Challenge Queen Rach

I ache....

Day 1 challenge was 0.5mile run 2% incline, 50 close pull downs (30kg), 50 sit ups, 500m row level 10 X 2, then another 0.5mile run on a 2% incline. Did that in 29minutes and my arms ached like hell yesterday. Picking up the phone was an effort. Yesterdays was 2000m row (8m17s), 400m run, 15 sit ups X 5, then 1 mile 3.5mph on a 15% incline (20mins = 1.17m). I can move this morning, but it wont be a good idea to sit still for long today lol. I'm going to go for a nice 'easy' run tonight, same one I did Monday. Hell, I might even attempt to do it twice (4 miles then). I'm not sure I want to know what day 3 challenge might be...

Chris bought my christmas present yesterday... a new laptop, am HIGHLY excited - squeeeeeeeee. It's ruby red. I picked that colour. Could have had bubble gum pink.

The boots I got Vickie for Christmas arrived today...Sadly instead of the boots, they appear to have turned into a full neck stable rug. Would fit a fathorse but I'm a good girl and I'm ringing them later. Poor person who bought it paid the extra for next day delivery too. At least these boots have a while before they're due to turn up.

I need to do some sums to try and work out how soon my credit card and work account can be paid off. Hopefully by April. I might think again in March/April time, if I've been able to move FatHorse about maybe getting a sharer again. I'm already worrying about what might happen with her over Christmas while I'm away. Might just pay Fanny to sort her out and risk getting everyone offended.

rant, blah, bollocks, fuck, wahhhh

Lack of sleep last night hasnt helped current mood, then I took FatHorse round the triangle, something I've refused to do before now because I thought it was frankly, dangerous. I was right and nearly got the pair of us killed. She was a star though. Catching some pikeys robbing some horse feed out the warehouse, and putting 2lbs on at FatClub has topped the lot off.

Even winning £100 on premoum bonds (I'm so cool) can't cheer me up.

Bollocking bastard fucking hell.

Bah

I can't sleep.

Work wasn't overly productive yesterday, must do better today. Wish you could disable certain sites apart from at particular times, ahemfacebookahem.

Went up to the yard after work, intending to ride, despite the wind and the fact it was trying to be dark. Got her all tacked up and was about to lead her out the barn when the farrier turned up to shoot some (nonexistent, thanks to FatHorse) ducks. So, high winds + dark x shooting = FatHorse getting untacked again :wimp: I wouldnt have got anything productive out of her anyway, especially considering her reaction when inside the barn. When I get up again this morning (assuming I can go back to sleep...) we'll go in the school. It's raining now but if it comes to it we can just go on a 20m circle I guess.

Anyway, left the yard and went down to the gym, not exactly full of enthusiasm, but needing to do some form of exercise. Got there and it was packed, so walked out again :blush: Seriously, I've never seen it so full, even in the post-Christmas guilt trip. Got home and decided to do the run I did with Fanny the other day. Walked up to the top of W.Drive, then ran ALL the way nearly. I think I walked for the length of 2 street lamps (maybe 3?) up Farnley Lane. Took me 22minutes. Nike+ says it's 1.33miles, mapmyrun said it was 2miles exactly. So, yay!! Suddenly running 3 miles doesnt feel so out of reach anymore, although Swinsty, I think I have some kind of mental block over it. It's that first bridge, I swear.

FatClub tonight, I'm not hopeful tbh, unless I suddenly get a big bout of sickness before I go. Serves me right for having such an amazing weight loss last week. Going to go to the gym before, but think I will do intervals rather than trying to run without stopping again. Do I do incline or fast? Fast I find easier, so it's a bit of a cheat really.

I've booked a week off at the end of November and then I'm going to be paid for the last of the holiday I havent taken, which, provided I can keep my sweaty little paws off the money, it will go towards paying off my work account. Hopefully on Friday I'll get some money back from 'The Christmas Fund' to pay a bit of what I got from Body Shop to take some ff my credit card too. Technically Molly has enough in her account now (don't tell her, she'll invent some kind of disease) to pay off some of my credit card/account for me but I'd rather leave it there for emergencies. I have £10 now to last me till Friday. Stu won the bonus ball at work, irritatingly. I wanted that, it was nearly £200. That could have paid for something LOL.

Shame really it's dark, I'm wide awake and quite fancy riding. That would be highly organised, to have gone up and ridden already by 6am. One day, when I'm rich and I have my own place, that naturally has an indoor school (with lights) I'll be able to do that... Yeah, I'm just dreaming now.

Sunday

Fuck me, it's cold.

Been to gym (treadmill = 16mins, 1.6miles, 1 min 4mph 90secs 7.5mph, rower = 10 x 30secs 45spm 10secs rest, x-trainer = 11mins,1 min fast 30secs rest 167calories, also did some sit ups and thin arms (reverse pull down 40kgs & hateful arm thing 2 x 3kg weights), was there ages (clearly) and am about to go to Danefield with Fanny and the dogs. Havent ridden.

There was a lady in the gym the other night, I'm sure I've seen her in FatClub but she congratulated me on how much weight I'd lost, then asked me how long it had taken (is taking...). Told her it will be 2 years at the end of next month and she said 'oh... well I've lost 5 stone since June'. I'm pleased for her and all, but am so jealous. And yes it made me feel a bit shit. 5 stone in 4 months. Fuck me.

It was Sues bodyshop party last night. It wasnt as bad as I was expecting actually. Linda Dawn and Sue have all got me nice stuff from there as Christmas presents and I got something for Nicola and Claire from there along with stuff for Linda Dawn and Sue. Spent too much really, but it is Christmas presents....

Must ride in the morning, will read my schooling book for some inspiration and will maybe put the pelham on her for some 'oi, I AM here...' reminders. This is if it doesnt rain over night, if it does the arena will be unusable. I wonder how long a quick Danefield would take actually? Too long I think. I would do the triangle, but the first bit of Yorkgate would be far too dangerous. I rang the Potential New Yard again, they're building some more stables and will ring me when they're finished. Hopefully. In the meantime, I'm not hating it AS much up there....

Christopher off to France in 3 weeks for some more wine.

No less than I deserve really

And I (and Chris) absolutely predicted it too. In fact Chris outright TOLD me that I ruined things with friends by being crazy and I didnt quite believe him. All ok now but is too late, but also means some people arent who I thought they were, which I find far more upsetting and wish I hadnt let so many things go.

Anyway. To thinness!

Tried TAMs dress on again today. I think it does fit better, but my flabby belly shows far too much, dress is still tight over it. Plus I dont think I'd trust a strapless bra in it. Chris had to agree and he also says that 7 weeks isnt long enough to get rid of the bellyness so we've agreed I'll find something else to wear. What I have no idea. New Look has failed me and I like some Monsoon stuff but they are WAY out of my price range. Plus TAMs dress is Monsoon so it seems a bit pointless replacing it with something from there, because I dont want to go up a size if that makes sense.

I can't make up my mind about whether to gym today or not. I've been up and done the horses but not ridden. I should ride later but dont want to go for a hack, and field and school both still wet. Bah. Well..... must motivate self... urgh housework

Blahhhhhh

I MUST start blogging again properly and writing down what exercise I do each day. I've forgotten what I've done during the week and thats not great.

The gym was rubbish today. I tried to recreate Tuesdays amazing running-all-the-time run, but managed 5 minutes before giving up and doing fast intervals instead, rather than the hard, incline stuff. Rower was average and cross trainer was slow. Managed situps and a minute of a normal plank. Also did arms.

Not massively impressed with myself at work or in general really. I am obnoxious sometimes.

IdiotHorse (and Good Day Yesterday Shocker)

Yesterday I got to the yard to bring her in at lunchtime (trying to turn her into ThinHorse) to find the little shit hock deep in the pond at the bottom of the field, eating reeds off the island. Her wellies were sopping and she sported highly attractive black fetlocks, white cannon bones and black to the knee/hock yesterday afternoon. Turns out there's a man who comes shooting and he puts corn on that island to encourage the ducks there. Apparently he can't work out why he's not had that many birds this year. I think I've found out why.

Anyway, brought her in, went back to work and then to the gym afterwards... Had my BEST EVER run - 2.5miles in 25minutes dead. I walked for 2 minutes. Was nearly dead by the end and I made Fanny take a picture on her phone to prove it, then I texted everyone with it :geek: Bit cross though, in that I had to stop so I wasnt late for FatClub, but I KNOW I could have made it to 3miles. Probably not in 30minutes, but near enough. FatClub though...think (hope) my weightloss mojo is back...had lost 7lbs from last Tuesday. And yes, I am eating.And not being sick.Wish I could do that every week!! So naturally Chris and I went for pizza for tea. Was SO good. Garlic bread was the best ever.

So, yeah, good day yesterday.

Today...not so good, but its still cool cos yesterday was my favourite day of this week so far. Went on a hack with FatHorse this morning, went the 'wrong' way round the bridleway. Raced a cow (technically, I think it was chasing us) then had a full on fit at a (stationery) 4x4 with an (empty) sheep trailer attatched. Was horrible at the time... First we were in the bush, then the middle of the road (cars behind) then I made the mistake of whacking her, so we had PROPER toys out of the pram for about a minute - felt like a lifetime. Had to stop any thought of doing anything effective and just cling on. Then the little fucker finished her tantrum and strolled on as if nothing had happened!!! We were nearly home as well, like 100metres from the turning back to the yard.

Got to work...had an ok day, bit boring really and just had a really shit gym session, although I DID do 2000m on the rower in 8.30minutes. Itched though, which was shit. And Chris brought some Ben and Jerrys home, which was a bit rubbish lol, although am still within points. Going to go running round Cambridge tomorrow night with Fanny.

Am determined to be in the dress Tam gave me for the Christmas party. I need a strapless bra though, which could be ...difficult. I have 7 weeks to lose 2 dress sizes. I am assured it's doable. Had a FatScan tonight which shows almost no difference to last time I had one, which is shit. Next time will be better.

So tired...

Have had a kind of rubbish gym session, a fab ride - schooling - when she wasnt rushing she was Very Good Indeed and then went to Swinsty with Fanny and the dogs. Took us 50minutes, which was rubbish, but hey...3 workouts today. I'm knackered now though.

Not got nags to do in the morning either, probably just as well, I'm feeling a bit rubbish now. Thought it was dehydration earlier, but I've drunk nearly 6litres of fluid this afternoon/evening, so can't be, surely? FatHorse is playing out in the field tonight, big :crossfingers: she doesnt colic overnight. She was such a star today, was SO proud of her.

OK food, have pointed everything I've eaten and am still 0.5point inside. Think thats probably actually been used up by the generous helping of Nutella I had though. Tomorrow have Shreddies & porridge for lunch, along with the obligatory pink & whites and rice cakes. Must. Be. Good. Can't decide whether to attempt an evening ride tomorrow, ask Fanny if she wants to go for a run, then some sit ups at the gym afterwards or just go running on my own. Oh, these decisions I have. OR I might even gym tomorrow morning. Depends on what time I get up/how I feel. Was awake from 4am to 5am this morning then went back to bed, the next time I looked at the clock it was 9am. Poor ponies.

Or, I might just do nothing :rolleyes:

Woman about the yard never phoned back. Will try again tomorrow morning.

Right. Enough.

This is ridiculous. While I don't want to get back into my shitness of over summer, I DO need to get that self control back. I'm getting lazy in the gym, I'm not running as much and it's all rubbish. I've lost 8 stone, I 'only' have 4 stone left to lose, I can't give up now.

So. A goal.

I'd like to be 13stone by Christmas. Preferably less, but, you know.

I'm not running with Tam on a Monday night anymore, but that doesnt stop me going. Still going to the gym with Stef on a Wednesday and Thursday evening. I like to gym on a Sunday morning. Depending on my mood, Tuesday before FatClub helps. Plus riding. I'd like to start swimming again too. When I'm not entirely sure.

I'm hopefully going to look at a new yard for FatHorse over the weekend, if there's space there. Hopefully it won't be a rat infested flea pit, I've stalked it a bit on GoogleEarth, it seems nice enough. It means hacking round town but at least it will be lit, so if the arena is flooded, I can still ride. Havent told Steph yet I'm thinking of moving. Can't imagine it going down overly well. It's on my way to work too. According to mapmyrun it's 1.7miles from home across the park, and I could hack with Stef and Noddy too, as well as people from the yard, if I like them. It's cheaper too and my car won't have to struggle up the Chevin anymore. So, I've pretty much convinced myself I want to go, without even seeing it. They might be nutters.

My finances are a bit shit at the minute, but I've got stuff for sale at the minute, if it doesnt go on SU/ebay I'll attempt a car boot or something. Was going to put the money from the horsey stuff in FatHorses account, try and get it to £300 as a 'buffer' for emergency vets/checks etc, then use the £30pw I put in it to go against my work account (currently £700, eek) or my credit card (darent admit what's on that). And anything non-horsey I sell can go straight against my card or work account. Have been giving Chris £20pw (for, ooh, 2 weeks) to go in a Christmas Present account, so will keep on with that. I've got Fannys present, got her a Nike+ kit. Havent even thought about what to get Chris. He might end up with socks yet.

Urgh, whingey, meh....

Hopefully this is just cos I'm over tired and I've eaten too much today.

Came back from Evies last night (top night), straight to bed and then alarm went off at some ridiculous hour so I could drive to Birmingham for the trade fair. Wasn't bad, think I might have been flashed on one of those average speed check things though :S Actually, the fair was really good. I should have spent tonight going through it all and sorting it out but all I've actually managed to do is bath, eat and watch telly. Rubbish. If I'd got organised a bit better I could have gone to the gym before it shut but I...didnt. Also clearly have not been for a run OR ridden. Will ride and gym tomorrow. Honest.

I hate liars. Why tell me one thing, then for someone else manage to do the one thing you can't do for me? Fine, so you dont think enough of me to do xy or z, but please dont lie about it. It always gets found out, and because I'm such a chicken I'll never say anything to you, or confront you over it, so I'll just write about it here, where I know you'll never read and twist myself into getting an ulcer or some such bollocks over it all.

And now Iceland.... I want to go, I really do, but I'm going to miss my pony and my kittens and I am SCARED about the flight :( and I can see myself getting horribly worked up over it all and not enjoying any of it.

happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts happy thoughts

acheyachey

Dont know why but moving is an effort this morning. Knee is still sore and leaking mank which isnt helping.

Rode the FatHorse last night, she was a good girl and poo picked her field. Will finish it off later today. Also had an emergency eyebrow wax last night lol. Can't decide whether I want to ride or not - was meant to be going for a walk-only hack with Sue but she's bailed out on me (not entirely unexpected), and now the thought of schooling makes me want to poke my eyes out and can't really be arsed with hacking on my own. But then, I want to ride before I go away, although I suppose I can Monday at some point and Tuesday morning.

Having my hair done this afternoon, very exciting. Going to GLEE tomorrow, can't really be arsed but never mind. I'm going to go uber early, aim to get there for when it opens and then be done and home by 6pm. Aims and all that. Never driven to Brum before, bit nervous lol.

I'm going to be ill for Iceland, I know it. My head is fuzzy.

Have packed most of the stuff I'm taking. Thought 20kgs would be hard to keep within, but :touchwood: i seem to have kept it under.

As for dieting, exercise etc.... Since I fell over (I;m still so embarrassed) I had 2 rubbish gym sessions, Wednesday I should just not have bothered going. Food has been eaten, a lot of it as well. Yesterdays gym wasnt so bad, could be better but I say that every time and never push myself hard enough. I should really go today or for a run, but as with riding I can't pull myself together enough to go. I've got so lazy :( but I know if I go and dont do it any quicker/better than any previous runs I'll be rubbish. Tomorrow I wont get to go to the gym although depending on when I get back, I might go for a run. I can gym monday and tuesday hopefully.

I cant remember if I put that those bras I got from La Senza on tinterweb didnt fit - I took them back yesterday and was going to get more bras to replace them. Nothing fit :bawling: The only ones that vaguely fit (cupsize) were way too big in the back. I'd forgotten the card I'd paid for them on, so now I have #40 vouchers which i can only spend on pants cos nothing else fits me.

Shockingly this hasnt increased the self loathing, just means I can't stop eating. PLEASE kick back in soon, I'm putting weight on like you would not believe.

Urgh

Stupid manky knee. Got greeny-yellow shit coming out of it...nice.... Still hurts to do the rower, get on and off machines and....stuff. It's only a graze, how can it hurt so much?!

Was meant to be my day off tomorrow, but have to go in - Stu forgot that K had already booked the day off and let V have a days holiday, so I'm doing a half day and not going in at all Tuesday.... Just as well cos I'll be utterly over excited lol.

FatHorse got sedated today to have her legs done. Nicola sedated her, stayed to make sure she was ok, then left and the little shit (Moll, not Nicola) came round seconds after N left. So we twitched her and got her done. I'm so jealous, she has uber skinny legs now. Wish my legs got thin just by shaving. She looks so smart now. Well, her legs do, the rest of her resembles a yeti but I'm not clipping her till I get back from holiday.

Still thinking about yards etc. Is making my head hurt. There is a potential in Otley, which sounds good. No lights on the arena though, but I could ride on a morning, and there are lights in the barn (there arent at current yard). I dont know, am trying not to get too overexcited. Not doing anything till I get back from holiday anyway.

Food has been shit. Gym wasnt so bad as last night, but was painful. Stupid knee. Dont want to go to GLEE on Sunday on my own :( Bah humbug.

Wish I could get back into being good again.

Bah

Self loathing isnt really kicking in as I'd like. Put 1lb on at FatClub yesterday :( I have a sneaking, horrid suspicion it will all kick in while we're away and I'll be too busy being a grumpy arsed bitch to enjoy the holiday and ruin it for the pair of us. Obviously I will try and avoid that.

My knee hurts :( Stupid grazed knee. Why is it always the little things that hurt most?

Rubbish.

So, about that self loathing and hatred...

Can I have it back please?

Went for a run this morning....was both successful and highly unsuccessful.... Successful in that I ran up more hills than Saturday AND it took me a minute or so less (hey, it's less) BUT I also fell over :hugeblush: and have a rubbish ankle that hurts to walk on and a grazed knee which hurts to have clothes on.

FatClub was rubbish, another 1lb on, but instead of channelling the hatred, Chris and I went to the Royalty for tea instead. Was nice, but not as amazing as we like. Still, I have got drunk so i am happy.

Need to ride a FatHorse in the morning - clearly safer than running!!!

There we go!

Self loathing and hatred has kicked in at last, just in time for my holiday. Better late than never I suppose. Hasnt stopped me eating a sandwich, having dessert or hot chocolate though :rolleyes: Have been a dick.

Had a fat scan. Same weight as way back in July.

La Senza shopping arrived, doesnt fit.

Work....I'm not seeing I'm getting into my new office any time soon.

Fat Fighters tomorrow, MUST go. Can't decide what to do, work - QUICK Mol then gym & FF, or swap Mol and FF?

Oh these decisions. And no, I'm still no closer to knowing what to do about yards.

stiff, achey, grumpy....

Pffft, I don't like squat thrusts. I can't move. Well, I can't decide if it's them or the toetap whatsits. I havent done any squat thrusts today, but HAVE done the toetaps and could barely move afterwards. Am very stiff now!!

Gym wasnt as good as it could have been, but did do homework (bar squat thrusts & the planks) and did thin-arms too. So happyish.

FatHorse attempted to tell me she had colic today, but I disbelieved her and tacked up anyway :bitch: Funnily enough, as soon as she realised we werent going in the school/on the normal bridleway ride she forgot about being sick. She was ok on the triangle (was only going to do a short ride in case she WAS sick so made sure was in yelling distance of Steph, Carl and Beth at all times :lol: ). Got back 'home' and she was full of it, so decided to carry on and do the bridleway ride backwards. We had a mini tantrum because I made her go past the track to home, then was tense and ridiculous for a good while after. Then noticed a Discovery coming up (slowly) but there was a little red car tucked right in behind it, looked like it had come up fast, then was jut going to scoot out and overtake as we passed. Turned out it was being towed, but the disco braked which little-red-car obviously wasnt expecting so the tow chain clanked on the floor as we were level with it - FatHorse did the biggest spook ever, then picked herself up by bucking then stopping dead and was clearly trying to decide whether to head for home (but that would involve following The Monster of feck off the way we were headed, so I made her mind up for her by booting her in the ribs and off we went. Somewhat slower than I expected/intended as we now had to spook EVERY step in case there was something else to be concerned about. Got very cross and she got Big Smacks. All this was witnessed by Carls brother - ooops. Was telling him the other day what a good pony she was, and his young daughter was more than welcome to come and tootle about the school on her. Ah well, dont suppose that will happen now LOL.

oooh, I do ache. Will school the little monster tomorrow. Can't decide whether to put spurs on or not. I'm not entirely convinced my legs are stable enough, especially in canter. Need some James Bond style ones, which could be built into my boots and everytime I put my leg on it activated them. I'm insane.

Must go for a run tomorrow, after work. If I can move. Need to stop being a lazy cow. I may be GOING to the gym and getting sweaty, but I dont seem to be progressing very much, if at all.

Been a while....

And not much new to report, as ever.

MUST get back on the wagon with food and exercise, I've let myself become lazy and undisciplined this last week. I have homework from the gym - because I won't do it AT the gym, it's embarrasing - but I did it tonight... Turns out I HATE squat thrusts. They HURT. Only managed half the time I was meant to. And I fell over doing the side planks. Amused Chris by using the cat as a weight for the twistyturny stuff, but she objected so used 2 bottles of vodka instead.

Have moved FatHorses FatCamp, onto the hilly bit next to the arena, so hopefully it wont get so wet/cut up and she can stay out for longer and I wont have to worry about her paws. I'm still undecided about what to do about yards. Technically I have to go up twice a day anyway, but the arena has mostly washed away and what's left is still flooded. Plus there's no indoor lights to muck out in (headtorch needed maybe). I dont know, I really dont. I know I'm better off than some people, but I have been so spoilt by other yards I've been on.

Went shopping today in Hgate. Chris was adament we were buying matching winter jackets, but I managed to customise mine and it ended up being cheaper than his (ha!), so I got some clever thing that can be about a billion different things, but I'm just going to use it as a hat, and hope it doesnt make me itch. Also got some sunglasses (Bloc) and a big handbag which can be used for my hand luggage on the flight :biggrin: Oh and La Senza pants. I've just looked on the site and apparently I fit into their bras. Hmmm....

I'm sure there was something huge I meant to blog about tonight, but buggered if I can remember what the hell it was.

tired and complacent

I'm in 2 minds over whether to go to FatFighters or not tomorrow. This week has been SO BAD food wise it's unreal. I've been a Very Naughty Girl. It's been very tasty though. Self loathing and hatred is starting to kick in again though, which is good. I'm getting far too complacent and lazy. Gym this morning was RUBBISH. Was most amusing when Fanny fell off the treadmill and then we couldnt do anything constructive for laughing too much. I really wish there was cameras in the gym precisely for that reason, it was the funniest thing I've seen in ages.

That doesnt say very much really, does it? :unsure:

FatHorse was a pain in the arse in the school, so just trundled up and down the bridleway quick. I'm trying to decide how long a 'short' Danefield would take on a morning. Minimal roadwork.... Hmmm. It's just getting down the hill, doing it on the bridleway could be a bit treacherous (uneven is not the word) but not sure I fancy being on the road AND downhill at that time? We dont do trotting downhill. Decisions...

Please will someone make up my mind for me?

Because I am obviously incapable of doing it.

Do I stay or I should I go?

In other news....Didnt ride. Wetwetwet. Arena under a foot of water, as is most of the yard. Could have hacked I guess but not really in the mood - :coughhangovercough: DID go swimming though, check me out, on my own too. Did 70 lengths, nearly killed me. Took me hours.

Was meant to be going to see a friends band tonight but instead have stayed in, drunk no alcohol, watched a DVD and done a jigsaw puzzle. Rock n roll. I think I am actually 45.

I lost myself, I cannot speak

go on, take everything, take everything, I want you to...go on, take everything I dare you to. I told you from the start, just how this would end, when I get what I want then I never want it again...

Somehow, other peoples words fit better than my own.

I've been drinking, clearly.

Tired

As ever I thought of lots to blog but I'm tired and can't really be arsed.

Rode the fathorse this morning, she was a pain in the arse. I really am going to have to think about moving yards, seriously. The arena is flooded almost constantly in this weather, I rode in the field this morning but now she's shod we've marked everywhere we went, the hacking is amazing, but the only hackable routes on a morning involve a narrow, fast, busy road. When I'm told she's been done for the night, I'm not convinced she has been....That's not such an issue, because I always go and check her anyway, although I am worried about my holiday. But then I spend time up there and I love it. I love being on a small yard, and being left to get on with things as I want. I just dont know what I want.

Went to yoga last night, got told off for giggling. Come on!! She told us to give our pelvic area a lovely massage, then we had to stroke our inside thighs!! Everyone else must have been made of stone not to have laughed at that.

Work was a bit shit today, although Stu and I found a caterpillar and made him a house with mint, tomatoes and some random bit of tree in a fatballs tub. He's very small though and stu drilled holes in the lid but I think he'll squirm out. In fact, I couldnt find him when we left tonight. I'll get to work tomorrow and he'll have eaten the office ala the very hungry caterpillar.

Food has been shit, we'll not mention that. I think I might attempt swimming over the weekend. Maybe. Gym was good, I think. Managed a minute running (on the flat, natch) at 7.5mph. Did thin arms and some sit ups too.

Tired now, can't decide whether or not to gym before work, or go to the yard. It's rained on and off all day, so can't imagine the school will have dried out any and we're meant to have heavy rain all weekend.

Very excited about going to see Terrorvision again in October :grin: Chris will hate it.

I think I've actually fallen in love with the Juno soundtrack.

Big FatHorse Cobby tantrum

Tried to recreate the lesson this morning - my God do my hands hurt! Had to give up holding onto the breastplate, but tried very hard NOT to slip my reins. Worked to a certain degree, but not as consistent as the lesson. Suppose to be expected really. Was Very Forwards Indeed. No problems falling into a downward transition and canter was...long!! It's the only way to describe it! Having gone from only managing half a long side of canter before falling back into trot to managing 2 circuits is shocking. She tried falling in on the transition into trot from canter, but for the first (and probably only time, ever) I had a contact AND my leg on and she couldnt. Well, obviously, she could, but she clearly wasnt expecting me to be so organised and sending her on, so thats where the tantrum came in. CERTAINLY wasnt expecting me to push her through it (neither was I!!) and after that was a Good Girl. Sulky, but good. I'm still in shock that so many problems seem to have been solved just by picking up (more of) a contact. Even (especially) canter - I would have thought having more of a contact meant that she had more of an excuse/I was stopping her going forwards, but as yet :touchwood: that doesnt seem to have happened.

We went out for a hack yesterday morning, just round the bridleway. Think I might have to rethink the idea of doing that on a morning now the schools are back - it was Busy. She's having a day off tomorrow - me and Fanny are going to the gym in the morning before work, then yoga after work, so between work & yoga I'll go up and muck her out, she needs new shavings in.

Pleased with her today, she was good. My riding is atrocious though. Hands and legs are everywhere, especially in canter.

September measurements

Tuesday September 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 26.5
R. thigh - 26.5
Hips (inc tummy)- 45
top hips (on bellybutton)- 41.5
waist - 36
under boobs - 32
L upper arm - 13.5
R upper arm - 13

Saturday August 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 26.5
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 45
top hips (on bellybutton)- 44
waist - 35.5
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 13.5
R upper arm - 13

Meh.

You are always trying to keep it real,

I'm in love with how you feel.... I loveloveLOVE that song, so much. I can't even say why, it just makes me feel all happy.

I've enjoyed this weekend. FatHorse got new shoes (fronts) put on yesterday and her FatCamp made bigger, then we went to BingleyLive...Was fab, Infadels were .... Well.I was kind of disappointed by them cos I love the albums so much, but the first 2 songs both had 'sound issues' and then no one else really seemed that into them. They were good though and I enjoyed it. Chris was a bit bemused I think. I'd rather go see them in a grotty club somewhere I think. The Automatic were better than I thought they would be, the Delays were good and so were Scouting for Girls. Terrorvision were ace, loved them. They're playing in leeds in October, I think we have to go. Band/woman on before Infadels...Emily Bones... Much to Chris' horror, I loved her. Looked for an album (I can imagine her being fun to run to) but just managed to subscribe to some podcast instead. Missed the Happy Mondays cos we were both tired and ready for home (via the pizza-takeaway...hummm) apparently they're rubbish live anyway.

Got up this morning and brought FatHorse in to wash her legs and rest (ahahahaha) before our lesson. Also washed her paws so we looked marginally less like dirty pikeys. Went to the gym after, and had an ok session. Not the best, but not the worst either, by a long shot. Got the key stuck in the locker though, which was foolish. Pat had to come and rescue my clothes. Thankfully it was before I went in, not after I'd showered.

Went into Leeds afterwards. Got a tankini (check me out) from Bravissimo. My belly hangs out the bottom of it though so dunno if I dare wear it :blush: Really need to win the lottery and go spend it all in there. Was measured for this getup, current bras are 36GG...tankini is 32HH. Can't decide if that means they've got bigger or smaller - cup size wise. Went to M&S after and just got a 'normal' costume (for half the price :rolleyes: ) and I think I feel more comfortable in that. Oops. Went into Primark and got some jumpers (still iceland shopping), then looking in New Look and got 2 new tops (1 says Miss Attitude, the other announces 'Here comes Trouble...' and has a picture of little miss trouble on it.

Got home just in time to go up and get the FatHorse for our lesson. Instructor is really nice and we solved the 'falling in issue' in about 30 seconds by getting me to pick up my contact by about a foot. Oops. She had me holding the breastplate where it attaches to the d-rings with my outside hand with my little finger to keep it constant (they hurt like buggery now) and ask with my inside hand for her to soften, on a circle at first, then as she starts to soften to go large. She felt so slow and stuffy to start with, but apparently this is good. Was easier to ride when I got 'it', but I could feel myself getting ahead of her at times. Am to NOT KICK as that makes her shoot her head up. Meant to ask about spurs but I forgot. Whip must be used behind my leg (so basic) and not on her arse. When I got 'it' though, 'it' felt amazing - nice and short and right *there*. Chris tok some pictures and a video... We worked on canter, but didnt really get to work hard on it as FatHorse was knackered. It's going to be REALLY hard to keep my contact on the canter transition cos I feel I'm stopping her by holding so 'tight' but she didnt, in fact we had our longest arena-based canter ever on the left (allegedly our worst) rein... Chris filmed it - you can hear me yell 'GOOD!!' as we make the transition (head isnt pretty, but the transition is nice, rather than running into it) then all the way round you can hear me yelling 'Good! Come on! Weee! GOOD GIRL!!' Oopsy.... Going to book another one when we get back from Iceland. I can't really afford them any more regularly sadly but it was good. Sundays is going to have to be Lesson Day over winter. Pissed it down the whole time, till the end of the lesson, then it stopped. Typical. My hands look like they're all over the place on the video though :S But it was good, I enjoyed it and instructor is nice.

Good weekend.

I'm so ashamed of myself

In so many ways.

Riding this morning... I was tired and rode badly and she just took advantage or I caused her to do it, I'm not entirely sure. Anyway, I inexcusably lost my temper. I fel so awful now :( Ended up giving up any idea of schooling and put the jump up (it was that sort of day - only went up to about 1ft6, if that) and we did that a ew times. Poor pony :( Wish I had the money for regular lessons. I emailed someone today but she's yet to get back to me. Think she'll be too far away though.

Work was rubbish, banking didnt work (I was doing creative-sums), people would ask me questions and I'd totally forget how to SPEAK let alone answer them, Dan fucked me off, he really is a lazy shit (although I can't talk today) and I ended up spending the day surfing t'net and doing fuck all.

Went up to the yard and had to have my picture taken for this jumpathon thing - I look hidious, I'm easily as wide as Steph and Sue put together :(

Went to the gym after, had to put the incline down on the treadmill, to 3 :blush: awful, but did 40seconds on the rower. Cross trainer was ok. Intended to do a mile on the treadmill again when I finished on x trainer, but did 2 minutes and gave up out of pure laziness. I could have done it.

Then I've come home (chris is out), and instead of reheating my vegetables, I've made myself 1 marmite & banana sandwich, 2 slices of toast and honey and had a pack of pink & whites. This is in addition to the toast, cake and biscuits I had at work :'(. I'm am so STUPID, it's no wonder I'm so fat still.

Check me out

With my exercise endorphins...

I had an ok gym session, but came out happy with it. Did treadmill (work - 6% @ 6.5mph on intervals for 15 minutes then ran on until I got to 17minutes (1.55miles), then did rower and x-trainer. Also did stretches but Stretched hard (haha) and managed to get my head on the floor. Was going to do thin arms but got bored, so did 2 x 15 chest press with 15kg and then 2 x 10 ... dunno what you call them, but they're hard and did it with 2kg in each hand. But yeah, came out HAPPY, then someone commented on how I look and I feel a bit rubbish. Why cant I accept a compliment?

Rode a FatHorse this morning, that also went well... The falling in was marginally better, I think. Works well concentrating on me - I am causing it - and the buckets in the corners helped me too. She's been a bit flat recently, so have started giving her some cool mix just to give her a little boost. She is desperate to become an Indoor Pony so might succumb over the weekend. Just a bit worried though that while I'm away she'll just stay in and not leave the stable. Hmmm. Can't decide what to do for the best.

Want to be thin, rich and a good rider :( None of them are looking remotely possible any time soon. Bah. Damn my impatientness.

Only to be expected

But hasnt stopped me feeling rubbish. 2.5lbs on. So far am ok, and have refrained from pigging out on rubbish, although I'm going to have to go to bed soon to make sure I dont. I went for a run this morning, round the bridleways at the yard. It wasnt a good run, I walked a LOT, but still got out of breath and sweaty so I guess that's something. Lunged FatHorse after, no falling in, so must concentrate totally on me tomorrow. Am going to put buckets in the corners to ride round, see if that helps.

Work was rubbish, I was very lazy.

Went to the gym, that was ok. Must start doing resistance again, I've got lazy.

I am upset. I know it was inevitable, but there was the tiniest smidgeon of hope that I could at least have stayed the same, especially with running (badly) and the gym tonight. :(

How much have you lost??

What Have You Lost?

Your weight loss =

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human’s skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s penis (yep, weights more than his heart!)
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

I've lost nearly an average fashion model, and still want to lose an Irish setter.

Look into my tired eyes, see someone you don't recognise

I'm still tired and achey but I've been able to motivate myself a bit more the past couple of days. Thankfully. Even managed a trip to Tesco and made myself go down all the nice food aisles and resisted, check me out. Couldnt quite resist 2 flumps, but fuckit, they're flumps, how pointarific can they be??

Can't decide what to do tomorrow. Rode FatHorse this morning without the gelpad, can't decide if she was better or worse than normal. We really need to work on halting and not marching off because she's bored. Falling in is becomming a proper pain in the arse and we had a big argument over it. I'm going to lunge her tomorrow I think, and go for a run before hand, if I can get myself up in the morning. May gym before FatClub (yes, I'm going) if I'm not dead on my feet by then.

This is all obviously dependant on me getting up. I'm not especially hopeful, I'll be honest.

Food mostly been ok today. Annoyed with myself for losing my temper with the FatHorse.

Positivity can wait

Although I do feel 80% better since I went for a run after work. Went to Golden Acre and somehow managed to get lost. How I have no idea, considering there's a track, but I got lost. Think I did about 2.7miles. Took 33minutes. Walked a LOT, but while I was hating myself earlier, it's the first time I've been for an outside run since before FatHorse kicked me so I should be happy, really. I;ll try and keep telling myself that, but I have a niggly little ... niggle that tells me I *could* have run for longer. And further, my getting lost cut a decent chunk off it. Might do the stable run tomorrow. Or round Danefield perhaps.

My electric fencing keeps getting uber loose, not sure how :S Didnt ride (again). WILL get back on tomorrow. Will get some more schooling ideas. Or go round Danefield. Or the triangle. Am fed up of the poxy bridleway and so is a FatHorse. Arses, can't hack, her toes are still sore. Still, farrier due this week, she's getting front shoes on.

Have stuck to points so far today. Not even tempted by some pasta in my veg curry. Could eat pretty much anything you cared to put in front of me though, still :blush: Tomorrow will be a test, unless I can keep myself out of the house most of the day. I really must have a big sort out and ebay a load of stuff, I desperately need the money now.

Last miserable post. Promise.

Well, I'll try.

So, I am now 14.7lbs (on my scales). So thats three quarters of a stone put on in the last 2.5 weeks. Thats not great, especially as we go on holiday in just over 4 weeks. If I'm super-good I might get to be under 14stone, but I do have to be super good.

I can make a million excuses, the main one at the minute is I have a infuriating cold that just wont develop into a real cold, but at the minute is leaving me snufly, achey and extra tired, which means I can't motivate myself to do anything. This is what pisses me off, I suspect if I could just kick myself up the arse and GO, I'd be able to do it without dying (chest also feels tight), I'd feel better for going and I'd be (hopefully) starting to lose weight again...

Yeah. Today I will eat well, I will do some form of exercise today, whether thats wii fit, a run or riding and I will start losing weight again. Hopefully.

I'm not even entirely sure why I'm blogging this...

I just repeat myself over and over.

We're off to Iceland in 31 (squeee) days. I have not lost even approaching 20lbs, it's looking doubtful I'll be under 14stone now, let alone under 13 like I so desperately wanted to. OK, my knee didnt help, but otherwise all my motivation has gone, I can see me still being like this in December, bitching and whining I havent lost any weight.

I KNOW why I havent lost any, I just dont know where my enthusiasm for gym/dieting/riding/anything has gone. Had to force myself to ride this morning, I rode badly and FatHorse either felt the same way or else she was just being spectacularly ungenuine so we called it a day after about 15 minutes. I'm getting shoes put on her fronts next week, so hopefully will hack out a bit more (ha).

I'm a bit scared as to why enthusiasm has dipped, this is what happened at exactly the same time last year with the gym. Although just recently I've wondered about going swimming again. Unsure as to whether it's cos I'm thinking of Iceland or cos it's hot or what. I'm eating so much rubbish too, I dont know why. I eat it, KNOWING I'm going to regret eating it, but I do it anyway. I never point my food anymore either.

All rubbish. I should be saving money for Iceland - I've saved 60quid so far, and as I need to go holiday shopping (:|) beforehand, that will disappear before we've even left Leeds - cos I'm so porky I need a Bravissimo costume (if they have them in my size :S) which are 50odd quid each.

I'm so tired today, I really can't get myself enthusiastic about anything. If I had a hangover, I'd at least understand why but nothing.

Must stop whinging and start doing stuff and making my blog a much more positive place to be.

Quickly

as I should b getting ready - busy day (hopefully...)

Need to get arse into gear and go down to the gym, then go up and bath a fathorse and dye it pink, before getting yard ready for BBQ tonight.

Also still thinking about New Yards. Fathorse might be settled and happy there, but :dunno: I like it a lot up there, but I'm there cos it's so convenient mainly. I'm not convinced a FatHorse will be looked after the way I want her to be while I'm away so I'm starting to panic about that.

What to do, what to dooooo??

(the answer, in the shortterm is to stop procrastinating and go get dressed and get moving. I'm going to be lucky to be under 14stone now, let alone under 13 :bawling: )

better day

Although Steph and I arranged to do our jumping tonight, so we could just concentrate on the BBQ tomorrow and I completely forgot I was meant to be at Chris' sisters for (another) Body Shop party. Oops.

Jumping was 'ok'. FatHorse was a nappy little bitch and would NOT go forwards at all, until we started jumping then I just had to sit and pray.

Party was also ok...only a couple of people there I didnt know, it was..well, ok. It didnt help I was half an hour late though. Bought some shimmer eye cubes...they looked nice but I'll use them once and then never again and some brushes.

Not a 'bad' food day, but not a great one either, especially as I was intending on going to the gym after jumping so wasnt as good as I could have been. Still, food ban tomorrow, until the BBQ anyway. Going to ferret away a bottle of vodka that only I know about.

Not sure how I'll get the car back though. Might need to go for a head-clearing walk up there Saturday morning lol

Dont know what the hell's happening

*shrug*

I 'slept' in the living room last night then got up to ride t'nag and sort her out, by the time I got to work, everything was completely normal? And he's arranging what we're doing when in Iceland. So I assume it's all good. I'm going gay next I think. Much les hassle, I'm sure.

Riding was fun this morning. We went in the field cos the arena was still under water, I DID thin about going out for a hack, but decided I wasn't quite suicidal just yet - thankfully I think. FatHorse was highly excited about being in the field and we spentmost of the ride (about half an hour) in canter, just bouncing about, totally and utterly overbent, snortysnorty and froth flying everywhere. I didn't jump. Thought about it, then remembered the knee is only just really ok - painkillers work if you up the dose!! - and actually I quite wanted to be alive. So, Friday, I think, I will die. I might try in the arena tomorrow. Might. Chris has just cheerfully informed me it's pissing it down, so I might be hacking out anyway. She's getting front shoes on next week.

Her wellies are rubbish, they've let mud and crap in everywhere, must see how much neoprene costs and see if Sues mum can make me some. Think they'll have to go under her heels though as I think thats where they let most of the crap in. So, that was an amazing waste of #70.

I've added up my work account. I'm hunting for stuff to sell, frantically. It's over 500quid - there's the clippers, the spare blades, the electric fencing, then the reins/breastplate etc. I'm sure I don't need two kidneys, I could ebay one I'm sure.

Gym was good tonight. Did my quick workout - did 15mins on treadmill, 5% incline 6.5mph on the work minutes, did that for 15mins, then rower wasn't too bad. Cross trainer was a bit rubbish but 'ok'. Can't decide whether to gym tomorrow or go running. Will see what Fanny's up to. I got on the scales tonight and I really will be lucky to make it under 14stone, let alone under 13 for Iceland. In fact, the only way I'll get under 13stone is if I suddenly develop dysentry or something. I still think I should be 'happy' if I get to 13.7 but I can't see myself doing it somehow. I still want to try running and swimming in Iceland, either one or the other daily.

So far, we land in Iceland on Tuesday night at (GMT) midnight, so suspect we'll just fall into bed. Wednesday we're going Gulfoss and Geysir, Thursday we're pony-riding and whale watching (if they accept I'm in their weight limit - am yet to find out if they have one. Friday I think we're just going to see what we feel like doing, Saturday I have earmarked for shopping, Sunday we're off to the Blue Lagoon and we come back on Monday.

I feel so shit about how I've behaved towards Nicola. I'm having the same done bakc to me and it's shit, I hate it, and the more it happens the more I keep pushing stuff, which is exactly what she does. I;m such a bitch, have no idea how I can make it up to her :S

That, appears to be that.

I think I am now single again.

Urgh

I feel sick, I disgust myself.

Food ban tomorrow.

RubbishRUBBISH.R.U.B.B.I.S.H.

ARGH, I am so CROSS with myself, I dont think I really want to get thin at all, after all. Why else would I decide that I dont want the tea I've ALREADY MADE and have takeaway-pizza (not even 'healthy' chris pizza) and cheesey garlic bread instead?!?! And not only that I'm having a fatpig dessert too. I'm such a twat, I really do astound myself.

Do I forget that I'm going on holiday in 5 weeks, which requires the wearing of a swimming costume, in front of other people, and, in fact, being naked in front of other people :bawling: I think I'm going to have to stick a picture of The Holy Bible album cover on all the cupboards just to remind myself what I look like.

FUCK.

Work infuriated me too, have been given go ahead to say who I want to take with me when I 'leave', said I'd already chosen so got to tell her this afternoon, and then she told us she was very excited about the opportunity etcetc blahblahblah but she thought her & B might be moving in Feb. I'm so CROSS, I want her and only her and I can't recruit from outside cos otherwise that will REALLY set pigeons lose at work, but no, no, no, I dont WANT anyone else, V & I just understand each other perfectly, we work amazingly together and no one else is good enough. It's not her fault, obviously, it's not anyones fault, but I was so excited about doing this with her. I'm sure something will work out.

I'm so cross with myself, I feel sick now.

Gymmed tonight, didnt ride. Gym was rubbish as well, did my 3 miles but had to keep walking. Will try again tomorrow night. Not going to FatClub. No point, I'll just feel even worse than I do now. Must ride Wednesday night, they're shooting tomorrow evening and as she was wild tonight, I suspect it will be suicidal to try tomorrow with the shooting too. Just hope the school is dry, I have little self preservation at the minute, but even I'm not stupid enough to hack her out after a weeks box rest.

Stupid knee, stupid horse, stupid gym, stupid food, stupid ME, AAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Panicking nice and early:

1. The plane will crash
2. You are legally obliged ( :huh: ) to shower - naked - before getting into pools in Iceland. There are attendants to ensure you do. Not even Christopher gets to see me naked. This is almost enough to make me want to cancel the whole thing.
3. They'll say I'm too heavy for the ponies.
4. I'll see some nice clothes and I won't be able to buy them because they won't fit.
5. The scars on my legs. They're so obvious, both in visibilty and what they are. And like a twat I keep adding to them.
6. EVERYTHING I've read keeps going on about how stunning Icelandic girls are. What if Chris compares us?
7. Luggage gets searched for razorblades etc. Humm.

There was more stuff I was worrying about earlier. Can't remember what it was now.

I reallyreally want to go swimming every day (despite worry *2) and running - I've looked at the map where the B&B is, and the roads APPEAR nice and straightforward. Plus the pool is just down the road from the B&B. And we'll be riding (once) although I can't see that it'll be 'active'.

5 weeks now till we go.

Didnt ride FatHorse today :( They were shooting behind the arena and she was being a dick just in the yard. Decided with no saddle I'd be safer not riding. Going to ride tomorrow eve though, see how the knee holds up and if it's ok will go to the gym.

Jumpathon on Friday. I want to do it but I cant be arsed with the BBQ afterwards. No one I know will be there, Chris will be BBQing and I'll just sit with him and eat rubbish. And get drunk and send many abusive 'you fuckers, you said you'd be here for me' texts. Maybe I'll just leave my phone at home.

crosscrosscross

FoodBan was RUBBISH and I have put on yet more weight today - no exercise (no walking on Danefield for me) and have eaten lots of cheese, and icecream. Obviously not together.

Looks like I am going to have to take out a small mortgage to afford a swimming costume for Iceland...really I need 2, I want to go in the Blue Lagoon and a geyser...on seperate days, plus every website comments on the amount of swimming pools about. I should start swimming again.

I'm so cross with myself, I WAS doing really well and looked like I *might* do the 20lbs before Iceland. Now I only have 5 weeks left to go and it looks like I'll struggle to get to 13.7, let alone below 13 :bawling:

At least though it looks like we can be quite active in Iceland - the roads look fairly straight forward so if the urge arises, I can go for a run, we're going riding and hopefully lots of swimming if I can get my legs and belly out. I say we're going riding, what if they say the horses cant carry me? They're only spindly legged things, not like a FatHorse.

Speaking of said FatHorse, I'm going to get back on her tomorrow. She has porked out something chronic. So it doesnt knacker up my knee much more I'm going to attempt bareback, so lots of schooling in walk. Could be fun, could be insanely boring. Wont attempt trot, I WILL fall off, so will save that for when the knee is better.

What else do I need for Iceland? Going to get my hair done before we go and 2 x swimming costumes. I can't actually imagine I need anything else...

HOW MUCH???

I got on the scales this morning :bawling: So, rubbish eating from Wednesday - yesterday evening and no exercise means I've put on THREE QUARTERS OF A STONE :bawling: :bawling:

Food Ban today :nod: Will see how I feel re the walk round Danefield later, my knee is niggly now and all I've done is the hoovering.

Today is taking so long to get started, didnt roll out of bed till half 10 - what is WRONG with me? I'm never like that.

Starting to think about Iceland stuff in more detail now :biggrin: Being under 13stone for it is clearly never going to happen, so will settle for 13.7lbs and I will not hate myself for it. Just hope none of the ponytrekking have any weight limits :S. What if they make me get on scales? And before you get in any pool (this will include the geysers and the blue lagoon) you legally have to shower naked. NOW I am panicking!!

Got Stuck

I had 2 very bad ideas today. The first one was driving, to be honest. Very painful and interesting getting out of the car when you can't bend your right leg. Wasn't so bad when I was up at the yard - no one could see me. When in town, however, not so inconspicuous. The second ridiculous idea, was taking FatHorse out for some grass. And then accidentally positioning her so I could scramble on. It wasnt pretty, but it was nice to be on her again, bareback. Just mooched round the arena for a bit, then she went and grazed round the yard (it's dry) while I pretended I was cool with that. Really wasnt, but in a headcollar and leadrope and only 1 working leg I didnt have much say in the matter. Am highly thankful that Sue went and shut the field gate, the little bugger was inching over towards it, and I'd have been on the floor in seconds if she'd made it in there. As it was, I got stuck :rolleyes: so had to go back in the arena and 'fall off' to get off her. Hurt like buggery but ok now.

Have to wear a knee support and take some rubbish painkillers. Not much else happened today. Her paw is looking really good, if you ignore the fact the hair round the really manky bits has gone green :unsure:

Rubbish painkillers and knee support though mean that walking is less painful than it was. Am tempted to try a walk tomorrow. A run IS pushing it, but a walk should be ok. Danefield perhaps?

I am turning into Nicola as well. I must be less infuriated with her. Also must look into booking PonyRides in Iceland/Blue Lagoon etc. We have an extra day and a half there now, can't wait!! Must also get back on the diet. Last 2 days I've eaten a weeks worth of points. I darent get on the scales.

Fed up

Am fed up, tired, grumpy and just generally meh.

Havent been into work today cos of the knee, which is still swollen and lumpy, but less hot. Still no bruising though which is upsetting me greatly, I wanted war wounds dammit. Chris came up before and after work to help me do the horses, which was lovely. He did nets and waters and skipped out while I pandered to The Paw. Not sure if it's less sore now or what, but I am allowed to wash it now, with only a couple of attempts at snatching and 'I might kick you, just try it'. Was a case of standing still and holding my breath to see if she would because I cant get out the way quick enough lol. She hasnt (yet) though.

Still can't get over the quantities of ABs she has though.

Hobbled round to the shop this morning and got a load of magazines
and rubbish food, which I ate ALL of, as well as food-from-here-lunch. Obviously no chance of any exercise which has made me feel a bit shit, but I didnt sleep last night either so that's not helping the mood. PLus it takes me 5 minutes to get anywhere at the minute.

Back to work tomorrow - phone is running out of battery so need to go back for my charger if nothing else lol. If I can work, I'll attempt the gym maybe in the evening, but no running :( Even I'll accept I cant do it today. Chris keeps twittering on about minor injuries which is unnecessary. It was fine when I strapped it up, but vetwrap isnt the best for over knees. Might see if I can get a tubigrip or something tomorrow.

silly old horse

little baggage has kicked me when I was trying to sort out her leg this morning. Knee is now less knee-shaped and more fat-balloon-with-an-interesting-extra-lump shaped. Very sore.

And I have man flu.

Nearly bedtime...

I'm so tired, today has been such a long day.

Woke up at 3am, and never went back to sleep, was terrified about what we'd find under FatHorses fluff, so groomed the cat, did some washing, put it away, came on tinternet....

Found my Heiniger clippers yesterday, however sans blades. Plan was I'd ring round local tack shops and buy some (40quid) blades before going up to sort t'nag out. Therein lies my problem - I'd made a PLAN. Nowhere had any blades. I tried everywhere in a 20 mile radius to no avail. So, plan B was to buy a new set of clippers from work, at 220quid. It's gone on my account, along with the electric fencing and I'm Forgetting About It, for now. Still, they are cool. Very light. Tensioning them is a bugger though. So I have a set of brand new (used once!!) Heinigers to sell, once I've found some blades to go with them.

Finished the banking at work and then met Nicola & her boss at yard. Gave FH enough sedative to fell an elephant - Nicola has seen her fight sedation when having legs clipped before - and I started clipping. To be fair, it isnt as much of a mess as we were expecting. She has 3 seperate infection sites though, and her leg is to be washed, dried and redressed 3 times a day and she has a steroid cream to have on too (wonder if it'll improve my gymness?). And she's on a weeks on antibiotics. Only got the one leg clipped, so she looks a bit of a twat at the minute. Her leg is everso swollen though :( she's on box rest for a week. Can't even turn her out in the yard apparently, in case she gets mank in it all. I've ordered some more turnout boots for her and she is to wear them even while being ridden, when I can ride again.

Then had to rush home and get showered and changed (am still allergic to clipper oil by looks of things, 3 showers later I've still got a rash) and down to Bus.Focus for this meeting. Took an hour and a half to decide something that should have taken 20 minutes and not involved the geekycomputer boys already. Still, am shocked at what the budget appears to be, and it looks like I have 18months to turn this into a success. No pressure then. This is including the set up before it all goes live. I'm excited though, I want to get cracking.

BY the time I got to work was dead on my feet, and I'm sure I had a AMTRA mystery shopper in. If she was, I'm fucked, because I was short tempered and gave her the bare minimum of information.

Managed the gym, although I didnt do the fatbusting program, I just went on the treadmill for 35 minutes. Did 3.25miles. Was ok. I swear I walked out asleep. Had lost 1lb at FatClub so I guess it was worth it, although if I'd remembered to take my water in and had had a drink, I'd have put 2lbs on. Must be good this week. I say that, but Chris had bought me some Phish Food to cheer me up tonight. Was good though.

I'm tired now, but I can guarentee I'll get into bed and wake up. Can;t decide how long it will take me to sort The Leg out tomorrow. I can't imagine for a second she'll be as amenable about me dealing with it with no sedation. She was lame when I checked her this afternoon, but I suppose it's to be expected with the scrubbing it got this morning. Need to buy a huge roll of cotton wool and some latex gloves. I got her a stable lick for while she's in. The packaging claims it will last the average horse 3 weeks. I give it an hour with a Fat Horse, judging by her reaction to it.

Can't sleep

Fell asleep easily enough but woke up at 3am, and am now wide awake.

Utterly terrified at what we're going to find on/in FatHorses leg this morning. Not sure how it's all going to work realy. Going to go into work in breeches and work top (sexy), do the banking, then race into town (or to Beavers, wherever sells them) get some clipper blades (I found my 'new' clippers!) then meet Nicola at the yard where she shall sedate and I will attempt to clip.

I have a meeting at 1pm though at Bus.focus with JB and some internet guy and not sure if I'll realistically be done by then :S especially as I'll need to go home and get showered if I'm not going to scratch constantly. Plus I need to keep going back up there to make sure she comes out the sedation ok.

FatClub tonight as well and I intend on going to the gym after work being as it was so successful last week.

Hope her leg is ok. Part of me is saying she's still sound and she's mostly ok about *me* touching it. The other part keeps pointing out it stinks and there's flies about and I know it's going to be a mess. I'm so cross with myself for not keeping on top of it and not realising it wasnt mud fever when all the mud fever treatment wasnt working :bawling: At least Nicola thinks we should be able to avoid antibiotics.

Poor old FatHorse. :(

I'm knackered

Up at 6am like normal to go up and ride and do stable jobs. Had tacked up and was just picking her feet out, thought her off hind was a bit stinky, picked it up and :puke: pus was nestling all over her heel. So rang Nicola ( :blush: ) and arranged for her to come out tonight.

Work was ok, busy. But good. I didn't make a list of things to acheive today, but it's been a good (well, you know) day regardless.

Went for a run after work round GA, walked more than when I went with the group, but took 5 minutes less, apparently?? Was quite nice, was raining so not many people out. I like that, no one can hear me struggling for breath. Then went up to the yard to wait for Nicola, who didnt turn up till half 8. We're going to clip FH's legs tomorrow cos she wasnt going to let Nicola see what was going on either and it's not good, I dont think. She's still sound though and hopefully we can do without antibiotics.

So, got home about an hour ago. Tired and desperate for bed now, but I know as soon as I get in I'll wake up!!

If I can't be stellar, I won't get out of bed...

Words I should pay more attention too, maybe. Make everyday stellar, set out to achieve something every day and be proud when you do it. In fact, I might even do that, rather than just think about doing it.

Why is it, that when I am nowhere near my computer, I can think of a million things I'd blog, but now I'm sat here, all ready to type up todays thoughts and musings, my mind is an utter blank?

I was thinking about having kids the other night (last night??). I'm not entirely against the idea of having kids IN THE FUTURE, but is it wrong that I can think of far more reasons NOT to have kids than I can reasons TO have kids? And it's not stuff that's going to change overly much either. Hmmm.

Rubbish with food today, for no real reason it's been a chocolate hobnobs day. And also a load of other rubbish day. oh well. MUST be good tomorrow and Tuesday. Should have gone for a run this evening really, but the idea of stuffing myself with food was much preferable and now....I've had a bath and the moment has gone. Funny that. Briefly entertained the idea of doing Wii Fit earlier, but that sems to have gone by the wayside too. Lazy cow.

Rode FatHorse before gym & work this morning - went across the road and down the by way, then back up ECR and back along Yorkgate. Took 25 minutes. Shame really that Yorkgate is far too busy to do that ride on a morning, it would be perfect. Was going to go in the school and practise some RWYM stuff I'd read last night but school was totally underwater. Am hoping Soph and Gunner have stayed in tonight cos then I can ride in the field if it's not raining in the morning. Don't know why but FH seems to be a pain in the arse on a bridleway but golden on the road. Maybe I'm less uptight on the road? Who knows? Whatever, we got round with no MadEquus McMad moments - yay the FatHorse. Did forget my hat though, needed to go back for it PDQ. Doesnt bother me riding in the school without it, but not out hacking.

Gym was gooood. Did 10minutes on the treadmill rest = 0% incline 4mph 1 minute, work = 4% incline 6.5mph, 1m30secs. Was knackered when I came off. Rower wasnt bad, but not great either, and cross trainer was good too, although the last 2 minutes were pure torture and closer to 60 speed than 70. Forgot my belt too for my jeans, ended up borrowing Stu's. Forgot to give it back tonight, oops.

All I've really done tonight is eat :( Might give FatClub a miss on Tuesday night, it's really bad. I'm embarrassed to admit what I've eaten.

This will come to nothing, but...

I've decided that once I reach a respectable weight, FatHorse and I will go and spend 4 days with Mary Wanless (http://www.mary-wanless.com/ ) there's no local inctructors....nearest is Scarborough and I cant afford to pay her petrol money as well as for the lesson on a monthly basis. This is, obviously, dependant on me a/ getting thin, b/ saving the money for it - it will cost almost as much as Iceland is costing and c/ finding a way of getting FatHorse and I down there. Multimap claims its nearly 4 hours in a car.

It's something to attempt to aim for anyway.

I must ride FatHorse tonight. I dont know what's wrong with me at the minute, maybe I just dont like having days off anymore LOL. I just can't work up the energy to do anything really. Kind of want to go for a run, but can't really be arsed and definately can't be arsed with the gym today.

Am very excited about the Olympics, DESPERATELY want to go and watch the eventing in 2012 now. I always get really patriotic during the Olympics and a little bit jealous too LOL. I can't even imagine being part of something like that, it must feel AMAZING.

Oooh, the RWYM instructor does courses too - http://rowbrowfarm.tripod.com/riding_courses.htm but the snob in me wants a lesson from MW herself. Maybe I could go to Scarborough first then work up to a real MW lesson...?

A (not very) successful day

I have:

Had a shit gym session

Electrocuted the FatHorse (I have The Guilt now)

Eaten FAR too much

Done no other exercise

Made Chris cry

Not bad going hey

Hmmm

I'm having a lazy, eat all the pies day today. I can't get motivated at all.

Well, I went to the gym at 8am (couldnt stay asleep, had been up since half 6), then went up and did the nags, havent ridden (and dont feel like riding), just mucked out her stable from yesterday, gave them all haylage and scrubbed her water bucket and refilled it. Also moved her fencing out again. Little bugger has been leaning on the fence to get to more grass and sticking her head through the 2 lines of tape, so I put the energiser on it. God love her, she had the shock (haha) of her life, I feel almost sorry for her lol. She did it twice more then seemed to remember it bit, but everything was snorted at and generally made a high drama of for a while afterwards.

Have also walked into town and spent a ridiculous amount of money in Netto - getting the alcohol for the jumpathon. Really not looking forward to it now, none of my friends are coming and I can just imagine Chris and I sitting with the BBQ all night. Oh well, it's all for charity...

I've been thinking about some stuff Nicola said the other night and the more I think about, the more offended I get. I know the logical thing to do would be to not think about it, but I cant stop dwelling on it. But I cant decide if what she said was offensive or just fact. Chris was off being pissed somewhere so I cant even ask him.

I'm so tired now, I should finish tidying but can't even be arsed to stand up. Was planning on going for a run this afternoon, but....nah.

Grrrr

Hmm. Last night actually ended up being quite fun. Maybe I just can't cope with her when she's single? He sounds lovely though and I hope he looks after her properly.

Was meant to ride this morning but I woke up at half 5 and it was bouncing down, went back to sleep and it was still raining hard when the alarm went off at 6.15, so decided I wasnt going to ride and (attempted) to sleep a little longer. It's now dry as a bone and I COULD have ridden and I'm cross now that I havent.

Can't decide whether to gym or run tonight. At the minute I dont really feel like doing either. Two (big, admittedly) glasses of wine last night and I feel rubbish! I'm nearly as bad as Christopher LOL.

fatfatfat

Urgh, I feel fat already. Today at lunch there was a minor slip up with some thorntons fudge AND some ginger cake and tonight cos Nicola is coming round, we're having pizza, garlic bread and wine.

Can't wait though, I'm such a pig.

Work still tense, went to the gym before work this morning, was lovely. Only 3 of us in. Still couldnt get on the cross trainer though, so did bike instead as fast as I could. Only program 1 though cos I"m thick and can't work out how to change the levels. Did 15 minutes on that (think it was 6km), 30 seconds work/10seconds rest X 10 on the rower and on the treadmill...ta-dah!! 1 minute rest (0% incline, 4mph) and work 80seconds on 4% incline and at 6.5mph. I might try 5% next time, see how I go. Only did that for 10 minutes though. Rode tonight and she was A Good Pony, even did some little jumping - not as big as yesterday though. Friends little boy is coming over tomorrow night to 'ride' her (he's 5) so I'm going to ride in the morning to make sure she's calm in the evening lol. I can't decide whether to gym after they've gone, or go for a run. Or just do bugger all.Check me out having dilemmas over exercise.

I'm so hungry, I can't wait for this pizza to be ready.

FatHorse is out in her LW run tonight to make sure I can ride in the morning (is raining now) so I fully expect that to be trashed tomorrow.

And mum rang, she's lost one of the kittens :bawling: She's really upset and I dont know what to say to her.

Tired

As ever.

Work has been odd today. One member of staff ended up having to go to hospital thanks to some new spray we were using to control mites, but it turns out that not only have we just poisoned a staff member, but we may have just inadvertently written off a load of stock by using the spray on it. The word 'fuck' sums it up quite nicely, I think. Now D has rung up to say his girlfriends mother has just died and he doesnt think he'll make it in Thursday or Friday - so I think I've just waved goodbye to my days off this week. I feel awful for minding, but... I do. I dont mind working all hour if I'm going to get paid for it, but I've been told no more for definate now.

Rode the FatHorse this morning - we jumped the dizzying heights of 2ft, check us out. We'll maybe not do that too many times, I felt sick going in, and sick afterwards for fucking ages lol.

I'm not going to get much done tomorrow at work, I can tell.

Gymmed tonight before FatClub, it worked lol, they think I've lost 2lbs. Well, gym + semi food ban for the day. So that wasnt bad. Shame I've spoilt it all by having the biggest bowl ever of cheesey pasta and chocolate chip brioche!! Tomorrow night is another bad night - garlic bread, pizza and wine. Have invited Nicola over as its her birthday at the weekend and I have ensured I'm busy, but I'm fed up of being a shit friend so she's coming tomorrow instead. I will become A Good Person.

Can't decide what to do in the morning. It's raining now, so if it's been wet all night/still raining in morning, as FH is out at the minute, riding will be out the window, so will just go up, throw some haylage at the ones that are in and go to the gym instead. Maybe. If it's dry I'll ride in morning like normal and then gym in evening.

Gym tonight was rubbish, although it was lovely and empty. Had to go on the bike rather than the x-trainer cos people kept getting on them before me and on the treadmill, i ended up having to put the incline down. Only did 10minutes on that too. Pathetic. Tomorrow I'll do better.

Mum still has 3 kittens and the mum, they all seem to be doing well at the minute. Mum thinks they were just too old when they were born as they actually seem about a week old, not a day old at the minute - eyes are opening, ears are up and their points coming through already. Can't wait to see them. She's panicking they're doing too well though and this is the good bit before she loses them all. She's also decided to stop breeding. I can't decide if I believe her or not.

Raaahhh

We're not talking about weight today. I didnt have much sleep last night (WHY???) and I was fine until about midday (ie, I'd eaten all my lunch bar the porridge & banana) when Fanny announced she was off to Weegemans. I resisted for approximately 5 seconds, then got a hot ham sandwich, a scotch egg AND a flapjack. The scotch egg and flapjack were both gooood but the sandwich was RUBBISH. So not only do I have food-guilt, it's over some rubbishy shit sandwich I didnt even enjoy. Rahhhhh, indeed.How to lose 5lbs (and keep it off) overnight?

Work was rubbish, although got my final bonus figure. That isn't rubbish, but seeing the amount I have on my credit card IS. Ouch. Work wasnt rubbish, actually, *I* was rubbish. Very lazy and even tiredness doesnt excuse it.

Went running with TAM after work, panicked a bit when we got to Golden Acre and there were the 2 others there as well, all four of us were running :eek: Tried to wriggle out of it, but wasnt allowed and OMG if it wasnt a REALLY GOOD run. We didnt go far - 2.3miles but we (all - inc me!!) ran the first 2miles without stopping (the last 0.3 was up a steep hill, so none of us did that). Only managed it cos the first bit was all downhill and the rest of it till the very end was flat, but hey, I did it, and I POSSIBLY could have gone round again, with a walk break. I might try it again sometime, it was nice. We're going to do Swinsty next Monday night. That I'm not looking forward to so much.

Rode FatHorse after the run, I really shouldnt have. Neither of us were really in the mood and she was a stubborn, nappy, backwards thinking pain in the arse and I lost my temper too quickly. Got off after 20minutes before I did something I regretted.

Mum rang earlier, her queen (bellys mum) went into labour early this morning, but had dificulties, so she ended up going in for a cesarian. There was 5 kittens, but they've lost 2. Mum cant decide if she wants to keep one or not (she doesnt know sexes yet) but has said it's the last litter she's having. Still undecided about Bellyboo, she is gagging for it at the minute and everyone in Otley knows about it.

Hope I sleep tonight.

Grumpy....

I'm not riding this morning, which has annoyed me, but after having approximately 2 minutes sleep, I've woken up in a bad mood and I just know we'll wind each other up something chronic. Can't help feel I'm a lazy bitch though. Could have/should have gone to the gym instead. Still running tonight with TAM.

I think I've done something to the right side of my chest, slept funny or something, it hurts a little.

Did think about having today off as holiday, but can't really be arsed with the questions and comments I'll get. I wish I could just take a month off from everything, get my head together and go back feeling good.

It's a definate gain week this week. I might forget FatClub tomorrow.

Bah

I'm so tired. Went up to the yard and rode before going to the gym. Don't know what had got into FatHorse, but she was an argumentative pain in the arse. I can't decide whether to leave the flash off (could be a bad move) or put a martingale on her. Or just to lunge her, but I could do with riding really - re-establish that we CAN go round corners without falling in or generally being a cow.

Gym was 'ok' - if I'm honest it was a bit rubbish, but I was giving myself benefit of doubt having just ridden. I was being too kind to myself, it was a shit gym, I ended up doing the last work 70seconds at 3% incline and the cross trainer was bollocks, I dont think I made it over 65 on the 'fast' section once. Rower was ok though I guess. No time for thin-arms or stretching. I dont know why I'm still late on a Sunday morning. I shouldnt be.

Work was good, very busy to start with but utterly dead all afternoon, so we ended up not taking a great deal at all. Got some new stock out and have ordered some more new things. I'm getting as bad as chris, hope it sells :S, there isnt room for it NOT to.

I did think about riding again tonight, but ended up just going for a pat. She couldnt care less. Soon as she realised I had no food for her, she just trundled off, no interest in cuddles whatsoever. Ungrateful old bitch.

Went for a run tonight as well, it was shit too. Walked far more than I ran. I'm doubly cross too cos I was too embarrassed to run in front of a bunch of chavs so I ended up walking far more than I should have done. Stupid AND rubbish. Mapmyrun says it was just under 3.5miles though so I should maybe do that one a bit more often, practise it, until I can run the lot. There are a *few* hills though...

I think the next time I go running I'll try Fewston, just a bit scared I'll get lost :rolleyes: I dont really remember the way (I've been round it once) but I do remember a bizarre twisty bit around a car park, which is where I have every potential to get lost. Hmmm.

Jumpathon the week after next. Everyone I've invited has either forgotten, made other plans or just plain refuses to say yes or no. So I'm going to know 4 people there and look like a twat too. I dont want to do it anymore, because I am a spoilt brat.

Might attempt Fewston on Friday, I think. Oh God, I need to get Nicola a birthday present. Her birthday is Saturday. And arrange to do something with her. What to get her?

Hello, good evening, welcome to nothing much

It's been a weird day.

Been up since 5.30 as S has broken her foot and Steph went to Myerscough Futurity so I was only one about to do t'nags. Did it all though AND rode, all before work check me out. FatHorse was...ok. But then I dont think I rode as well as I could have done. Pissed it down while I rode as well, then it's been glorious sunshine all day. Typical. Have left FH, Soph and Gunnner out tonight, despite the fact their stables are all ready, was such a nice night. Have left FH naked, it'll rain overnight now and I'll not be able to ride in the morning, you watch. Just got her and Lu to swap in the morning, do haylage for the indoor3, sort t'dog out and ride. Oh, and waters, natch. Should be doable without getting up at 6am...

B hasnt said thank you for her leaving present. Not to me, anyway. I would love to say I'm shocked, but I'm really not. Silly bitch.

I did my measurements this morning and have lost a big fat nothing over the last month, whats happened there? :bawling: I think I've run more and gymmed more in the last month than ever. Soon it will kick in and I'll feel rubbish, but right now, it just doesnt feel right. Very odd. I know I SHOULD be feeling rubbish, but right now, I dont. It's very disconcerting.

Went for a run tonight though, am pleased I went, about 2pm I was going to give it up as a bad idea and play on wii fit instead, but although it was a rubbish run, at least I did it. What is with this un-negative thinking? It can't last. My Nike+ is getting more and more odd though, reckoned this run (the exact same one it measured at 3.44miles) was 1.84miles. I know I walked more, but nearly 2 miles out? Eek. Almost wish I could go out again, feel full of energy again. All odd this week, I havent liked it at all.

Not sure I can be bothered to school in the morning, but no quick hacks, other than the bridleway I ran round the other day and I am bored to tears of that now.

Now I'm getting cross. This is much more like it.

August rubbish measurements

Saturday August 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 26.5
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 45
top hips (on bellybutton)- 44
waist - 35.5
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 13.5
R upper arm - 13

Wednesday July 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 46
top hips (on bellybutton)- 43
waist - 37
under boobs - 32
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 13

A grand total of ... zero inches lost, I believe. Fuck.

This was the day

I was meant to have got to my goal weight.

Nowhere near it.

One day I'll manage it, then fuck it all up. You know it's going to happen.

Not sure what happened there

Was fine yesterday morning, feeling a bit lazy and by the time I'd worked up the energy to get dressed and go to the yard, S had already been and got FatHorse in AND mucked out done her water and hay :blush: so patted her, told her she was a good pony, and came back home.

Took a bit longer to work up the energy to go to HGate and get B a maternity present - felt really tight only getting her #20 from Mothercare as a work present so went to Lush and got her some babyish-related stuff as well. Said I wasnt bothered if I got the money back from that, but have been given it anyway, so thats ok. Also accidentally went into New Look and got some jeans to thin into and a top with Debbie Harry on - love that. Wore it today. Also went to Waterstones and got some more books, and while I was in Lush I got me some more toys. And a DVD. I MUST STOP SPENDING. I have no money. My bonus is spent already and none of it has gone towards Iceland. Also had an accident with some rubbish food. Oreo cookies, pringles and croissants. Nipped into work to take B's stuff in, then by the time I got home I had the start of a headache. I know I went to the gym and had a FatScan (it's rubbish, I'm not even talking about it) - I have the print out here at home, but do you think I can remember it? Last thing I remember from yesterday is leaving work and thinking I should get some petrol (which I didnt do). I have clearly taken some migraine pills at some point because I've found the wrapper out by the bed. Chris says I was asleep when he got in from work and didnt wake up all evening.

Finally hauled myself out of bed at 8.30 this morning and did the horses. Intended on riding but didnt - a good plan I feel, given I still feel dizzy and a bit meh. What wasnt such a good plan, in hindsight, was going to the gym, but I needed to do something. I should attempt going for a run tomorrow night, if I dont ride. I should ride, she's had 2 days off now. Keep spontaneously falling asleep as well which is mildly disconcerting. Have done it twice since I got back from gym. Am not tired?!

We checked the ingredients in the Oreo cookies, cos I wondered if they had set off a migraine, but apparently it's all flavouring and colourings, so not that. I've had them before and been ok as well, which is why it's odd. I'm not stressed. The only other thing I can really put it down to is lack of sleep (I got about 2 hours sleep not last night-obviously-but the night before). But I've had less and been fine? Very odd. I obviously shouldnt have boasted about not having had one for months :lol:

Back at work tomorrow and have eaten shit yesterday and today and have put on weight. This week is a definate gain week. When I feel a bit better I'm sure I'll start to panic and worry but for now ... it's all good.

Gah

Today has been not bad in the grand scheme of things I suppose. Bit of a nothing day really.

Hacked out on FatHorse this morning. Just did the bridleway. It's official, I HATE hacking on my own with a passion. She was an arse on the bridleway, took us 10 minutes longer cos she was a spooky witch and proper-forwards just wasnt an option at all, she was just being a dick. Then we got onto the road, and this redeemed her 100% - we had all sorts of twats trying to squeeze past us at ridiculous speeds. Two cars wing mirrors even collided some twat was so desperate to get through and FatHorse, God love her, didnt even flinch. She did then spook at a sheep, but there were no cars, thankfully. So, I can't really decide to be cross cos she was a pain on bridleway, or be releived because when it mattered, she listened and was sensible. I'll be releived, I think. I desperately want to find someone to hack with though. Chris keeps promising he'll come out on his bike but he never does. I'm almost tempted to ask Nicola if she wants to run with us again. THATS how desperate I am. Thats awful, I must stop thinking like that. I am not a nice person at times.

Work was ok. Money gone again. I'm sure it's D. Spent all afternoon going through the CCTV but nothing.

Went to the gym, did the same as I managed on Monday, check me out!! And did thin-arms. Was tired by end, trundled off in a world of my own.

Been rubbish though. Rubbish. I'm still gutted that the Beth Orton tickets sold out. MSP are just playing their Heavenly songs on another date, but that's already sold out and I cant justify ebay prices on 6 songs. I'm still tempted by the Beth tickets though, it's just the idea of paying 7 times the face value... But...Bonus... Hmm..

:bawling:

:red-flap: :bawling: :bigtantrum:

Sold out.

I really dont know why I'm surprised

My FatFighting friend, who begged and pleaded with me to go to meetings with her because she didnt want to go on her own has given up. Reckons Slimming World will suit her better. I dont even know why I'm shocked she's bailed out on me, but there we go. I didnt even want to go.

I went tonight though. Lost 5lbs, apparently. I dont get it. How can I be uber good one week and not lose a fucking thing, then this week go over points every day and yet lose a substantial amount? It makes no sense. I would say I'm not complaining, but I really am - I'd love a loss like that every week which blatently isnt going to happen and it upsets me that I can't. Rubbish. More compliments, more rubbish. I dont like it, I didnt realise people took that much notice and I wish they didnt.

Was going to ride this morning, but when I woke up it was pissing it down, so I did the Bridleway Run instead. My Nike+ is rubbish, it said it was 0.87 miles, and it took me 31minutes, which is clearly bollocks as I ran most of it. Mapmyrun says it's 2.6miles - much more likely. It was raining though and I got drenched. Had to get chris to bring me dry pants and socks and a towel to work. I intended on riding tonight but I was knackered by time I got back from FatClub, so she's just gone back in the field. I nearly went up and put her rug on but darent cos it was still fairly hot and I know perfectly well she would have trashed it the second my back was turned. I'd like it to be at least a month old before she does that. MUST ride tomorrow, but I'll be pissed off if it's raining again. Metcheck assures me it wont be, but it has been wrong before.

Beth Orton is doing a gig in London on 13th September which I am beyond desperate to go to, but Stu is being horribly slow in replying to my text asking to swap the weekend. Am tempted to just buy the tickets, as I've just watched the platform sell out almost in front of my eyes. Am resisting the urge to text again...and again and again and again.... I have the hugest crush ever on Beth, if I dont end up looking like Shirley Manson, I'd 'settle' for Beth.

GOD DAMMIT TEXT ME BACK.

I should be really happy today

But somehow I'm not, and I dont know why. I know I SHOULD be.

I've found out what my estimated bonus is. It's a good one :nod: Will pay off credit card, put a healthy whack in the extension fund and boost the Iceland Savings Fund somewhat too. My payrise kicks in next week, thats an extra #30 a week after tax, which can go into The Iceland Fund up till we go and the extension thereafter. So money is kind of looking less of a struggle. So there's Reason One To Be Happy.

FatHorse has managed to stay out almost 24/7 since Saturday night and still has not colicked or anything stupid. Reason Two.

I went to the gym tonight, TAM couldnt make running - I was kind of relieved tbh. I'd worked myself up to doing The Bridleway Run (I dont know why it warrents capitals, but it just does in my head)....had even decided to go along Yorkgate first, as that was the bit I was really dreading and was almost looking forward to it, just pure nosiness to see how long it took, compared to being on FatHorse...and I wanted to use my Nike+ again lol, I do like nice shiney things. Then was told the gym was empty and it was, it was great. I'm even proud of what I did - treadmill 5% incline, 6.5mph for 70seconds on each work section to 15minutes, 15 rower intervals and then the cross trainer on level 15. Even did thin-arms. Reason Three I should be happy. It may not be a huge improvement, but it's the best I've done so far.

Reason 4 should be the best yet, but I think it's that that's one of the things that's made me all weird. A customer really complimented me on how I look now. It worries me...I forget how many people I see in a day. What if it all goes pear shaped, what if I get back into eating shit all day and all night? I do sometimes have to push myself to go to the gym or running, what if I give up? It would be so easy just to have a week off, which would turn into 2, which turns into a month...that's what happened at Aireboro. And then what would people think, when I get fatter again?

So that made me weird, added to the fact I had a disagreement with a girl at work, and the new work shirts I got don't fit (too small, natch) and Chris has got all weird about me being on the yard on my own or going running up there on my own, thanks to a sex attack in the forest, means that despite all the good stuff, I've actually been really rubbish all day.

It was (kind of) all going so well

Bah. I've been rubbish with food tonight :( No reason, just being a greedy cow and it was There.

Went up to yard this morning and FatHorse was still within FatCamp and hadnt spontaneously colicked or anything ridiculous, which was nice. Brought her in and turned the shetland out (I LOVE that pony) and went down to the gym. Was a bit rubbish before but the workout was good, although the running was hard this morning. Kept it to a minute on the work sections but had the incline at 5% all the time. I can;t do any longer yet though, I've been trying. Didnt get thin-arms either, must do them the next time I'm in. Might go after FatClub on Tuesday, depends on how suicidal I feel.

Got to work at there was a msg from TPO saying she'd got so hot yesterday she couldnt possibly work today :rolleyes: So that was 2 off sick today, but we managed to get a load done, I'm proud of us today. Went back up to the yard afterwards and rode the FatHorse. Really shouldnt have done, or more to the point, I should have gone on a hack. We just mooched round the school for a bit, did a bit of trot then went in. Running tomorrow night so it will have to be schooling before work. I might lunge her actually, but thats a bit of a rubbish workout for me. Ive already done her stable etc. I've just thought of a run I might do on Thursday - just round the bridleway that I normally ride round. Takes about 40minutes walking and trotting, so I'm not sure how long it'll take to run it. I'm sure it's not 3 miles though, it doesnt feel as far as Swinsty when I'm on FatHorse.

Food tonight has been really rubbish, I'm never going to lose my 20lbs by Iceland if I carry on :(

Once again...two good days in a row!

(so far anyway, I've been feeling a bit wobbly the last hour or so...)

But yeah, today has been fairly good. I think the trick is keeping myself busy, but that's easier said than done sometimes. Havent ridden today OR run OR gymmed because I was working, but I'll gym in the morning and ride or run in the evening.

FatHorse has had her FatCamp rebuilt and she's in it tonight...Cross everything she is still standing in the morning and hasnt done anything ridiculous.

Was slightly stiff this morning but it eased up throughout the day. I think it'll hit me tomorrow!!

Payrise comes into effect August 8th :banana:

Wish I'd ridden though, tonight was perfect for a nice hack but I'm so BORED of going on my own. I might put an advert up at work asking if anyone wants to come riding with me :blush:

Had a really good day

Been so busy as well, havent actually acheived very much but it's occupied me all day and I havent wanted to be a twat at all. Check me out!

Got up fairly latish (lazy cow!), and went up to Swinsty and trundled round... Some woman I've never heard of told me I'd done good so that cheered me up. Wish I knew how far it really was, Nike+ told me it was 3.44miles which it REALLY isnt. But whatever, I was pleased.

Came home, got changed and went to the yard, did a full muck out of FatHorses stable and put 2 new bales of shavings in while she trundled about the yard grazing and just generally being in the sun... I'm sure she doesnt care, but I like her to be out in the sun just mooching about. She did chew the wing mirror on my car though. That wasnt so good.

Came home and got changed again and walked straight down to the gym... it wasnt the BEST of sessions - I had to knock the incline down a bit on the treadmill, but rower and cross trainer were ok. Didnt get thin arms but did the hurty-stretches. Had a shower...and got changed AGAIN!!

Walked home, did boring-housework had some lunch (at 5pm) and went back to yard to ride. Intended to do some jumping, but chickened out. Did 2 jumps and she was being silly so we fart arsed around the field instead. Pony came in all frothed up with sweat and I wasnt much better. Must clean my tack tomorrow :blush:

Finished at yard and got back home, Stef seems to have gone missing :S No one seems to know where she is, which is very odd. Am sure she's fine, but can't help feeling a bit worried.

Realy havent done very much and I'm knackered!! Am working tomorrow now as V has hurt her leg. Had a tantrum about doing it, but I'm getting paid for it, and it can either go towards Iceland-money or on the credit card. Working Sunday too but have thursday and friday off cos I'm working next weekend too. Why is it always my weekends that get fucked about with and never Stus???