Feeling Festive

Today has been a nice day - ponies (and I) had a lie in, they didnt go out till 9. Moll had to do some work, think once she's clipped she's going to have to have breakfast too, she does look rather light at the minute. Anyway, she worked nicely, but might have to start wearing spurs. Hmm. I don't *think* she's hungry, and once I've got after her she does work nicely, but the first 5 minutes is spent with 'this is my leg, this is my whip...' until she finally decided to play ball. Must be more consistant with my contact.

Was all lovely and frosty up there too, real thick frost. Looked very wintery and I felt (feel) very festive at the moment... Took her for a mooch down the bridleway afterwards but it was too icy really, she kept slipping.

Meant to go swimming today, but, umm, forgot. Rubbish. Haven't actually done any proper exercise today and have eaten rubbish. Nor did I go into town and buy any tit tape. They were highly busy at work, very pleased I wasn't in. This is it now till Christmas though... I've got too lazy.

Going to Chris' sisters for alcohol tonight. Must be good.

Hmm....

Been sent a page of links 'to read and digest'.

Hmmm. Still reading, still digesting. Still not sure of its relevance though?

http://www.google.co.uk/search?hl=en&q=bi+polar+disorder&meta=

Being a bit shit again

Dunno why. Think it's because things arent really going my way weight wise...Well, it is and it isn't. I'm a little lacking in motivation and I don't really know why.

First of all I was going to go to the gym tonight (I didn't ride this morning), then I decided I wasn't, but I was going to go for a run instead. Didn't do that either. Didn't sleep overly well last night which probably isn't helping my current mood PLUS ridiculous jealousy is rearing its ugly head.

Hmmm. Am going to ride in the morning and I AM going to go to the gym after work. Have a weekend of wine drinking and pizza ahead of me to try and negate, plus the VAT deal at work most of Monday. Tuesday is the dentist again so hopefully I'll be back on the soup diet after that. I can't decide which tooth hurts more now. I'd not thought of dentistry in my hopefulness of being out of debt.... I'll aim for the end of January to get the credit card paid off. Hmm. Oh well.

On the plus side my pink dress still fits, yay.... It's even baggy over the tits which is shocking. It may even need taking in. What a novelty.

Arrrggghhhh

I don't know why I am letting myself get so wound up over shavings of all things. Breathe.....

Hmmm.

Had a moment earlier. You know, general self hatred et al. I seem over it now. I am getting increasingly jealous though. I am pleased certain people aren't coming to the Christmas party now because I was paranoid before over what is/was said etc. At least I'm now only being paranoid while I'm sober. If I was drunk I might attempt to act on it.

Diet is not going well. Christmas chocolates have started to arrive and I have started to eat them.

Mmmm, chocolate. Mmmmm, losing my boyfriend. Must stop eating aforementioned chocolate.

Riding on a morning again...

Is good for the soul I think :nod: Even if it is a fucker dragging yourself out of bed. Didn't do very much cos the pair of us were still half asleep I think - it took a couple of reminders that leg on = shift your ass. Might wear spurs tomorrow. Took her flash off this morning too, but didnt really do enough to decide if it was beneficial or not.Have printed out some walk and trot tests for video dressage to try and work towards. Aim low and all that... Canter needs Work and until we can have regular lessons again, it's not high on the list to be thinking about it.

Diet? What diet? I am aiming for a 'maintain' over Christmas and New Year. Eat what the hell I like and make sure I go to the gym. As long as I fit in my dress it's all good.

Work. Bit shit. Not for now.

I love my pony again...

Not that I don't always, just sometimes she's easier to love than others...

Have pretty much done bugger all, all day (aka, the washing up and listed some stuff on ebay) so went up this aft to ride and faff about. S had the day off today so I'd asked her to leave her in but with a mountain of haylage. Got there and there was no haylage left but her guts werent growling so I assume she got it. Tacked up while chatting to Sophies owner (she said again today I'd lost MORE weight...) and then went in the school. I don't know what changed - they were still shooting and still logging and it was very windy, but everything I asked for, I got...It got to the point where i could ignore what she was doing because it was RIGHT and concentrate on myself. Everyso often she'd attempt to fall in, but she'd make it so obvious she was *about* to, I was able to correct it before she did it. Ended up riding in a t shirt too cos I'd got hot, most of it was in trot. She was a very good pony and i wish it could be like that all the time. I do love her, so much.

Now, that I was not expecting...

Red dress arrived yesterday.... fits. Yeah, check me out! So, that put me in a good mood. Then we went to Meadowhall...Needed something else for the other xmas party, went to Next, tried on a 16, and it was ok, but there was a hole in the front of the dress, so asked the lady for another one....she came back, said there wasn't any other 16s, but here, try on a 14... well, that fits too, so I bought it. That one I do have to stay thin for though.

So, yeah, yesterday was A Good Day, clothes wise...

FatHorse has decided to do a FatHorseThin and has dropped a startling amount of weight just recently. Have got some fibre to feed as well as her hay. She was a pain in the ass yesterday, proper can't shan't won't. Although, if I was hungry like she must be, I get like that too.

Think I've sold my clippers on ebay. Bit less than I'd hoped as it's on a buy it now, but I want to get my credit card paid off now. My Wii Fit game has attracted bugger all interest, bizarrely. No watchers, nothing.

Hmm. Must gym today, finding it hard to summon up the enthusiasm. Got a touch of man flu.

Sometimes I take my horse for granted.

She hasn't been sat on for at least 2 weeks, so today I rode her in the school, with clay pigeon shooting going on in the woods behind, and logging (and the related chainsawing/tractoring/axing...) going on behind her fatcamp.... she was a little bit tense - canter was a bit yee-haaa, but she was Really Very Good Indeed.

Going for a ride/run tomorrow with Fanny round the chevin. Could be interesting :unsure:

In other news...I'm still fat and I've fallen out of love with the gym.

One good day, one bad day....

Hmm. Mouth exceedingly painful yesterday, today...not so much. Had a FOUL taste in my mouth in the gym though. Gym wasn't amazing, didnt go on the treadmill at all, my legs felt all wibbly while I was walking down, so I did 20 minutes on the bike instead and then rowed and cross trained. At least I went and did SOMETHING though. But I was right, I knew it would happen eventually - my enthusiasm for the gym has utterly disappeared.

I have asked someone to do a reading of FatHorse and the kittens. I already don't think I want to know what she hears, but the masochistic side of me wants to. I AM going to get on Mol tomorrow.... I hope. I bet it rains. I'm off to the gym in the morning, so will turn out the small fat thing instead, then ride this aft and turn her out instead.

Next year....

I shall become financially solvent.

I WILL pay off my credit card and only use it when I can pay it off within a month.

I WILL pay off my work account

I WILL sort my teeth out

I WILL lose this last 4 stone

I WILL get divorced

:fingerscrossed: anyway...

Miserable....again

I don't know whats up with me at the minute - I don't know if this pain is normal....I am horribly healthy so I don't deal with pain overly well. If something hurts I get convinced I'm dying. So, is this pain normal and something to live with cos it will die off in a couple of days, OR should I go back to the dentist? I have an appt in a couple of weeks anyway.

Was meant to be going to Stephs birthday at Nandos tonight, but Chris only got in half an hour ago and I was asleep. Ooops, so have been a chicken and sent her a text to say we're not coming. I did prewarn her earlier that we might not cos of my mouth.

Did a proper full muck out of Molls bed earlier, took me absolutely ages and I lost count of the amount of barrow loads I took out. Hopefully that was my workout for the day because I've been a fat cow for the rest of it (when I've been awake). Had a tidy round of all my stuff, and found one of her previously lost wellies, which was a bit of a result. Must remember to take up a scoop for her Graze-On tomorrow rather than just grabbing handfuls. Very messy and wasteful...Must try harder to watch pennies.

I am being such a fat cow

I've put on 5lbs this week :( so you would imagine i would be being uber good from today? No. I was good all day at work, but since I've got in, I've had a mars duo, the vast majority of a bag of Haribo (Starmix...mmmm), an embarrassing amount of cheese and salami, 2 slices of bread & jam, a hot chocolate....and I'm about to have my tea - with wine. Oh well.

Anyway. I'm on holiday now from work. It's been a shit week. My mouth hurts. I'm going to get very drunk and start again tomorrow.

Who knows, I might even get to ride my horse this week?

It was all going so well...

food-wise. But then there was an incident with a strawberry bun, some yogurt and some nutella. And Chris has bought some croissants. The correct thing to do now would be to refuse said croissants, but I was so excited when I saw them, he'll guess somethings up. And I want them.

My mouth is still sore, but not AS sore - but I am still popping the painkillers. I'll see how it is next week. It didnt keep me awake last night, so hopefully it's all settled down.

Andy wants to meet up next week to get some papers signed for the divorce. Erk. I was meant to be thin when I met him again. Having said that it's about 2 years now I think since he last saw me. Wonder what he looks like now?

Stupid teeth

Gah.... Didn't sleep much again last night, despite the wine. Face is still blown up and sore, but finished the antibiotics yesterday. Suppose toofache will either develop into something proper, or I am actually imagining it. Either is possible. Especially at the moment, as it doesnt hurt at all now, but, oh, I don't know. I've had a lot of pain killers today. Quite like it when it hurts, reminds me it's not all in my head.

Didn't go to the gym. But have had vegetables for tea, and soup for lunch.

Neither Dan nor Vickie in tomorrow. Colins day off. Kelli in, but has knackered her thumb. Chris is MEANT to have a day off but he's coming in. Probably just as well, as it would have been just me and Stu again.

Very tired, can't wait for my week off next week. Havent ridden since I don't know when. Molly hasnt been out for last 3 days. She's going to be feral by the time I do get back on her. She had a good groom tonight, she wasn't impressed.

Christopher is home

He comes bearing cheese, chocolate, garlic and LOTS of wine..

Well, it would be rude not to, we're sampling the chocolates and have sampled the wine. Technically, as I am currently having an allergic reaction to the abs (rashy face) the wine is probably a bad idea, but, hey....I'm not dead yet.

My mouth hurts and I feel sick.

Welcome home Christopher :lol:

Owwwww my stupid teeth

They, well, the top one that's left on the right hand side, has really hurt for most of the day. Has been fine from about 3pm onwards, but now it's REALLY sore again - my own fault I've overloaded on nutella (my 'healthy' dessert) and options.

I didn't sleep that well last night again - I don't know if it's cos the cats are being little shitheads, my teeth hurting or the fact Chris isn't here. Potentially a combination of all 3. I used to hate it when Andy came home and banished him to the spare room in case he woke me up, but I'd give anything to have Chris here now :blush:

Ponies didnt go out today, the field is actually a swamp now plus it was uber windy. Not getting back on a FatHorse till we can either go out in company or the school dries up - if there's any left of it. Most of it was in the field yesterday. She was feral yesterday.

Went to the gym tonight, didnt do overly well but I'm pleased I went. Right up to the point I got on the rower (which I did first) I was making excuses as to why I'd have to leave early but then once I'd started I got a bit into it. My mouth was pounding though and could still taste blood. Not nice.

Tomorrow has the makings of being a shit day at work, just C in the shop so I will have to spend the day in there with him. Hope my mouth feeling better. Stupid teeth.

Oh....Bollocks.

My mouth is still sore, sneezing is painful and my upper right hole has an intriguing tendancy to make bizarre noises like air is being sucked up it. And my head hurts. I am however eating normal food again though.

Going back to the gym tomorrow night, could have gone this morning really but I felt a bit rubbish - Chris went last night and I had a fuck-awful nights sleep. The cats were playing silly buggers all night and I had myself convinced there were people breaking in at work and prowling about outside.... Not nice. Ended up switching my phone off at 3am cos I was convinced I was going to get an alarm call and while I'm not exactly a fan of them when Chris is home, I TRULY didnt fancy one on my own.

Diet has gone by the wayside and obviously exercise has too, so I will either stay the same or put weight on this week, but :dunno: can't get in a shit over it because there's not really been much I can do - well apart from not eat shit obviously.

Tomorrow is going to be shit at work - V rang earlier to say she wants to take her dog to the vets first thing in the morning because it looks like she's in labour but nothings actually happening (I have STRONGLY advised she go now and not later) , and now DtM has rung me to say he's had a car crash and written off his car. Have texted Poo but no reply yet, so he's going to be in a shit as well.

Andy rang Friday night. He wants to start divorce proceedings. Interesting.... Apparently he's starting them tomorrow. Cool.

Still meepy, still grumpy....

Still sore...

Work could be fun tomorrow. Chris goes tomorrow night too :( Will miss him. :blush:

In other news...have slept most of the day and Andy wants a divorce now, is going to start proceedings on Monday.

I am 13.7stone. Hopefully this week I'll still lose some weight although am not hopeful. I can't remember the last time I was this light. Fifteen years ago maybe?

No gymming by me till Monday which is a bit shit. But I do feel rubbish and I only want to go because I can't, typical.

I do wonder still if my fat is fat or if it's loose skin? I do wish I was rich.

I wonder if I'll ever see Andy again? He doesnt seem to think that we'll need to meet up to sort the divorce out. I wonder if he's changed at all?

Owwwwwwwwwww

I actually can't be arsed to blog tonight.

Had 3 wisdom teeth out today. Mouth is huge, I'm spitting blood and it hurts already.

Miserable tonight :(

Come on, you fat bitch!

Fanny and I went running tonight, we walked a lot :S and met some chavs. Did it in 44 minutes (3.44miles). Same as we did Race for Life in. Didnt help that we both kept getting the giggles. Still, we went. And that we did means that we didnt sit on our arses not doing ANYTHING, which is a good thing.

My laptop arrived today, on it now. Love it love it love it. It's all shiny and new and quiet and lovely. Can't wait till we have wi-fi too and I can tinterweb in bed lol :lazybitch:

Dentist tomorrow, hopefully I won't have to have ALL my teeth out.

Had a rubbish day, not slept overly well and not acheived anything at all. Must. Try. Harder tomorrow.

Havent prepared Dan any questions either. It's ok, I don't suppose for a second he's actually done what I asked him to anyway.