Feeling rubbish

Dont really know why, just do. I've been in a bad mood since i left the yard, for a variety of reasons. First off I went to the yard WANTING to ride, really wanting to do some schooling (yesterdays hack consisted mainly of tenseness) got there and she was in (again :grumps: ) so took her out and tied her at the doors while I mucked out. We had BrattyPony for a while and lots of dancing about, but the leadrope was never tight. Then :shockhorror: a group of horses trotted by on the lane. MY GOD. You'd think the world had ended. She had a fit and ended up breaking her leadrope then rampaged round the yard bucking and kicking for 20 minutes, not letting anyone within 2foot of her, and if they tried, she kicked. MOST unlike her, although I have pointed out that if she doesnt go out daily she gets silly the longer she's in.

Yard expressed astonishment that I was still going to ride and I was in a FOUL mood by this point, so admitted it was probably going to be wiser to lunge. Should have ridden. She was a lazy donkey on the lunge. Tomorrow we shall school.

So, I come home. Came through town and got stuck behind The Slowest Driver in the World. Took 5 minutes to get about 10 metres. They turned up towards home, so I decided to carry on up the hill and come across the crossways. Nearly crashed cos some dick pulled out in front of me as I was crossing the junction. So I enjoyed some road rage.

My phone is fuckarsing about as wel, every couple of hours or so it seems to shut down and to receive any messages I have to switch it off and on again, which means I didnt get to go for a run either which has also fucked me off greatly. I could, obviously, go on my own, only I wont because I know I wont run far enough. So that fact has pissed me off too. I'm in a great mood.

So now I'm at home uploading yet more stuff onto the ipod and Thinking while I'm doing it. I can feel myself getting more grumpy and down as the weeks go on and I am desperately trying to stay sane and it's not really happening. What really doesnt help now is I just cant stick to my points, I try so hard and I am fine until I get home (or about 3.30 if I'm at work). I still cant see this alleged thinness. I dont think I'll be happy until I see bones.

Told you...

5lbs on :(

Havent adjusted my points back up and I'll stick to it this week. Honest. My own fault though I've had such a bad food week.Although the Fat Fighters site is now down :bawling: so I can't even point anything now.

Walked up the chevin last night. It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be :blush: I'm not dead anyway although my thighs hurt!

bah :bawling:

measurements

Thursday May 1st 2008
L. calf - 17.5
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 48
top hips (on bellybutton)- 46.5
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Staurday March 1st 2008
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17
L. thigh - 28
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 49
top hips (on bellybutton)- 49
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Bah :bawling: So not gonna be thin for Ash on 31st.

And :eek: Race for Life is in 18 days.

measurements tomorrow

It wont be inspiring. Was going to have a fat scan tonight then decided I didnt want to know. Still dont.

Did gym, but that wasnt especially inspiring either, did walk for 1min/run for 3mins for 20minutes but wish I'd either gone longer or faster now. Cross trainer and rower were ok though - rower only cos gymbitch yelled at me. I really cant row any faster....

Wii Fit came, that thinks I'm rubbish too lol, although I did best at running, oh the irony...

Bonus gets paid on Friday...cant wait.

Spoke to ex about a divorce today. he reckons he's seen something where you dont involve courts or solicitors at all. Not right, surely? Or at least, not legal?

things and stuff

Had a funny day in that i havent started very much and finished even less today. My head is somewhere else entirely. I'd start a job, get distracted and then do something else.

Managed to hold my attention though for long enough to find out I'd got my bonus - weee!! Sadly tax has eaten a big chunk, but as Christopher keeps telling me, it's better than a poke in the eye with a shitty stick. It is, infinitely better. It'll pay for wii fit (which I dont actually appear to have been charged for...) and pay a bit off my saddle. Or go towards the extension. One of the two. Talking of wii fit, it arrived today, but they took it to the depot because there was no one in to sign for it :bawling: Rang up to try and get it delivered to work, but it was just a computer you talk to. I'm not hopeful of ever getting it tbh now!!

Then went running round the Tarn this evening, got drenched, it rained the whole time. Went twice round, took 20mins. Cant remember if thats any good or not. We run more than we walk though, for definate. Then went to do t'nag, full of 'I want to ride' type demeanor, but got there and she'd been fed. Dont have to do mornings now, weee! Although last night she had a tantrum about being out on her own. Am now bothered she might try and jump out into the lane :S So sja is gonna turn her out in the afternoon and she HAS to come in on a night. Even if it takes me 10 hours to catch the little bag.

Cos I couldnt ride, I went to the gym but it was rubbishrubbishrubbish. Only managed 10 mins on treadmill and did the rower. Thats it. Bollocks and a waste of time going. It was busy and my knee started to hurt. I must try and see if any hacks go left out of the yard, although they are clay pigeon shooting tomorrow night, hence it might be best not to try it then.

Pissed off about lack of exercise and have just eaten a big bowl of ice cream. No wonder I'm still fat.

Cool Cob

how the hell do you teach rising trot?

Cob was such a good girl yesterday, am so proud of her. She was lazy but that was no bad thing really, considering. I even did a tiny, piddy, not-even-a-jump jump, check me out...well, I say we jumped...I hate jumping out of trot - can't seem to get myself organised - so I just shut my eyes and prayed I didnt fall off. Then Gymbitch got on and we went for a trundle down the lane, she was such a good girl :D Had a trot (come on, how do you teach rising trot? Without laughing, preferably) and she didnt fall off! Check her out lol.

Shame for the whole day preceeding that I was a lazy assed bitch and did absolutely nothing, so predictably have put on weight this morning, but then, also I did eat shit all day and no exercise. Today I am back on the plan, it's a monday so no banking so will play out in the shop all day, then off to the Tarn (maybe 3 times today? See how TAM feels) then will ride this evening. Tempted to go for a hack but I'm not sure where. Am sure there's a bridleway if you go left out of the yard.

I have 10.5points left. Technically, had I not decided I wasnt going to drink for 2 weeks, I could have wine. Technically.

Tired.

I vowed yesterday, at work, that I wasnt drinking any alcohol at all for at least 2 weeks.

N came over last night, had one bottle to myself then started on the white russians. Shockingly dont feel too rubbish today (yet) and managed to resist a sausage sandwich from the farmers market.

Went round Danefield on pony while Nicola ran. Was muchos fun trotting off saying 'come on! just a bit further! to the bin! no, to the bench!' Maybe I have Gymbitch tendancies too? She whinged about the boy the whole way round then wanted to watch a DVD (mmm, socialble) but bitched cos everything we had reminded her of this boy, who, lets remember, she didnt actually want to to be with?!?!

I need to get back on track with eating, and MUST point wine. I do not have magical, non pointed wine, it makes me fat. Vodka, however, is far better points wise. Plus Chris prefers me on vodka :lol:

Must get motivated and do some cleaning and other boring domesticated shit, but itunes and, umm, spider solitaire is so much more fun..,.