round then wanted to watch a DVD (mmm, socialble) but bitched cos everything we had reminded her of this boy, who, lets remember, she didnt actually want to to be with?!?!

I need to get back on track with eating, and MUST point wine. I do not have magical, non pointed wine, it makes me fat. Vodka, however, is far better points wise. Plus Chris prefers me on vodka :lol:

Must get motivated and do some cleaning and other boring domesticated shit, but itunes and, umm, spider solitaire is so much more fun..,.

Two Good Days....

Today has been lovely. Not for any particular reason, other than everyone was in a good mood, even my irritating customers were tempered by others who either openly laughed at or sympathised with me. Smelly wasnt wearing a bra (clearly she thought stu was in) and her nipples hurt because of the baby. No, darling, they hurt because you are wearing NO FUCKING BRA AT WORK. She's taken all day to white & carter and it still isnt done. Still, happy day, I dont care.

Gym was spectacularly successful - rower was ok-ish (couple of rubbish ones), x-trainer on level 13 for 10 mins AFTER a 41minute run/walk job in which I travelled 3.14miles. I'm not ENTIRELY sure I trust those treadmills in a distance sense, but that's what it said. Whatever, I did it, was knackered afterwards and am now having ice cream AND wine. Just as well I had a call to say s would do t'nag.

This is turning me mildly philosophical, but it's also been semi brought on by a conversation with the Gymbitch. The idea of this all was that I would feel more confident in myself and I've been SO looking forwards to looking thin, because obviously being thin is going to be the answer to everything that is wrong with me. However, the whole 'arms' thing is worse than it ever was, even at my veryvery worst, but only in the week after I come off my period. Still undecided about the happy pills effectiveness, will see next month I guess. I think I'm more insecure now than I ever was and it's not a good feeling.

Also, when do *I* get to see the whole thinness thing? no-one believes that i dont see it, I know they dont. Logically I do know I've lost a fair amount and that should also include size, but my mirror says it doesnt. So I'm actually frightened that I wont ever see when I'm too thin (ha). And what happens then?

I think I might want a fat scan doing at some point soon. I promise I wont cry afterwards (in the gym).

Anyway, happy day. We've laughed loads, worked hard and had fun. I really enjoyed today. The fact I've bought Wii Fit has helped, along with the copious amounts of wine, I think.

Happy happy happy.

Today is a good day.

I'm not really sure why, to be honest, but after the week of feeling like utter shite today has been lovely. It's helped that it was t-shirt weather for most of the afternoon I think. Seems to have been winter for the longest time.

I felt so thin today, I really dont know why as I obviously havent dropped 10 dress sizes in a day, but it was nice. Shame then that I went to the gym, did badly, then went to Netto on the way up to pony and got some fake haribo. I only went in for a cucumber.

I think I have to accept the pretend happy pills arent really working. Stupid hormones.

Lesson on Pony on saturday, should be good. Ipod loaded with more music and more coming via amazon...

All I really needed was a lottery win and wii fit to be available and it'd be the most perfect day ever!

So horrible

Yesterday I was comparing myself to another girl at work, thinking 'at least now I've lost weight, i'm not as big as that anymore'... Then we got chatting about weight loss, cos although still big, she has lost loads since being at work just cos she's on her feet all the time. Turns out she's a size 18-20 :S So truly am not smaller than her in any way, shape or form!! Feel awful now, for a/ being smug that I was thinner than her, b/ cos it's a horrid thing to have done and c/i'm huge then if she's an 18-20. She's the same height as me so it's not that.

So, I've had a measure quickly this morning. Hips are fatter, calves arms and thighs have stayed the same and my waist is smaller. My wrists have got fatter as well :S

Was more positive yesterday because I'd lost some more weight but it's back on this morning.

Got a lesson on cobbit on Saturday. Kind of looking forward to it.

Gym tonight, then a night off ponies. I'm doing this morning so sja will sort her out in the eve.

Walked home from the yard last night down east chevin road. Took an hour :S

today has the potential to be a good day

I feel (even if I dont LOOK) thin this morning, I've lost everything and more from being a fat cow last weekend and I slept ok.

BUT i talk too much, I still look fat and nicola is coming over later. She'll tell me the yard Moll is at is awful and then I'll have to listen about her boy-woes.

I have 8.5 points left apparently. I might have wine tonight after all.

300 posts

blimey, who would have thought my boredom threshold would have held out so long?

Not a great day today, still bothered by the picture. Didnt stop me squashing tonight, she was a good girl, if a bit strong at times.

Work was...work.

Happy pills either really not kicking in or a load of bollocks. Not sure which.

stupid stupid stupid

today had the potential to start off just as bad as yesterday although crisis seemed to have been averted my just restarting my machine before I switched the tills on. Work, all in all, wasn't that bad, just busy. C was a tit, as ever but we all got on well enough and I didnt have to shout at anyone today.

Got to yard, tacked ponio up and took her in the school. Chris biked up east chevin road (crazy boy) and took some pics of me on her. Two he deleted without even letting me see ('there's no point, you look awful') and the 3rd he let me see, but honestly, I look bigger than the horse. And the blurb that says those jodhs give a flattering sillouhette? I'll sue under trades descriptions.

So, I've got home, he's cooked a lovely big roast chicken dinner and it WAS really lovely. But afterwards, my tummy swelled that badly it looks distended. Huge. Back on vegetables tomorrow. Really don't want to go off to his parents now, I feel shit.

Bad do earlier. Think infected.

I hated today

1. Got to yard early to find shetland already out so Molly couldnt go out. Kindly they'd hayed, watered and skipped her out, but it meant I'd had a journey up there for nothing, other than to tell her what a pretty pony she was.

2. Got to work, checked the broadband....nothing. Then my computer (master) crashed. So had to restart everything and ban everyone from touching anything. Got the broadband working again.

3. Credit card machine on the end till decided not to work. Had a tantrum, kicked some things and it worked again.

4. C is a tit. He cannot stay out of the office for longer than 5 minutes, which is no good when I am trying to concentrate because

5. S had put cash through on an account as a cheque, so I had no way of telling if the fact the till was up was because he'd put it through wrong or because people had paid their subs back. Finally finished banking at 11.30.

6. CUSTOMERS. Please don't expect me to make the decision for you. I don't tell you stuff because I like the sound of my own voice, I am telling (suggesting, whatever) you to do something because *I think* it will help your pet. I wont tell you to spend money needlessly, I wont recommend the most expensive product, if I recommend something it's because *I* think it's the best for whatever you want it to do .

7. STAFF. Don't take the piss, don't argue back when you're in the wrong and I wont get cross. Simple, no? You'd think.

8. COMPUTERS. It crashed again as I was doing the sat eve banking. Then I forgot to run the reports.

9. Got to the yard, wanted to ride, but no one about and no one likely to be about for a while. Yard is spooky (to horses and humans...) and I really didnt fancy riding on my own, esp as Cob has had a few days in. OH whinged about coming up (he had my saddle anyway), so I decided to lunge instead. Pony was a tit. BUT did some really lovely work, so, do I be pleased about what I did get or be frustrated at her 'I cant hear you...' behaviour?

10. I swear my phone got a text when I was on the way home, but it was as I was sliding it down. No text when I got home. This has frustrated me cos I want to know who it was from/what it said, or if I just imagined it, which is most likely.

11. I've just unsuccessfully managed to worm the cats. Well. They're wormed, but it's taken both chris and I a good 45 minutes and we're both covered in tuna.

12. I can't decide whether to get up early to the yard and ride before work (AND make sure she gets turned out), or get up early, turn out then go to the gym before work. The main thing that bothers me about riding before work is what if I lose track of time? I need to pick Dan up too. Plus...the idea of running for 45 minutes makes me want to poke my own eyes out. But I dont want to not go just cos I can't be arsed, because if I do that now I'll do it again....Basically, I'll be fucked off if I go, and fucked off if I dont.

13. I still havent cleaned my tack, made my lunch or got myself organised for tomorrow and I'm tired. :whinge:

I'm sure something good happened. No idea what it was though.

Twice in 2 days

Gymmed again this morning.... 3 miles (41mins, not impressed, the idea is to get QUICKER), then rower and x-trainer...rubbish rower and even more rubbish x-trainer, had to put it down to level 10 cos I was knackered.

Might not ride :lazycow:

Not really much else to say...Managed to lock myself out of my internet banking earlier, rang up and apparently I failed on the questions (?!) so had to do an emergency trip back into town to get everything unlocked, cos they barred my cards and everything. Bit overkill but suppose I'd be grateful if someone had tried to pinch the 25p I have to my name. And they nearly didnt accept my passport and driving license as ID cos neither of them looked like me :rolleyes:

I'm really tired today as well, have really struggled to get motivated. Maybe 2 bottles of wine last night, although fun, was a bad idea?

sleepy and a little bit drunk

Am homealone as Chris at work catching up on stuff we just havent got time to do during work hours. Suspect I *should* be there with him, but tbh, my work is up to date and I'd just get bored and silly.

Went to the gym after work (smelly needs a new car, as her silver cross pram wont fit in her festa...oh and she's 'given up smoking' apparently. Wish I'd heard when she told the customer that, I'd have said something!!) and ran 3 miles, yay me. Well. I didnt run it all, but probably ran more than I walked, although def not in the last mile and a half. Took 39minutes, then did rower and x-trainer on level 13. Check me out. Went and did cob after, she didnt get her toes done today and clearly didnt go out. Raaah. Lunged her and she was a Good Pony. Love that horse, so much.

Really felt I deserved wine tonight, so have had 1 bottle and am about to open the second. Day off tomorrow. Was planning on going to the gym, but the thought of run/walking on the treadmill, on my own, for 40 minutes makes me want to poke my eyes out.

I'm knackered. Got blisters from the stupid rower.

Not itchyarms, yay me. Weigh day tomorrow. IAS tomorrow.

very very good....then incredibly bad. Oops.

Ah, well. I tried.

I jogged to and from the yard this morning....from the car which i parked at the top of the drive. Then after work I went to the gym (stef bailed out AGAIN) and Gymbitch made me run 2 miles on the treadmill...which I just managed (25mins - lots of walking tho), spent the whole time bitching at her needlessly... Especially as i think that if I hadnt done that, I would have a/ managed 3 miles (eventually) and b/ it was just unnecessary. Probably should have gone on the cross trainer too, but, lazycowitis today.

Didn't ride. Cob got a good groom instead. Getting a pedicure tomorrow, hopefully if farrier has time. I get a lie in too, so who bets I am up at 6am again?

Itchy arms. All kinds. Such an arse and utterly ridiculous.

I have a huge LONGING to get veryveryveryvery drunk. Not for any particular reason. And I'm buying Wii Fit. I'll save for it, it'll take 10 years, but I want it :brat:

So, the good - running 2 miles...and my slowest rower was 1.15m. Admittedly I did do that first before the treadmill. So, they were good.

The bad...2 slices toast & butter with steph, 1 creme egg and a bowl of posh waitrose ice cream.

The twatlike....itchy arms.

Such an ungrateful ratbag.

raaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh

Here's the crash, slightly earlier than predicted but here nevertheless. I wonder why? It is obviously hormonal, so am back on the happy pills so that'll be another month or so before they kick in again.

So after yesterdays Triumphant Hack, I decided to ride in the arena tonight... Must ask the owner if I can ride in the field, it's horribly deep, flooded and she leaves her jumps up. NOT conducive to having a relaxed, attention-paying cobbit. The clay pigeon shooting in the next field didnt help either, but it wasnt the most inspiring of rides. I rode badlybadly, I still ache from going round Danefield yesterday and she took advantage. Pretty much every evasion (bar bucking and rearing, thankfully) were thrown at me and I failed on everything.

I've lost my phone charger as well which isnt helping my mood. I may yet be communicating through facebook for a while unless I can buy an ubercheap charger off ebay.

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

quick blog

Urgh, I actually darent get on the scales, I really dont want to know. I'm guessing I'll be back at about 15.12 or so, which is disappointing, but Fat Fighters is most definately starting again tomorrow!!

Parents due round in a few minutes for our Last Supper before they go, with Chris' parents too, so an evening of fun.

Rode the Pony today, went round Danefield!! Am so proud of us both, we went alone and saw all sorts of dangerous monsters (a big lorry, a quad type affair, pushchairs, unruly dogs, other horses -nearly shit myself at that point as before she's spun and twatted about until I've ended up on the floor and she's gone to play with her new friends, but she completely ignored them- and there was a sheep feeder that got a suspicious snort) but then she had a paddy at a puddle? Que? Also had a moment where I parked her up some kind of cliff face while a runner came past on a really bad bit of ground, then when it came to coming off, instead of walking along to where the ground met the 'cliff face' Molly just decided to step off the side :rolleyes: Was only about a foot, but I had visions of coming off then LOL. Bless her she was a good girl, I rode like shit today and if she'd really argued the toss over anything, I'd have come off. Might do some schooling tomorrow, depends on if the school is still underwater. Oh! And I wore jodhpurs. Check me out. And no one obviously laughed either. Some man randomly let me out of the car park though, holding up a load of cars. No idea why as we were quite happy watching everyone go by (cob was pleased of the rest I think) then when I said thank you he utterly ignored me... Odd!!

So, I dont ache that much yet (famous last words) but am so chuffed, it;s unreal. Just hope I can do it again now!

Back to work tomorrow, don't wanna. I could get used to being a lady of leisure, very easily!! Must do lottery more often.

Podged....

I wont be able to ride soon, I'll be too fat again. We've eaten out for the last 2 nights, and big meals too. I darent get on the scales, but I know its going to be bad.

Pony is going to get lunged uber early tomorrow morning before we go trailing off relative visiting, then will hopefully ride on Monday :noplans:

Had lovely birthday, been very spoilt. Loads of books, cds, pair of joules breeches (have never worn breeches in my LIFE :unsure: - highly unflattering too), a charm bracelet with charms on as a combined parents&chris present...beautybox voucher (obv have turned too horsey already LOL), winestopper, Queen-related stuff, lottery ticket... LOL.

Parents driving me crazy though and I know how ungrateful I'm being, which makes me feel worse, but they can be so hurtful sometimes completely unintentionally.

FatFighters here I come again on Tuesday. Honest. Think I have eaten enough this weekend to last me all year.

I'm old :bawling:

It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm officially, properly, late 20's. Parents arrived just after 6pm and have spent the last 5 hours starting with 'What Went Wrong' at age 3 and we'd only got to age 16 by the time they left. I've been drinking and I suspect in the morning I'll be grateful for the ability to touch type.

Just had a text of a staff memeber to say they'll be sick tomorrow, told them to ring the other manager in the morning but I wasnt going in! I'm so mean

Saddle arrived today so took it up to the yard full of excitement to ride, then realised I have no stirrup leathers :angryfire: so borrowed some of stephs which were tiddy and my left foot slipped straight out of the stirrup as soon as I put any weight in it, so we trundled around the arena in walk & spook (really doesnt like the shetland :rolleyes: ) then I just walked up the lane on her....then crossed the road onto the bridleway... ended up turning round halfway down cos it was rush hour and I duidnt really fancy any arguments going the full way round. I dont think there would be, she was so cool.

Saddle is lush, I've obsessively cleaned everything twixe today, just cos its mostly all new I think but I love that saddle. It's wrong just how much I love it.

Have said I will turn out in the morning. Will regret that I think.

Huge grins

Rode the pony tonight. First time in 6 months, first time at new yard....so I rode bareback cos my stupid saddle STILL hasnt arrived :grumps: Love the cobbit, such a good girl. Got a pic cos her old sharer came up to see her and I just have the biggest grin ever, look a total fool.

Gymmed tonight too (keen), was so rubbish it's unreal. Had a bit of a shit day foodwise, people bought me cakes cos it was my last day at work before my birthday so obviously I was obliged to eat them all, just as I am obliged to be on my 2nd bottle of wine now.

Sarah is here to see Chris and is irritating me cos she keeps going ON about how much weight I've lost. SHUT UP. I dont want to hear it. Logically I know I must have lost plenty of size - I know I have, I have the smaller clothes - but I dont see it and it makes me uncomfortable that other people DO. Dont look at me, I dont like it.

Want my saddle to come.

Decisions. Maybe.

Right. I need to stop being such a wimp. Pony was A Very Good Girl tonight - I forgot the gun club are based next door and they were clay pigeon shooting tonight. Took her in the arena to lunge and had a prancy, idiotic pony who thought she was walking hot coals for about 5 minutes, then she got bored and worked properly :wub:
Wanted to get on her tonight, just for 5 minutes, but no stupid saddle.

So, she was such a good girl. I have no reason to believe she wont be out hacking, but *I* will tense and she will react. I'll just take a hip flask with me maybe.

More decisions - The Diet (with subheading The Gym)... Will get the parentals visit out the way then stop eating. Was meant to go to the gym tomorrow night, but friend has already bailed out on me :rolleyes: so will go on my own, get OH to pick me up, hopefully with saddle and go in the arena for a toddle about.

There are no lights up at the yard so winter-riding will be impossible unless I can hire the arena at the bottom of the lane (on a bridleway, so no roads in the dark). So my gym membership will be used far more over winter, I'm guessing. I'll still try to go at least 3 times a week in summer though. Having said that, I didnt get back till half 7 tonight, but much of that was just fannying about with Cob.

Havent dared get on the scales and will wait for weight to be under 15stone before I have another fat scan. Is that cheating?

So tired

I've slept though the last couple of nights. Think the answer is no coffee, bugger. Miss my coffee.

Even slept last night, despite the 4am alarm :sigh: Was worth it tho, we were down there (MK) by 9am and after some kerfuffle and 5 minutes where molly said 'will I wont I go on the box' were back on the road and home by 1pm. And THEN... I went to the gym. Was a bit rubbish though, it's the treadmill that knackers me out. Didnt do it today cos I had new(ish) trainers on and they're a bit too small (bless the christopher for trying though) and I thought they'd make my feet hurt so I did the bike instead and got numb toes on there. Plus the bike is BOR-ing.

So at least I did some exercise to counteract the sat-on-my-arse-all-day ness & bread/chocolate chip cookies.

Knackered now, have already fallen asleep in the bath and still have much to sort out. No idea how to work logistics of getting to the yard-work out :unsure:

definately crazy

Today I have jogged/walked round Yeadon Tarn twice (took 20-ish minutes, shockingly I didnt check properly), then I went to the gym, I was going to do my normal treadmill stuff, but just walked for a mile on a 4% incline & at 4mph. Might not do so much for the fat shifting, but hey, I went running for that.... it's more than I would have done. Then I did a rubbish rower and on the x-trainer. Did do some arms, but started texting people so gave up and went home. Made OH come get me. Oops.

Still not sleeping greatly, but I genuinely dont know what it is that's making me so wide awake. Overexcitement, I think is part of it, but other than that? Money... Bought the baggage a new saddle this morning (ouch, better fucking fit) which at the minute will take approximately a million years to pay off, my weight, I hate it. It's not shifting and I can't stop eating. Have wine now, and if I still dont sleep tonight I'm having my migraine pills tomorrow night.

We've arranged to go out with friends tomorrow night with friends for a meal, I really dont want to go now. I don't hugely want to eat in front of people I dont know that well and I'm not drinking (not if I need the pills). I hatehatehate one of the boys that's going and I can think of about a million things I'd rather be doing.

Girl from the yard came down to work this morning with my keys - really must go look at it :blush: but have a backup ready, so that if it's hugely awful, The Pony only has to stay there one night then I can walk her to another yard. Sounds a bit too good to be true though, 40 per week inc haylage & shavings, use of 20x60 arena, showjumps (it's a showjumping yard), if I'm not there by a certain time in the morning, she'll get put out by the (one) other livery and YO will bring her in and check her every night. Doesnt sound like DIY to me, but I'm not complaining :lol: Think I'm going to have to be brave at hacking alone though, she said no one really did but there's no way I'm having her on the chevin and then not hacking on it :lol:

Please let me sleep tonight, I'm REALLY tired, but also wide awake, if that makes sense.

Food:
1 salami slice, 2 x laughing cow light, 1 x rice cake, 1 packet of crisps, 1 slice melon, 1 chocolate rice crispy cake with 2 mini eggs, chris stew, yorkshire pudding, chris-brioche, nutella, 1 bottle white wine.

:bawling:

Must stop eating.

I've only lost 3lbs since the 22nd February.

reasons i cant sleep

1. weight
2. money
3. IAS
4. worried I wont do the pony justice now!!
5. Work
6. letting people down
7. just being a bitch in general

I'll leave it there for now

two days running...

Blimey, have blogged more in 2 days than in last 2 weeks.

Pony-mobile booked and insurance set up. Went to open her a bank account but Wednesday is earliest they can do - arse. Driver is a bit keen though, he wants to leave in the middle of the night to avoid the traffic... I'm hoping I can take my iPod and sleep. Would that be rude?

Went 'running' tonight with friend from work (who I am also doing race for life with) round Gallows Hill. Took us 20 minutes and we finished there cos she (not me!!) was bored. Huh. Think it's about a mile, we walked most of it I think. The problem with the 2 of us is we're both fundamentally really lazy and neither of us push each other. Going again tomorrow with the accountant (AND we find out if we're getting a bonus tomorrow - huge crossed fingers. If we dont get one I'm going to push her in the Tarn) and Sunday with Gymbitch.

Saw a new phone contract on tinterweb today with same network I'm with, for 35quid a month, you get 750calls and unlimited texts. Says you can cancel your existing contract as long as you're within 2 months of the end of the minimum contract - mines up next month, so hopefully I should be ok. Something will go wrong, I know it. But I'm going Sunday to ask about it.

I'm getting tired at long last, I'm really hoping I sleep tonight. However, N is on her way over. Usually has the opposite effect on me. I. Am. Not. Drinking. Owner came into work today and told me I looked like shite & exhausted. That's not great.

Wish I'd gone to the gym instead today. Oh well.

Todays food:
3 x laughing cow light
2 slice salami
2 x salt & vinegar rice cakes
1/2 of a Chris pork pie
1 packet crisps
grapes
Chris-Stew
Yorkshire pudding
half of some kind of nutty pastry affair
Hmm. I'm quite sure I ate more at lunchtime.

WWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Right, if this doesnt work, I'm giving up entirely. This is the FOURTH time I've tried to post this fucking thing.

Essentially, if I was to round things up, in a nutshell, it would be thus:

1. We love the Gymbitch. I'm running, outside, in daylight, where people can see me. AND she doesnt laugh at me (openly!)even when I cant breathe, having run approximately a metre.

2. The pony is coming back!! Equal parts supreme overexcitement, terror and OMG I can't afford this... Actually, I think overexcitement is outweighing everything else at the minute. It'll kick in again once I've had a week of mucking out.

3. Due to combination of Gymbitch & Pony, I've just had the best workout ever. Nearly died doing it, but am so proud of myself tonight, in a 'it's all gonna go to shit soon' way.

4. Might be giving up Fat Fighters. I'm not really enjoying it anymore (the pointing), I'm forever going over points and I could do with the extra money. I should really give up the gym too, but I can't quite bring myself to do that. We'll see how it goes time & money wise.

I think part of the enthusiasm has gone because even though *I* don't see the change in me, I am wearing size 18-20 clothes which not so long ago was an unacheivable target... I dont know. I keep forgetting to do measurements as well, so maybe the obsession is going. lets hope so. Am off the happy pills too now and no one seems to have noticed any difference so ever onwards...I have had one huge slip, but. Itchy Arms Syndrome. I just dont want it all to come back.

Work is ok. The biggest irritant is away at the minute and comes back when I'm off for a week so that works out quite nicely for me.

I'll just have the lottery numbers for Saturday night please and then I think I'm sorted. Positivity, excitement and no whinging, all in one post. Today truly is a good day. Lets hope the fucking thing posts now.

Food:
half a boost bar
8 squares whole nut
the vast majority of a bag of Haribo (maybe thats what made me superpowered on the rower?)
1 packet crisps
1 sausage
vegetables
rachelraita
2 slices chris-brioche
nutella
1 x salami & laughing cow light.

Ouch. I felt thin today too.