ARGH, I am so CROSS with myself, I dont think I really want to get thin at all, after all. Why else would I decide that I dont want the tea I've ALREADY MADE and have takeaway-pizza (not even 'healthy' chris pizza) and cheesey garlic bread instead?!?! And not only that I'm having a fatpig dessert too. I'm such a twat, I really do astound myself.
Do I forget that I'm going on holiday in 5 weeks, which requires the wearing of a swimming costume, in front of other people, and, in fact, being naked in front of other people :bawling: I think I'm going to have to stick a picture of The Holy Bible album cover on all the cupboards just to remind myself what I look like.
FUCK.
Work infuriated me too, have been given go ahead to say who I want to take with me when I 'leave', said I'd already chosen so got to tell her this afternoon, and then she told us she was very excited about the opportunity etcetc blahblahblah but she thought her & B might be moving in Feb. I'm so CROSS, I want her and only her and I can't recruit from outside cos otherwise that will REALLY set pigeons lose at work, but no, no, no, I dont WANT anyone else, V & I just understand each other perfectly, we work amazingly together and no one else is good enough. It's not her fault, obviously, it's not anyones fault, but I was so excited about doing this with her. I'm sure something will work out.
I'm so cross with myself, I feel sick now.
Gymmed tonight, didnt ride. Gym was rubbish as well, did my 3 miles but had to keep walking. Will try again tomorrow night. Not going to FatClub. No point, I'll just feel even worse than I do now. Must ride Wednesday night, they're shooting tomorrow evening and as she was wild tonight, I suspect it will be suicidal to try tomorrow with the shooting too. Just hope the school is dry, I have little self preservation at the minute, but even I'm not stupid enough to hack her out after a weeks box rest.
Stupid knee, stupid horse, stupid gym, stupid food, stupid ME, AAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
