Just woken up after a mammoth sleep session - antibiotics for mouth set off a(nother) migraine which kicked in yesterday morning. Am just about human again now, just tired & drained and feel a bit pukey. Nice.
Not seen pony or gymmed, too poorly sick. Don't suppose pony or gym care but wish I'd been capable of doing both.
Still tired. Got my gym stuff ready for tomorrow. Dunno if I'll manage it though. Still, anything is better than nothing.
Tuesday, 20 January 2009
Sunday, 18 January 2009
My legs will ache tomorrow!
To be fair they'd started aching yesterday after riding, but today I've gymmed and ridden. GYm wasn't bad, treadmill: rest - 4mph/0% incline/60s, work - 6.5mph/4% incline/60s. Did that to 15mins then put the incline to 0% when the work minutes came up and just ran till 1.6miles. Rower did 5 x 500metres with 30s rest. Had a 'quick break' of 180 situps then did my normal cross trainer. I've been thinking though, as much as I hate incline running, my abs ached after I ran on the 15% incline for 30seconds each time, so maybe I should do it a bit more often. Dunno, but I'm enjoying pushing myself again, rather than being happy with the bare minimum. This is a good thing, I think. I hope so anyway.
Took Stinks down to the bottom yard to use their school - it's cut into the hill so you don't get blown by the wind so much as on the top yard school. She was a little bugger to start with, the slightest touch was an excuse to scoot off, then when I asked her to actually work, we had big shakey head tantrums and stampy feet. Didn't get much nice work from her, but I'm happy with what I did get. Took a good 45mins to get it, but we did get there.
Now I've collapsed in front of the computer, and eaten a big bacon & cheese sandwich and 2 apricot brioche cakes. Tea is roast pork, yorkshire puddings, potatoes and vegetables.... Curry again tomorrow night and i will rejoin fat club tomorrow, think my subs have run out now.
Gym in the morning or attempt to ride? Hmmm.
Took Stinks down to the bottom yard to use their school - it's cut into the hill so you don't get blown by the wind so much as on the top yard school. She was a little bugger to start with, the slightest touch was an excuse to scoot off, then when I asked her to actually work, we had big shakey head tantrums and stampy feet. Didn't get much nice work from her, but I'm happy with what I did get. Took a good 45mins to get it, but we did get there.
Now I've collapsed in front of the computer, and eaten a big bacon & cheese sandwich and 2 apricot brioche cakes. Tea is roast pork, yorkshire puddings, potatoes and vegetables.... Curry again tomorrow night and i will rejoin fat club tomorrow, think my subs have run out now.
Gym in the morning or attempt to ride? Hmmm.
Saturday, 17 January 2009
Instead of just SAYING it....
I should actually DO it.
I WILL stop eating rubbish. I WILL do more exercise. I WILL lose weight.
Starts tonight, obviously, having had 2 ham & cheese sandwiches for lunch and the remains of a packet of hobnobs (non-chocolatey, I checked the calories yesterday, the choc adds another 40calories per biscuit). It's vegetables for tea though, so not a total disaster. Hmmm. Was 14.11 on Monday, am tempted to get on scales tonight/tomorrow for a sneaky peak but I must be good and not look till Monday. Hmm. I'll try. I havent been to the gym today (I was going to write yet at the end of that, but I've just realised it shuts in 35minutes), but I MIGHT go for a run after dark. Possibly.
Have ridden today though, she was mostly good although I utterly misjudged the weather. Assumed as it started off grotty it would stay grotty, but noooo, it pissed it down while I was riding and Stinks was a bit numb (cobs don't do working in rain...) and was windy but as we were in the bottom school it wasnt that bad. Finished and it's been a lovely day since then - I've even put her washing out on the line. Saw the dentists girlfriend and as she's been told she can't ride for another 3 months I've offered Stinks to her if she wants to ride at all. She's said she'll ask if she can have some lessons on her as she's utterly lost her confidence. Said Stinks'd be fine if she stayed in the school. If she does ride her, I hope to god she (stinks) behaves....
Gales forecast for tonight :S is already windy down here, god knows what it will be like at the yard. Gale force already I suspect.Have cleaned my tack today, properly stripped it down etc so itwill be foul for the next few days to grubby it all up again.
TAM has asked if I want to start running with them again on a Monday night. I've said yes. Don't think we're starting this monday though.
I WILL stop eating rubbish. I WILL do more exercise. I WILL lose weight.
Starts tonight, obviously, having had 2 ham & cheese sandwiches for lunch and the remains of a packet of hobnobs (non-chocolatey, I checked the calories yesterday, the choc adds another 40calories per biscuit). It's vegetables for tea though, so not a total disaster. Hmmm. Was 14.11 on Monday, am tempted to get on scales tonight/tomorrow for a sneaky peak but I must be good and not look till Monday. Hmm. I'll try. I havent been to the gym today (I was going to write yet at the end of that, but I've just realised it shuts in 35minutes), but I MIGHT go for a run after dark. Possibly.
Have ridden today though, she was mostly good although I utterly misjudged the weather. Assumed as it started off grotty it would stay grotty, but noooo, it pissed it down while I was riding and Stinks was a bit numb (cobs don't do working in rain...) and was windy but as we were in the bottom school it wasnt that bad. Finished and it's been a lovely day since then - I've even put her washing out on the line. Saw the dentists girlfriend and as she's been told she can't ride for another 3 months I've offered Stinks to her if she wants to ride at all. She's said she'll ask if she can have some lessons on her as she's utterly lost her confidence. Said Stinks'd be fine if she stayed in the school. If she does ride her, I hope to god she (stinks) behaves....
Gales forecast for tonight :S is already windy down here, god knows what it will be like at the yard. Gale force already I suspect.Have cleaned my tack today, properly stripped it down etc so itwill be foul for the next few days to grubby it all up again.
TAM has asked if I want to start running with them again on a Monday night. I've said yes. Don't think we're starting this monday though.
Thursday, 15 January 2009
Oooooooooooooouuuuuuuuuchhhhhhhhhhh
I have self diagnosed an absess in the tooth next to the one that had the mammoth filling last month. Tis currently agony although I confidentally expect it won't hurt at all tomorrow until I've left the dentist.
Drs is going to be a bit pointless. I've come on. Ick, but will put Chris' mind at rest (and mine, now I know she WON'T be fiddling). Killer gym program tomorrow. Half looking forward to it, half dreading the after effects. Was going to see if I could do it today instead, but didnt see Jen at the gym although apparently i ignored her driving by in her car. Completely didn't see OR hear (she shouted) her. Oops.
Managed to cut my little finger open this afternoon on some glass, right where it bends so it won't properly heal. That's sore too. Generally being a bit miserable today.
Rode this morning, first time in fucking ages. Used the top school, she was a tit. Well, she wasnt but she doesnt like it and goes like a bag of nails and I forget how to ride. One of the other liveries has had some horrific luck with her horse...trying to decide whether to offer her stinks to ride occasionally if she wants. Hmmm.
Drs is going to be a bit pointless. I've come on. Ick, but will put Chris' mind at rest (and mine, now I know she WON'T be fiddling). Killer gym program tomorrow. Half looking forward to it, half dreading the after effects. Was going to see if I could do it today instead, but didnt see Jen at the gym although apparently i ignored her driving by in her car. Completely didn't see OR hear (she shouted) her. Oops.
Managed to cut my little finger open this afternoon on some glass, right where it bends so it won't properly heal. That's sore too. Generally being a bit miserable today.
Rode this morning, first time in fucking ages. Used the top school, she was a tit. Well, she wasnt but she doesnt like it and goes like a bag of nails and I forget how to ride. One of the other liveries has had some horrific luck with her horse...trying to decide whether to offer her stinks to ride occasionally if she wants. Hmmm.
Wednesday, 14 January 2009
Hmmm
So, 4 gym sessions in 4 days. And I have worked hard in them. Sweated and out of breath and everything. Tongiht I have Friday Feeling and have had wine & ice cream as well as flapjack and sandwich at lunch. Oh well. Doing Killer Program on Friday morning. I am going to die...
Oh well, I'll be muscly. I think I might try and do Killer Program once a week if I can, then 2/3 'gentler' programs. I am currently being held up high as Queen Gym Goer by some of the other gym goers who saw me getting my program... I'm enjoying it. I want it all the time. I want to be the thinnest, best person :nod: Not sure I'll manage it thanks to my addiction to food in general, but I'll try. I'm not doing so good on the whole running outside thing though. Only done it once this month, might not make my target.
Don't get too excited, but I think I'm rediscovering how much I enjoy the gym... I need to get obsessed again, just for 6 months.
What do I do when I'm thin? What do thin people do? Do they just sit and admire how fab they look? What happens then?
Oh well, I'll be muscly. I think I might try and do Killer Program once a week if I can, then 2/3 'gentler' programs. I am currently being held up high as Queen Gym Goer by some of the other gym goers who saw me getting my program... I'm enjoying it. I want it all the time. I want to be the thinnest, best person :nod: Not sure I'll manage it thanks to my addiction to food in general, but I'll try. I'm not doing so good on the whole running outside thing though. Only done it once this month, might not make my target.
Don't get too excited, but I think I'm rediscovering how much I enjoy the gym... I need to get obsessed again, just for 6 months.
What do I do when I'm thin? What do thin people do? Do they just sit and admire how fab they look? What happens then?
Tuesday, 13 January 2009
Nearly good
:rolleyes: Must try harder.
Was going so well, even went to the gym again tonight, but watched an advert while I was there about creme eggs which OBVIOUSLY meant I wanted one, so went to the shop on the way home. They didnt have any so I got me some munchies and chris some twisty thing. And had hot chocolate. But I went to the gym. That's 3 times in 3 days. That's more than I've been in the last 3 weeks. I hope there's some decrease in me by Monday....I don't feel as bloated as I have done, but I LOOK fat still (I know what I mean) but the unbloated feeling could just be smugness that I'm (attempting - badly) to eat less... Who knows.
Gym tomorrow, maybe Thursday and definately Friday (as part of my FoodBan day)...Plan is Drs, gym, horse, bath, dentist, horse so no time to be distracted by food. Won't work, but the thought is there.
Bit concerned about Drs, not exactly dignified.
Chris went for a meeting with work owners today. Got given a pat on the head and told we're great. Thanks...I'd rather have had a cash thank you....untaxed.... *sigh*
Can't decide whether to have a lie in tomorrow or ride. I'd like to ride, but Chris isnt working so I feel a bit bad setting the alarm for 6am. I can ride Thursday i guess.
Was going so well, even went to the gym again tonight, but watched an advert while I was there about creme eggs which OBVIOUSLY meant I wanted one, so went to the shop on the way home. They didnt have any so I got me some munchies and chris some twisty thing. And had hot chocolate. But I went to the gym. That's 3 times in 3 days. That's more than I've been in the last 3 weeks. I hope there's some decrease in me by Monday....I don't feel as bloated as I have done, but I LOOK fat still (I know what I mean) but the unbloated feeling could just be smugness that I'm (attempting - badly) to eat less... Who knows.
Gym tomorrow, maybe Thursday and definately Friday (as part of my FoodBan day)...Plan is Drs, gym, horse, bath, dentist, horse so no time to be distracted by food. Won't work, but the thought is there.
Bit concerned about Drs, not exactly dignified.
Chris went for a meeting with work owners today. Got given a pat on the head and told we're great. Thanks...I'd rather have had a cash thank you....untaxed.... *sigh*
Can't decide whether to have a lie in tomorrow or ride. I'd like to ride, but Chris isnt working so I feel a bit bad setting the alarm for 6am. I can ride Thursday i guess.
Monday, 12 January 2009
Come on, you fat bitch
Get with it.
I have put back on a shocking amount in a horribly short time. I no longer weigh less than Danny :bawling: - I think it's that alone that has spurred me back on. Actually, it's that and Vickie wanting to start running and going to the gym. I want to be the best at getting thin - I'm such a spoilt brat it's unreal.
Anyway. Today was going to be a Good Day. I'd eaten all the Christmas Chocolate and wasn't intending on having anything extra - had vegetables for tea. However I noticed I had half a pack of Doritos left so I finished them in a sandwich, had a hot chocolate and just had a nutella yogurt. BUT! I went to the gym and nearly killed myself so it's ok. It's rubbish how long it takes to build fitness up then lose it so quick.
Friday am going to Drs in the morning to be checked after us finding Chris' lump. I'm really not looking forwards to that. Then I must gym and I have the dentist as well in the afternoon. Would like to ride at some point, havent ridden for ages and doubt I will as it's got wet again. Shame I don't really have time to ride down to the bottom arena on a morning. Hopefully there'll be space there soon.
TOMORROW will be a good food day. There is nothing nice to pick on left in the house. I've checked.
I have put back on a shocking amount in a horribly short time. I no longer weigh less than Danny :bawling: - I think it's that alone that has spurred me back on. Actually, it's that and Vickie wanting to start running and going to the gym. I want to be the best at getting thin - I'm such a spoilt brat it's unreal.
Anyway. Today was going to be a Good Day. I'd eaten all the Christmas Chocolate and wasn't intending on having anything extra - had vegetables for tea. However I noticed I had half a pack of Doritos left so I finished them in a sandwich, had a hot chocolate and just had a nutella yogurt. BUT! I went to the gym and nearly killed myself so it's ok. It's rubbish how long it takes to build fitness up then lose it so quick.
Friday am going to Drs in the morning to be checked after us finding Chris' lump. I'm really not looking forwards to that. Then I must gym and I have the dentist as well in the afternoon. Would like to ride at some point, havent ridden for ages and doubt I will as it's got wet again. Shame I don't really have time to ride down to the bottom arena on a morning. Hopefully there'll be space there soon.
TOMORROW will be a good food day. There is nothing nice to pick on left in the house. I've checked.
Friday, 9 January 2009
It's actually so simple,
But why can't I do it?
Eat less (chocolate/crisps), exercise (more). Simple, huh? Evidently not, because I have just opened the last tin of Quality Street and have eaten probably a third of the tin. My teeth hurt now though - this is good, maybe it will stop me.
V has decided she wants to lose weight and go to the gym. So I said I'd go running wiht her Monday night after my Drs appt. She won't come, but I'll go. She's also said she'll come to the gym with me on Thursday but I suspect she won't. Hope she does though, it sounds awful but I hope it will reawaken my competitiveness and spur me on into doing stuff again.
Wednesday night I had a review with Pat. Was good - treadmill 15% incline, 5mph for 30 seconds, then 30 seconds squats with a ball X 6. rower - 1m as fast as I could, then off for 30 seconds of jumping jacks with the ball. 5 times but decreasing the rower for 10seconds each time, but still doing 30 seconds of jumping jacks. Didn't like them. then spinning bike (he took the seat off!!!!) on a hard resistance - couldnt get the pedals moving at first, how embarrassing - 1 minute on that, then 30 seconds of lunges X 6. Was good and I was nearly dead by the time I finished, but it worked some muscles - I still find walking painful now!! I think i might try and do that once a week, but might need a one to one each time....Don't think I'd do it on my own, not properly anyway.
Food Ban tomorrow. And I'll go for a run tomorrow evening. I MUST.
Eat less (chocolate/crisps), exercise (more). Simple, huh? Evidently not, because I have just opened the last tin of Quality Street and have eaten probably a third of the tin. My teeth hurt now though - this is good, maybe it will stop me.
V has decided she wants to lose weight and go to the gym. So I said I'd go running wiht her Monday night after my Drs appt. She won't come, but I'll go. She's also said she'll come to the gym with me on Thursday but I suspect she won't. Hope she does though, it sounds awful but I hope it will reawaken my competitiveness and spur me on into doing stuff again.
Wednesday night I had a review with Pat. Was good - treadmill 15% incline, 5mph for 30 seconds, then 30 seconds squats with a ball X 6. rower - 1m as fast as I could, then off for 30 seconds of jumping jacks with the ball. 5 times but decreasing the rower for 10seconds each time, but still doing 30 seconds of jumping jacks. Didn't like them. then spinning bike (he took the seat off!!!!) on a hard resistance - couldnt get the pedals moving at first, how embarrassing - 1 minute on that, then 30 seconds of lunges X 6. Was good and I was nearly dead by the time I finished, but it worked some muscles - I still find walking painful now!! I think i might try and do that once a week, but might need a one to one each time....Don't think I'd do it on my own, not properly anyway.
Food Ban tomorrow. And I'll go for a run tomorrow evening. I MUST.
Wednesday, 7 January 2009
stiff....
Can't be arsed writing it all again, so copied from what I wrote on my friends FB wall:
Right.... This has nearly killed me, but then I am horribly unfit. I had to buy an emergency toblerone so I didn't die.
treadmill: set it going, 15% incline, 5mph, jump on and away you go for 30 seconds. Get off, then 30 seconds on power squats with a 5kg ball, 30 seconds rest X 6
rower: resistance 7, row as fast as you can for a minute, jump off... Read More, 30 seconds of jumping jacks with 5kg ball, 30 secs rest, then row for 50s, 30s JJ's, 30's rest, row for 40s,30s JJs, 30s rest, 30s row, 30s JJs, 30s rest, 20s row, 30s JJs, 30s rest.
spinning bike: get that seat off... 1 minute on a 'hard' resistance, 30secs lunges, 30 secs rest X 6.
Honestly, I thought I was going to throw up and I'm still bright red an hour an a half later. I already can't mov, I think I might need emergency wine now too
Didn't have the emergency wine, but had the emergency toblerone. Knackered now.
Right.... This has nearly killed me, but then I am horribly unfit. I had to buy an emergency toblerone so I didn't die.
treadmill: set it going, 15% incline, 5mph, jump on and away you go for 30 seconds. Get off, then 30 seconds on power squats with a 5kg ball, 30 seconds rest X 6
rower: resistance 7, row as fast as you can for a minute, jump off... Read More, 30 seconds of jumping jacks with 5kg ball, 30 secs rest, then row for 50s, 30s JJ's, 30's rest, row for 40s,30s JJs, 30s rest, 30s row, 30s JJs, 30s rest, 20s row, 30s JJs, 30s rest.
spinning bike: get that seat off... 1 minute on a 'hard' resistance, 30secs lunges, 30 secs rest X 6.
Honestly, I thought I was going to throw up and I'm still bright red an hour an a half later. I already can't mov, I think I might need emergency wine now too
Didn't have the emergency wine, but had the emergency toblerone. Knackered now.
Tuesday, 6 January 2009
arseholes
So much for the diet.
OFF plan food....
2 x packs maltesers
1 x pizza express garlic bread with mozzerella
1 x pe sloppy guiseppe with extra mushrooms, garlic and mozzerella on a classic base
1 x pe banoffee pie with marscapone cheese
1 x bottle pinot grigio blush
Oopsy.
Got a gym review tomorrow with Pat. Hope he's vicious.
OFF plan food....
2 x packs maltesers
1 x pizza express garlic bread with mozzerella
1 x pe sloppy guiseppe with extra mushrooms, garlic and mozzerella on a classic base
1 x pe banoffee pie with marscapone cheese
1 x bottle pinot grigio blush
Oopsy.
Got a gym review tomorrow with Pat. Hope he's vicious.
Monday, 5 January 2009
silly....
Have been really good with food all day, then got home (without going to the gym or riding) and troughed chocolate and rubbish.
*sigh* I am stupid.
*sigh* I am stupid.
Sunday, 4 January 2009
Admitted Defeat
Rejoining FatClub tomorrow, so had lots of lovely fat food today, after a soso session at the gym. Didn't ride.
Stinks got to play out today, was vv happy, had a big buck and squeal and rolled lots, then settled down to eat.
Tired.
Stinks got to play out today, was vv happy, had a big buck and squeal and rolled lots, then settled down to eat.
Tired.
Saturday, 3 January 2009
Stupid
So, there's me, all smug... been running, went up and rode (went to bottom yard, was intimidated, rode like shit) and ate 3 pink & whites and 3 plums for lunch. Then I got home and I was crosscrosscross so I opened the chocolate tin (1 pack maltesers, 1 ripple, loads of coins, some random chocolate) and I've had a sandwich too. With salami and cheese in it. Tea is spaghetti bolognese and garlic bread. I'm so stupid. Although, at least I went running. I wasn't going to.
stupid stupid stupid
stupid stupid stupid
smug
yeah, check me out, guess who's been running ALREADY this morning? 2 miles, 22 minutes :acclaim: and I walked most of the way back up the lane...it's uphill and at the end and i havent run outside since the 2nd November, according to my nike+. I'm happy with that, really, I am.
There's a thing on the Nike+ site that lets you add 2009 training resolutions. I put that I wanted to run 20miles in January, before realising that my Nike+ is woefully out of sync - it said todays run was a mile, yet the mapmyrun site & the Nike map both tell me it's 2 miles. I think I might change it to 10miles, but I do know that I'll actually have done 20. Make sense?
I want to eat now though :( and there's still chocolate everywhere. In fact, I'm STARVING. No, I'm not. I'm so pleased I went, there was no one about and I havent run for ages outside and I DO enjoy it, despite the bitching I do. Just wish sometimes I had someone to run with.
Can't decide what to do with Stinks today. Don't really want to go to the bottom yard, but she does hate the top yard school (damp, deep and loose in places, but it is rideable on). Still, it's frozen in town so hopefully it might be frozen up there too. Will be cold anyway, she has 2 rugs on again. Metcheck says its going to get down to -11 on Thursday :cold: I'll run out of rugs!!
There's a thing on the Nike+ site that lets you add 2009 training resolutions. I put that I wanted to run 20miles in January, before realising that my Nike+ is woefully out of sync - it said todays run was a mile, yet the mapmyrun site & the Nike map both tell me it's 2 miles. I think I might change it to 10miles, but I do know that I'll actually have done 20. Make sense?
I want to eat now though :( and there's still chocolate everywhere. In fact, I'm STARVING. No, I'm not. I'm so pleased I went, there was no one about and I havent run for ages outside and I DO enjoy it, despite the bitching I do. Just wish sometimes I had someone to run with.
Can't decide what to do with Stinks today. Don't really want to go to the bottom yard, but she does hate the top yard school (damp, deep and loose in places, but it is rideable on). Still, it's frozen in town so hopefully it might be frozen up there too. Will be cold anyway, she has 2 rugs on again. Metcheck says its going to get down to -11 on Thursday :cold: I'll run out of rugs!!
Thursday, 1 January 2009
So much for my plans...
Plan 1: Not panic re last nights discovery. Not working. Randomly :bawling: when I'm on my own.
Plan 2: Only eat between 2 & 4pm (obviously not solidly...) and after 7pm. Well that was buggered from the start when Chris announced we were having lunch at his mothers (at half 12) plus the box of Celebrations was open....They were started around half 8. *sigh* FatFighters curry for tea tomorrow AND I'll start counting again. Honest. Will ride in the morning - trying to decide where, my arena or the bottom yard - and then gym in the evening. I WILL.
Plan 3. Learn to ride. Apparently I have sat on a horse before. You wouldnt have thought it if you'd seen me ride today. FatHorse wasn't overly obliging, to be fair, but still. She does NOT like that surface though. It's not really deep, but it is loose in the corners.
Plan 4. Go running. This I did not do. I did do some sorting in the bedroom though. Should have gone running instead.
Plan 2: Only eat between 2 & 4pm (obviously not solidly...) and after 7pm. Well that was buggered from the start when Chris announced we were having lunch at his mothers (at half 12) plus the box of Celebrations was open....They were started around half 8. *sigh* FatFighters curry for tea tomorrow AND I'll start counting again. Honest. Will ride in the morning - trying to decide where, my arena or the bottom yard - and then gym in the evening. I WILL.
Plan 3. Learn to ride. Apparently I have sat on a horse before. You wouldnt have thought it if you'd seen me ride today. FatHorse wasn't overly obliging, to be fair, but still. She does NOT like that surface though. It's not really deep, but it is loose in the corners.
Plan 4. Go running. This I did not do. I did do some sorting in the bedroom though. Should have gone running instead.
Wednesday, 31 December 2008
Panic
Chris has found a Lump.
I'm so fucking frightened it's unreal. He's going to the doctors on Friday.
I'm so fucking frightened it's unreal. He's going to the doctors on Friday.
Tuesday, 30 December 2008
I'm scared of failure, so scared of success...
ARGH!
I'm terrified of not making it to vaguely where I want to be - I'm under no illusion that I'll look how I want to look, too saggy, stretchy marky and scarred for that now, but 'vaguely there' will cut it. I want it so badly. BUT it seems that I'm scared of actually making it too - why else would I eat so much rubbish and NOT gym when I could have done... I feel rubbish [manflu] but I could still stand to have done SOMETHING. Urgh. I have put on a shameful amount and I can SEE the new fat wobbling under my skin. Hateful.
I MUST be better.
Work was rubbish. Very quiet. Stu went home early.
New year, MUST get to 10 stone by this time next year. Finally then I will be happy, because I will no longer be the fattest in photos and at 10stone, despite what I look like, I know I'll be able to ride pretty much any horse (ie, it can carry me, not that I'll magically be able to ride). I'll be fitter, therefore I will ride better, I'll run further and faster and everything will be better. If I'm still *here* this time next year I'll be very upset indeed.
Must find more things to ebay. Credit card shooting up again. Not helped by buying an (unneeded :rolleyes: ) hoody from the Joules sale, especially as I intend it won't fit me for long, plus my dentistry starts again in a couple of weeks.
Blah. PLEASE motivate me for weightloss now.
I'm terrified of not making it to vaguely where I want to be - I'm under no illusion that I'll look how I want to look, too saggy, stretchy marky and scarred for that now, but 'vaguely there' will cut it. I want it so badly. BUT it seems that I'm scared of actually making it too - why else would I eat so much rubbish and NOT gym when I could have done... I feel rubbish [manflu] but I could still stand to have done SOMETHING. Urgh. I have put on a shameful amount and I can SEE the new fat wobbling under my skin. Hateful.
I MUST be better.
Work was rubbish. Very quiet. Stu went home early.
New year, MUST get to 10 stone by this time next year. Finally then I will be happy, because I will no longer be the fattest in photos and at 10stone, despite what I look like, I know I'll be able to ride pretty much any horse (ie, it can carry me, not that I'll magically be able to ride). I'll be fitter, therefore I will ride better, I'll run further and faster and everything will be better. If I'm still *here* this time next year I'll be very upset indeed.
Must find more things to ebay. Credit card shooting up again. Not helped by buying an (unneeded :rolleyes: ) hoody from the Joules sale, especially as I intend it won't fit me for long, plus my dentistry starts again in a couple of weeks.
Blah. PLEASE motivate me for weightloss now.
Sunday, 28 December 2008
Urgh
Shitheady little horse. She was a total pain in the arse today and I nearly fell off twice before I even got to the arena. Then she took exception to a plane landing and contorted herself into all sorts of shapes, at speed. However, I did not fall off. I did not look calm and elegant, but I did not fall off.
Diet was doing fine right up until 2pm when I started eating. What was meant to be a fruit corner & cereal lunch because a fruit corner, cereal and half a box of Celebrations. Now I'm home I've just had tea and I'm going through a tin of Roses at am impressive rate of knots. It's no surprising I've put on so much weight :(
Was going to go for a run this evening, but went to see IdiotHorse and got cold, so came home to a bath and Roses instead. Feel good, but it's not so good on the weightloss front.
Diet was doing fine right up until 2pm when I started eating. What was meant to be a fruit corner & cereal lunch because a fruit corner, cereal and half a box of Celebrations. Now I'm home I've just had tea and I'm going through a tin of Roses at am impressive rate of knots. It's no surprising I've put on so much weight :(
Was going to go for a run this evening, but went to see IdiotHorse and got cold, so came home to a bath and Roses instead. Feel good, but it's not so good on the weightloss front.
Monday, 22 December 2008
rubbish shit and rubbish
Work was shit. Could not motivate myself and spent most of the day in the office on FB and playing squares. And eating.
Rode this morning, she was a pain and I lost my temper. Ashamed of myself.
Kittens to the vets tonight. Elmo had a pointless trip and Belly has had her anti-sex jab.
Went to the gym afterwards, managed 17 minutes on the treadmill, got bored/fucked off and came home. Via Netto, a (big) tube of pringles, a full pack of Classic bars and now a full Big Toblerone as well as my tea.
Fat cow.
Rode this morning, she was a pain and I lost my temper. Ashamed of myself.
Kittens to the vets tonight. Elmo had a pointless trip and Belly has had her anti-sex jab.
Went to the gym afterwards, managed 17 minutes on the treadmill, got bored/fucked off and came home. Via Netto, a (big) tube of pringles, a full pack of Classic bars and now a full Big Toblerone as well as my tea.
Fat cow.
Sunday, 21 December 2008
I need white fillings...
There's fb pictures from last night and it looks like I have something stuck in my teeth :( Must stop grinning so much when pissed, or at least cover my mouth if I have to.
Diet is utterly by the wayside for Christmas. Was going to the gym tomorrow, but Elmos little scab is now a big scab and not nice - think it's absessed so he's off to the vet. Might take Belly too for her jab to keep her out of season. Two for one discount maybe?
I think I'm going to cut some pictures of what I want to look like, eventually and stick them somewhere I can see them daily... Positive reinforcement and all that.
My teeth hurt :( I should stop eating sweet stuff, then they'd hurt less I'm sure. Still I have a review on Tuesday and MAYBE (probably not) I'll go running after the vets tomorrow. Don't think Mol likes the top yard arena, I 'lunged' her in there this morning and she was NOT going to go forwards. She had yesterday and today off, and I can't decide whether to give her another day off tomorrow as I don't think I have time to go down to the bottom yard and use that school before work or whether to ride in the top arena anyway.
Hmmm.
Must get thin next year. Want pictures to be proud of.
Diet is utterly by the wayside for Christmas. Was going to the gym tomorrow, but Elmos little scab is now a big scab and not nice - think it's absessed so he's off to the vet. Might take Belly too for her jab to keep her out of season. Two for one discount maybe?
I think I'm going to cut some pictures of what I want to look like, eventually and stick them somewhere I can see them daily... Positive reinforcement and all that.
My teeth hurt :( I should stop eating sweet stuff, then they'd hurt less I'm sure. Still I have a review on Tuesday and MAYBE (probably not) I'll go running after the vets tomorrow. Don't think Mol likes the top yard arena, I 'lunged' her in there this morning and she was NOT going to go forwards. She had yesterday and today off, and I can't decide whether to give her another day off tomorrow as I don't think I have time to go down to the bottom yard and use that school before work or whether to ride in the top arena anyway.
Hmmm.
Must get thin next year. Want pictures to be proud of.
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