Only this time I know why..... Can't sleep for thinking of The Situation. :( Whatever happens it will be wrong. I have emailed a horse transport search thingy who make you fill out a form and then all the different transporters get back in touch with their quotes. Will wait till I have a few, then email V and tell her when we're coming to get Pony/Stuff. Not really sure what to do though tbh.
The options:
1. Offer Pony to V for sale, as long as I get £xxxx by a certain date. This is on the understanding that I will never have any further contact with the horse, as long as I get one last chance to say goodbye. (lets not confuse concern with stalking, hey?)
2. Bring Pony back, turn away on grass livery until back/legs sorted. Ask EH to reschool her/take her to parties, then sell.
3. Bring Pony back, turn away on grass livery until back/legs sorted. Loan to a very local home only.
4. Bring Pony back, discover nothing wrong, sell immediately.
5. Bring Pony back, disover pony knackered, field ornament forever.
Also had a shit day with food. I have no willpower and self control - I think I may be expecting too much of this Paul McKenna book.
Was meant to go for a walk with OH tonight, but OH has cried off cos 'it looks like it might rain', thought about going to the gym with S but she's working and I really need someone with me to motivate me and be competitive with today.
Food: half ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, 2 rice cakes with laughing cow light cheese, a twirl (2 fingers), 3/4s packet chocolate hobnobs :blush: salad, quavers, muller light, lamb, boiled potatoes, yorkshire pudding, green beans, carrots, gravy, mint sauce.
Exercise: Nothing.
Monday, 21 May 2007
Sunday, 20 May 2007
Very tired!
And not for any particular reason why. Didnt swim this morning because me and OH just couldnt wake up. Eventually rolled out of bed around 9.20 :shock:
Really must pull finger out and look for yards. I suspect I will end up going back to Original Yard, purely for ease rather than anything else. People I know, a yard layout I know, arenas and hacking I am confident with, if I ever sit on her again. A big shame it appears V & I can't work things out though :( Had got myself all worked up for The Chat tonight, and it looks like she can't get to a computer. Heart skips everytime someone new signs into MSN. I am so pathetic.
Acquired (aka, stole) a petometre from work. I'm sure its quicker to rack up the calories than on my old (human!) one. Maybe a dogs metabolic rate is quicker than a humans, despite the fact I put my weight in? I dont know.
I am so hungry, constantly. Had eaten most of my lunch before we even opened the doors today. Just till Friday to go, then I have a half week off to see my parents, then hopefully The Big News will be common knowledge....If it happens.
Food: 1 salad (chicken/mozzerella/halloumi/cranberry sauce), quavers, twirl (both fingers!), 2 Go Ahead apple bars, muller light, 2 rice cakes with 1 triangle laughing cow light, 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, roast lamb, boiled potatoes, yorkshire pudding, carrots, peas, gravy, mint sauce.
Very yummy. I could eat it all again.
Exercise: Nothing.
Dont know whats wrong with me. No enthusiasm for anything really. Have just bought Paul McKennas book....Hopefully that will kick start everything again. If that works will think about hypnotherapy for confidence etc. I have no idea how I am going to pay for all this though....
Really must pull finger out and look for yards. I suspect I will end up going back to Original Yard, purely for ease rather than anything else. People I know, a yard layout I know, arenas and hacking I am confident with, if I ever sit on her again. A big shame it appears V & I can't work things out though :( Had got myself all worked up for The Chat tonight, and it looks like she can't get to a computer. Heart skips everytime someone new signs into MSN. I am so pathetic.
Acquired (aka, stole) a petometre from work. I'm sure its quicker to rack up the calories than on my old (human!) one. Maybe a dogs metabolic rate is quicker than a humans, despite the fact I put my weight in? I dont know.
I am so hungry, constantly. Had eaten most of my lunch before we even opened the doors today. Just till Friday to go, then I have a half week off to see my parents, then hopefully The Big News will be common knowledge....If it happens.
Food: 1 salad (chicken/mozzerella/halloumi/cranberry sauce), quavers, twirl (both fingers!), 2 Go Ahead apple bars, muller light, 2 rice cakes with 1 triangle laughing cow light, 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, roast lamb, boiled potatoes, yorkshire pudding, carrots, peas, gravy, mint sauce.
Very yummy. I could eat it all again.
Exercise: Nothing.
Dont know whats wrong with me. No enthusiasm for anything really. Have just bought Paul McKennas book....Hopefully that will kick start everything again. If that works will think about hypnotherapy for confidence etc. I have no idea how I am going to pay for all this though....
Saturday, 19 May 2007
Bargains!
I really must stop spending so much money, especially in light of everything...
Show today, went with works tradestand - took the whole stock of dog beds and we were SO busy!! We must have taken about £500, which considering at the same show last year, we took £7 is going some lol. I got some bargains from the Joules stand (:thud: there was a Joules stand!) and got a summerweight pale blue rugby top which was £50 reduced to £25 and a neon pink jacket which was £85 reduced to £40. Bargainous. Also some red jewelled flip flops which will go well with jeans and my boobs out red top. Must do something about the state of my feet though!
Had a horrendous day food wise. I took a salad, but there was so much temptation everywhere....
Food: 1 bacon sandwich, 1 cheeseburger, chips and tomato sauce, 4 donuts, 2 hot chocolates with whipped cream, 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes, 1 turkish delight, quavers, muller light, salad (ham/mozzerella/halloumi/salad cream).
Exercise: I walked down to the show and then back home (about 25mins total) and have done 200 calories on the bike so far.
The huge loss I managed over the last 2/3 days has been totally wiped out. Bah.
Show today, went with works tradestand - took the whole stock of dog beds and we were SO busy!! We must have taken about £500, which considering at the same show last year, we took £7 is going some lol. I got some bargains from the Joules stand (:thud: there was a Joules stand!) and got a summerweight pale blue rugby top which was £50 reduced to £25 and a neon pink jacket which was £85 reduced to £40. Bargainous. Also some red jewelled flip flops which will go well with jeans and my boobs out red top. Must do something about the state of my feet though!
Had a horrendous day food wise. I took a salad, but there was so much temptation everywhere....
Food: 1 bacon sandwich, 1 cheeseburger, chips and tomato sauce, 4 donuts, 2 hot chocolates with whipped cream, 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes, 1 turkish delight, quavers, muller light, salad (ham/mozzerella/halloumi/salad cream).
Exercise: I walked down to the show and then back home (about 25mins total) and have done 200 calories on the bike so far.
The huge loss I managed over the last 2/3 days has been totally wiped out. Bah.
Friday, 18 May 2007
Annoyed with Myself
Must not be overexcited about Hypothetically, Potentially, but Hypothetically, Potentially, SOMETHING *MAY* be happening around the beginning of Juneish time. Possibly.
Had such a lovely sleep last night, I was utterly exhausted from the night before, and could happily have slept for days. OH on the other hand, didnt, and was wide awake from around 4am.
Work wasnt too bad, still can't concentrate, and still occasionally had to run in the office, shut the door, scream quietly, and come back out again lol. Undecided re the Pony Situation. I dont feel I have been the unreasonable one, but then, I wouldnt, would I? I really dont know what to do, or how to feel. One minute I am over excited about having her back, planning stuff, looking round yards, trying to work out when is best for me to have her... The other side, thinks 'fuck, how am I going to pay for all this? Its not in pony's best interests, I hated that yard, why am I thinking of going back, I wasn't confident on her in a Dr Bristol & a flash, how will I feel with a cheltenham gag and a grackle?' etcetc. The best situation is if the loaner buys her now, but somehow doubt that will happen. At worst, will just have to give her 6months off, get a friend to ride then sell before winter - I cannot afford her. Its a horrible decision, but I have proved I cannot cope with her still being mine and somewhere else. Best if she belongs to someone else and I cut all ties.
So been totally unable to concentrate all day - head is partway Somewhere Down South, partway in the office talking to the owner, partly on the W&C order, partly on the yards I'm going to look at... Basically everywhere it shouldnt be.
Building work is coming on. Wall is totally out now, and beam is in. The metal things holding it all up should come out on Monday, and hopefully the shop wont fall down. Then I think the office is being pulled down, then the counter is moving....then the front is coming off the shop. I wish we'd taken pics, because it will all look so different.
Still havent been to gym or swimming. Another piggy day.
Went to Drs, apparently weight gain is very normal, and although she didnt weigh me (dont they learn?!) accepted I had lost weight, and said it was good, although she could imagine how disheartening it was that it was going so slowly. Suggested the coil as another option. I dont think it is one I will take up. Said the periods thing was totally normal.
Food: 1 bacon & mushroom & brown sauce bun, 1 slice pizza, salad (ham/mozzerella/halloumi/salad cream) muller light, 2 rice cakes with laughing cow light, 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, 1 chocolate muffin, chicken, yorkshire pudding, green beans, carrots, boiled potatoes, cranberry sauce, half bottle pink wine.
Exercise: Nowt. Nada. Bugger all.
Had such a lovely sleep last night, I was utterly exhausted from the night before, and could happily have slept for days. OH on the other hand, didnt, and was wide awake from around 4am.
Work wasnt too bad, still can't concentrate, and still occasionally had to run in the office, shut the door, scream quietly, and come back out again lol. Undecided re the Pony Situation. I dont feel I have been the unreasonable one, but then, I wouldnt, would I? I really dont know what to do, or how to feel. One minute I am over excited about having her back, planning stuff, looking round yards, trying to work out when is best for me to have her... The other side, thinks 'fuck, how am I going to pay for all this? Its not in pony's best interests, I hated that yard, why am I thinking of going back, I wasn't confident on her in a Dr Bristol & a flash, how will I feel with a cheltenham gag and a grackle?' etcetc. The best situation is if the loaner buys her now, but somehow doubt that will happen. At worst, will just have to give her 6months off, get a friend to ride then sell before winter - I cannot afford her. Its a horrible decision, but I have proved I cannot cope with her still being mine and somewhere else. Best if she belongs to someone else and I cut all ties.
So been totally unable to concentrate all day - head is partway Somewhere Down South, partway in the office talking to the owner, partly on the W&C order, partly on the yards I'm going to look at... Basically everywhere it shouldnt be.
Building work is coming on. Wall is totally out now, and beam is in. The metal things holding it all up should come out on Monday, and hopefully the shop wont fall down. Then I think the office is being pulled down, then the counter is moving....then the front is coming off the shop. I wish we'd taken pics, because it will all look so different.
Still havent been to gym or swimming. Another piggy day.
Went to Drs, apparently weight gain is very normal, and although she didnt weigh me (dont they learn?!) accepted I had lost weight, and said it was good, although she could imagine how disheartening it was that it was going so slowly. Suggested the coil as another option. I dont think it is one I will take up. Said the periods thing was totally normal.
Food: 1 bacon & mushroom & brown sauce bun, 1 slice pizza, salad (ham/mozzerella/halloumi/salad cream) muller light, 2 rice cakes with laughing cow light, 1 ham & pie d'angloys sandwich, 1 chocolate muffin, chicken, yorkshire pudding, green beans, carrots, boiled potatoes, cranberry sauce, half bottle pink wine.
Exercise: Nowt. Nada. Bugger all.
Thursday, 17 May 2007
Hypothetically, Potentially
No reply to apology. :( I really dont know what to say or do. Have a list of 20 yards to ring round in the morning. I really dont want to go back to where she was before, but if I have to, I have to. I suppose its better the devil you know really.
Had very little sleep last night, about 4 hours max. Meant that I couldnt get too worked up about today, until Owner actually arrived. I've been left a little bit :huh: and *dizzy* over the review. Basically, I have come out of it looking great, which was a shock! I underestimated myself on everything. M1 did some very political voting and gave everybody horrific scores.... Had it not been for that, my overall score would have been a good 4.5-5 (out of 6) rather than the steady 4 it was. The funniest thing I have EVER heard, is that he gave everyone 2/3 for time keeping - and gave himself 4s & 5s :heehee: This is the man that regularly rocks up at 9.45am, then goes to the bank at 10am, gets back at 11am, and goes for a 3 hour lunch at midday. I can only assume he thought he was marking 1 as the highest LOL. Hypothetically, Potentially, IF eithers M1,2 or 3 were to leave, there will be a new position created for someone (me) to move into. Hypothetically, Potentially, Someone might be leaving in 3weeks time. This means a hefty payrise, lots more input and responsibility, a salary, rather than the rota (no more overtime, boo), so Hypothetically, Potentially, keep those fingers crossed for a while longer. It totally hasnt sunk in yet, I keep wondering if I have made it up. I cant let myself get too overexcited for another 3 weeks. However, I have already mentally spent the money!
Spent most of the day eating chocolate and biscuits. Am pissed off now, as there was a significant loss this morning. Didnt go to gym either as was exhausted by the time I finished work. Am also shocked at the 'comedown' I had at 4pm - I havent had such an amount of chocolate for so long, and that combined with the review and last night, meant that come 4pm I was exhausted and physically couldnt do anything more taxing than chat to builders.
Food: Quavers, salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), 1 chocolate muffin, lots of chocolate hobnobs, 1 packet of Planets, some Hula Hoops, some Aero bubbles most of a pack of Rolos, pizza, garlic bread.
Exercise: Nothing. At all.
Had very little sleep last night, about 4 hours max. Meant that I couldnt get too worked up about today, until Owner actually arrived. I've been left a little bit :huh: and *dizzy* over the review. Basically, I have come out of it looking great, which was a shock! I underestimated myself on everything. M1 did some very political voting and gave everybody horrific scores.... Had it not been for that, my overall score would have been a good 4.5-5 (out of 6) rather than the steady 4 it was. The funniest thing I have EVER heard, is that he gave everyone 2/3 for time keeping - and gave himself 4s & 5s :heehee: This is the man that regularly rocks up at 9.45am, then goes to the bank at 10am, gets back at 11am, and goes for a 3 hour lunch at midday. I can only assume he thought he was marking 1 as the highest LOL. Hypothetically, Potentially, IF eithers M1,2 or 3 were to leave, there will be a new position created for someone (me) to move into. Hypothetically, Potentially, Someone might be leaving in 3weeks time. This means a hefty payrise, lots more input and responsibility, a salary, rather than the rota (no more overtime, boo), so Hypothetically, Potentially, keep those fingers crossed for a while longer. It totally hasnt sunk in yet, I keep wondering if I have made it up. I cant let myself get too overexcited for another 3 weeks. However, I have already mentally spent the money!
Spent most of the day eating chocolate and biscuits. Am pissed off now, as there was a significant loss this morning. Didnt go to gym either as was exhausted by the time I finished work. Am also shocked at the 'comedown' I had at 4pm - I havent had such an amount of chocolate for so long, and that combined with the review and last night, meant that come 4pm I was exhausted and physically couldnt do anything more taxing than chat to builders.
Food: Quavers, salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), 1 chocolate muffin, lots of chocolate hobnobs, 1 packet of Planets, some Hula Hoops, some Aero bubbles most of a pack of Rolos, pizza, garlic bread.
Exercise: Nothing. At all.
Wednesday, 16 May 2007
Having Her Back
Both Yay! and Nay!
I'm pleased to have her back, but also, I hate the way it has ended. We were both at fault and neither will accept full responsibility. Need to find a yard now.
Havent swum tonight.
Food: boiled potatoes, sausages, beans, carrots, gravy, chocolate, quavers, salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), muller light.
Exercise: None. A mini walk on chevin while trying to contact V and then gabbing to Corinna for a bit.
I'm pleased to have her back, but also, I hate the way it has ended. We were both at fault and neither will accept full responsibility. Need to find a yard now.
Havent swum tonight.
Food: boiled potatoes, sausages, beans, carrots, gravy, chocolate, quavers, salad (ham/mozzerella/salad cream), muller light.
Exercise: None. A mini walk on chevin while trying to contact V and then gabbing to Corinna for a bit.
Tuesday, 15 May 2007
:thud: A Reply!!
At midnight last night and :S dunno.
'Is everything ok? I've just seen post on the forum :S I sent you a txt the day before yesterday, didnt you get it? And I went to the internet cafe but you went offline. Havent spoken to the vet re Dectomax but visit is already booked and she did say at the time no other treatment available. Have to work on Sunday. If you come Monday, I have 2 hours off over lunch but not allowed holidays yet as only been here a couple of weeks. You can come and see her on your own no probs, no one will bother you and can definately skive for half an hour or so :)'
So, hmmm. At 2am I came to the conclusion I *may* tell her the sale is off (there is nothing in writing as such to say M was ever offered for sale) and update the contract, put in a few more specific clauses.
Am still yet to reply to the text. Not sure what to put. No weight loss.
----
9.30pm. replied, saying I didnt like the fact I'd sent 7 messages to her 1 reply, and re-asked all the questions I asked in previous texts. Still waiting for an answer. She's been online.
Food: salad (ham, mozzerella, salad cream), quavers, grapes, 2 mini yorkie bars, half a packet maltesers (:blush:), limey chicken, pilau rice, 6 biscuits
Exercise: 50 lengths in the pool
'Is everything ok? I've just seen post on the forum :S I sent you a txt the day before yesterday, didnt you get it? And I went to the internet cafe but you went offline. Havent spoken to the vet re Dectomax but visit is already booked and she did say at the time no other treatment available. Have to work on Sunday. If you come Monday, I have 2 hours off over lunch but not allowed holidays yet as only been here a couple of weeks. You can come and see her on your own no probs, no one will bother you and can definately skive for half an hour or so :)'
So, hmmm. At 2am I came to the conclusion I *may* tell her the sale is off (there is nothing in writing as such to say M was ever offered for sale) and update the contract, put in a few more specific clauses.
Am still yet to reply to the text. Not sure what to put. No weight loss.
----
9.30pm. replied, saying I didnt like the fact I'd sent 7 messages to her 1 reply, and re-asked all the questions I asked in previous texts. Still waiting for an answer. She's been online.
Food: salad (ham, mozzerella, salad cream), quavers, grapes, 2 mini yorkie bars, half a packet maltesers (:blush:), limey chicken, pilau rice, 6 biscuits
Exercise: 50 lengths in the pool
Monday, 14 May 2007
Nearly 36 hours later
I still dont have a reply! I sent another text at around 7pm as well, no reply to that either.There are Plans in place!
Went to gym this eve, but didnt manage whole routine - it was PACKED. Will try not to go on a Monday evening again I think, it was so busy. Or if I do go, will go later than tonight. Didnt get on rower, leg press,seated row or pec flies.
Finally have an almost date for my review! Either Wednesday or Thursday morning.Starting to prepare my speech.
Food: salad (ham & salad cream), yoghurt, quavers, maltesers, tomato and pasta bake, HUGE garlic bread, banoffi pie (bought when I thought I was going to do whole gym routine!)
Exercise: Gym, 60 sit ups
Went to gym this eve, but didnt manage whole routine - it was PACKED. Will try not to go on a Monday evening again I think, it was so busy. Or if I do go, will go later than tonight. Didnt get on rower, leg press,seated row or pec flies.
Finally have an almost date for my review! Either Wednesday or Thursday morning.Starting to prepare my speech.
Food: salad (ham & salad cream), yoghurt, quavers, maltesers, tomato and pasta bake, HUGE garlic bread, banoffi pie (bought when I thought I was going to do whole gym routine!)
Exercise: Gym, 60 sit ups
Sunday, 13 May 2007
Hiccups!
Had them since about 4pm, they stopped while I was at the gym but have not started again - but I HAVE eaten my tea very quickly!
Odd day, lots of texts sent, but none in return. Still waiting for a reply from one I sent 10hours ago. Sigh.
Did a bit less at the gym today - 15minutes on treadmill (after 11 warmup), 15 on cross trainer and 10 on rower, then weights. I feel like I've worked though!!
Food: salad (ham/cheddar/salad cream), muller light, quavers, pasta bake with pork and tomato, garlic bread
Exercise: gym, 20 sit ups
Odd day, lots of texts sent, but none in return. Still waiting for a reply from one I sent 10hours ago. Sigh.
Did a bit less at the gym today - 15minutes on treadmill (after 11 warmup), 15 on cross trainer and 10 on rower, then weights. I feel like I've worked though!!
Food: salad (ham/cheddar/salad cream), muller light, quavers, pasta bake with pork and tomato, garlic bread
Exercise: gym, 20 sit ups
Saturday, 12 May 2007
Difficult Dilemmas
My pony is poorly - has a very bad back. I really dont know what to do for the best. V is being uncommunicative other than to tell me about the leg mites (what leg mites?!) and vets way of clearing them up *I* don't agree with, but... Nor do I really agree with the 'turn away and dose with painkillers for a month' attitude to her back. Am sat here absolutely bawling my eyes out, can't help but think of my dream the other night where she died, but can't afford to have her back really, but right now...Oh, I dont know. Fuck, shit, bollocks, arse.
Might ring SelfishN and see what she thinks.
Not going to gym today - not that stiff considering, but need a(nother!) day off. Feel awful about the horse now.
Now spending the day uploading more songs to the mp3 player. I can forget how long things (exercise!) takes with it on. My saviour LOL.
Food: 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes, 12 biscuits, garlic ciabatta, pasta with tomato and marscapone cheese.
No exercise
----
Rang SelfishN. She thinks I should take her back :S I dont know what to do. People I have discussed it with also think I should take her back. Finally had a text from V, says a lot without saying anything, and still no response to most of my questions. So have sent another text back, and no response to that one. I know she's tired, but :S Someone tell me what to do, I really dont want to be a bitch and I'm trying not to be a selfish brat, but :'(
Fuck fuck fuck
Might ring SelfishN and see what she thinks.
Not going to gym today - not that stiff considering, but need a(nother!) day off. Feel awful about the horse now.
Now spending the day uploading more songs to the mp3 player. I can forget how long things (exercise!) takes with it on. My saviour LOL.
Food: 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes, 12 biscuits, garlic ciabatta, pasta with tomato and marscapone cheese.
No exercise
----
Rang SelfishN. She thinks I should take her back :S I dont know what to do. People I have discussed it with also think I should take her back. Finally had a text from V, says a lot without saying anything, and still no response to most of my questions. So have sent another text back, and no response to that one. I know she's tired, but :S Someone tell me what to do, I really dont want to be a bitch and I'm trying not to be a selfish brat, but :'(
Fuck fuck fuck
Friday, 11 May 2007
I need to learn the word 'no' !!
Or self restraint. One of the 2. Preferably both!
Odd day at work, horrid atmosphere. Both MrD & SC are being really 'please watch me do this so no one thinks I'm stealing'. LovelyM thinks its outragous that his 'till priviledges' have been taken away, which I semi agree with but also agree with the fact they *have* been taken away. *dizzy* lol. Didnt really get much done.
S appears to have split up with her boyfriend. Again.
Went to the gym this evening, did 20mins (inc cooldown) on cross trainer, 33 on treadmill (11mins warm up, 22 fast walk and cooldown), then 15mins on rower for first time! Think I did it all wrong and on the highest setting :S Did 144calories in 15 minutes. Burnt about 600 I think in total on the cardio stuff, then I did my weights.
Food: porridge, banana, dime bar, quavers, muller light, 1 pie d'angloys and ham french stick sandwich, 1 big bowl crunchy nut cornflakes, 4 sweet biscuits! See, wheres that self restraint! Just as well I did the 15mins on the rower.
Exercise: gym.
Odd day at work, horrid atmosphere. Both MrD & SC are being really 'please watch me do this so no one thinks I'm stealing'. LovelyM thinks its outragous that his 'till priviledges' have been taken away, which I semi agree with but also agree with the fact they *have* been taken away. *dizzy* lol. Didnt really get much done.
S appears to have split up with her boyfriend. Again.
Went to the gym this evening, did 20mins (inc cooldown) on cross trainer, 33 on treadmill (11mins warm up, 22 fast walk and cooldown), then 15mins on rower for first time! Think I did it all wrong and on the highest setting :S Did 144calories in 15 minutes. Burnt about 600 I think in total on the cardio stuff, then I did my weights.
Food: porridge, banana, dime bar, quavers, muller light, 1 pie d'angloys and ham french stick sandwich, 1 big bowl crunchy nut cornflakes, 4 sweet biscuits! See, wheres that self restraint! Just as well I did the 15mins on the rower.
Exercise: gym.
Thursday, 10 May 2007
Bah
It would appear I might have had the tiniest weightloss since yesterday. Going out tonight and will eat Fat Food. Bah.
-----
6pm. Joy. Just got home to find we have no water. May not be going now.
Food: salad (chicken/cheddar/cranberry sauce), greek yoghurt, blueberries, raspberries, packet quavers, 1 bacon and cheese burger with bun, chips, coleslaw, salad, tomato sauce, half a slice of cheesy garlic bread, sticky toffee pudding and custard.
Exercise: none.
Bah indeed. Good night though, nice to see everyone.
-----
6pm. Joy. Just got home to find we have no water. May not be going now.
Food: salad (chicken/cheddar/cranberry sauce), greek yoghurt, blueberries, raspberries, packet quavers, 1 bacon and cheese burger with bun, chips, coleslaw, salad, tomato sauce, half a slice of cheesy garlic bread, sticky toffee pudding and custard.
Exercise: none.
Bah indeed. Good night though, nice to see everyone.
Wednesday, 9 May 2007
:bawling:
No weight change whatsoever this week.
I'm so glad I've swum so far and been to the gym 4 times.
Whinge whinge whinge. Yes, I am in an arse about it. Why can't my body do what it's SUPPOSED to?
Anyway, just back from work. A significant amount of money has gone missing in the last week or so. Only 2 people that could have done it - SC and MrD. Sadly, *I* suspect the latter although....bah, I dont know.
Food: porridge, banana, muller light, 2 biscuits, pasta, cheese sauce, sausages, peas, garlic bread, natural yoghurt, handful blueberries, handful raspberries
Exercise: 40 lengths swimming
I'm so glad I've swum so far and been to the gym 4 times.
Whinge whinge whinge. Yes, I am in an arse about it. Why can't my body do what it's SUPPOSED to?
Anyway, just back from work. A significant amount of money has gone missing in the last week or so. Only 2 people that could have done it - SC and MrD. Sadly, *I* suspect the latter although....bah, I dont know.
Food: porridge, banana, muller light, 2 biscuits, pasta, cheese sauce, sausages, peas, garlic bread, natural yoghurt, handful blueberries, handful raspberries
Exercise: 40 lengths swimming
Tuesday, 8 May 2007
Fat but also fit LOL
Went to lunch with SelfishN. Went to White Hart. Very nice, very posh, very expensive. Didn't help that I had spilt petrol all over myself when filling my car up and stank the place out. :blush: Lunch was really nice though. I got 5 minutes to talk about me and my stuff *shock* but then things went downhill until it was time for my fictional Drs appointment :blush: I'm so awful.
Came home, pottered about for a bit, then went to gym with S. Was quite fun, did my usual workout, and have increased the reps on my weights, so now I do 3 sets of 8. Must remember to keep counting though!!! Moved up to level 5 on the cross trainer too and by the time we finished on the treadmill, the incline was at 4.0 and speed at 6kph. Very red by time I had finished and my legs ache now! I must be crazy to be considering going swimming tonight too! Was fun doing it with S, much easier to stay motivated I think and it helped we're both competitive, although obviously she's far fitter than I am. Hopefully we're going to go next Wednesday as well - fingers crossed this turns into something we do when we both have a day off together.
In other news....apparently, reviews are for definate next week, while G is off. I am hoping this is a good thing.
Food: spaghetti, cream sauce, mushrooms, smoked bacon, half a pizza sized garlic bread, 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes and milk, 5 biscuits.
Exercise: gym, 70 lengths in pool
Came home, pottered about for a bit, then went to gym with S. Was quite fun, did my usual workout, and have increased the reps on my weights, so now I do 3 sets of 8. Must remember to keep counting though!!! Moved up to level 5 on the cross trainer too and by the time we finished on the treadmill, the incline was at 4.0 and speed at 6kph. Very red by time I had finished and my legs ache now! I must be crazy to be considering going swimming tonight too! Was fun doing it with S, much easier to stay motivated I think and it helped we're both competitive, although obviously she's far fitter than I am. Hopefully we're going to go next Wednesday as well - fingers crossed this turns into something we do when we both have a day off together.
In other news....apparently, reviews are for definate next week, while G is off. I am hoping this is a good thing.
Food: spaghetti, cream sauce, mushrooms, smoked bacon, half a pizza sized garlic bread, 2 bowls crunchy nut cornflakes and milk, 5 biscuits.
Exercise: gym, 70 lengths in pool
Monday, 7 May 2007
Irritated
9am this morning, I was in the gym, had done my 10mins warm up and was on the leg press, when who should I see walk in, but IrritatingColin who I used to work with :thud: I ignored him and he did likewise although the gym is so small we couldnt fail but to see each other, especially when he went on the pec fly thing RIGHT IN FRONT of my cross trainer. Got incredibly sweaty on the cross trainer, I swear went quicker but burnt less calories? Odd. So, irritations number 1&2.
Irritation 3 - Bank Holiday, had to work. Funny day. Not busy yet still didnt manage to get much done at all. I was knackered anyway, despite it not feeling (mentally!) like I'd done much at the gym, had irritating customers all day (I love my job, I love my job) and then home to find ...
Irritation 4 - the cat appears to have been sick, numerous times. Mostly on our bed. OH had washed the duvet, so have stuck the bottom sheet and pillows on too.
Irritation 5 - SelfishN is back, and has found out tomorrow is my day off. Have invented a Drs appt to go to in the afternoon, but know my morning is now ruined as will have to trail round after her all morning, listening to herherher. I'm so awful, but I know if I was in a position where I needed the help I've given her or advice or whatever, I know I would be given her opinion, that is what I should do and there would be no further comment on it. FFS, when my horse went on loan, she drove us there (for a fee!), and while I spent the whole time in tears, she wittered on about boy trouble!! Forgive me if I sound bitter.
Irritation 6 - well, there is no irritation 6, yet. No, there is. Why have I not lost weight, and why, knowing this, have I agreed to go out, far away, on Thursday, so no time for the gym? part of me thinks my body isnt used to the gym routine and I should just swim tomorrow and weds, and 'nothing' on Thursday, but the other part thinks 'I'm really not going to lose weight with that attitude'. I dont know, I might swim AND gym tomorrow, or I might go to the gym Friday evening instead :nolife: I also appear, at long last, to be having some kind of excuse of a period. Maybe that will help...
Irritation 7 - I have no self control whatsoever and have had chocolate, a quarter of garlic bread and a slice of pizza today. Therefore have cancelled out the gym-going this morning.
I have also decided that when I get a repeat prescription for the Pill, I will make sure I see a Dr, point out that all weight loss appears to have stopped since I went on Cerazette, my periods have stopped and am generally tired, ratty and moody. Am also going to ask for Fat Pills I think.
Irritation 8 - I think I have another cold starting.
Food: 1 slice ham and mushroom takeaway pizza, 1 quarter home made garlic bread, half a slice homemade pizza, half a penguin, half a blue riband, 1 chunk dairy milk, 1 chicken, cheddar and cranberry sauce salad, 1 muller light, 1 banana, chicken, boiled potatoes & butter, carrots, green beans, gravy, cranberry sauce, 2 rice cakes, 1 laughing cow light triangle.
Exercise: Gym.
Irritation 3 - Bank Holiday, had to work. Funny day. Not busy yet still didnt manage to get much done at all. I was knackered anyway, despite it not feeling (mentally!) like I'd done much at the gym, had irritating customers all day (I love my job, I love my job) and then home to find ...
Irritation 4 - the cat appears to have been sick, numerous times. Mostly on our bed. OH had washed the duvet, so have stuck the bottom sheet and pillows on too.
Irritation 5 - SelfishN is back, and has found out tomorrow is my day off. Have invented a Drs appt to go to in the afternoon, but know my morning is now ruined as will have to trail round after her all morning, listening to herherher. I'm so awful, but I know if I was in a position where I needed the help I've given her or advice or whatever, I know I would be given her opinion, that is what I should do and there would be no further comment on it. FFS, when my horse went on loan, she drove us there (for a fee!), and while I spent the whole time in tears, she wittered on about boy trouble!! Forgive me if I sound bitter.
Irritation 6 - well, there is no irritation 6, yet. No, there is. Why have I not lost weight, and why, knowing this, have I agreed to go out, far away, on Thursday, so no time for the gym? part of me thinks my body isnt used to the gym routine and I should just swim tomorrow and weds, and 'nothing' on Thursday, but the other part thinks 'I'm really not going to lose weight with that attitude'. I dont know, I might swim AND gym tomorrow, or I might go to the gym Friday evening instead :nolife: I also appear, at long last, to be having some kind of excuse of a period. Maybe that will help...
Irritation 7 - I have no self control whatsoever and have had chocolate, a quarter of garlic bread and a slice of pizza today. Therefore have cancelled out the gym-going this morning.
I have also decided that when I get a repeat prescription for the Pill, I will make sure I see a Dr, point out that all weight loss appears to have stopped since I went on Cerazette, my periods have stopped and am generally tired, ratty and moody. Am also going to ask for Fat Pills I think.
Irritation 8 - I think I have another cold starting.
Food: 1 slice ham and mushroom takeaway pizza, 1 quarter home made garlic bread, half a slice homemade pizza, half a penguin, half a blue riband, 1 chunk dairy milk, 1 chicken, cheddar and cranberry sauce salad, 1 muller light, 1 banana, chicken, boiled potatoes & butter, carrots, green beans, gravy, cranberry sauce, 2 rice cakes, 1 laughing cow light triangle.
Exercise: Gym.
Sunday, 6 May 2007
Going to need my day off on Tuesday!
Even so, I can't imagine that the ensuing exercise will in any way, shape or form forgo the gluttony which I am about to partake in. Bah.
Went swimming this morning - did 70 lengths :thud: Finding it very easy to sit here now and say I could have done 80lengths fairly happily...although, I really think I could have done. By the time I got to 60lengths I had a proper energy surge, and while it didnt make me QUICKER exactly, I just kept plugging on. Took 80 minutes, so not great but not exactly shabby either. Bank Holiday tomorrow, so off to the gym at 9am to fit it in before work. With S coming round, this could mean I end up with about 3 hours sleep :lol:
Work....pah. While I do enjoy my job, customers do irritate me occasionally. Although MrD sold a collar and a choke chain to someone doing a bondage show!!
Food: Salad (chicken/mozzerella/cranberry sauce), snack a jacks, muller light, 3 apple custard sucky sweets, pizza, garlic bread, wine, 1 caramel, some tangy cola sweets.
Exercise: 70 lengths in the pool, 40 minutes (416calories) on the bike.
----
S & her OH have just gone...they brought their (lab) puppy with them. Once Kitten was over his shock they played together fairly happily, as far as a 8month old dog can be about being chased by a cat.
Went swimming this morning - did 70 lengths :thud: Finding it very easy to sit here now and say I could have done 80lengths fairly happily...although, I really think I could have done. By the time I got to 60lengths I had a proper energy surge, and while it didnt make me QUICKER exactly, I just kept plugging on. Took 80 minutes, so not great but not exactly shabby either. Bank Holiday tomorrow, so off to the gym at 9am to fit it in before work. With S coming round, this could mean I end up with about 3 hours sleep :lol:
Work....pah. While I do enjoy my job, customers do irritate me occasionally. Although MrD sold a collar and a choke chain to someone doing a bondage show!!
Food: Salad (chicken/mozzerella/cranberry sauce), snack a jacks, muller light, 3 apple custard sucky sweets, pizza, garlic bread, wine, 1 caramel, some tangy cola sweets.
Exercise: 70 lengths in the pool, 40 minutes (416calories) on the bike.
----
S & her OH have just gone...they brought their (lab) puppy with them. Once Kitten was over his shock they played together fairly happily, as far as a 8month old dog can be about being chased by a cat.
Saturday, 5 May 2007
Stiff!!
Had a horrid awful dream last night, dreamt Pony was shot because she wouldn't travel. Took me ages to cry :S but since then havent really stopped. Texted V at 7am this morning, requesting a picture :blush: she must think I'm crazy, but at least it was better than at 4am which was when I originally woke up! Have been in an iffy mood since then. I know it was only a dream, but still :(
Was stiff from the gym today, kept myself busy at work though by stocking up all day. Very tired now though.
Eaten lots and not exercised much.
Food: 1 handful each of grapes, blueberries and raspberries, 1 laughing cow light triangle, 1 packet snack a jacks (BBQ), porridge, banana, muller light, 1 chewit, some stolen chips, 5 biscuits, chicken, bacon, mozzerella, boiled potatoes with butter, carrots, beans, gravy, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream
Exercise: 1 walk (the 'backwards, 3hills walk on the chevin lol), 20 minutes (210 calories) on bike.
S & her OH coming over tomorrow night, so there will be pizza, garlic bread and lots of wine :S watch that weight pile back on...
Was stiff from the gym today, kept myself busy at work though by stocking up all day. Very tired now though.
Eaten lots and not exercised much.
Food: 1 handful each of grapes, blueberries and raspberries, 1 laughing cow light triangle, 1 packet snack a jacks (BBQ), porridge, banana, muller light, 1 chewit, some stolen chips, 5 biscuits, chicken, bacon, mozzerella, boiled potatoes with butter, carrots, beans, gravy, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream
Exercise: 1 walk (the 'backwards, 3hills walk on the chevin lol), 20 minutes (210 calories) on bike.
S & her OH coming over tomorrow night, so there will be pizza, garlic bread and lots of wine :S watch that weight pile back on...
Friday, 4 May 2007
oooh, check me out!
Went to the gym tonight :lol: was meant to be a 'night off' bearing in mind it's friday, but went anyway. No one outwardly laughed at me, despite me being very hot (bright red!!!) and sweaty, doing obviously a quarter of everyone else. Was a bit, not embarrassing, but...I dont what the word is, but it was that, watching everyone else doing huge weights/hours on cardio machines, then me putting them down to lowest weights and settings when I got on. Had an embarrassing moment when I couldnt get the cross trainer to work - must remember to press HARDER!
It was still fun, even if I did muck up the times on the cross trainer, so I ended up doing more. No bad thing though! As long as it isnt too busy, I think I shall quite enjoy it. Was humilating watching myself on the cross trainer though - unwittingly picked a machine right in front of a mirror. MP3 player was a godsend. Must put some more songs on it, as long as I remember than when I'm on the cross trainer, I shouldnt let go or move my feet, other wise I get disorientated :lol:
Work not too bad today, stayed in the shed for most of it, but SC REEKED. Of, well, piss. Has finally taken water bowls for those poor dogs. Spaced my food out over the whole day, which meant I wasn't hungry - fab. Did eat a lot today though :lol:
My gym workoutas of today is: (no laughing at the back...or anywhere)
10mins warmup - free choice, but will use treadmill, gradually increasing difficulty
then weights: leg press = 2 x 8 reps of 52kg, shoulder press = 2 x 8 reps of 15kg, seated row = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, pec flies = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, arm ext 2 x 8 reps of 10kg and arm curl 2 x 8 reps of 15kg. Cardio = 15mins + cooldown of cross trainer on level 4 - tended to go at 7-8kph and then 15mins + cooldown of treadmill again, but increasing difficulty, so by 12minutes am on incline 3 and walking at 5.7kph till cooldown kicks in. Very glad for that then LOL.
Food: 1 x smoothie, 1 x pack of 30g snack a jacks (cheese), 1 salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 muller light, 5 chewits, 1 whole packet maltesers, half bottle white wine, half garlic ciabatta, pasta, cheese sauce, bacon and peas, 2 peices of turkish delight.
Exercise: gym.
I am glad I went tonight, reminded me it wasnt so scary on my own. Was hoping occasionally to do gym and swim, but will have to work up to that very gradually I think LOL. Am very glad I went, especially as I only decided at 3pm that I would consider it and the whole way there I was getting myself worked up.
Just remembered, went to pick up 30kg today and couldnt do it! unheard of LOL so even if the exercises do feel easy, they're doing something!
It was still fun, even if I did muck up the times on the cross trainer, so I ended up doing more. No bad thing though! As long as it isnt too busy, I think I shall quite enjoy it. Was humilating watching myself on the cross trainer though - unwittingly picked a machine right in front of a mirror. MP3 player was a godsend. Must put some more songs on it, as long as I remember than when I'm on the cross trainer, I shouldnt let go or move my feet, other wise I get disorientated :lol:
Work not too bad today, stayed in the shed for most of it, but SC REEKED. Of, well, piss. Has finally taken water bowls for those poor dogs. Spaced my food out over the whole day, which meant I wasn't hungry - fab. Did eat a lot today though :lol:
My gym workoutas of today is: (no laughing at the back...or anywhere)
10mins warmup - free choice, but will use treadmill, gradually increasing difficulty
then weights: leg press = 2 x 8 reps of 52kg, shoulder press = 2 x 8 reps of 15kg, seated row = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, pec flies = 2 x 8 reps of 14kg, arm ext 2 x 8 reps of 10kg and arm curl 2 x 8 reps of 15kg. Cardio = 15mins + cooldown of cross trainer on level 4 - tended to go at 7-8kph and then 15mins + cooldown of treadmill again, but increasing difficulty, so by 12minutes am on incline 3 and walking at 5.7kph till cooldown kicks in. Very glad for that then LOL.
Food: 1 x smoothie, 1 x pack of 30g snack a jacks (cheese), 1 salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 muller light, 5 chewits, 1 whole packet maltesers, half bottle white wine, half garlic ciabatta, pasta, cheese sauce, bacon and peas, 2 peices of turkish delight.
Exercise: gym.
I am glad I went tonight, reminded me it wasnt so scary on my own. Was hoping occasionally to do gym and swim, but will have to work up to that very gradually I think LOL. Am very glad I went, especially as I only decided at 3pm that I would consider it and the whole way there I was getting myself worked up.
Just remembered, went to pick up 30kg today and couldnt do it! unheard of LOL so even if the exercises do feel easy, they're doing something!
Thursday, 3 May 2007
nervous nervous nervous
Gym induction in half hour. Very nervous :lol:
Just been to vote for the first time ever. Fairly painless.
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Pooofffff!! I think I can see myself getting addicted to the gym! Had a great time, as much as I can do getting hot and sweaty on my own :rolleyes: :lol: Have to do 10mins on treadmill to warm up, then upper body machines for 2 sets of 8 reps each I think, then 15minutes each on a combination of 2 on the cross trainer, rower, bike and treadmill again, but working harder than in the warm up. HOW MUCH FUN was the cross trainer?! :lol: I really enjoyed it. Didnt burn as many calories as I hoped though. My bike calorie counter is DEFINATELY wrong!! Wasn't hugely out of breath either, but WAS sweaty....must remember to take a towel and a drink on Monday. I ache a bit now though!
Food: 1 baguette with salami & pie d'angloys, some snack a jacks, limey chicken and basmati rice, 1 piece turkish delight, 1 twix top.
Exercise: Gym, walk with OH and K
Work was fairly boring today. SC REALLY smelt. Then I got a text from S, who said she'd gone and got it from the pile of dirty clothes by the washer, that had been there since AT LEAST Saturday. Well, OH & I saw it on Saturday, and it had been there a *while* before. Ick. I can't understand it, I really can't.
Will ache tomorrow!! I am a bit worried I'll forget how to use the equipment though :blush: and will make sure MP3 has plenty of batteries! What I might do is the 10 mins warm up on treadmill, then my reps, then the 2 x cardio (check me out, sounding like a gym person!), then come home and do 15 mins on bike as a cool down. Maybe. In theory it sounds easy and doable, in practice I could be half dead come Monday evening :lol:
Just been to vote for the first time ever. Fairly painless.
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Pooofffff!! I think I can see myself getting addicted to the gym! Had a great time, as much as I can do getting hot and sweaty on my own :rolleyes: :lol: Have to do 10mins on treadmill to warm up, then upper body machines for 2 sets of 8 reps each I think, then 15minutes each on a combination of 2 on the cross trainer, rower, bike and treadmill again, but working harder than in the warm up. HOW MUCH FUN was the cross trainer?! :lol: I really enjoyed it. Didnt burn as many calories as I hoped though. My bike calorie counter is DEFINATELY wrong!! Wasn't hugely out of breath either, but WAS sweaty....must remember to take a towel and a drink on Monday. I ache a bit now though!
Food: 1 baguette with salami & pie d'angloys, some snack a jacks, limey chicken and basmati rice, 1 piece turkish delight, 1 twix top.
Exercise: Gym, walk with OH and K
Work was fairly boring today. SC REALLY smelt. Then I got a text from S, who said she'd gone and got it from the pile of dirty clothes by the washer, that had been there since AT LEAST Saturday. Well, OH & I saw it on Saturday, and it had been there a *while* before. Ick. I can't understand it, I really can't.
Will ache tomorrow!! I am a bit worried I'll forget how to use the equipment though :blush: and will make sure MP3 has plenty of batteries! What I might do is the 10 mins warm up on treadmill, then my reps, then the 2 x cardio (check me out, sounding like a gym person!), then come home and do 15 mins on bike as a cool down. Maybe. In theory it sounds easy and doable, in practice I could be half dead come Monday evening :lol:
Wednesday, 2 May 2007
Slightly less demoralised
After spending til 3.30 this morning wide awake, thinking constantly....Must have burnt off some calories, cos I am 1lb off where I was 2 weeks ago :crossedfingers: So shockingly, a weight loss week.
Still havent come on since I started this new Pill, but started my last packet of 3 on Monday so will trundle off to Docs for more and have a chat with them. Noticeably harder to lose weight since being on it too and more mood swings. The way I am going, I will have no friends left by July.
Gym induction tomorrow morning, and an afternoon of overtime! I must be crazy lol. Have 45minutes to get back from gym, shower, change, eat and go again!
Sports bra arrived today as well. What a peice of equipment! Belly jiggles more than boobs do :lol: takes me 10 minutes to get in the damned thing.
Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 smoothie, 1 muller light, pasta and bolognese sauce, garlic ciabatta, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream, 1 finger Mars delight.
Exercise: 2.5ish mile walk (2 out-of-breath hills), 34 lengths swimming.
Shocked and amazed I am still awake. I fully intended not to go swimming tonight, I was so tired. Wish I had gone a bit earlier though, cos I bet had I not been so adament I was only doing 34 lengths I would have done the whole mile.
I am annoyed its taking me so long to get back to where I was. I know it will come off (it has to, I will actually go crazy if i am still this weight at the end of the month) but...I get so irrationally upset. I can't see it coming off, my scales say it isnt coming off and so does the tape measure. But why am I working so hard for what feels like most of the time, absolutely nothing?
Still havent come on since I started this new Pill, but started my last packet of 3 on Monday so will trundle off to Docs for more and have a chat with them. Noticeably harder to lose weight since being on it too and more mood swings. The way I am going, I will have no friends left by July.
Gym induction tomorrow morning, and an afternoon of overtime! I must be crazy lol. Have 45minutes to get back from gym, shower, change, eat and go again!
Sports bra arrived today as well. What a peice of equipment! Belly jiggles more than boobs do :lol: takes me 10 minutes to get in the damned thing.
Food: salad (ham/mozzerella/LOTS of salad cream), 1 smoothie, 1 muller light, pasta and bolognese sauce, garlic ciabatta, supergold & mint choc chip ice cream, 1 finger Mars delight.
Exercise: 2.5ish mile walk (2 out-of-breath hills), 34 lengths swimming.
Shocked and amazed I am still awake. I fully intended not to go swimming tonight, I was so tired. Wish I had gone a bit earlier though, cos I bet had I not been so adament I was only doing 34 lengths I would have done the whole mile.
I am annoyed its taking me so long to get back to where I was. I know it will come off (it has to, I will actually go crazy if i am still this weight at the end of the month) but...I get so irrationally upset. I can't see it coming off, my scales say it isnt coming off and so does the tape measure. But why am I working so hard for what feels like most of the time, absolutely nothing?
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