It's actually so simple,

But why can't I do it?

Eat less (chocolate/crisps), exercise (more). Simple, huh? Evidently not, because I have just opened the last tin of Quality Street and have eaten probably a third of the tin. My teeth hurt now though - this is good, maybe it will stop me.

V has decided she wants to lose weight and go to the gym. So I said I'd go running wiht her Monday night after my Drs appt. She won't come, but I'll go. She's also said she'll come to the gym with me on Thursday but I suspect she won't. Hope she does though, it sounds awful but I hope it will reawaken my competitiveness and spur me on into doing stuff again.

Wednesday night I had a review with Pat. Was good - treadmill 15% incline, 5mph for 30 seconds, then 30 seconds squats with a ball X 6. rower - 1m as fast as I could, then off for 30 seconds of jumping jacks with the ball. 5 times but decreasing the rower for 10seconds each time, but still doing 30 seconds of jumping jacks. Didn't like them. then spinning bike (he took the seat off!!!!) on a hard resistance - couldnt get the pedals moving at first, how embarrassing - 1 minute on that, then 30 seconds of lunges X 6. Was good and I was nearly dead by the time I finished, but it worked some muscles - I still find walking painful now!! I think i might try and do that once a week, but might need a one to one each time....Don't think I'd do it on my own, not properly anyway.

Food Ban tomorrow. And I'll go for a run tomorrow evening. I MUST.

stiff....

Can't be arsed writing it all again, so copied from what I wrote on my friends FB wall:

Right.... This has nearly killed me, but then I am horribly unfit. I had to buy an emergency toblerone so I didn't die.

treadmill: set it going, 15% incline, 5mph, jump on and away you go for 30 seconds. Get off, then 30 seconds on power squats with a 5kg ball, 30 seconds rest X 6

rower: resistance 7, row as fast as you can for a minute, jump off... Read More, 30 seconds of jumping jacks with 5kg ball, 30 secs rest, then row for 50s, 30s JJ's, 30's rest, row for 40s,30s JJs, 30s rest, 30s row, 30s JJs, 30s rest, 20s row, 30s JJs, 30s rest.

spinning bike: get that seat off... 1 minute on a 'hard' resistance, 30secs lunges, 30 secs rest X 6.

Honestly, I thought I was going to throw up and I'm still bright red an hour an a half later. I already can't mov, I think I might need emergency wine now too

Didn't have the emergency wine, but had the emergency toblerone. Knackered now.

arseholes

So much for the diet.

OFF plan food....

2 x packs maltesers
1 x pizza express garlic bread with mozzerella
1 x pe sloppy guiseppe with extra mushrooms, garlic and mozzerella on a classic base
1 x pe banoffee pie with marscapone cheese
1 x bottle pinot grigio blush

Oopsy.

Got a gym review tomorrow with Pat. Hope he's vicious.

silly....

Have been really good with food all day, then got home (without going to the gym or riding) and troughed chocolate and rubbish.

*sigh* I am stupid.

Admitted Defeat

Rejoining FatClub tomorrow, so had lots of lovely fat food today, after a soso session at the gym. Didn't ride.

Stinks got to play out today, was vv happy, had a big buck and squeal and rolled lots, then settled down to eat.

Tired.

Stupid

So, there's me, all smug... been running, went up and rode (went to bottom yard, was intimidated, rode like shit) and ate 3 pink & whites and 3 plums for lunch. Then I got home and I was crosscrosscross so I opened the chocolate tin (1 pack maltesers, 1 ripple, loads of coins, some random chocolate) and I've had a sandwich too. With salami and cheese in it. Tea is spaghetti bolognese and garlic bread. I'm so stupid. Although, at least I went running. I wasn't going to.

stupid stupid stupid

smug

yeah, check me out, guess who's been running ALREADY this morning? 2 miles, 22 minutes :acclaim: and I walked most of the way back up the lane...it's uphill and at the end and i havent run outside since the 2nd November, according to my nike+. I'm happy with that, really, I am.

There's a thing on the Nike+ site that lets you add 2009 training resolutions. I put that I wanted to run 20miles in January, before realising that my Nike+ is woefully out of sync - it said todays run was a mile, yet the mapmyrun site & the Nike map both tell me it's 2 miles. I think I might change it to 10miles, but I do know that I'll actually have done 20. Make sense?

I want to eat now though :( and there's still chocolate everywhere. In fact, I'm STARVING. No, I'm not. I'm so pleased I went, there was no one about and I havent run for ages outside and I DO enjoy it, despite the bitching I do. Just wish sometimes I had someone to run with.

Can't decide what to do with Stinks today. Don't really want to go to the bottom yard, but she does hate the top yard school (damp, deep and loose in places, but it is rideable on). Still, it's frozen in town so hopefully it might be frozen up there too. Will be cold anyway, she has 2 rugs on again. Metcheck says its going to get down to -11 on Thursday :cold: I'll run out of rugs!!

So much for my plans...

Plan 1: Not panic re last nights discovery. Not working. Randomly :bawling: when I'm on my own.

Plan 2: Only eat between 2 & 4pm (obviously not solidly...) and after 7pm. Well that was buggered from the start when Chris announced we were having lunch at his mothers (at half 12) plus the box of Celebrations was open....They were started around half 8. *sigh* FatFighters curry for tea tomorrow AND I'll start counting again. Honest. Will ride in the morning - trying to decide where, my arena or the bottom yard - and then gym in the evening. I WILL.

Plan 3. Learn to ride. Apparently I have sat on a horse before. You wouldnt have thought it if you'd seen me ride today. FatHorse wasn't overly obliging, to be fair, but still. She does NOT like that surface though. It's not really deep, but it is loose in the corners.

Plan 4. Go running. This I did not do. I did do some sorting in the bedroom though. Should have gone running instead.

Panic

Chris has found a Lump.

I'm so fucking frightened it's unreal. He's going to the doctors on Friday.

I'm scared of failure, so scared of success...

ARGH!

I'm terrified of not making it to vaguely where I want to be - I'm under no illusion that I'll look how I want to look, too saggy, stretchy marky and scarred for that now, but 'vaguely there' will cut it. I want it so badly. BUT it seems that I'm scared of actually making it too - why else would I eat so much rubbish and NOT gym when I could have done... I feel rubbish [manflu] but I could still stand to have done SOMETHING. Urgh. I have put on a shameful amount and I can SEE the new fat wobbling under my skin. Hateful.

I MUST be better.

Work was rubbish. Very quiet. Stu went home early.

New year, MUST get to 10 stone by this time next year. Finally then I will be happy, because I will no longer be the fattest in photos and at 10stone, despite what I look like, I know I'll be able to ride pretty much any horse (ie, it can carry me, not that I'll magically be able to ride). I'll be fitter, therefore I will ride better, I'll run further and faster and everything will be better. If I'm still *here* this time next year I'll be very upset indeed.

Must find more things to ebay. Credit card shooting up again. Not helped by buying an (unneeded :rolleyes: ) hoody from the Joules sale, especially as I intend it won't fit me for long, plus my dentistry starts again in a couple of weeks.

Blah. PLEASE motivate me for weightloss now.

Urgh

Shitheady little horse. She was a total pain in the arse today and I nearly fell off twice before I even got to the arena. Then she took exception to a plane landing and contorted herself into all sorts of shapes, at speed. However, I did not fall off. I did not look calm and elegant, but I did not fall off.

Diet was doing fine right up until 2pm when I started eating. What was meant to be a fruit corner & cereal lunch because a fruit corner, cereal and half a box of Celebrations. Now I'm home I've just had tea and I'm going through a tin of Roses at am impressive rate of knots. It's no surprising I've put on so much weight :(

Was going to go for a run this evening, but went to see IdiotHorse and got cold, so came home to a bath and Roses instead. Feel good, but it's not so good on the weightloss front.

rubbish shit and rubbish

Work was shit. Could not motivate myself and spent most of the day in the office on FB and playing squares. And eating.

Rode this morning, she was a pain and I lost my temper. Ashamed of myself.

Kittens to the vets tonight. Elmo had a pointless trip and Belly has had her anti-sex jab.

Went to the gym afterwards, managed 17 minutes on the treadmill, got bored/fucked off and came home. Via Netto, a (big) tube of pringles, a full pack of Classic bars and now a full Big Toblerone as well as my tea.

Fat cow.

I need white fillings...

There's fb pictures from last night and it looks like I have something stuck in my teeth :( Must stop grinning so much when pissed, or at least cover my mouth if I have to.

Diet is utterly by the wayside for Christmas. Was going to the gym tomorrow, but Elmos little scab is now a big scab and not nice - think it's absessed so he's off to the vet. Might take Belly too for her jab to keep her out of season. Two for one discount maybe?

I think I'm going to cut some pictures of what I want to look like, eventually and stick them somewhere I can see them daily... Positive reinforcement and all that.

My teeth hurt :( I should stop eating sweet stuff, then they'd hurt less I'm sure. Still I have a review on Tuesday and MAYBE (probably not) I'll go running after the vets tomorrow. Don't think Mol likes the top yard arena, I 'lunged' her in there this morning and she was NOT going to go forwards. She had yesterday and today off, and I can't decide whether to give her another day off tomorrow as I don't think I have time to go down to the bottom yard and use that school before work or whether to ride in the top arena anyway.

Hmmm.

Must get thin next year. Want pictures to be proud of.

So. About this 'Being Good' thing...

At 11pm at night, I have so many good intentions. I will do 200 situps every day. I will go to the gym (minimum) 4 times a week. I will go for one run a week. I will attempt to do press ups every day until I can do 100 proper ones. I will not buy ridiculous magazines, because I don't have the money. I will not go to the supermarket on the way home and buy food Just Because I haven't eaten a proper meal (yet) that day. I haven't eaten a proper meal because Ive spent the day eating biscuits and buns and sweets.

Urgh.

So. It's 9pm, so I'm earlier than normal. Despite my manflu (which, tbh, looking at Kristen & Wayne, looks actually quite horrid, I think I'm getting off lightly so far), I will ride tomorrow and I WILL gym. I will have to do both of these things in order to compensate for Fat Food at the Fondle. I will do all my transfers and get Mollys livery money together (3 weeks worth) and put it Somewhere Safe so I don't spend it all. I will not look at my bank account at any time between now and January 9th and think 'Oooh! I've got more than £20 in there! I'll have a tenner out Just In Case'.

This year I will lose the remaining 4 stone. I will also clear my work account and attempt not to get it over £100 again. I will clear my credit card and only put things on it that are in dire need of. This may potentially include new clothes (if I'm going to lose 4 stone, I need new ones). And teeth, natch. Talking of which, they are sore at the minute and he's not even doing anything. Back on 16th Jan.

FatHorse was slightly less of a shit head this morning, but I don't think she likes the surface. I can't decide whether or not to take her down to the posh yard and ride in the outdoor there, although everyone will be mucking out in the morning, and I will therefore be in full view. I think I might stick to the top yard for a while.

Every so often I can feel myself getting shit again like I was over summer, which both frightens me and reassures me in equal measures. It frightens me because i think if I have another episode like that I won't be able to stop, but I am reassured because I did it this year, I can do it next year. Although, I have just this second cancelled my FatClub membership. I must get back into the mindset of writing down what I eat - pointing. I know most of the points for stuff. Still, it's £7 a month that can go towards my credit card... Self control!! I do have it, somewhere. I hope I find it again soon.

Must Be Better.

Urgh. I have put on 6lbs since the beginning of December. I have eaten nothing but sweets and chocolates today in place of real food and as a result my skin is all spotty and blotchy and shit.

Must Eat More Vegetables.

Went to the gym tonight for the first time in a week. Managed normal program but was nearly dead by the end. I lose fitness so quickly :(

Rode FatHorse this morning in the arena on my yard. She was a little shit bag. Up earlier tomorrow so I can do battle for longer if necessary.

Still urgh

Still man flu-esque.

FatHorse has the farrier coming tomorrow and the Top Spec cool condition cubes may have done such a good job she may really be a Fat Horse again by the end of the week. I'l get on her on Wednesday. Went down to the bottom yard this morning. It's Very Posh. I'm not sure we'll fit in :S

Being Fat. it's rubbish. Day off and havent been to the gym either. Shit shit shit. Must go tomorrow. Giving up Fat Club, I never go on the site anymore anyway.

urgh

I have a new car (skoda.. I ask you. You can tell Chris bought it), a cold (again, from Chris) and utterly no motivation whatsoever for going to the gym or going running at all.

Urgh.

Hmmm

So.

Since I last blogged.

Christmas party. Less said.

FatHorse is now FatHorseThin. She's moved house. I suspect she'll put some weight on now no one's taking her haylage out.

Must. Get. Thin. Been rubbish this month and have put on weight. Must deserve the award I was nominated for.

I can't even work up the energy to get cross

This week, I have had 2 dentist appointments, been to the gym once (ONCE!!), drunk at least one bottle of wine a night, had takeaway curry and takeaway pizza, having garlic bread tonight and it's the Christmas party Saturday night.

I have tried my dress on, it still fits, JUST, but my legs look like tree trunks. It's unattractive.

I can't even work up the energy to get to the gym or do anything about it. I've eaten shit and not actually stopped.

I'm pissed off and upset about it ( :wavey: all that weightloss) but not actually enough to do anything about it.

I'm also dilemmaing about the damned horse again and her living arrangements. Fair does, they can't go out at the moment and I can't get up there (deep snow) so S is doing them, but I don't trust her to do it the way I like her to be looked after. She'll have shitty mank water, I bet she won't have any haylage and she won't have had her ball filled either. There's one yard I think I might ring up, just down the lane from where she is now, but a good extra 10 minutes on the journey by road. Will Think about costs and if they do assisted DIY/part etc. Dentists horse is there. Hmmm.

fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat fat

December measurements

Tuesday 2nd December
L. calf - 16.4
R. calf - 16.7
L. thigh - 26
R. thigh - 26.7
Hips (inc tummy)- 43.5
top hips (on bellybutton)- 41
waist - 34
under boobs - 33
L upper arm - 13.0
R upper arm - 12.6

Saturday 1st November
L. calf - 16.4
R. calf - 16.7
L. thigh - 26
R. thigh - 26.7
Hips (inc tummy)- 43.5
top hips (on bellybutton)- 38.5
waist - 33
under boobs - 31.5
L upper arm - 13.0
R upper arm - 12.6

:bawling: OK so I've been rubbish at FatFighting, but that is a shocking amount of size to have put on.