Better

Stupid crazy hormones.

I'm getting fitter, I adore my pony and I havent run out of money (yet), and things are just good at the minute.

I'll be rubbish next week again, but for now, it's all good LOL.

Inconsistent? Me? Oh yes.

Think I'm cracking up

Had a lovely weekend but now just feel rubbish. Appreciate I'm being pathetic, but that appears to be making it all worse.

rubbish behavior.

Tired...

I dont feel ill, but I've felt sick since Tuesday night. Drinking 2 bottles of pink wine and some vodka won't have helped but its thursday now. Why still the sick-feeling? Tried ALL yesterday to be sick so I'd feel better, but only managed once, which made me feel ok for about half an hour. How do you do it??

Gymmed last night, which was a bit of a disaster. Stef dropped her towel on the treadmill, then had to jump over it, then swore (it was packed) so loudly I heard her over my earphones, which set me off laughing till I was out of breath - literally, I couldnt breathe - and was sat on the treadmill crying. Wasnt even that funny!! But then I couldnt really get back into running and just did the 2 miles, in a rubbish time. Rower was fairly shit too. Bike and cross trainer not so bad.

Then went and rode, trying to put into practise stuff from the lesson Tuesday night. Wasnt really happening. Then we had an argument about closing the gate (I was going to walk her off down the lane) so we both hada tantrum with each other. At least she was forwards tonight though. Can't decide whether to hack tonight or not. She was such a witch the other day I'm not sure I want to, but also I cant be a wimp over it. And I can't be arsed with schooling, especially not after the gym.

Food has been shit this week. Must be good today and tomorrow for another shit-food weekend lol. Looking forward to seeing Emmie and Carle, not seen Emmie for....must be 3 years at least. And never met Carle!

Going to be a good exercise girl tomorrow as well and am hoping (ha) to get to the gym for a run before work, and then me and Jen are off to swinsty.Although maybe I'll do bike cross trainer and rower, if we're running in the evening...Hmm. Getting my hair done tomorrow too!

Still feel sick. Rubbish

rubbish

just about sums today up.

dont really think i need add anymore :rolleyes:

I did it

But predictably, I'm not pleased :rolleyes:

We thought we were being so clever, getting to the front of the walkers but the back of the runners, thought we would be in the perfect place... We were, until they turned everyone round and we ended up right at the back of the walkers. Seriously, there was only about 20 people behind us. Took us about a km to get nearish the middle, but some of the tracks were so narrow, you HAD to walk because everyone was so tightly packed. So, we did a lot more walking than we planned to. Still, I did it, AND I ran up the hill at the end. Next year (hahahahaha) I'm going to run the lot and make sure I'm at the bloody front. Oh yeah, and get there early enough to get parking, we were parked a mile and a half away so I was knackered before we started!

Oh, and next year, I will not have a bacon sandwich (was good though), then another sandwich and half a pot of Ben & Jerrys icecream when I got home (did go to gym though and did my program before I came home, no excuse though), then because everywhere was shut ( :bawling: :bawling: )have a bowl of cereal, another sandwich, packet of crisps and greek yogurt with honey and peanut butter. I've put on 4lbs :blush:

Pleased I went to the gym though, even though I ache now. Part of me wants to do the Harrogate race for life on the 28th, but its dads birthday (needs calling) its at 7.30, it's round GYS and it's #12.50 I dont really have to enter. Decisions. I think I;d rather just run round Swinsty again. OR, go back to Temple Newsam and do it without anyone else being about, see if I can do it any quicker. We did it in 43minutes.

Got itchy arms in the gym too, they really hurt today and look awful.

Stil tired, wish I wasnt working today and I ACHE!!

It's all good

I'm still bricking it about tomorrow. Dont know why, logically, I know I can do it, no one (hopefully) is going to be laughing at me for running/walking, I wont be the only one doing it, dare I say it, for once I hope I wont be the fattest one doing it and I have my ipod. I dont want to do it with Stef now. At all. I'll just feel rubbish by the end. It's good.

New jogging bottoms for me yesterday. Am close to a mini tantrum over it but it's fine. I'll get over it. And some socks :biggrin:

Had such a bad food day yesterday. Felt sick by the end. Have put on a couple of lbs this morning, but it's good. I have all week to get rid of it. Better get rid of it, next weekend is going to be one long bad food weekend!!

Pony was a pain last night. Took forever to establish forwardsness, then once that button was flicked she became turbocharged. It was hot and muggy though. She is cool.

Must motivate myself to do something. Like get ready for work. Really can't be arsed.

Nothing you can say

Will convince me otherwise.

I am not naturally pretty or attractive, I am not naturally clever or funny.

I really dont have much of an imagination so I borrow (steal) other peoples words to describe how I feel.

I wont ever believe I've lost enough weight, because I will never be perfect, but I will get bored of trying before long.

People only say I'm thinner now because they are comparing me to how I used to be.

Weigh in tomorrow, I've had bread, cheese and wine.

tired now

36mins on treadmill = 3miles
8.50mins on rower = 2000metres
10 mins on bike on some kind of program = 2.4miles
15 mins level 15, hill program on cross trainer
Fat scan = 36% bad fat

According to calorie-count site I've eaten 2477calories and burnt 2862calories. Long way off the goal of eating 1600 calories!!! But at least I've burnt more than I've eaten.

This time next week

I should have done Race for Life.... Scary thought now, still feels like it should be months away. I'm so not ready.

Had the potential to have a really good gym morning, on the treadmill I ran a full mile in one go for the first time ever AND did the 2 miles in 23m30s (this is good for me :blush: ) which is 2 minutes faster than I did it on Friday, then on the rower I did 2000m in 8m52s (again, good for me). Didnt get time to go on the cross trainer which has annoyed me greatly. Am I becomming an exercise fanatic? I would have happily gone running tonight too. Shame the weight isnt coming off, although it wont when I'm 'forgetting' to point stuff. :rolleyes: No self control and I'll never shift anything if I dont kick myself up the arse soon.

Pony has been fenced in with electric fencing, which she hates. If she gets out again I dont know what I'll do. Will have to move if she does, there's no other way of keeping her in.

Diet starts again tomorrow I guess. Tempted to attempt 3 miles every night from now till Sunday (R4L) but I suspect that would be madness.

Sleepy

Well am still not entirely happy with the whole weight issue, but I'm sure I'll get over it soon enough.

Pony has taken to jumping out of her field, irritatingly. I am hugelyhugely thankful that she has so far only turned right (ie, down to the other horses) and not left to the road. So I've spent the evening electric fencing the outside edge of her field. Box said 200metres should only take half an hour to set up. Bollocks. Took me about 2 hours.

Went out on a nice little hackette before I did the fencing, went down past the horses along the road, back up the bridleway and along Yorkgate. She was a Good Pony, although fascinated by the cows. Sunburn is sore now though.

Work was shit, in every way. Shit takings, shit customers, just...shit. Oh well, I like Sundays.

Lets hope pony manages to stay in the field tonight and not contort her way through the maze of fencing I've constructed....

Here we go again....

Already. Think I'm a couple of weeks ahead of where I should be.

Anyway. Everything's pathetic, useless and I am giant mass of (cooked) fat.

Bollocks.

Tired....

Today I went to the Tarn and ran (and walked) round 4 times. Then I went to the yard and rode cobbit. She was good, but *ahem* inattentive and unco-operative. Ended up just trundling down the lane to have something good. Has occured to me now that they were clay pigeon shooting tonight though.

Yesterday I worked then rode and I'm really stiff now. Did lots of work without stirrups and sitting jockey-esque (while praying to all sorts of Gods that she wouldnt suddenly invent a monster from somewhere) and am paying for it now. Gym tomorrow could be interesting.

Work is ok at the minute. Have been complimented on the fact I was in and stayed in a good mood for 2 days in a row! Yay me! Thats quite bad really, isnt it :S

Almost proud of myself

Check me out, in the gym.... 40minutes running (3.16miles), then rower, can't remember what fastest 300m was, but slowest was 1m13something, 10 minutes on the x trainer on level 14 AND THEN 10 minutes on the stepper. I hate the stepper. I get so bored.

Came home, did housework :geek: pootled about on the internet, went up and made sure pony got to go out in the field for once, then went running round the chevin with gymbitch.... This is what I'm not so proud of. I could have run so much more than I did :S I think anyway.

Pony's feet are appalling and I am looking for somewhere else for her to live I think. I'm not convinced she's getting to go out at all hence the horrid witch pony behaviour yesterday. There's another yard a bit further down on west chevin road. I'll look there.

I'm knackered now.

Feeling rubbish

Dont really know why, just do. I've been in a bad mood since i left the yard, for a variety of reasons. First off I went to the yard WANTING to ride, really wanting to do some schooling (yesterdays hack consisted mainly of tenseness) got there and she was in (again :grumps: ) so took her out and tied her at the doors while I mucked out. We had BrattyPony for a while and lots of dancing about, but the leadrope was never tight. Then :shockhorror: a group of horses trotted by on the lane. MY GOD. You'd think the world had ended. She had a fit and ended up breaking her leadrope then rampaged round the yard bucking and kicking for 20 minutes, not letting anyone within 2foot of her, and if they tried, she kicked. MOST unlike her, although I have pointed out that if she doesnt go out daily she gets silly the longer she's in.

Yard expressed astonishment that I was still going to ride and I was in a FOUL mood by this point, so admitted it was probably going to be wiser to lunge. Should have ridden. She was a lazy donkey on the lunge. Tomorrow we shall school.

So, I come home. Came through town and got stuck behind The Slowest Driver in the World. Took 5 minutes to get about 10 metres. They turned up towards home, so I decided to carry on up the hill and come across the crossways. Nearly crashed cos some dick pulled out in front of me as I was crossing the junction. So I enjoyed some road rage.

My phone is fuckarsing about as wel, every couple of hours or so it seems to shut down and to receive any messages I have to switch it off and on again, which means I didnt get to go for a run either which has also fucked me off greatly. I could, obviously, go on my own, only I wont because I know I wont run far enough. So that fact has pissed me off too. I'm in a great mood.

So now I'm at home uploading yet more stuff onto the ipod and Thinking while I'm doing it. I can feel myself getting more grumpy and down as the weeks go on and I am desperately trying to stay sane and it's not really happening. What really doesnt help now is I just cant stick to my points, I try so hard and I am fine until I get home (or about 3.30 if I'm at work). I still cant see this alleged thinness. I dont think I'll be happy until I see bones.

Told you...

5lbs on :(

Havent adjusted my points back up and I'll stick to it this week. Honest. My own fault though I've had such a bad food week.Although the Fat Fighters site is now down :bawling: so I can't even point anything now.

Walked up the chevin last night. It wasnt as bad as I thought it would be :blush: I'm not dead anyway although my thighs hurt!

bah :bawling:

measurements

Thursday May 1st 2008
L. calf - 17.5
R. calf - 17.5
L. thigh - 27
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 48
top hips (on bellybutton)- 46.5
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Staurday March 1st 2008
L. calf - 17
R. calf - 17
L. thigh - 28
R. thigh - 28
Hips (inc tummy)- 49
top hips (on bellybutton)- 49
waist - 38
under boobs - 34
L upper arm - 14
R upper arm - 14

Bah :bawling: So not gonna be thin for Ash on 31st.

And :eek: Race for Life is in 18 days.

measurements tomorrow

It wont be inspiring. Was going to have a fat scan tonight then decided I didnt want to know. Still dont.

Did gym, but that wasnt especially inspiring either, did walk for 1min/run for 3mins for 20minutes but wish I'd either gone longer or faster now. Cross trainer and rower were ok though - rower only cos gymbitch yelled at me. I really cant row any faster....

Wii Fit came, that thinks I'm rubbish too lol, although I did best at running, oh the irony...

Bonus gets paid on Friday...cant wait.

Spoke to ex about a divorce today. he reckons he's seen something where you dont involve courts or solicitors at all. Not right, surely? Or at least, not legal?

things and stuff

Had a funny day in that i havent started very much and finished even less today. My head is somewhere else entirely. I'd start a job, get distracted and then do something else.

Managed to hold my attention though for long enough to find out I'd got my bonus - weee!! Sadly tax has eaten a big chunk, but as Christopher keeps telling me, it's better than a poke in the eye with a shitty stick. It is, infinitely better. It'll pay for wii fit (which I dont actually appear to have been charged for...) and pay a bit off my saddle. Or go towards the extension. One of the two. Talking of wii fit, it arrived today, but they took it to the depot because there was no one in to sign for it :bawling: Rang up to try and get it delivered to work, but it was just a computer you talk to. I'm not hopeful of ever getting it tbh now!!

Then went running round the Tarn this evening, got drenched, it rained the whole time. Went twice round, took 20mins. Cant remember if thats any good or not. We run more than we walk though, for definate. Then went to do t'nag, full of 'I want to ride' type demeanor, but got there and she'd been fed. Dont have to do mornings now, weee! Although last night she had a tantrum about being out on her own. Am now bothered she might try and jump out into the lane :S So sja is gonna turn her out in the afternoon and she HAS to come in on a night. Even if it takes me 10 hours to catch the little bag.

Cos I couldnt ride, I went to the gym but it was rubbishrubbishrubbish. Only managed 10 mins on treadmill and did the rower. Thats it. Bollocks and a waste of time going. It was busy and my knee started to hurt. I must try and see if any hacks go left out of the yard, although they are clay pigeon shooting tomorrow night, hence it might be best not to try it then.

Pissed off about lack of exercise and have just eaten a big bowl of ice cream. No wonder I'm still fat.

Cool Cob

how the hell do you teach rising trot?

Cob was such a good girl yesterday, am so proud of her. She was lazy but that was no bad thing really, considering. I even did a tiny, piddy, not-even-a-jump jump, check me out...well, I say we jumped...I hate jumping out of trot - can't seem to get myself organised - so I just shut my eyes and prayed I didnt fall off. Then Gymbitch got on and we went for a trundle down the lane, she was such a good girl :D Had a trot (come on, how do you teach rising trot? Without laughing, preferably) and she didnt fall off! Check her out lol.

Shame for the whole day preceeding that I was a lazy assed bitch and did absolutely nothing, so predictably have put on weight this morning, but then, also I did eat shit all day and no exercise. Today I am back on the plan, it's a monday so no banking so will play out in the shop all day, then off to the Tarn (maybe 3 times today? See how TAM feels) then will ride this evening. Tempted to go for a hack but I'm not sure where. Am sure there's a bridleway if you go left out of the yard.

I have 10.5points left. Technically, had I not decided I wasnt going to drink for 2 weeks, I could have wine. Technically.

Tired.

I vowed yesterday, at work, that I wasnt drinking any alcohol at all for at least 2 weeks.

N came over last night, had one bottle to myself then started on the white russians. Shockingly dont feel too rubbish today (yet) and managed to resist a sausage sandwich from the farmers market.

Went round Danefield on pony while Nicola ran. Was muchos fun trotting off saying 'come on! just a bit further! to the bin! no, to the bench!' Maybe I have Gymbitch tendancies too? She whinged about the boy the whole way round then wanted to watch a DVD (mmm, socialble) but bitched cos everything we had reminded her of this boy, who, lets remember, she didnt actually want to to be with?!?!

I need to get back on track with eating, and MUST point wine. I do not have magical, non pointed wine, it makes me fat. Vodka, however, is far better points wise. Plus Chris prefers me on vodka :lol:

Must get motivated and do some cleaning and other boring domesticated shit, but itunes and, umm, spider solitaire is so much more fun..,.