tired...

Ash were great, I think. I got drunk, probably made a fool of myself and wore a too tight/too small top. Have been fine all day, but have just been up to pat-a-pony and tiredness has really hit me now. Was even considering going to the gym at one point, although useless thinking that now cos it's be shut. Bah.

I might wii fit later, see how I feel lol, I could happily go to bed now! Food ban yesterday worked a bit too well and I was pissed after about 5 minutes. Am eating more than enough to make up for yesterday though lol.

Working tomorrow and Monday then a whole week off, I cant wait. Off to Whitby on Wednesday apparently. Have never been. Can't decide if it'll be fun or really quite boring lol, then down to parents for the weekend.

Urgh, I need to go do something before I actually fall asleep.

Cross now

OK, so food ban wasn't exactly going well today, but really, bearing in mind I'm going out tomorrow and I wanted to be thin, I should have been better. Still hungry though, AND I didnt go to the gym. Stupid.

I did however ride this morning. Was so nice, just went round the bridleway and back along Yorkgate. We looked like a christmas tree and we still got passed by idiots, far too close. Pony was a very big star though, her back was up when we first went out, but as soon as I said 'fine, trot, get on with it' she remembered herself. Have booked her in for freezemarking though, with Freezemark rather than Farmkey. Farmkey couldnt come out till AUGUST :eek: so, all being well, she is being done on the 9th June. Think she's having a bald patch cos I think a white one will just get lost.

I'm having half a day tomorrow, hopefully, barring any disasters. Going to the gym before work, then going on a last minute shopping trip for something to wear to ash tomorrow night. Want to look H.O.T. Well. My version of anyway. I'll spoil it by getting drunk, but the thought will be there... Anyway, I'll attempt to get something nice in Harrogate, then go for a ride. Should maybe do a DVD too to make up for not gymming tonight. I wont though, I'm a lazy cow.

Must be mad

Yesterday, I got up early and was riding by 7.30am, went to work after (admittedly didnt do a right lot :blush: ) and then went to the gym afterwards, and even if I say so myself, I was AMAZING (for me).

Ran 1.61miles, had a minutes break and then did to 2.10miles (took 25minutes), rower was 2000m in 8m44s (could have been quicker cos I kept stopping to tighten the foot straps, but I'm not being cross, honest), did program 3 on the bike, then 15minutes on level 16 on the cross trainer. A once in a lifetime, never to be repeated, workout :lol: I was proud.

Now, this morning, I got up at 5.15 (wide awake, although typically I could sleep now) and am about to go up to the yard again to ride. Am also madly crossing fingers that the fog clears because I'd quite like to go round the bridleway before Yorkgate gets busy. Architect is coming round tonight with the loft conversion plans and then hopefully I'll get to the gym after, depends on how long he stays.

Going to see ash tomorrow, I CANNOT wait

ANDANDANDANDAND

Much more motivation needed to get thin. Chris and I have just booked this years holiday - 5 days in Iceland at the end of September. Flights booked (and seats picked!), hotel booked... came to 58,500ISK :lol: Makes 800quid sound small change lol. I NEED to be thin, I want to get in a geyser :lol: I also need to win the lottery, it is SO expensive over there. Now just need to work on the whole 'I hate flying' thing...

Arms are ever so sore now though after yesterdays gymming. Think I might actually have to see if they do running tops in Fat Size. My iPod calorie thing should be here today, weeee!! Hope so :lol:

Happy happy happy (kind of..)

3 good things...

Chris and I have booked a holiday to ICELAND :excited: end of September. REALLY have to be thin now, am determined to get in a hot water wotsit. Geyser.

I played on the Wii Fit for 52 minutes.

JB didnt sack me for blatently playing on Facebook instead of working LOL.

Then the other stuff...

Food ban not going so well

My carefully worked out exercise plan has gone to shit already by the horse being wet tonight. Still, Wii fitted instead and left her in overnight. I WILL get up at 6am and ride before work.

Arms are sore. Not by extra stuff, just by previous shitness.

Better

Stupid crazy hormones.

I'm getting fitter, I adore my pony and I havent run out of money (yet), and things are just good at the minute.

I'll be rubbish next week again, but for now, it's all good LOL.

Inconsistent? Me? Oh yes.

Think I'm cracking up

Had a lovely weekend but now just feel rubbish. Appreciate I'm being pathetic, but that appears to be making it all worse.

rubbish behavior.

Tired...

I dont feel ill, but I've felt sick since Tuesday night. Drinking 2 bottles of pink wine and some vodka won't have helped but its thursday now. Why still the sick-feeling? Tried ALL yesterday to be sick so I'd feel better, but only managed once, which made me feel ok for about half an hour. How do you do it??

Gymmed last night, which was a bit of a disaster. Stef dropped her towel on the treadmill, then had to jump over it, then swore (it was packed) so loudly I heard her over my earphones, which set me off laughing till I was out of breath - literally, I couldnt breathe - and was sat on the treadmill crying. Wasnt even that funny!! But then I couldnt really get back into running and just did the 2 miles, in a rubbish time. Rower was fairly shit too. Bike and cross trainer not so bad.

Then went and rode, trying to put into practise stuff from the lesson Tuesday night. Wasnt really happening. Then we had an argument about closing the gate (I was going to walk her off down the lane) so we both hada tantrum with each other. At least she was forwards tonight though. Can't decide whether to hack tonight or not. She was such a witch the other day I'm not sure I want to, but also I cant be a wimp over it. And I can't be arsed with schooling, especially not after the gym.

Food has been shit this week. Must be good today and tomorrow for another shit-food weekend lol. Looking forward to seeing Emmie and Carle, not seen Emmie for....must be 3 years at least. And never met Carle!

Going to be a good exercise girl tomorrow as well and am hoping (ha) to get to the gym for a run before work, and then me and Jen are off to swinsty.Although maybe I'll do bike cross trainer and rower, if we're running in the evening...Hmm. Getting my hair done tomorrow too!

Still feel sick. Rubbish

rubbish

just about sums today up.

dont really think i need add anymore :rolleyes:

I did it

But predictably, I'm not pleased :rolleyes:

We thought we were being so clever, getting to the front of the walkers but the back of the runners, thought we would be in the perfect place... We were, until they turned everyone round and we ended up right at the back of the walkers. Seriously, there was only about 20 people behind us. Took us about a km to get nearish the middle, but some of the tracks were so narrow, you HAD to walk because everyone was so tightly packed. So, we did a lot more walking than we planned to. Still, I did it, AND I ran up the hill at the end. Next year (hahahahaha) I'm going to run the lot and make sure I'm at the bloody front. Oh yeah, and get there early enough to get parking, we were parked a mile and a half away so I was knackered before we started!

Oh, and next year, I will not have a bacon sandwich (was good though), then another sandwich and half a pot of Ben & Jerrys icecream when I got home (did go to gym though and did my program before I came home, no excuse though), then because everywhere was shut ( :bawling: :bawling: )have a bowl of cereal, another sandwich, packet of crisps and greek yogurt with honey and peanut butter. I've put on 4lbs :blush:

Pleased I went to the gym though, even though I ache now. Part of me wants to do the Harrogate race for life on the 28th, but its dads birthday (needs calling) its at 7.30, it's round GYS and it's #12.50 I dont really have to enter. Decisions. I think I;d rather just run round Swinsty again. OR, go back to Temple Newsam and do it without anyone else being about, see if I can do it any quicker. We did it in 43minutes.

Got itchy arms in the gym too, they really hurt today and look awful.

Stil tired, wish I wasnt working today and I ACHE!!

It's all good

I'm still bricking it about tomorrow. Dont know why, logically, I know I can do it, no one (hopefully) is going to be laughing at me for running/walking, I wont be the only one doing it, dare I say it, for once I hope I wont be the fattest one doing it and I have my ipod. I dont want to do it with Stef now. At all. I'll just feel rubbish by the end. It's good.

New jogging bottoms for me yesterday. Am close to a mini tantrum over it but it's fine. I'll get over it. And some socks :biggrin:

Had such a bad food day yesterday. Felt sick by the end. Have put on a couple of lbs this morning, but it's good. I have all week to get rid of it. Better get rid of it, next weekend is going to be one long bad food weekend!!

Pony was a pain last night. Took forever to establish forwardsness, then once that button was flicked she became turbocharged. It was hot and muggy though. She is cool.

Must motivate myself to do something. Like get ready for work. Really can't be arsed.

Nothing you can say

Will convince me otherwise.

I am not naturally pretty or attractive, I am not naturally clever or funny.

I really dont have much of an imagination so I borrow (steal) other peoples words to describe how I feel.

I wont ever believe I've lost enough weight, because I will never be perfect, but I will get bored of trying before long.

People only say I'm thinner now because they are comparing me to how I used to be.

Weigh in tomorrow, I've had bread, cheese and wine.

tired now

36mins on treadmill = 3miles
8.50mins on rower = 2000metres
10 mins on bike on some kind of program = 2.4miles
15 mins level 15, hill program on cross trainer
Fat scan = 36% bad fat

According to calorie-count site I've eaten 2477calories and burnt 2862calories. Long way off the goal of eating 1600 calories!!! But at least I've burnt more than I've eaten.

This time next week

I should have done Race for Life.... Scary thought now, still feels like it should be months away. I'm so not ready.

Had the potential to have a really good gym morning, on the treadmill I ran a full mile in one go for the first time ever AND did the 2 miles in 23m30s (this is good for me :blush: ) which is 2 minutes faster than I did it on Friday, then on the rower I did 2000m in 8m52s (again, good for me). Didnt get time to go on the cross trainer which has annoyed me greatly. Am I becomming an exercise fanatic? I would have happily gone running tonight too. Shame the weight isnt coming off, although it wont when I'm 'forgetting' to point stuff. :rolleyes: No self control and I'll never shift anything if I dont kick myself up the arse soon.

Pony has been fenced in with electric fencing, which she hates. If she gets out again I dont know what I'll do. Will have to move if she does, there's no other way of keeping her in.

Diet starts again tomorrow I guess. Tempted to attempt 3 miles every night from now till Sunday (R4L) but I suspect that would be madness.

Sleepy

Well am still not entirely happy with the whole weight issue, but I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough.

Pony has taken to jumping out of her field, irritatingly. I am hugelyhugely thankful that she has so far only turned right (ie, down to the other horses) and not left to the road. So I've spent the evening electric fencing the outside edge of her field. Box said 200metres should only take half an hour to set up. Bollocks. Took me about 2 hours.

Went out on a nice little hackette before I did the fencing, went down past the horses along the road, back up the bridleway and along Yorkgate. She was a Good Pony, although fascinated by the cows. Sunburn is sore now though.

Work was shit, in every way. Shit takings, shit customers, just...shit. Oh well, I like Sundays.

Lets hope pony manages to stay in the field tonight and not contort her way through the maze of fencing I've constructed....

Here we go again....

Already. Think I'm a couple of weeks ahead of where I should be.

Anyway. Everything's pathetic, useless and I am giant mass of (cooked) fat.

Bollocks.

Tired....

Today I went to the Tarn and ran (and walked) round 4 times. Then I went to the yard and rode cobbit. She was good, but *ahem* inattentive and unco-operative. Ended up just trundling down the lane to have something good. Has occured to me now that they were clay pigeon shooting tonight though.

Yesterday I worked then rode and I'm really stiff now. Did lots of work without stirrups and sitting jockey-esque (while praying to all sorts of Gods that she wouldnt suddenly invent a monster from somewhere) and am paying for it now. Gym tomorrow could be interesting.

Work is ok at the minute. Have been complimented on the fact I was in and stayed in a good mood for 2 days in a row! Yay me! Thats quite bad really, isnt it :S

Almost proud of myself

Check me out, in the gym.... 40minutes running (3.16miles), then rower, can't remember what fastest 300m was, but slowest was 1m13something, 10 minutes on the x trainer on level 14 AND THEN 10 minutes on the stepper. I hate the stepper. I get so bored.

Came home, did housework :geek: pootled about on the internet, went up and made sure pony got to go out in the field for once, then went running round the chevin with gymbitch.... This is what I'm not so proud of. I could have run so much more than I did :S I think anyway.

Pony's feet are appalling and I am looking for somewhere else for her to live I think. I'm not convinced she's getting to go out at all hence the horrid witch pony behaviour yesterday. There's another yard a bit further down on west chevin road. I'll look there.

I'm knackered now.

Feeling rubbish

Dont really know why, just do. I've been in a bad mood since i left the yard, for a variety of reasons. First off I went to the yard WANTING to ride, really wanting to do some schooling (yesterdays hack consisted mainly of tenseness) got there and she was in (again :grumps: ) so took her out and tied her at the doors while I mucked out. We had BrattyPony for a while and lots of dancing about, but the leadrope was never tight. Then :shockhorror: a group of horses trotted by on the lane. MY GOD. You'd think the world had ended. She had a fit and ended up breaking her leadrope then rampaged round the yard bucking and kicking for 20 minutes, not letting anyone within 2foot of her, and if they tried, she kicked. MOST unlike her, although I have pointed out that if she doesnt go out daily she gets silly the longer she's in.

Yard expressed astonishment that I was still going to ride and I was in a FOUL mood by this point, so admitted it was probably going to be wiser to lunge. Should have ridden. She was a lazy donkey on the lunge. Tomorrow we shall school.

So, I come home. Came through town and got stuck behind The Slowest Driver in the World. Took 5 minutes to get about 10 metres. They turned up towards home, so I decided to carry on up the hill and come across the crossways. Nearly crashed cos some dick pulled out in front of me as I was crossing the junction. So I enjoyed some road rage.

My phone is fuckarsing about as wel, every couple of hours or so it seems to shut down and to receive any messages I have to switch it off and on again, which means I didnt get to go for a run either which has also fucked me off greatly. I could, obviously, go on my own, only I wont because I know I wont run far enough. So that fact has pissed me off too. I'm in a great mood.

So now I'm at home uploading yet more stuff onto the ipod and Thinking while I'm doing it. I can feel myself getting more grumpy and down as the weeks go on and I am desperately trying to stay sane and it's not really happening. What really doesnt help now is I just cant stick to my points, I try so hard and I am fine until I get home (or about 3.30 if I'm at work). I still cant see this alleged thinness. I dont think I'll be happy until I see bones.

Told you...

5lbs on :(

Havent adjusted my points back up and I'll stick to it this week. Honest. My own fault though I've had such a bad food week.Although the Fat Fighters site is now down :bawling: so I can't even point anything now.

Walked up the chevin last night. It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be :blush: I'm not dead anyway although my thighs hurt!

bah :bawling:

measurements

Thursday May 1st 2008
L. calf - 17.5
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 48
top hips (on bellybutton)- 46.5
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Staurday March 1st 2008
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17
L. thigh - 28
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 49
top hips (on bellybutton)- 49
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Bah :bawling: So not gonna be thin for Ash on 31st.

And :eek: Race for Life is in 18 days.