It's been a weird day.
Been up since 5.30 as S has broken her foot and Steph went to Myerscough Futurity so I was only one about to do t'nags. Did it all though AND rode, all before work check me out. FatHorse was...ok. But then I dont think I rode as well as I could have done. Pissed it down while I rode as well, then it's been glorious sunshine all day. Typical. Have left FH, Soph and Gunnner out tonight, despite the fact their stables are all ready, was such a nice night. Have left FH naked, it'll rain overnight now and I'll not be able to ride in the morning, you watch. Just got her and Lu to swap in the morning, do haylage for the indoor3, sort t'dog out and ride. Oh, and waters, natch. Should be doable without getting up at 6am...
B hasnt said thank you for her leaving present. Not to me, anyway. I would love to say I'm shocked, but I'm really not. Silly bitch.
I did my measurements this morning and have lost a big fat nothing over the last month, whats happened there? :bawling: I think I've run more and gymmed more in the last month than ever. Soon it will kick in and I'll feel rubbish, but right now, it just doesnt feel right. Very odd. I know I SHOULD be feeling rubbish, but right now, I dont. It's very disconcerting.
Went for a run tonight though, am pleased I went, about 2pm I was going to give it up as a bad idea and play on wii fit instead, but although it was a rubbish run, at least I did it. What is with this un-negative thinking? It can't last. My Nike+ is getting more and more odd though, reckoned this run (the exact same one it measured at 3.44miles) was 1.84miles. I know I walked more, but nearly 2 miles out? Eek. Almost wish I could go out again, feel full of energy again. All odd this week, I havent liked it at all.
Not sure I can be bothered to school in the morning, but no quick hacks, other than the bridleway I ran round the other day and I am bored to tears of that now.
Now I'm getting cross. This is much more like it.
Saturday, 2 August 2008
August rubbish measurements
Saturday August 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 26.5
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 45
top hips (on bellybutton)- 44
waist - 35.5
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 13.5
R upper arm - 13
Wednesday July 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 46
top hips (on bellybutton)- 43
waist - 37
under boobs - 32
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 13
A grand total of ... zero inches lost, I believe. Fuck.
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 26.5
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 45
top hips (on bellybutton)- 44
waist - 35.5
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 13.5
R upper arm - 13
Wednesday July 2nd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 27
Hips (inc tummy)- 46
top hips (on bellybutton)- 43
waist - 37
under boobs - 32
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 13
A grand total of ... zero inches lost, I believe. Fuck.
Friday, 1 August 2008
This was the day
I was meant to have got to my goal weight.
Nowhere near it.
One day I'll manage it, then fuck it all up. You know it's going to happen.
Nowhere near it.
One day I'll manage it, then fuck it all up. You know it's going to happen.
Not sure what happened there
Was fine yesterday morning, feeling a bit lazy and by the time I'd worked up the energy to get dressed and go to the yard, S had already been and got FatHorse in AND mucked out done her water and hay :blush: so patted her, told her she was a good pony, and came back home.
Took a bit longer to work up the energy to go to HGate and get B a maternity present - felt really tight only getting her #20 from Mothercare as a work present so went to Lush and got her some babyish-related stuff as well. Said I wasnt bothered if I got the money back from that, but have been given it anyway, so thats ok. Also accidentally went into New Look and got some jeans to thin into and a top with Debbie Harry on - love that. Wore it today. Also went to Waterstones and got some more books, and while I was in Lush I got me some more toys. And a DVD. I MUST STOP SPENDING. I have no money. My bonus is spent already and none of it has gone towards Iceland. Also had an accident with some rubbish food. Oreo cookies, pringles and croissants. Nipped into work to take B's stuff in, then by the time I got home I had the start of a headache. I know I went to the gym and had a FatScan (it's rubbish, I'm not even talking about it) - I have the print out here at home, but do you think I can remember it? Last thing I remember from yesterday is leaving work and thinking I should get some petrol (which I didnt do). I have clearly taken some migraine pills at some point because I've found the wrapper out by the bed. Chris says I was asleep when he got in from work and didnt wake up all evening.
Finally hauled myself out of bed at 8.30 this morning and did the horses. Intended on riding but didnt - a good plan I feel, given I still feel dizzy and a bit meh. What wasnt such a good plan, in hindsight, was going to the gym, but I needed to do something. I should attempt going for a run tomorrow night, if I dont ride. I should ride, she's had 2 days off now. Keep spontaneously falling asleep as well which is mildly disconcerting. Have done it twice since I got back from gym. Am not tired?!
We checked the ingredients in the Oreo cookies, cos I wondered if they had set off a migraine, but apparently it's all flavouring and colourings, so not that. I've had them before and been ok as well, which is why it's odd. I'm not stressed. The only other thing I can really put it down to is lack of sleep (I got about 2 hours sleep not last night-obviously-but the night before). But I've had less and been fine? Very odd. I obviously shouldnt have boasted about not having had one for months :lol:
Back at work tomorrow and have eaten shit yesterday and today and have put on weight. This week is a definate gain week. When I feel a bit better I'm sure I'll start to panic and worry but for now ... it's all good.
Took a bit longer to work up the energy to go to HGate and get B a maternity present - felt really tight only getting her #20 from Mothercare as a work present so went to Lush and got her some babyish-related stuff as well. Said I wasnt bothered if I got the money back from that, but have been given it anyway, so thats ok. Also accidentally went into New Look and got some jeans to thin into and a top with Debbie Harry on - love that. Wore it today. Also went to Waterstones and got some more books, and while I was in Lush I got me some more toys. And a DVD. I MUST STOP SPENDING. I have no money. My bonus is spent already and none of it has gone towards Iceland. Also had an accident with some rubbish food. Oreo cookies, pringles and croissants. Nipped into work to take B's stuff in, then by the time I got home I had the start of a headache. I know I went to the gym and had a FatScan (it's rubbish, I'm not even talking about it) - I have the print out here at home, but do you think I can remember it? Last thing I remember from yesterday is leaving work and thinking I should get some petrol (which I didnt do). I have clearly taken some migraine pills at some point because I've found the wrapper out by the bed. Chris says I was asleep when he got in from work and didnt wake up all evening.
Finally hauled myself out of bed at 8.30 this morning and did the horses. Intended on riding but didnt - a good plan I feel, given I still feel dizzy and a bit meh. What wasnt such a good plan, in hindsight, was going to the gym, but I needed to do something. I should attempt going for a run tomorrow night, if I dont ride. I should ride, she's had 2 days off now. Keep spontaneously falling asleep as well which is mildly disconcerting. Have done it twice since I got back from gym. Am not tired?!
We checked the ingredients in the Oreo cookies, cos I wondered if they had set off a migraine, but apparently it's all flavouring and colourings, so not that. I've had them before and been ok as well, which is why it's odd. I'm not stressed. The only other thing I can really put it down to is lack of sleep (I got about 2 hours sleep not last night-obviously-but the night before). But I've had less and been fine? Very odd. I obviously shouldnt have boasted about not having had one for months :lol:
Back at work tomorrow and have eaten shit yesterday and today and have put on weight. This week is a definate gain week. When I feel a bit better I'm sure I'll start to panic and worry but for now ... it's all good.
Wednesday, 30 July 2008
Gah
Today has been not bad in the grand scheme of things I suppose. Bit of a nothing day really.
Hacked out on FatHorse this morning. Just did the bridleway. It's official, I HATE hacking on my own with a passion. She was an arse on the bridleway, took us 10 minutes longer cos she was a spooky witch and proper-forwards just wasnt an option at all, she was just being a dick. Then we got onto the road, and this redeemed her 100% - we had all sorts of twats trying to squeeze past us at ridiculous speeds. Two cars wing mirrors even collided some twat was so desperate to get through and FatHorse, God love her, didnt even flinch. She did then spook at a sheep, but there were no cars, thankfully. So, I can't really decide to be cross cos she was a pain on bridleway, or be releived because when it mattered, she listened and was sensible. I'll be releived, I think. I desperately want to find someone to hack with though. Chris keeps promising he'll come out on his bike but he never does. I'm almost tempted to ask Nicola if she wants to run with us again. THATS how desperate I am. Thats awful, I must stop thinking like that. I am not a nice person at times.
Work was ok. Money gone again. I'm sure it's D. Spent all afternoon going through the CCTV but nothing.
Went to the gym, did the same as I managed on Monday, check me out!! And did thin-arms. Was tired by end, trundled off in a world of my own.
Been rubbish though. Rubbish. I'm still gutted that the Beth Orton tickets sold out. MSP are just playing their Heavenly songs on another date, but that's already sold out and I cant justify ebay prices on 6 songs. I'm still tempted by the Beth tickets though, it's just the idea of paying 7 times the face value... But...Bonus... Hmm..
Hacked out on FatHorse this morning. Just did the bridleway. It's official, I HATE hacking on my own with a passion. She was an arse on the bridleway, took us 10 minutes longer cos she was a spooky witch and proper-forwards just wasnt an option at all, she was just being a dick. Then we got onto the road, and this redeemed her 100% - we had all sorts of twats trying to squeeze past us at ridiculous speeds. Two cars wing mirrors even collided some twat was so desperate to get through and FatHorse, God love her, didnt even flinch. She did then spook at a sheep, but there were no cars, thankfully. So, I can't really decide to be cross cos she was a pain on bridleway, or be releived because when it mattered, she listened and was sensible. I'll be releived, I think. I desperately want to find someone to hack with though. Chris keeps promising he'll come out on his bike but he never does. I'm almost tempted to ask Nicola if she wants to run with us again. THATS how desperate I am. Thats awful, I must stop thinking like that. I am not a nice person at times.
Work was ok. Money gone again. I'm sure it's D. Spent all afternoon going through the CCTV but nothing.
Went to the gym, did the same as I managed on Monday, check me out!! And did thin-arms. Was tired by end, trundled off in a world of my own.
Been rubbish though. Rubbish. I'm still gutted that the Beth Orton tickets sold out. MSP are just playing their Heavenly songs on another date, but that's already sold out and I cant justify ebay prices on 6 songs. I'm still tempted by the Beth tickets though, it's just the idea of paying 7 times the face value... But...Bonus... Hmm..
Tuesday, 29 July 2008
I really dont know why I'm surprised
My FatFighting friend, who begged and pleaded with me to go to meetings with her because she didnt want to go on her own has given up. Reckons Slimming World will suit her better. I dont even know why I'm shocked she's bailed out on me, but there we go. I didnt even want to go.
I went tonight though. Lost 5lbs, apparently. I dont get it. How can I be uber good one week and not lose a fucking thing, then this week go over points every day and yet lose a substantial amount? It makes no sense. I would say I'm not complaining, but I really am - I'd love a loss like that every week which blatently isnt going to happen and it upsets me that I can't. Rubbish. More compliments, more rubbish. I dont like it, I didnt realise people took that much notice and I wish they didnt.
Was going to ride this morning, but when I woke up it was pissing it down, so I did the Bridleway Run instead. My Nike+ is rubbish, it said it was 0.87 miles, and it took me 31minutes, which is clearly bollocks as I ran most of it. Mapmyrun says it's 2.6miles - much more likely. It was raining though and I got drenched. Had to get chris to bring me dry pants and socks and a towel to work. I intended on riding tonight but I was knackered by time I got back from FatClub, so she's just gone back in the field. I nearly went up and put her rug on but darent cos it was still fairly hot and I know perfectly well she would have trashed it the second my back was turned. I'd like it to be at least a month old before she does that. MUST ride tomorrow, but I'll be pissed off if it's raining again. Metcheck assures me it wont be, but it has been wrong before.
Beth Orton is doing a gig in London on 13th September which I am beyond desperate to go to, but Stu is being horribly slow in replying to my text asking to swap the weekend. Am tempted to just buy the tickets, as I've just watched the platform sell out almost in front of my eyes. Am resisting the urge to text again...and again and again and again.... I have the hugest crush ever on Beth, if I dont end up looking like Shirley Manson, I'd 'settle' for Beth.
GOD DAMMIT TEXT ME BACK.
I went tonight though. Lost 5lbs, apparently. I dont get it. How can I be uber good one week and not lose a fucking thing, then this week go over points every day and yet lose a substantial amount? It makes no sense. I would say I'm not complaining, but I really am - I'd love a loss like that every week which blatently isnt going to happen and it upsets me that I can't. Rubbish. More compliments, more rubbish. I dont like it, I didnt realise people took that much notice and I wish they didnt.
Was going to ride this morning, but when I woke up it was pissing it down, so I did the Bridleway Run instead. My Nike+ is rubbish, it said it was 0.87 miles, and it took me 31minutes, which is clearly bollocks as I ran most of it. Mapmyrun says it's 2.6miles - much more likely. It was raining though and I got drenched. Had to get chris to bring me dry pants and socks and a towel to work. I intended on riding tonight but I was knackered by time I got back from FatClub, so she's just gone back in the field. I nearly went up and put her rug on but darent cos it was still fairly hot and I know perfectly well she would have trashed it the second my back was turned. I'd like it to be at least a month old before she does that. MUST ride tomorrow, but I'll be pissed off if it's raining again. Metcheck assures me it wont be, but it has been wrong before.
Beth Orton is doing a gig in London on 13th September which I am beyond desperate to go to, but Stu is being horribly slow in replying to my text asking to swap the weekend. Am tempted to just buy the tickets, as I've just watched the platform sell out almost in front of my eyes. Am resisting the urge to text again...and again and again and again.... I have the hugest crush ever on Beth, if I dont end up looking like Shirley Manson, I'd 'settle' for Beth.
GOD DAMMIT TEXT ME BACK.
Monday, 28 July 2008
I should be really happy today
But somehow I'm not, and I dont know why. I know I SHOULD be.
I've found out what my estimated bonus is. It's a good one :nod: Will pay off credit card, put a healthy whack in the extension fund and boost the Iceland Savings Fund somewhat too. My payrise kicks in next week, thats an extra #30 a week after tax, which can go into The Iceland Fund up till we go and the extension thereafter. So money is kind of looking less of a struggle. So there's Reason One To Be Happy.
FatHorse has managed to stay out almost 24/7 since Saturday night and still has not colicked or anything stupid. Reason Two.
I went to the gym tonight, TAM couldnt make running - I was kind of relieved tbh. I'd worked myself up to doing The Bridleway Run (I dont know why it warrents capitals, but it just does in my head)....had even decided to go along Yorkgate first, as that was the bit I was really dreading and was almost looking forward to it, just pure nosiness to see how long it took, compared to being on FatHorse...and I wanted to use my Nike+ again lol, I do like nice shiney things. Then was told the gym was empty and it was, it was great. I'm even proud of what I did - treadmill 5% incline, 6.5mph for 70seconds on each work section to 15minutes, 15 rower intervals and then the cross trainer on level 15. Even did thin-arms. Reason Three I should be happy. It may not be a huge improvement, but it's the best I've done so far.
Reason 4 should be the best yet, but I think it's that that's one of the things that's made me all weird. A customer really complimented me on how I look now. It worries me...I forget how many people I see in a day. What if it all goes pear shaped, what if I get back into eating shit all day and all night? I do sometimes have to push myself to go to the gym or running, what if I give up? It would be so easy just to have a week off, which would turn into 2, which turns into a month...that's what happened at Aireboro. And then what would people think, when I get fatter again?
So that made me weird, added to the fact I had a disagreement with a girl at work, and the new work shirts I got don't fit (too small, natch) and Chris has got all weird about me being on the yard on my own or going running up there on my own, thanks to a sex attack in the forest, means that despite all the good stuff, I've actually been really rubbish all day.
I've found out what my estimated bonus is. It's a good one :nod: Will pay off credit card, put a healthy whack in the extension fund and boost the Iceland Savings Fund somewhat too. My payrise kicks in next week, thats an extra #30 a week after tax, which can go into The Iceland Fund up till we go and the extension thereafter. So money is kind of looking less of a struggle. So there's Reason One To Be Happy.
FatHorse has managed to stay out almost 24/7 since Saturday night and still has not colicked or anything stupid. Reason Two.
I went to the gym tonight, TAM couldnt make running - I was kind of relieved tbh. I'd worked myself up to doing The Bridleway Run (I dont know why it warrents capitals, but it just does in my head)....had even decided to go along Yorkgate first, as that was the bit I was really dreading and was almost looking forward to it, just pure nosiness to see how long it took, compared to being on FatHorse...and I wanted to use my Nike+ again lol, I do like nice shiney things. Then was told the gym was empty and it was, it was great. I'm even proud of what I did - treadmill 5% incline, 6.5mph for 70seconds on each work section to 15minutes, 15 rower intervals and then the cross trainer on level 15. Even did thin-arms. Reason Three I should be happy. It may not be a huge improvement, but it's the best I've done so far.
Reason 4 should be the best yet, but I think it's that that's one of the things that's made me all weird. A customer really complimented me on how I look now. It worries me...I forget how many people I see in a day. What if it all goes pear shaped, what if I get back into eating shit all day and all night? I do sometimes have to push myself to go to the gym or running, what if I give up? It would be so easy just to have a week off, which would turn into 2, which turns into a month...that's what happened at Aireboro. And then what would people think, when I get fatter again?
So that made me weird, added to the fact I had a disagreement with a girl at work, and the new work shirts I got don't fit (too small, natch) and Chris has got all weird about me being on the yard on my own or going running up there on my own, thanks to a sex attack in the forest, means that despite all the good stuff, I've actually been really rubbish all day.
Sunday, 27 July 2008
It was (kind of) all going so well
Bah. I've been rubbish with food tonight :( No reason, just being a greedy cow and it was There.
Went up to yard this morning and FatHorse was still within FatCamp and hadnt spontaneously colicked or anything ridiculous, which was nice. Brought her in and turned the shetland out (I LOVE that pony) and went down to the gym. Was a bit rubbish before but the workout was good, although the running was hard this morning. Kept it to a minute on the work sections but had the incline at 5% all the time. I can;t do any longer yet though, I've been trying. Didnt get thin-arms either, must do them the next time I'm in. Might go after FatClub on Tuesday, depends on how suicidal I feel.
Got to work at there was a msg from TPO saying she'd got so hot yesterday she couldnt possibly work today :rolleyes: So that was 2 off sick today, but we managed to get a load done, I'm proud of us today. Went back up to the yard afterwards and rode the FatHorse. Really shouldnt have done, or more to the point, I should have gone on a hack. We just mooched round the school for a bit, did a bit of trot then went in. Running tomorrow night so it will have to be schooling before work. I might lunge her actually, but thats a bit of a rubbish workout for me. Ive already done her stable etc. I've just thought of a run I might do on Thursday - just round the bridleway that I normally ride round. Takes about 40minutes walking and trotting, so I'm not sure how long it'll take to run it. I'm sure it's not 3 miles though, it doesnt feel as far as Swinsty when I'm on FatHorse.
Food tonight has been really rubbish, I'm never going to lose my 20lbs by Iceland if I carry on :(
Went up to yard this morning and FatHorse was still within FatCamp and hadnt spontaneously colicked or anything ridiculous, which was nice. Brought her in and turned the shetland out (I LOVE that pony) and went down to the gym. Was a bit rubbish before but the workout was good, although the running was hard this morning. Kept it to a minute on the work sections but had the incline at 5% all the time. I can;t do any longer yet though, I've been trying. Didnt get thin-arms either, must do them the next time I'm in. Might go after FatClub on Tuesday, depends on how suicidal I feel.
Got to work at there was a msg from TPO saying she'd got so hot yesterday she couldnt possibly work today :rolleyes: So that was 2 off sick today, but we managed to get a load done, I'm proud of us today. Went back up to the yard afterwards and rode the FatHorse. Really shouldnt have done, or more to the point, I should have gone on a hack. We just mooched round the school for a bit, did a bit of trot then went in. Running tomorrow night so it will have to be schooling before work. I might lunge her actually, but thats a bit of a rubbish workout for me. Ive already done her stable etc. I've just thought of a run I might do on Thursday - just round the bridleway that I normally ride round. Takes about 40minutes walking and trotting, so I'm not sure how long it'll take to run it. I'm sure it's not 3 miles though, it doesnt feel as far as Swinsty when I'm on FatHorse.
Food tonight has been really rubbish, I'm never going to lose my 20lbs by Iceland if I carry on :(
Saturday, 26 July 2008
Once again...two good days in a row!
(so far anyway, I've been feeling a bit wobbly the last hour or so...)
But yeah, today has been fairly good. I think the trick is keeping myself busy, but that's easier said than done sometimes. Havent ridden today OR run OR gymmed because I was working, but I'll gym in the morning and ride or run in the evening.
FatHorse has had her FatCamp rebuilt and she's in it tonight...Cross everything she is still standing in the morning and hasnt done anything ridiculous.
Was slightly stiff this morning but it eased up throughout the day. I think it'll hit me tomorrow!!
Payrise comes into effect August 8th :banana:
Wish I'd ridden though, tonight was perfect for a nice hack but I'm so BORED of going on my own. I might put an advert up at work asking if anyone wants to come riding with me :blush:
But yeah, today has been fairly good. I think the trick is keeping myself busy, but that's easier said than done sometimes. Havent ridden today OR run OR gymmed because I was working, but I'll gym in the morning and ride or run in the evening.
FatHorse has had her FatCamp rebuilt and she's in it tonight...Cross everything she is still standing in the morning and hasnt done anything ridiculous.
Was slightly stiff this morning but it eased up throughout the day. I think it'll hit me tomorrow!!
Payrise comes into effect August 8th :banana:
Wish I'd ridden though, tonight was perfect for a nice hack but I'm so BORED of going on my own. I might put an advert up at work asking if anyone wants to come riding with me :blush:
Friday, 25 July 2008
Had a really good day
Been so busy as well, havent actually acheived very much but it's occupied me all day and I havent wanted to be a twat at all. Check me out!
Got up fairly latish (lazy cow!), and went up to Swinsty and trundled round... Some woman I've never heard of told me I'd done good so that cheered me up. Wish I knew how far it really was, Nike+ told me it was 3.44miles which it REALLY isnt. But whatever, I was pleased.
Came home, got changed and went to the yard, did a full muck out of FatHorses stable and put 2 new bales of shavings in while she trundled about the yard grazing and just generally being in the sun... I'm sure she doesnt care, but I like her to be out in the sun just mooching about. She did chew the wing mirror on my car though. That wasnt so good.
Came home and got changed again and walked straight down to the gym... it wasnt the BEST of sessions - I had to knock the incline down a bit on the treadmill, but rower and cross trainer were ok. Didnt get thin arms but did the hurty-stretches. Had a shower...and got changed AGAIN!!
Walked home, did boring-housework had some lunch (at 5pm) and went back to yard to ride. Intended to do some jumping, but chickened out. Did 2 jumps and she was being silly so we fart arsed around the field instead. Pony came in all frothed up with sweat and I wasnt much better. Must clean my tack tomorrow :blush:
Finished at yard and got back home, Stef seems to have gone missing :S No one seems to know where she is, which is very odd. Am sure she's fine, but can't help feeling a bit worried.
Realy havent done very much and I'm knackered!! Am working tomorrow now as V has hurt her leg. Had a tantrum about doing it, but I'm getting paid for it, and it can either go towards Iceland-money or on the credit card. Working Sunday too but have thursday and friday off cos I'm working next weekend too. Why is it always my weekends that get fucked about with and never Stus???
Got up fairly latish (lazy cow!), and went up to Swinsty and trundled round... Some woman I've never heard of told me I'd done good so that cheered me up. Wish I knew how far it really was, Nike+ told me it was 3.44miles which it REALLY isnt. But whatever, I was pleased.
Came home, got changed and went to the yard, did a full muck out of FatHorses stable and put 2 new bales of shavings in while she trundled about the yard grazing and just generally being in the sun... I'm sure she doesnt care, but I like her to be out in the sun just mooching about. She did chew the wing mirror on my car though. That wasnt so good.
Came home and got changed again and walked straight down to the gym... it wasnt the BEST of sessions - I had to knock the incline down a bit on the treadmill, but rower and cross trainer were ok. Didnt get thin arms but did the hurty-stretches. Had a shower...and got changed AGAIN!!
Walked home, did boring-housework had some lunch (at 5pm) and went back to yard to ride. Intended to do some jumping, but chickened out. Did 2 jumps and she was being silly so we fart arsed around the field instead. Pony came in all frothed up with sweat and I wasnt much better. Must clean my tack tomorrow :blush:
Finished at yard and got back home, Stef seems to have gone missing :S No one seems to know where she is, which is very odd. Am sure she's fine, but can't help feeling a bit worried.
Realy havent done very much and I'm knackered!! Am working tomorrow now as V has hurt her leg. Had a tantrum about doing it, but I'm getting paid for it, and it can either go towards Iceland-money or on the credit card. Working Sunday too but have thursday and friday off cos I'm working next weekend too. Why is it always my weekends that get fucked about with and never Stus???
I wonder...
(todays Good Food Day isnt starting very well, I just stole some of Chris' nutella sandwich.)
But, that aside, I wonder if I'll ever be happy with the way I look? My thighs, I think, are finally starting to get some kind of definition to them, rather than just floppy flab, so that made me kind of happy last night before I realised that once those were sorted there was still everything else to work on!!
The Pregnant One sent me a text at 5am saying she needed today off as holiday because her neighbours had had a party and it didnt finish till late and she was tired. Chris has said to pretend I never got the message and see if she actually asks properly, the way staff are meant to. I'm glad I'm not at work today, if she does end up having the day off there will be uproar. She has tomorrow booked off as holiday - convenient that every time she has a holiday booked, the day before SOMETHING happens so she gets a longer one. She goes on mat leave next week and I cant wait, although when I suggested to everyone it might be nice (ha) to get her a leaving present and card they all had fits and refused to put any money in. Joyous.
I was looking at the Blue Lagoon website again last night, I really really must get back into weight loss and not be swayed by haribo and crisp sandwiches and the like. I need to buy a swimming costume, but I darent until the week we go to make sure it fits properly. There's only 8 weeks till we go now :S I'm so cross with myself, there's not a CHANCE I'll be under 13 stone by then :bawling: I've finally started putting money into an Iceland Account and I'll put #20 a week in it but thats only #160 saved up for it...judging by the prices of stuff, that will last me approximately the journey from the airport to the hotel!! PLEASE let me have a bonus in August... Actually, I wonder when my payrise kicks in? I can put that over too. Was kind of hoping I'd need a 'Clothes The Fit' shopping trip again before we went, but that's unlikely.
Fuck it, 20lbs in 8 weeks. It must be doable. I just need to be really good. And actually go running and keep running rather than bitching I'm about to die.
But, that aside, I wonder if I'll ever be happy with the way I look? My thighs, I think, are finally starting to get some kind of definition to them, rather than just floppy flab, so that made me kind of happy last night before I realised that once those were sorted there was still everything else to work on!!
The Pregnant One sent me a text at 5am saying she needed today off as holiday because her neighbours had had a party and it didnt finish till late and she was tired. Chris has said to pretend I never got the message and see if she actually asks properly, the way staff are meant to. I'm glad I'm not at work today, if she does end up having the day off there will be uproar. She has tomorrow booked off as holiday - convenient that every time she has a holiday booked, the day before SOMETHING happens so she gets a longer one. She goes on mat leave next week and I cant wait, although when I suggested to everyone it might be nice (ha) to get her a leaving present and card they all had fits and refused to put any money in. Joyous.
I was looking at the Blue Lagoon website again last night, I really really must get back into weight loss and not be swayed by haribo and crisp sandwiches and the like. I need to buy a swimming costume, but I darent until the week we go to make sure it fits properly. There's only 8 weeks till we go now :S I'm so cross with myself, there's not a CHANCE I'll be under 13 stone by then :bawling: I've finally started putting money into an Iceland Account and I'll put #20 a week in it but thats only #160 saved up for it...judging by the prices of stuff, that will last me approximately the journey from the airport to the hotel!! PLEASE let me have a bonus in August... Actually, I wonder when my payrise kicks in? I can put that over too. Was kind of hoping I'd need a 'Clothes The Fit' shopping trip again before we went, but that's unlikely.
Fuck it, 20lbs in 8 weeks. It must be doable. I just need to be really good. And actually go running and keep running rather than bitching I'm about to die.
Thursday, 24 July 2008
I've annoyed myself this week
OK, so work has been rubbish, but there has been no need for my rubbishness (with both rubbish-rubbishness and work-rubbish) whatsoever.
Today was appalling, got myself into a huge state this morning over NOTHING at all, and demanded Chris went out for chocolate hobnobs, I ate the entire pack, I have actually disgusted myself with what I've eaten today. I darent even admit anything else, it's too awful.
At least I've been for a run though, but my stupid out of breath-breathing really lets me down, it makes me so cross. The run was fun though, even if it was hardhardhard. I've decided Jen actually hates me and wants to kill me.
Tomorrow is a new day and all that, I MUST be good with food now, I hate still being this weight, so much for my aim at the beginning of the year to be 11stone by 1st August. I'll be lucky to be 14stone by then!!!
so, all rubbish and I must just stop being such a twat. So easy just sat here, announcing that. Must start running on a Monday night again too, wont get better if I give up!!
Today was appalling, got myself into a huge state this morning over NOTHING at all, and demanded Chris went out for chocolate hobnobs, I ate the entire pack, I have actually disgusted myself with what I've eaten today. I darent even admit anything else, it's too awful.
At least I've been for a run though, but my stupid out of breath-breathing really lets me down, it makes me so cross. The run was fun though, even if it was hardhardhard. I've decided Jen actually hates me and wants to kill me.
Tomorrow is a new day and all that, I MUST be good with food now, I hate still being this weight, so much for my aim at the beginning of the year to be 11stone by 1st August. I'll be lucky to be 14stone by then!!!
so, all rubbish and I must just stop being such a twat. So easy just sat here, announcing that. Must start running on a Monday night again too, wont get better if I give up!!
Saturday, 19 July 2008
More rubbish
I've annoyed myself today, dont worry.
I attempted the gym this afternoon in a vague effort to get the so called exercise endorphins flowing, but they'd flowed right away. Was rubbish, couldnt do the intervals in the treadmill, so ran 2 miles instead and that was a struggle (2 one minute breaks). Managed the cross trainer and rower on intervals though so that's something. Didn't even bother with thin-arms or stretches and I havent done any here at home either. Havent ridden, havent run, havent done wii fit or Nell. Lazy cow.
FatHorse was fine, put her in the arena while I mucked out and generally faffed about, then the other livery came up and I just really couldnt face being sociable, so I was very rude and just walked away and sat with FH in the arena while she alternated between stuffing her face and generally being a tit.
I've been rubbish with food today, which hasnt helped the mood. Food Ban went amazingly until 5pm and then I just had to eat. Absolutely stuffed my face, and as a result I'm now uncomfortably full. I hardly dare point it, so much for not eating the points I'd over eaten by yesterday.
Been rubbish with the other stuff too. Cut myself shaving last night and Chris is having a tantrum, he doesnt believe it's an accident.
Still can't pull myself out of the 'I've just split up with Chris' mood. It's frustrating me, I know we havent, I know he doesnt want to and to be honest it's scared me how much it's upset me. I always thought I'd be fairly level headed if it was me that got dumped, but today has proved I really wouldnt be. I couldnt eat (till I had to :rolleyes: ), have become embarrassingly clingy (HATE it yet cant stop it) and am now paranoid.
Please let me be more rational tomorrow.
I attempted the gym this afternoon in a vague effort to get the so called exercise endorphins flowing, but they'd flowed right away. Was rubbish, couldnt do the intervals in the treadmill, so ran 2 miles instead and that was a struggle (2 one minute breaks). Managed the cross trainer and rower on intervals though so that's something. Didn't even bother with thin-arms or stretches and I havent done any here at home either. Havent ridden, havent run, havent done wii fit or Nell. Lazy cow.
FatHorse was fine, put her in the arena while I mucked out and generally faffed about, then the other livery came up and I just really couldnt face being sociable, so I was very rude and just walked away and sat with FH in the arena while she alternated between stuffing her face and generally being a tit.
I've been rubbish with food today, which hasnt helped the mood. Food Ban went amazingly until 5pm and then I just had to eat. Absolutely stuffed my face, and as a result I'm now uncomfortably full. I hardly dare point it, so much for not eating the points I'd over eaten by yesterday.
Been rubbish with the other stuff too. Cut myself shaving last night and Chris is having a tantrum, he doesnt believe it's an accident.
Still can't pull myself out of the 'I've just split up with Chris' mood. It's frustrating me, I know we havent, I know he doesnt want to and to be honest it's scared me how much it's upset me. I always thought I'd be fairly level headed if it was me that got dumped, but today has proved I really wouldnt be. I couldnt eat (till I had to :rolleyes: ), have become embarrassingly clingy (HATE it yet cant stop it) and am now paranoid.
Please let me be more rational tomorrow.
Rubbishlyrubbishingrubbish
Rubbish :nod:
Yesterday was ok, managed a food ban till tea was ready, check me out. Then it all went downhill, pizza, garlic bread, some banoffee pie (FatFighters, but still) a milky way, 2 bottles of wine...Was nice though but now I have the horrors. I quite fancy going for a really nice, long, run, but I wont because A/ I'm a lazy cow and won't motivate myself enough to go and B/ I'll be rubbish and that will make me more rubbishlyrubbish. I might go to the gym in a bit instead.
Feeling a bit crap anyway because Nicola rang last night and wanted to do something over the weekend, so I lied and said we were away (I'm going to get seen by her now), then when she asked if I wanted to do something that night I just said no, couldnt think of an excuse quickly enough, so I just said Chris and I had been busy all week and just wanted an evening on our own. All lies. So I think I've offended her now too. Wel, I dont think, I know. So yeah, rubbish.
Havent dared get on the scales yet, but I'm having vegetables for tea. I should point all yesterdays food and not eat today what I went over yesterday, does that make sense?
Rode FatHorse yesterday, she was fine. There were Monsters in the wood though and she was completely inattentive. No spooks, just somewhere else entirely. I was trying her in the hanging cheek french link but I might as well have been riding with a toothbrush for all the use it was. Rubbish.
Dreamt last night as well that Chris and I split up, because he didnt want me anymore. I know it was a dream (because I went to the gym afterwards, how WRONG is that??) but I still can't shake the rubbishness and am mooching about doing bugger all and just generally being miserable. Don't want to get back into bed (he's still asleep) just in case it's a little bit true. I went to the gym with Fanny yesterday, after we split up I was on my own. WE HAVE NOT SPLIT UP.
All rubbish.
Yesterday was ok, managed a food ban till tea was ready, check me out. Then it all went downhill, pizza, garlic bread, some banoffee pie (FatFighters, but still) a milky way, 2 bottles of wine...Was nice though but now I have the horrors. I quite fancy going for a really nice, long, run, but I wont because A/ I'm a lazy cow and won't motivate myself enough to go and B/ I'll be rubbish and that will make me more rubbishlyrubbish. I might go to the gym in a bit instead.
Feeling a bit crap anyway because Nicola rang last night and wanted to do something over the weekend, so I lied and said we were away (I'm going to get seen by her now), then when she asked if I wanted to do something that night I just said no, couldnt think of an excuse quickly enough, so I just said Chris and I had been busy all week and just wanted an evening on our own. All lies. So I think I've offended her now too. Wel, I dont think, I know. So yeah, rubbish.
Havent dared get on the scales yet, but I'm having vegetables for tea. I should point all yesterdays food and not eat today what I went over yesterday, does that make sense?
Rode FatHorse yesterday, she was fine. There were Monsters in the wood though and she was completely inattentive. No spooks, just somewhere else entirely. I was trying her in the hanging cheek french link but I might as well have been riding with a toothbrush for all the use it was. Rubbish.
Dreamt last night as well that Chris and I split up, because he didnt want me anymore. I know it was a dream (because I went to the gym afterwards, how WRONG is that??) but I still can't shake the rubbishness and am mooching about doing bugger all and just generally being miserable. Don't want to get back into bed (he's still asleep) just in case it's a little bit true. I went to the gym with Fanny yesterday, after we split up I was on my own. WE HAVE NOT SPLIT UP.
All rubbish.
Friday, 18 July 2008
Today has the potential to be a good day
Dont tell the FatHorse...
I'm trying for another food ban today, we're having pizza and garlic bread for tea and I think I might want wine too. Or is that ridiculous? I was under 14stone this morning - cue the HUGEST grins ever and screams for Chris to come and see (but he HAD to comment on other things) but still - has set my day up well. I just dont want to fuck up the weight loss this week.
Been to the gym with Fanny this morning, did the treadmill on 70second on the work bit, mostly on a 4% incline, but I think I did 3 work minutes on 5%. Did that for 15minutes, did rower and cross trainer too. Can't decide if that was easier or not or if I just got a bit lazier towards the middle.... Last few work minutes were uber-fast though. Did thin-arms and the one I hate, the arms in front and to the side thing, I did with 2kg weights. Two sets of 12. Well, one set of 12 and 2 sets of 6. But it's getting better. Then tried to make Fanny stretchy. She can't do it. I'm sure I must do something wrong. Tried her running top on and it fits, after a fashion. I wouldnt wear it on its own, but yes, it does fit. I can't decide whether to get one or not. Would I ever actually wear it? She does look a bit of a tit wearing it in the gym under a vest top.
Going to go ride FatHorse in a minute, if it's still upright. Bloody animal, now I can laugh and joke about it now, but I thought my heart had been ripped out last night. Running later too, hopefully. Not sure how good I'll be by that point though.
I'm still tempted by this running top. If we get a bonus I might consider it a bit more.
I might wii fit before pizza too, depends on how dead I'm feeling. I might not be capable by that point.
This week has gone so quickly, it's not fair. I think I could get used to being a house wife.
I'm trying for another food ban today, we're having pizza and garlic bread for tea and I think I might want wine too. Or is that ridiculous? I was under 14stone this morning - cue the HUGEST grins ever and screams for Chris to come and see (but he HAD to comment on other things) but still - has set my day up well. I just dont want to fuck up the weight loss this week.
Been to the gym with Fanny this morning, did the treadmill on 70second on the work bit, mostly on a 4% incline, but I think I did 3 work minutes on 5%. Did that for 15minutes, did rower and cross trainer too. Can't decide if that was easier or not or if I just got a bit lazier towards the middle.... Last few work minutes were uber-fast though. Did thin-arms and the one I hate, the arms in front and to the side thing, I did with 2kg weights. Two sets of 12. Well, one set of 12 and 2 sets of 6. But it's getting better. Then tried to make Fanny stretchy. She can't do it. I'm sure I must do something wrong. Tried her running top on and it fits, after a fashion. I wouldnt wear it on its own, but yes, it does fit. I can't decide whether to get one or not. Would I ever actually wear it? She does look a bit of a tit wearing it in the gym under a vest top.
Going to go ride FatHorse in a minute, if it's still upright. Bloody animal, now I can laugh and joke about it now, but I thought my heart had been ripped out last night. Running later too, hopefully. Not sure how good I'll be by that point though.
I'm still tempted by this running top. If we get a bonus I might consider it a bit more.
I might wii fit before pizza too, depends on how dead I'm feeling. I might not be capable by that point.
This week has gone so quickly, it's not fair. I think I could get used to being a house wife.
Thursday, 17 July 2008
Today had the potential to be a Good Day
Got up after a rubbish nights sleep but felt ok, so trundled off down to gym, increased the treadmill by a whole 10second on the work bit an dd tht for 10 minutes, so extra minute I think done on it. Was knackered by end. Got thin arms, did stretches, went to Superdrug and got some bits and then walked back home.
Got a text to say my pony-shopping had arrived at work so raced down there, boots - good, bit - good, girth - good, chaps....going to take some stretching to fit :bawling: and as for the rug.... it's horrendous. Put it on the FatHorse and she was so horrified she promptly colicked :bawling: Again.
She was stood at the gate when I got to the yard so I assumed S hadnt long put her out, so pottered about for a bit then went to get her. Soon as she saw me open the gate, she buggered off. Grabbed some grass, and walked her down, took all of 5 minute, the lazy cow. Couldnt care less about the grass, came in fairly happily.
Tied her up outside stable, texted for a while, discussed whether the rug was worth calling the RSPCA for (I think it is - definately now it induces colic) Joked about her colicking cos her guts were gurgling, but then panicked cos her head was low...However when the foals were turned out she perked up then, and also when people rode past, so decided she was just a bit podged.
Put her in her box, she had a poo (nice...) bit Danny then hurled herself to the floor. Hauled her up (shocked even myself) and took her to the school. I must have walked 6 miles with her tonight. She farted, she burped, she grunted, she tried going down again. Four seperate occasions we trundled round that school, then I took her in the field (I was bored of the school) and she perked up again. Ended up going round there 3 times then by the third time, SHE was taking me round. Put her back in her box and she managed to remain upright for 20 minutes which is a new FatHorse record, so came home and I'm going to go bak up and check her in a minute.
Poor FatHorse :bawling: and STUPID me, it is my own fault she colicked and I've now been rubbish and rubbish with food too. I needed to be good at food today cos we're having pizza tomorrow and I bet I wont be able to stay on food ban again all day tomorrow :bawling:
Rubbishrubbishrubbish
Got a text to say my pony-shopping had arrived at work so raced down there, boots - good, bit - good, girth - good, chaps....going to take some stretching to fit :bawling: and as for the rug.... it's horrendous. Put it on the FatHorse and she was so horrified she promptly colicked :bawling: Again.
She was stood at the gate when I got to the yard so I assumed S hadnt long put her out, so pottered about for a bit then went to get her. Soon as she saw me open the gate, she buggered off. Grabbed some grass, and walked her down, took all of 5 minute, the lazy cow. Couldnt care less about the grass, came in fairly happily.
Tied her up outside stable, texted for a while, discussed whether the rug was worth calling the RSPCA for (I think it is - definately now it induces colic) Joked about her colicking cos her guts were gurgling, but then panicked cos her head was low...However when the foals were turned out she perked up then, and also when people rode past, so decided she was just a bit podged.
Put her in her box, she had a poo (nice...) bit Danny then hurled herself to the floor. Hauled her up (shocked even myself) and took her to the school. I must have walked 6 miles with her tonight. She farted, she burped, she grunted, she tried going down again. Four seperate occasions we trundled round that school, then I took her in the field (I was bored of the school) and she perked up again. Ended up going round there 3 times then by the third time, SHE was taking me round. Put her back in her box and she managed to remain upright for 20 minutes which is a new FatHorse record, so came home and I'm going to go bak up and check her in a minute.
Poor FatHorse :bawling: and STUPID me, it is my own fault she colicked and I've now been rubbish and rubbish with food too. I needed to be good at food today cos we're having pizza tomorrow and I bet I wont be able to stay on food ban again all day tomorrow :bawling:
Rubbishrubbishrubbish
Wednesday, 16 July 2008
Anthem
The lights are on
The ships have gone
I'm fine and dry and much to my relief
I'm flying high
To beat the sky
And One by One my blues lie underneath
A time to live
A time to die
A time to open up your eyes and see
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
Why waste time
To find the place
When all the time the world was mine to keep
A time to live
A time to die
A time to open up your eyes and see
Rocks and stones
and breaking bones
The fits, the shakes, she tries to get some sleep
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
Hold your breath
And count to ten
So good to be so fucked up... oh yeah!
The ships have gone
I'm fine and dry and much to my relief
I'm flying high
To beat the sky
And One by One my blues lie underneath
A time to live
A time to die
A time to open up your eyes and see
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
Why waste time
To find the place
When all the time the world was mine to keep
A time to live
A time to die
A time to open up your eyes and see
Rocks and stones
and breaking bones
The fits, the shakes, she tries to get some sleep
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
I'm in love with the rock 'n' roll world
Hold your breath
And count to ten
So good to be so fucked up... oh yeah!
unmotivated and whingey
I'm just being rubbish because I havent had to motivate myself yet today. S did nags this morning, so I havent HAD to get up and moving yet. Wish I'd done them, it looks like it's going to rain any second, FH will be wet. In fact, I know it's going to rain, I've just put some washing out.
I've just paid some money off my credit card so am feeling marginally less horrified by that. Marginally. At least I'm using everything though, it's not just pointless rubbish!! Hope my bodyshop stuff comes soon.
I want to know when I get to see this weight loss. Logically I know I have lost weight and therefore size, but I dont SEE it and I know no one believes me and they're getting infuriated but I genuinely dont. This is why I'm scared for if I ever get the money to have the surgery I covet, who's to say I'll feel any better? I might not like it on principle (I'm that sort of person) or I might STILL not see any difference.
I had the oddest dream last night as well, it's made me feel a bit weird. I must get back in touch with the ex about the divorce, but I dont really have the money to at the minute. Plus I want to look amazing. Not because I want him back, but because I just...do. I can't explain why.
All rubbish and I can't even explain how I feel properly. Gymming tonight with Fanny. I can't decide if it's going to be a washout or if it's all ok. I might go a bit earlier and get on the treadmill before she gets there.
I've just paid some money off my credit card so am feeling marginally less horrified by that. Marginally. At least I'm using everything though, it's not just pointless rubbish!! Hope my bodyshop stuff comes soon.
I want to know when I get to see this weight loss. Logically I know I have lost weight and therefore size, but I dont SEE it and I know no one believes me and they're getting infuriated but I genuinely dont. This is why I'm scared for if I ever get the money to have the surgery I covet, who's to say I'll feel any better? I might not like it on principle (I'm that sort of person) or I might STILL not see any difference.
I had the oddest dream last night as well, it's made me feel a bit weird. I must get back in touch with the ex about the divorce, but I dont really have the money to at the minute. Plus I want to look amazing. Not because I want him back, but because I just...do. I can't explain why.
All rubbish and I can't even explain how I feel properly. Gymming tonight with Fanny. I can't decide if it's going to be a washout or if it's all ok. I might go a bit earlier and get on the treadmill before she gets there.
Tuesday, 15 July 2008
What if
What if, I lose all this weight, and I'm still the same person underneath it all?
What do I do then?
What do I do then?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)