Thursday, 28 August 2008

I'm so ashamed of myself

In so many ways.

Riding this morning... I was tired and rode badly and she just took advantage or I caused her to do it, I'm not entirely sure. Anyway, I inexcusably lost my temper. I fel so awful now :( Ended up giving up any idea of schooling and put the jump up (it was that sort of day - only went up to about 1ft6, if that) and we did that a ew times. Poor pony :( Wish I had the money for regular lessons. I emailed someone today but she's yet to get back to me. Think she'll be too far away though.

Work was rubbish, banking didnt work (I was doing creative-sums), people would ask me questions and I'd totally forget how to SPEAK let alone answer them, Dan fucked me off, he really is a lazy shit (although I can't talk today) and I ended up spending the day surfing t'net and doing fuck all.

Went up to the yard and had to have my picture taken for this jumpathon thing - I look hidious, I'm easily as wide as Steph and Sue put together :(

Went to the gym after, had to put the incline down on the treadmill, to 3 :blush: awful, but did 40seconds on the rower. Cross trainer was ok. Intended to do a mile on the treadmill again when I finished on x trainer, but did 2 minutes and gave up out of pure laziness. I could have done it.

Then I've come home (chris is out), and instead of reheating my vegetables, I've made myself 1 marmite & banana sandwich, 2 slices of toast and honey and had a pack of pink & whites. This is in addition to the toast, cake and biscuits I had at work :'(. I'm am so STUPID, it's no wonder I'm so fat still.

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Check me out

With my exercise endorphins...

I had an ok gym session, but came out happy with it. Did treadmill (work - 6% @ 6.5mph on intervals for 15 minutes then ran on until I got to 17minutes (1.55miles), then did rower and x-trainer. Also did stretches but Stretched hard (haha) and managed to get my head on the floor. Was going to do thin arms but got bored, so did 2 x 15 chest press with 15kg and then 2 x 10 ... dunno what you call them, but they're hard and did it with 2kg in each hand. But yeah, came out HAPPY, then someone commented on how I look and I feel a bit rubbish. Why cant I accept a compliment?

Rode a FatHorse this morning, that also went well... The falling in was marginally better, I think. Works well concentrating on me - I am causing it - and the buckets in the corners helped me too. She's been a bit flat recently, so have started giving her some cool mix just to give her a little boost. She is desperate to become an Indoor Pony so might succumb over the weekend. Just a bit worried though that while I'm away she'll just stay in and not leave the stable. Hmmm. Can't decide what to do for the best.

Want to be thin, rich and a good rider :( None of them are looking remotely possible any time soon. Bah. Damn my impatientness.

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Only to be expected

But hasnt stopped me feeling rubbish. 2.5lbs on. So far am ok, and have refrained from pigging out on rubbish, although I'm going to have to go to bed soon to make sure I dont. I went for a run this morning, round the bridleways at the yard. It wasnt a good run, I walked a LOT, but still got out of breath and sweaty so I guess that's something. Lunged FatHorse after, no falling in, so must concentrate totally on me tomorrow. Am going to put buckets in the corners to ride round, see if that helps.

Work was rubbish, I was very lazy.

Went to the gym, that was ok. Must start doing resistance again, I've got lazy.

I am upset. I know it was inevitable, but there was the tiniest smidgeon of hope that I could at least have stayed the same, especially with running (badly) and the gym tonight. :(

Monday, 25 August 2008

How much have you lost??

What Have You Lost?

Your weight loss =

1 pound = a Guinea Pig
1.5 pounds = a dozen Krispy Kreme glazed donuts
2 pounds = a rack of baby back ribs
3 pounds = an average human brain
4 pounds = an ostrich egg
5 pounds = a Chihuahua
6 pounds = a human’s skin
7.5 pounds = an average newborn
8 pounds = a human head
10 pounds= chemical additives an American consumes each year
11 pounds = an average housecat
12 pounds = a Bald Eagle
15 pounds = 10 dozen large eggs
16 pounds = a sperm whale’s brain
20 pounds = an automobile tire
23 pounds = amount of pizza an average American eats in a year
24 pounds = a 3-gallon tub of super premium ice cream
25 pounds = an average 2 year old
30 pounds = amount of cheese an average American eats in a year
33 pounds = a cinder block
36 pounds = a mid-size microwave
40 pounds = a 5-gallon bottle of water or an average human leg
44 pounds = an elephant’s heart
50 pounds = a small bale of hay
55 pounds = a 5000 BTU air conditioner
60 pounds = an elephant’s penis (yep, weights more than his heart!)
66 pounds = fats and oils an average American eats in a year
70 pounds = an Irish Setter
77 pounds = a gold brick
80 pounds = the World’s Largest Ball of Tape
90 pounds = a newborn calf
100 pounds = a 2 month old horse
111 pounds = red meat an average American eats in a year
117 pounds = an average fashion model (and she’s 5’11”)
118 pounds = the complete Encyclopedia Britannica
120 pounds = amount of trash you throw away in a month
130 pounds = a newborn giraffe
138 pounds = potatoes an average American eats in a year
140 pounds = refined sugar an average American eats in a year
144 pounds = an average adult woman (and she’s 5’4”)
150 pounds = the complete Oxford English Dictionary
187 pounds = an average adult man
200 pounds = 2 Bloodhounds
235 pounds = Arnold Schwarzenegger
300 pounds = an average football lineman
400 pounds = a Welsh pony

I've lost nearly an average fashion model, and still want to lose an Irish setter.

Look into my tired eyes, see someone you don't recognise

I'm still tired and achey but I've been able to motivate myself a bit more the past couple of days. Thankfully. Even managed a trip to Tesco and made myself go down all the nice food aisles and resisted, check me out. Couldnt quite resist 2 flumps, but fuckit, they're flumps, how pointarific can they be??

Can't decide what to do tomorrow. Rode FatHorse this morning without the gelpad, can't decide if she was better or worse than normal. We really need to work on halting and not marching off because she's bored. Falling in is becomming a proper pain in the arse and we had a big argument over it. I'm going to lunge her tomorrow I think, and go for a run before hand, if I can get myself up in the morning. May gym before FatClub (yes, I'm going) if I'm not dead on my feet by then.

This is all obviously dependant on me getting up. I'm not especially hopeful, I'll be honest.

Food mostly been ok today. Annoyed with myself for losing my temper with the FatHorse.

Sunday, 24 August 2008

Positivity can wait

Although I do feel 80% better since I went for a run after work. Went to Golden Acre and somehow managed to get lost. How I have no idea, considering there's a track, but I got lost. Think I did about 2.7miles. Took 33minutes. Walked a LOT, but while I was hating myself earlier, it's the first time I've been for an outside run since before FatHorse kicked me so I should be happy, really. I;ll try and keep telling myself that, but I have a niggly little ... niggle that tells me I *could* have run for longer. And further, my getting lost cut a decent chunk off it. Might do the stable run tomorrow. Or round Danefield perhaps.

My electric fencing keeps getting uber loose, not sure how :S Didnt ride (again). WILL get back on tomorrow. Will get some more schooling ideas. Or go round Danefield. Or the triangle. Am fed up of the poxy bridleway and so is a FatHorse. Arses, can't hack, her toes are still sore. Still, farrier due this week, she's getting front shoes on.

Have stuck to points so far today. Not even tempted by some pasta in my veg curry. Could eat pretty much anything you cared to put in front of me though, still :blush: Tomorrow will be a test, unless I can keep myself out of the house most of the day. I really must have a big sort out and ebay a load of stuff, I desperately need the money now.

Last miserable post. Promise.

Well, I'll try.

So, I am now 14.7lbs (on my scales). So thats three quarters of a stone put on in the last 2.5 weeks. Thats not great, especially as we go on holiday in just over 4 weeks. If I'm super-good I might get to be under 14stone, but I do have to be super good.

I can make a million excuses, the main one at the minute is I have a infuriating cold that just wont develop into a real cold, but at the minute is leaving me snufly, achey and extra tired, which means I can't motivate myself to do anything. This is what pisses me off, I suspect if I could just kick myself up the arse and GO, I'd be able to do it without dying (chest also feels tight), I'd feel better for going and I'd be (hopefully) starting to lose weight again...

Yeah. Today I will eat well, I will do some form of exercise today, whether thats wii fit, a run or riding and I will start losing weight again. Hopefully.

About Me

I am FB *waves*. 27/F/UK. Fed up of being fat so have decided to make myself an online diary of how its going. Also probably featured within this here blog is my OH, my NeedyKitten and work, which is a petshop.