No news is good news....?

Lets hope anyway.

Went sports bra shopping yesterday, have gone down 2 back sizes and UP about a billion cup sizes. There are no cup sizes bigger!! Still, it kept them in place during a Very Naughty Fat Horse ride and a wet run...

Dont know what got into FatHorse yesterday, but she was turbocharged. Did some babyjumping again, I made a specific effort not to grab at her (in fact, I probably needed more of a contact) and I genuinely wasnt tense - not that I felt, anyway, but she towed me into everything. Then took her in the field to walk her off, and, er, ended up galloping round it 3 times. And I mean proper galloping too, I didnt realise she had a 4th gear. It wasnt intentional, but fuck it, so much fun. Steering and braking both in the arena and the field were minimal though.

Then the run...was so much fun actually. Went round Fewston instead of Swinsty and got caught in a torrential rainstorm about halfway round. I have never been so wet with clothes on in my entire life, there wasnt a single inch of me that was dry. And I'm obviously crazy, fun??? But it was, so much.

Off to parents tonight. Want to take my trainers and go for a run, but the grief and teasing I'll get will be unreal. Shame I cant go to a gym really... Who would have thought I'd have got so itchy at the thought of not being able to exercise? Something is obviously wrong....

Oh, gym on Wednesday night... (having been to Whitby - lovely day)... 22minutes on level 4 (bike) = 6km, 15mins on level 17 (cross trainer) and 8.42 on the rower.

Measurements again...

Tuesday June 03rd
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17
L. thigh - 27.5
R. thigh - 27.5
Hips (inc tummy)- 47
top hips (on bellybutton)- 43
waist - 37
under boobs - 35
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Thursday May 1st
L. calf - 17.5
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 48
top hips (on bellybutton)- 46.5
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

5.5inches off, I think? Not bad I guess. Shame it's not all in one place!!

shit shit shit

I did something, work related, a while back which probably wasnt a great thing to do. I think it might have just come and bitten on the ass, big time. Like loss of job, fines, loss of friendship....I hope to fuck I'm wrong, but I really dont think I am.

Now cant sleep and feel sick, but will be nothing like how v's feeling.

amazing exercise day.... (kind of)

not such a good food day anymore...

It started out so well, Jen and I went up to Swinsty at 7am and went round, then I went to work...finished work and decided to calibrate the nike+ thing properly, so went to the gym and did that (eventually), but felt embarrassed at only going to run 400 metres, so did 20 minutes on level 4 on the bike, then normal cross trainer.

So that was all good. Then went up to the horse, was going to go out but couldnt be arsed locking everywhere up behind me, so went in the school. It was hard work actually (for her) as the arena was waterlogged in places still and really really deep. Still she managed to tit about for ages before doing some real work and then we did some more JUMPING. I have to be brave though, I absolutely cannot jump out of trot, it does have to be canter. I just need to remember to sit quietly and not fiddle and tense up as her turbo kicks in in canter. Its only when I get tense and snatchy that she really powers in. It's not rocket science, why cant I do it?! I think I might ride in the field tomorrow, its easier to avoid the puddles :rolleyes: Its not like we;re jumping high either, we're talking about 1foot6 at the most!! After that I was feeling decidedly faint, so scooted down to waitrose and got some pasta salad, some fruit (which i havent eaten) and some aero bubbles (which I have). Then went round the tarn with Tam, we were both rubbish and couldnt be arsed, so we just ended up going round twice and walking most of it at that. And even now I dont think my nike + is calibrated properly, although walking & running is going to alter the reading somewhat.

So, up till this point the whole food thing was going fairly well, but since I got home I've had a ham and cheese sandwich, tea, a fat fighters pudding and, um, wine...

Getting stiff already lol.

Work wasnt too bad, even better now I'm not going back in till a week tomorrow.

Must be better tomorrow, food wise. Dont think I'll ever better todays exercise :lol:

check me out....

Or, um, not...

In gym this morning, ran 2miles in one go, without stopping. Check me out, huh? took 25minutes to do 2.18miles (walked the last bit). Then tonight, was calibrating my nike + thing...struggled, like, really struggled, to run 400 metres.

Didnt help that I hadnt pressed go to calibrate it the first time, so we ended up doing it 3 times. AND....it says 400metres when you walk is shorter than when you run. What? Oh well, it's set up somehow.

Work wasnt too bad. New girl started yesterday. I dont think she'll stay long. She doesnt really fit in, and shes a bit like B in that she has to have done everything better than everyone else. She rubs me up wrong way anyway.

Fat Horse was ignored again tonight, it's pissed it down all day so she didnt get ridden. Think I'm off round Swinsty with Jen tomorrow before work, so might scoot up and bring her in before we go so she is at least dry in the afternoon.

Food ban is not going well. Must be better, just in general. I'm so rubbish at running outside, compared to on a treadmill. Its not like I dont practise enough outside, or is it? Who knows.

tired...

Ash were great, I think. I got drunk, probably made a fool of myself and wore a too tight/too small top. Have been fine all day, but have just been up to pat-a-pony and tiredness has really hit me now. Was even considering going to the gym at one point, although useless thinking that now cos it's be shut. Bah.

I might wii fit later, see how I feel lol, I could happily go to bed now! Food ban yesterday worked a bit too well and I was pissed after about 5 minutes. Am eating more than enough to make up for yesterday though lol.

Working tomorrow and Monday then a whole week off, I cant wait. Off to Whitby on Wednesday apparently. Have never been. Can't decide if it'll be fun or really quite boring lol, then down to parents for the weekend.

Urgh, I need to go do something before I actually fall asleep.

Cross now

OK, so food ban wasn't exactly going well today, but really, bearing in mind I'm going out tomorrow and I wanted to be thin, I should have been better. Still hungry though, AND I didnt go to the gym. Stupid.

I did however ride this morning. Was so nice, just went round the bridleway and back along Yorkgate. We looked like a christmas tree and we still got passed by idiots, far too close. Pony was a very big star though, her back was up when we first went out, but as soon as I said 'fine, trot, get on with it' she remembered herself. Have booked her in for freezemarking though, with Freezemark rather than Farmkey. Farmkey couldnt come out till AUGUST :eek: so, all being well, she is being done on the 9th June. Think she's having a bald patch cos I think a white one will just get lost.

I'm having half a day tomorrow, hopefully, barring any disasters. Going to the gym before work, then going on a last minute shopping trip for something to wear to ash tomorrow night. Want to look H.O.T. Well. My version of anyway. I'll spoil it by getting drunk, but the thought will be there... Anyway, I'll attempt to get something nice in Harrogate, then go for a ride. Should maybe do a DVD too to make up for not gymming tonight. I wont though, I'm a lazy cow.

Must be mad

Yesterday, I got up early and was riding by 7.30am, went to work after (admittedly didnt do a right lot :blush: ) and then went to the gym afterwards, and even if I say so myself, I was AMAZING (for me).

Ran 1.61miles, had a minutes break and then did to 2.10miles (took 25minutes), rower was 2000m in 8m44s (could have been quicker cos I kept stopping to tighten the foot straps, but I'm not being cross, honest), did program 3 on the bike, then 15minutes on level 16 on the cross trainer. A once in a lifetime, never to be repeated, workout :lol: I was proud.

Now, this morning, I got up at 5.15 (wide awake, although typically I could sleep now) and am about to go up to the yard again to ride. Am also madly crossing fingers that the fog clears because I'd quite like to go round the bridleway before Yorkgate gets busy. Architect is coming round tonight with the loft conversion plans and then hopefully I'll get to the gym after, depends on how long he stays.

Going to see ash tomorrow, I CANNOT wait

ANDANDANDANDAND

Much more motivation needed to get thin. Chris and I have just booked this years holiday - 5 days in Iceland at the end of September. Flights booked (and seats picked!), hotel booked... came to 58,500ISK :lol: Makes 800quid sound small change lol. I NEED to be thin, I want to get in a geyser :lol: I also need to win the lottery, it is SO expensive over there. Now just need to work on the whole 'I hate flying' thing...

Arms are ever so sore now though after yesterdays gymming. Think I might actually have to see if they do running tops in Fat Size. My iPod calorie thing should be here today, weeee!! Hope so :lol:

Happy happy happy (kind of..)

3 good things...

Chris and I have booked a holiday to ICELAND :excited: end of September. REALLY have to be thin now, am determined to get in a hot water wotsit. Geyser.

I played on the Wii Fit for 52 minutes.

JB didnt sack me for blatently playing on Facebook instead of working LOL.

Then the other stuff...

Food ban not going so well

My carefully worked out exercise plan has gone to shit already by the horse being wet tonight. Still, Wii fitted instead and left her in overnight. I WILL get up at 6am and ride before work.

Arms are sore. Not by extra stuff, just by previous shitness.

Better

Stupid crazy hormones.

I'm getting fitter, I adore my pony and I havent run out of money (yet), and things are just good at the minute.

I'll be rubbish next week again, but for now, it's all good LOL.

Inconsistent? Me? Oh yes.

Think I'm cracking up

Had a lovely weekend but now just feel rubbish. Appreciate I'm being pathetic, but that appears to be making it all worse.

rubbish behavior.

Tired...

I dont feel ill, but I've felt sick since Tuesday night. Drinking 2 bottles of pink wine and some vodka won't have helped but its thursday now. Why still the sick-feeling? Tried ALL yesterday to be sick so I'd feel better, but only managed once, which made me feel ok for about half an hour. How do you do it??

Gymmed last night, which was a bit of a disaster. Stef dropped her towel on the treadmill, then had to jump over it, then swore (it was packed) so loudly I heard her over my earphones, which set me off laughing till I was out of breath - literally, I couldnt breathe - and was sat on the treadmill crying. Wasnt even that funny!! But then I couldnt really get back into running and just did the 2 miles, in a rubbish time. Rower was fairly shit too. Bike and cross trainer not so bad.

Then went and rode, trying to put into practise stuff from the lesson Tuesday night. Wasnt really happening. Then we had an argument about closing the gate (I was going to walk her off down the lane) so we both hada tantrum with each other. At least she was forwards tonight though. Can't decide whether to hack tonight or not. She was such a witch the other day I'm not sure I want to, but also I cant be a wimp over it. And I can't be arsed with schooling, especially not after the gym.

Food has been shit this week. Must be good today and tomorrow for another shit-food weekend lol. Looking forward to seeing Emmie and Carle, not seen Emmie for....must be 3 years at least. And never met Carle!

Going to be a good exercise girl tomorrow as well and am hoping (ha) to get to the gym for a run before work, and then me and Jen are off to swinsty.Although maybe I'll do bike cross trainer and rower, if we're running in the evening...Hmm. Getting my hair done tomorrow too!

Still feel sick. Rubbish

rubbish

just about sums today up.

dont really think i need add anymore :rolleyes:

I did it

But predictably, I'm not pleased :rolleyes:

We thought we were being so clever, getting to the front of the walkers but the back of the runners, thought we would be in the perfect place... We were, until they turned everyone round and we ended up right at the back of the walkers. Seriously, there was only about 20 people behind us. Took us about a km to get nearish the middle, but some of the tracks were so narrow, you HAD to walk because everyone was so tightly packed. So, we did a lot more walking than we planned to. Still, I did it, AND I ran up the hill at the end. Next year (hahahahaha) I'm going to run the lot and make sure I'm at the bloody front. Oh yeah, and get there early enough to get parking, we were parked a mile and a half away so I was knackered before we started!

Oh, and next year, I will not have a bacon sandwich (was good though), then another sandwich and half a pot of Ben & Jerrys icecream when I got home (did go to gym though and did my program before I came home, no excuse though), then because everywhere was shut ( :bawling: :bawling: )have a bowl of cereal, another sandwich, packet of crisps and greek yogurt with honey and peanut butter. I've put on 4lbs :blush:

Pleased I went to the gym though, even though I ache now. Part of me wants to do the Harrogate race for life on the 28th, but its dads birthday (needs calling) its at 7.30, it's round GYS and it's #12.50 I dont really have to enter. Decisions. I think I;d rather just run round Swinsty again. OR, go back to Temple Newsam and do it without anyone else being about, see if I can do it any quicker. We did it in 43minutes.

Got itchy arms in the gym too, they really hurt today and look awful.

Stil tired, wish I wasnt working today and I ACHE!!

It's all good

I'm still bricking it about tomorrow. Dont know why, logically, I know I can do it, no one (hopefully) is going to be laughing at me for running/walking, I wont be the only one doing it, dare I say it, for once I hope I wont be the fattest one doing it and I have my ipod. I dont want to do it with Stef now. At all. I'll just feel rubbish by the end. It's good.

New jogging bottoms for me yesterday. Am close to a mini tantrum over it but it's fine. I'll get over it. And some socks :biggrin:

Had such a bad food day yesterday. Felt sick by the end. Have put on a couple of lbs this morning, but it's good. I have all week to get rid of it. Better get rid of it, next weekend is going to be one long bad food weekend!!

Pony was a pain last night. Took forever to establish forwardsness, then once that button was flicked she became turbocharged. It was hot and muggy though. She is cool.

Must motivate myself to do something. Like get ready for work. Really can't be arsed.

Nothing you can say

Will convince me otherwise.

I am not naturally pretty or attractive, I am not naturally clever or funny.

I really dont have much of an imagination so I borrow (steal) other peoples words to describe how I feel.

I wont ever believe I've lost enough weight, because I will never be perfect, but I will get bored of trying before long.

People only say I'm thinner now because they are comparing me to how I used to be.

Weigh in tomorrow, I've had bread, cheese and wine.

tired now

36mins on treadmill = 3miles
8.50mins on rower = 2000metres
10 mins on bike on some kind of program = 2.4miles
15 mins level 15, hill program on cross trainer
Fat scan = 36% bad fat

According to calorie-count site I've eaten 2477calories and burnt 2862calories. Long way off the goal of eating 1600 calories!!! But at least I've burnt more than I've eaten.

This time next week

I should have done Race for Life.... Scary thought now, still feels like it should be months away. I'm so not ready.

Had the potential to have a really good gym morning, on the treadmill I ran a full mile in one go for the first time ever AND did the 2 miles in 23m30s (this is good for me :blush: ) which is 2 minutes faster than I did it on Friday, then on the rower I did 2000m in 8m52s (again, good for me). Didnt get time to go on the cross trainer which has annoyed me greatly. Am I becomming an exercise fanatic? I would have happily gone running tonight too. Shame the weight isnt coming off, although it wont when I'm 'forgetting' to point stuff. :rolleyes: No self control and I'll never shift anything if I dont kick myself up the arse soon.

Pony has been fenced in with electric fencing, which she hates. If she gets out again I dont know what I'll do. Will have to move if she does, there's no other way of keeping her in.

Diet starts again tomorrow I guess. Tempted to attempt 3 miles every night from now till Sunday (R4L) but I suspect that would be madness.

Sleepy

Well am still not entirely happy with the whole weight issue, but I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough.

Pony has taken to jumping out of her field, irritatingly. I am hugelyhugely thankful that she has so far only turned right (ie, down to the other horses) and not left to the road. So I've spent the evening electric fencing the outside edge of her field. Box said 200metres should only take half an hour to set up. Bollocks. Took me about 2 hours.

Went out on a nice little hackette before I did the fencing, went down past the horses along the road, back up the bridleway and along Yorkgate. She was a Good Pony, although fascinated by the cows. Sunburn is sore now though.

Work was shit, in every way. Shit takings, shit customers, just...shit. Oh well, I like Sundays.

Lets hope pony manages to stay in the field tonight and not contort her way through the maze of fencing I've constructed....

Here we go again....

Already. Think I'm a couple of weeks ahead of where I should be.

Anyway. Everything's pathetic, useless and I am giant mass of (cooked) fat.

Bollocks.