Today has been lovely. Not for any particular reason, other than everyone was in a good mood, even my irritating customers were tempered by others who either openly laughed at or sympathised with me. Smelly wasnt wearing a bra (clearly she thought stu was in) and her nipples hurt because of the baby. No, darling, they hurt because you are wearing NO FUCKING BRA AT WORK. She's taken all day to white & carter and it still isnt done. Still, happy day, I dont care.
Gym was spectacularly successful - rower was ok-ish (couple of rubbish ones), x-trainer on level 13 for 10 mins AFTER a 41minute run/walk job in which I travelled 3.14miles. I'm not ENTIRELY sure I trust those treadmills in a distance sense, but that's what it said. Whatever, I did it, was knackered afterwards and am now having ice cream AND wine. Just as well I had a call to say s would do t'nag.
This is turning me mildly philosophical, but it's also been semi brought on by a conversation with the Gymbitch. The idea of this all was that I would feel more confident in myself and I've been SO looking forwards to looking thin, because obviously being thin is going to be the answer to everything that is wrong with me. However, the whole 'arms' thing is worse than it ever was, even at my veryvery worst, but only in the week after I come off my period. Still undecided about the happy pills effectiveness, will see next month I guess. I think I'm more insecure now than I ever was and it's not a good feeling.
Also, when do *I* get to see the whole thinness thing? no-one believes that i dont see it, I know they dont. Logically I do know I've lost a fair amount and that should also include size, but my mirror says it doesnt. So I'm actually frightened that I wont ever see when I'm too thin (ha). And what happens then?
I think I might want a fat scan doing at some point soon. I promise I wont cry afterwards (in the gym).
Anyway, happy day. We've laughed loads, worked hard and had fun. I really enjoyed today. The fact I've bought Wii Fit has helped, along with the copious amounts of wine, I think.
Happy happy happy.
